https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 19:19:11 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-35185 Fri, 16 Dec 2011 11:19:02 +0000 808love 35185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Bee: That is really interesting!<br /> @Red: My daughter is in the exact same phase. Reading your post, I chuckled to myself, knowing another mom is going through that too! :) She wags her finger and says nnnnnah like I do when I say No. And she always goes back again, just to test me, but she knows!! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-35021 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 21:47:20 +0000 ecogirl 35021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Andrea oh that would make me pick her up too :) Poor thing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-35001 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 20:56:31 +0000 Andrea 35001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ecogirl: i think letting my daughter cry is a tricky one. she frequently throws up when i let her cry which is why CIO never worked for us. i really like your point about them needing to feel frustration in order to build self-esteem! </p> <p>@Mrs. Bee: i remember that article and have been keeping that in mind! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34992 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 20:38:13 +0000 Mrs. Bee 34992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>praise is something i think about a lot. this is a great article called the inverse power of praise:</p> <p><a href="http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/" rel="nofollow">http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/</a></p> <p>the article mentions how they gave a group of kids a test and told half the kids that they did well because they were smart, and half the kids they did well because they tried hard.</p> <p>when they asked the kids whether they wanted to take a second test that was harder or easier, the "smart" kids said easier. the "tried hard" kids chose the harder test. Basically when we praise children for their intelligence, we tell them they are smart and not to take risks so people continue to see you as smart. But when we praise for effort, we tell them they have control over their success.</p> <p>So now we always try to praise Charlie for his efforts and we don't tell him that he's smart. He's still a little too young to understand probably, but never too early too start! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34987 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 20:25:53 +0000 ecogirl 34987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Andrea sorry I did not see this until now! I had to let Liam cry sometimes without scooping him up. My doctor told me that if you respond to every whimper by picking them up or fussing over them they learn to manipulate. He also said that if Liam was trying to do something, like put his shoe on and started getting upset and crying over it not to go over and just do it myself. They need that frustration to build up their self esteem. It is so easy to just do things for them and call it taking care of them but it hinders them instead. I also refused to take him away from someone if he started crying and wailing while they held him. He needed to learn that it was okay not to expect mommy to come to him whenever he felt clingy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34727 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 13:27:03 +0000 Maysprout 34727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Andrea: I agree, figuring out when to step in and when to stay out seems like the hardest part of parenting. </p> <p>I think going too far to one side isnt the best idea since kids need to have a chance to learn on their own but at the same time learning is a process and guides are helpful. Figuring out a balance is tricky, when does the child need pushed and when is regression just a normal part of the learning process to be dealt with more gently will be a challenge. </p> <p>With running we always expected peaks and valleys in our training with the peaks getting higher and the valleys (or bad workouts) not being as bad. I guess that's what I expect for her behavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34723 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 13:19:32 +0000 Andrea 34723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Red: I love the I'm guilty look.. I think it is so cute! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34721 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 13:18:58 +0000 Andrea 34721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ecogirl: What did you do to make him less clingy? My LO has been in daycare from 6 months so a lot of people have held her but she still has stranger anxiety. I thought daycare would've helped but it doesn't since she is familiar with everyone there now so they are just like mom and dad to her now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34716 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 12:55:30 +0000 ecogirl 34716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had to start with Liam very early. He was becoming very clingy and afraid to be held by people in my life that he wasn't familiar with. I'd read some articles that linked spoiling with affection or fussing as an infant and child to narcissist behaviors and inability to empathize as adults. I think it also leads to over dependence on mom or dad for love, protection and guidance and stunts their social skills. No one wants to play with the child that is breaking down crying for their mommy in school and I think the velcro mommy type behavior sets them up for that social failure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34710 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 12:49:28 +0000 Red 34710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Andrea, she knows the garbage can is off-limits and will stop, look guilty, and sometimes even complain when I catch her trying to open it, but she'll definitely come back and try again. Don't think self-control is a large part of her make up yet :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34695 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 12:25:39 +0000 Andrea 34695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Red: ok, i was about to say WOW, you already trained her at 9 months to know what things are off-limits? but she does still try the next time, hehe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34694 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 12:24:32 +0000 Andrea 34694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: I like your idea of it being a slow process because whether or not our children become spoiled is really a result of our collective actions. I feel like controlling material possessions is really easy but keeping a rein on parental actions is the hard part. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34686 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 12:17:08 +0000 Red 34686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I started to be conscious of not spoiling her around 8-9 months or so when she started to "fake cry". It showed me that she was becoming more aware of her surroundings and how to manipulate it. I still give her lots of hugs and kisses but she doesn't get everything that she wants (another cracker, her pacifier, items that are off-limits) and now she knows that mommy means "no" when I say "no"........not that it stops her from trying the next time, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34680 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 12:07:23 +0000 Maysprout 34680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When my daughter was a newborn she cried when she was hungry or tired pretty much. So I did start agreeing that a newborns wants are a newborns needs.</p> <p>I laugh with my husband now about her opinionated cries. She has definite preferences now on what way to be held and what activities she wants to do. While we try to respect her wants, there's more than just her wants that make up a household. Like she may really want to pinch the dog but the dog doesn't want to be pinched, dog wins that want contest. So already we've started redirecting her actions at 6 months. </p> <p>As for other things it's give and take, sometimes she wants to be picked up right that minute but we can't so hopefully she learns patience but there's only so much patience I expect her to have at 6 months, more will be expected as she gets older. </p> <p>So I guess for us we'll treat it as a slow process of teaching a child to respect others wants as well as their own. I'm not sure if that's the definition of spoiling but 'What I want is what I get' is the definition to me. I think for us we'll tend to go to the spoiling side as far as attention goes and the opposite way for material possessions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34670 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 11:58:46 +0000 Rubies 34670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO is only 4.5 months and I already worry about spoiling her by holding her too much - I won't want her to be one of those clingy babies. But I know she's still so young so I hold her when she wants me to. I realize how ridiculous it is for me to worry about it when she's still a baby... :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34570 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 09:52:28 +0000 Andrea 34570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Bee: i think i am worried less about materialistic possessions than my actions (because i don't buy her many toys). like do i pay her too much focused attention? or do i praise her too much? do i try too hard to make sure she is happy all the time? but then i think is it ridiculous to be thinking these things when she is still so young? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34569 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 09:49:23 +0000 Mrs. Bee 34569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i started really worrying about this around 18 months. prior to that charlie didn't show possessiveness, so he had more than his fair share of toys i must admit. </p> <p>but after 18 months when he was super aware and started displaying some possessiveness, i bought him virtually no toys. sometimes it's hard to resist because i'm a spoiler by nature, but it's not like charlie knows any different anyway. at least not yet! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-should-you-start-worrying-that-you-are-spoiling-your-kids#post-34561 Thu, 15 Dec 2011 09:42:50 +0000 Andrea 34561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It seems like the general advice nowadays is that you can't spoil your baby. They need your attention and care so you aren't spoiling them. Do you think this is true?</p> <p>But then at what age should you start worrying that you might be spoiling your kids? </p> <p>My daughter is almost 20 months and really knows what is going on around her now so I am getting worried about spoiling her. </p>