https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 03 May 2026 21:39:36 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774828 Thu, 21 Sep 2017 21:54:40 +0000 themrsgoff 2774828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is 11 months and we tried just about everything under the sun without luck. He's just a really light sleeper + low sleep need baby who is terrified of being in his room by himself and there is no amount of crying that would fix it. The last straw was walking in after he had been crying for a half hour at 7 months old and seeing him sitting there with his hands in his lap and his head hung low, just crying. Broke my heart and at that moment, I realized that he just can't do it by himself yet - thought I'm confident that as he gets older we'll be able to communicate and help determine what his needs are to sleep better by himself. I unapologetically believe that there is no one-size-fits-all for kids when it comes to pretty much anything, sleep included.</p> <p>I nurse him to sleep, transfer to crib, and he usually wakes 2-3 times at night, where I nurse or bring him back to bed, depending on how awake he is. If he has bolted upright and gone from 0-60 screaming, I go get him. If he's just fussing a bit, I'll give him a few minutes to work it out and sometimes he will, sometimes he won't. It's more important for me that he knows he isn't alone at night since he is clearly terrified of that than forcing him to figure it out by himself (which would take hours). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774370 Wed, 20 Sep 2017 09:41:40 +0000 Grace 2774370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sleep trained around 4 months for falling asleep at bedtime/naptime (not MOTN wakeups, because I didn't feel like dealing with that). If I were you, I'd do some pretraining. Get the bedtime routine down. Also, make sure you are giving your kid a chance to figure it out when the pacifier falls out etc. 1 or 2 min to see if the fussing settles (and not just one time - try it lots of times). That was my mistake with my daughter. I thought she couldn't fall asleep alone. Truth was, I never gave her the chance to try. After you've tried that for a while (weeks), then try the sleeptraining. Also, you've got a big sleep regression coming up, so you might want to wait until it's settled down to do the real sleep training. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774297 Wed, 20 Sep 2017 06:15:40 +0000 ginmar12 2774297@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One thing I would start to try during the day is the EASY plan (eat awake sleep 'you time'). That way he doesn't always associate nursing with falling asleep. I did this with my daughter and then sleep training wasn't really training- it happened pretty naturally- that could be her personality too though. I still did nurse her to sleep at night because I wanted her to be fed right before bed. However if she wasn't sleeping sometimes I would read her a book or something after then put her in her crib. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774207 Tue, 19 Sep 2017 16:36:12 +0000 SweetiePie 2774207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kiddosc: @gingerbebe: Yes to things both of you said.<br /> Def set a good bedtime routine regardless of sleep training or not. It's important no matter what in getting them in the bedtime mindset. Also want to add that bedtime might need to be way earlier than what you are thinking. Newborn/infant bedtime should be between 5-7pm! Which sounds insane but the big names (weissbluth, Ferber) explain this. That's why many infants have a witching hour between 5-7...they're actually crazy tired and ready for bed. </p> <p>And agree with @gingerbebe about consistency. So important to create a plan and stick with it for at least a week or two. If you waffle it's not fair to you or the baby. Sometimes it takes a few days to see results, don't throw in the towel. And whether you're doing extinction or checks, be consistent.<br /> Also just generally ditto everything gingerbebe said. I could have written it myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774205 Tue, 19 Sep 2017 16:25:33 +0000 gingerbebe 2774205@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You have to pick something that works for your entire family and whatever your partner will have your back on 100%. Not just you, not just your baby, but everyone. And once you decide to do something, I think the biggest thing is to be consistent because its not fair to switch it up on your kids (unless something is just not working outright). </p> <p>FWIW, I sleeptrained both my kids before 4 months old. We did CIO. DS1 we waited until 12-ish weeks when his medication was finally settled for his reflux. Yes it sucked, but it was fast and effective. With DS2 we started with good habits and he really only ever cried like 15 minutes, tops.</p> <p>As a result, both my boys were sleeping 12 hours early on - DS1 by 5 months, DS2 by 12 weeks! My kids are 3 and 16 months now and they both nap 2-3 hours during the day and 11-12 hours overnight. They are happy, healthy, bonded, well-rested, and my pediatrician gave me a big thumbs up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774160 Tue, 19 Sep 2017 14:01:18 +0000 kiddosc 2774160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think a good first step at this point is developing a good bedtime routine. Something along the lines of bath, lotion, pajamas, sleepsack, sing a song, nurse. It doesn't even have to be that involved, just a series of steps that you do in the same order every night before bed. It won't take long for your LO to associate those steps with bed and he'll start going down much easier for you. That's really the only kind of "sleep training" I'd be comfortable with at such a young age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774095 Tue, 19 Sep 2017 10:03:20 +0000 Corduroy 2774095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsBAM: I sleep trained my first at 16 weeks, keeping MOTN feeds after midnight since they weren't a problem for us. It was life changing for me and DH since we had been spending hours every night putting LO to bed and she would spend hours fighting it. She actually cried less the nights we were sleep training than she had prior to the sleep training. We used Ferber's CIO.