https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 01:09:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033565 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 10:30:57 +0000 swurlygurl 2033565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think ownership is fine. I plan on letting L still 'own' all her toys, and same with K. My rule is that you have to ask the other sibling to play with 'their' toy if they are around. But, I am going to discourage saying no if you're not going to play with it. Also, you can only play with one toy at a time, so they won't be able to hoard all their toys. </p> <p>It seems to be working decently for now. K (4.5 months) has some pretty cool toys that L likes also, so I make her go ask K 'please toy'. Then I tell L that "K is going to let you play with it! She's sharing with you! Tell her 'thank you'." Now she'll run up to K and blurt out "Peeease toy? Thank you!" and run off. :P</p> <p>So, it's still a work in progress since K isn't giving up any opposition, but that's what I'm going to try. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033518 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 10:08:44 +0000 autumnlove 2033518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO is 3 and has good and bad days about sharing. She hates sharing her Magnatiles... "Why do I have to share? You and daddy bought them for ME for my birthday!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033514 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 10:06:03 +0000 blackbird 2033514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: Because someone else has it, duh. Sometimes i wonder if they have some vague familiarity with those toys, though. My friend's 4 year old was picking up some baby toys this weekend and seemed...intrigued by them</p> <p>@Mrs. Lion: Oh for sure! Keep it simple stupid, lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033500 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:58:44 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2033500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: haha I think the first "hey this is mine, wtf" moment will be the time we start making distinctions. :) Keep it simple for as long as possible! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033498 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:58:25 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 2033498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: we are just starting to get into this territory, and it's tough! Sometimes my oldest picks toys that technically are the baby's (bought new for her), and I don't really know how to handle that one. She's 4m old so right now she doesn't care but I see this becoming an issue in the future. Other than jealouy, I can't fathom why my 3yo wants a teething ring instead of her dolls! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033493 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:56:46 +0000 blackbird 2033493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: Yeah and i totally think that, too, I wasn't sure when that distinction may actually kick in or when they realize "hey this is MINE, wtf". I think by the time E is 3 or 4, the kids will have a shared playroom, and then they can have their personal stuff in their own room, too, but a lot of the big/joint/blocks/puzzles type stuff by then will go into the playroom. So maybe that'll mitigate some of this. And i'm sure gender will come into play by that age </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033490 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:55:38 +0000 Mamaof2 2033490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When my kids were younger I would suggest to my older child "If you don't want her playing with that trade with her" So older child would get a different toy and younger child would always gladly switch.</p> <p>As they got older it got a little trickier as younger child didn't always want the new toy that was offered so then we moved on to "Older child can have the toy when little is one done with it" and vice versa</p> <p>Now they are older and different genders so they def have their own toys. DD is really great about sharing but for DS the rule is "If you don't want anyone playing with it then it needs to stay in your room, not the playroom" The toys in the playroom are for everyone to use, including mommy, and daddy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033485 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:52:11 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2033485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I think when they get to the age to really remember that a gift was given specifically to them, the family should respect that the gift belongs to that child. Until maybe 3 or 4 though I'm not sure how well they really remember.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033480 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:49:03 +0000 blackbird 2033480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 21 month old has started to not share with us. And i'm sure she won't be keen on sharing her plethora of puzzles and blocks with LO #2. I've already started telling her "actually those are mommy's and she lets you play with them" but we'll see, lol. Because, well, I did buy them</p> <p>I think when they are gifted to ONE child, it's hard to see the distinction that they are not hers, solely. I mean, when something (cough, good dark chocolate) is given to me, i don't always share with my husband :) </p> <p>I'm curious to see some of the responses on this, as I've wondered the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033479 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:47:00 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2033479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lady baltimore: yes! this totally works. