https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 12:26:03 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-seek-couples-counseling#post-2924627 Tue, 10 Aug 2021 10:58:06 +0000 Chuckles 2924627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anonymous22: I think going to counseling for yourself is a great idea. You can get ideas for how to cope with DH's behavior and have a thinking partner for deciding what you want to do about your relationship.<br /> Also, just my personal experience - When DH and I were struggling, he was very resistant to counseling. It ended up helping, but it took *many* times of going before he opened up about what was really going on. It was extremely frustrating to keep going and have him keep bringing up issues that seemed, to me, like non-issues or small things because he was avoiding the real topic. But it did help us with our communication styles even during that time. I went a couple of times on my own, based on how the therapist worked, and it helped to be able to process things with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-seek-couples-counseling#post-2924626 Tue, 10 Aug 2021 10:35:40 +0000 Mommy Finger 2924626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I"m so sorry you're dealing with this! I found out that DH was an alcoholic about 2.5 years ago and am so grateful that he took it upon himself to find counseling to get to the root of his issues or I don't know if our marriage would have lasted. Honestly, I probably need counseling for myself but haven't made the time to do it b/c it's just one more thing that I have to do. Not a good reason. So I just want to encourage you to go by yourself b/c that's the only thing that you can control. Best of luck to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-seek-couples-counseling#post-2924605 Mon, 09 Aug 2021 07:59:04 +0000 anonymous22 2924605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: @hitchhiker: @cake2017: This is the OP. For some reason, I couldn't log back in under my first anonymous handle. Anyhow....</p> <p>Thank you for your kind replies. I really appreciate it. I spoke with my DH yesterday and he flatly refused counseling. He says he's done it before (which was when he was still sick from alcoholism). He says we can figure it out on our own. I disagree (since we haven't been able to before). @chuckles, I think you hit the nail on the head with why he actually doesn't want to do it. </p> <p>I may start up individual counseling again just to try to get my head around things. Otherwise, I'm not sure where to go from here. Sigh. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-seek-couples-counseling#post-2924604 Mon, 09 Aug 2021 00:04:09 +0000 Chuckles 2924604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that the sooner you go, the better. Because every day that you continue to grow apart and feel hurt, the harder it will be to repair your relationship in therapy. I wonder if he's avoiding therapy because he knows he has a lot to deal with? It sounds like you really want to make sure that you've done everything you can before deciding that your marriage won't survive. Have you framed it for him that way yet?<br /> One other thing I have shared here before - it can take a couple of tries before you find a therapist that you both click with and feel comfortable with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-seek-couples-counseling#post-2924598 Sun, 08 Aug 2021 14:05:48 +0000 cake2017 2924598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anonymous23: So sorry to read this. I would agree with the above Poster. Now. Do you belong to a church that can help with marital counseling maybe? Pastor etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-seek-couples-counseling#post-2924596 Sun, 08 Aug 2021 06:29:42 +0000 hitchhiker 2924596@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Now, now, now. We waited too long (my husband insisted we didn't need it and I was blowing things out of proportion). I desperately wish we would have gone several years earlier because it has made a big difference but there is a lot of hurt to get past. Logistics were a huge barrier pre-COVID, but the availability of remote therapy has made it much more accessible for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-seek-couples-counseling#post-2924593 Sat, 07 Aug 2021 23:36:18 +0000 anonymous23 2924593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hello, I have a different profile but felt more comfortable posting this under an anonymous name. </p> <p>My DH and I have been having a rough time of it for well over a year now. In all honesty, things haven't been great for us for a long time since I found out about a year after we got married that he is an alcoholic. He's been recovered for almost a decade now but he never sought counseling, etc. to deal with any of the underlying issues. Essentially, I've long felt that I'm not with the man I married because the man I'm with now is constantly angry. He never feels "big" enough and he always feels like everyone is wronging him. I don't know what to do. I will admit, I am sure I am not handling his emotional needs as well as I could. I don't want this to at all come off like I have no part in things not going well. I know I undermine him at times and that makes him even more angry. I just sometimes get to a breaking point where I can't stand how he's treating me or especially our kids.</p> <p>My question is, when do I demand couple's counseling? He has always refused when I've brought it up in the past but we were talking about divorce tonight. While there's part of me that's just done, I would like to know that I tried everything and to me that means counseling. I will say, I've done individual counseling but I can't fix our relationship on my own.</p> <p>I would really love to hear from anyone who's had any experience with this. Thanks. </p>