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033476 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:45:06 +0000 lady baltimore 2033476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I use the "so-and-so is playing with that right now; why don't you ask him to give it to you when he is done?" strategy at school all the time, and it's miraculous! Like you said, at least 75% of the time, when the child who has the toy realizes he doesn't have to give it up until he wants to, the power/appeal is gone and he gives it up within minutes. So much easier than my imposing some sort of time limit and FORCING them to share. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033469 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:43:02 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2033469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think its okay at a very young age that toys belong to the "Family" but I do think it is important for kids to have ownership of things as they develop the understanding to know what that means. Could you maybe let her pick out a few toys that are "hers" that she doesn't have to share and keep them in a special place. That way her sister can only play with them when she decides to share them? Maybe do the same with the baby...baby has special toys that she can't touch without permission? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033463 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:37:38 +0000 PinkElephant 2033463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks! </p> <p>I agree with both of you - I don't think that much of anything should belong exclusively to one child, but I was wondering if I was being mean by expecting that all of the toys suddenly belong to both girls. </p> <p>@LBee: I've definitely used the phrase "Actually it's Mommy's toy" in exasperation before! :)</p> <p>@Cole: We follow a similar rule for playdates - and also will occasionally put a toy away for a time out if it can't be shared nicely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033443 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:29:23 +0000 Cole 2033443@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This might not work for siblings but I have had good success with it for play dates. I have the child pick X number of favorites and we put them in their room and those aren't too be played with by anyone else. In the event that the "play date" is really family staying for a few days, the toys stay in their bedroom and they can go play there by themself. It works well because they gave control over what is off limits and then they can go and get a break and play independently for a little while. It also makes it a bit boring sometimes but they know the rule is that the toy is up for sharing when it leaves the safe spot, sometimes they bring it out because it's now fun to share than to play alone.</p> <p>The other thing I do when there is a squabble over a toy is have the child who wants the toy ask the child with the toy if they will give it to them when they are done. It is so simple and obvious but I swear it works at least 3/4 of the time within 5 minutes max. Being respectfully asked seems to make a big difference.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033432 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:22:25 +0000 LBee 2033432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No experience, but I've seen others moms handle it by saying, "this toy is actually Mommy's and she's sharing it with you." In other words, no specific child owns anything - it's all Mommy's. </p> <p>I get where your child is coming from, but I think she's probably not using the logic of, "it was given for my birthday and thus is mine." She probably just wants the toy and has no desire to share.</p> <p>I think you are going to find yourself in a sticky situation if you start differentiating toys - some as DD1's, some as DD2's, some shared. As they get older, this issue becomes more clear (I never played with my sister's American Doll - it wasn't mine), but in this case, I would stick with saying no one has their own toys - everything is shared, unless it's a special toy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033425 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:15:24 +0000 PinkElephant 2033425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Forgot to mention - When I buy big toys (ride ons, tents, kitchen, etc.), I make it clear that they are for both girls. Their grandparents, aunts, and uncles do the same. This question is about the smaller, non-special toys, which are definitely gifted to one child, but are appropriate for both to play with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-mine-becomes-ours#post-2033424 Wed, 21 Jan 2015 09:15:07 +0000 PinkElephant 2033424@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As my 8 month old becomes more and more mobile, I've started to face some opposition from my 2.5 year old about what toys are "mine" (hers), and what belongs to both kids.</p> <p>My stance has always been that aside from a few special "lovey" type toys, the toys in our house were all meant to be shared by both girls. Except now when I think about it, my older daughter is right. Most things were exclusively hers first, and maybe it isn't very nice of me to suddenly expect her to share everything. The toy in question that she wanted to take back from her little sister last night was a Little People airplane that my sister gave her for her first birthday. So logically, it's kind of hard to argue that my sister bought it for both of them...but I think it's silly to deem it "special", because it isn't as if I'm going to buy another one exclusively for DD#2.</p> <p>DD#1 didn't argue with me when I said it was to be shared, and in this case since DD#2 wasn't getting upset about a substitution, I was fine with DD#1 giving DD#2 a different Little People vehicle (a car) and taking the airplane. But. As DD#2's opinions get stronger, I'm thinking about how I'll handle this fairly. For now I'm trying to make sure to make a point of buying some things I want them both to have to play with "for" DD#2, so that she also has her own things to share with DD#1.</p> <p>How do you handle the issue of which toys belong to which child, and what they have to share with each other vs. what they don't? </p>