</p> <p>In hindsight there were a couple things I realized much later on that would have been helpful for me to know. I thought that since LO didn't use a pacifier she didn't have one. I was her pacifier (which made her awful in the car seat). The other thing I realized much later (not until LO2) was that LO was actually napping when I thought I was putting her down for bed. So our 2 hour bedtime process was really a 30 min nap and then a 30 min wake up and putting a crowd out overtired baby to bed. At least that's what I pieced together in hindsight. I'm not sure that it would have been any easier to deal with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774086 Tue, 19 Sep 2017 09:49:23 +0000 sauerkraut 2774086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your situation sounds a little like mine, where we were co-sleeping early on, and soothing or nursing to sleep during night wake ups. I'm still working on sleep at 15 months and was nursing during the night to keep my supply up until DD turned 1, so you may not want to follow what I did 100%, but I did think it was easier to take it in steps. So we worked on falling asleep lying down in the crib first, with the crib next to my bed (I think I did that at around 6 months); then moved the crib across the room; then out of the room; then we worked on staying in the crib during night wakings - this was around 12 months. I tried to look at what I thought would help both of us get more sleep at each stage and worked towards that step. For us, I wanted some distance between us because I thought co-sleeping and being in the same room was waking her up unnecessarily, so I worked on that. Then we did night weaning and self soothing during the night when I was ready to ease off on breastfeeding.<br /> Like others have said, it's all about doing what is right and workable for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774079 Tue, 19 Sep 2017 09:19:33 +0000 snowjewelz 2774079@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you know your baby best and my advice is just to research EVERYTHING under the sun and come up with a plan that you're comfortable with! </p> <p>For me, pre kids I thought that sleep training is a must. But my 2nd is 9 months and I still have never sleep trained :silly: Yes, it's tiring and yes, they eventually sleep and no, they will not magically STTN every single night no matter what you do or don't do. I personally am against CIO, and I prefer just encouraging good sleep habits to gentle sleep training (that involves minimal crying but takes longer). But like I said, I think it really depends on the baby and also what you can handle.</p> <p>Good luck and we're all here for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774071 Tue, 19 Sep 2017 09:02:40 +0000 ineebee 2774071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I cannot recommend the book "Bedtiming" enough when it comes to this question. It talks about emotional and cognitive development stages and which are better for sleep training. It also contrasts the different methods out there and basically says they all have pluses and minuses, and that you should choose what you can stick with. There's so much out there, and I feel like this is such a science- and research-based take on sleep training, and it really helped us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774070 Tue, 19 Sep 2017 09:01:55 +0000 Eko 2774070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with others that there is such a wide range of sleep training advice. My advice is just to go with whatever makes you feel most comfortable and not just sleep train because you 'should'. My LO sounds really similar to yours. We co-slept out of necessity and he would scream in the car. My little guy had reflux issues. </p> <p>He co-slept with us until about 6 months. We gradually worked with him on having him sleep in his crib. There were nights where it didn't work out, but eventually he was sleeping in his own crib. We did not transition him to the crib also trying to get him to fall asleep on his own. I would sit with him until he fell asleep and then put him in the crib. Once he got used to the crib I think started putting him down drowsy, but awake. That did not happen until about 9 months. I did not follow any sort of method. I just stayed consistent with trying to get him to sleep on his own or fall asleep on his own. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, but the consistency is what made it work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774041 Tue, 19 Sep 2017 05:37:02 +0000 mamacat2 2774041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally agree that this is one of those things you'll see a wide range of advice about - which I actually found really comforting when we got to the point of sleep training with my younger daughter. Once we settled on a plan that felt good for our family (one that we could stick with and live with, and that ideally moved us ALL toward more sleep), we felt pretty confident that there was support out there. We also felt like if our original plan didn't work, we had lots of solid back up options to try next since there are so many ideas about baby sleep. </p> <p>My younger daughter is five months old, and we started sleep training with her about two weeks ago. I'd originally leaned toward waiting until closer to six months; I think that was mainly in hopes of her just "figuring it out" on her own though because I was feeling so stressed about the prospect of her crying and having trouble settling through the night. My older daughter seemed to just naturally fall into good sleep habits and we didn't do anything in particular to help with it, I don't think. So I felt like I was in uncharted territory with my younger daughter. In retrospect, I wish I'd started a little sooner because it worked out so much better than I anticipated. Her sleep just deteriorated more and more from about 3 months on, and it was getting to the point that she wouldn't fall asleep without the pacifier in or with some rocking/settling from us. And as soon as her pacifier popped out and she noticed, she would wake up crying and we'd repeat the whole process again - sometimes as often as every 30-45 minutes through the night. We needed a change! And honestly, I think the lack of solid sleep was affecting my daughter too. As her nighttime sleep got worse and worse, we noticed she was more unsettled through the day too. </p> <p>The first night we put her to bed without the pacifier and decided we weren't going back in to offer it to her or rock her to sleep, she cried for about an hour before falling asleep on her own. She woke up a few times that night and cried for about five to ten minutes before falling back asleep. At bedtime, we'd planned to go in to "reassure" her every ten minutes or so until she settled, but honestly she just ended up more worked up in the process - so we would just check her on our monitor to make sure nothing was seriously amiss. </p> <p>Over the next few nights, she cried less and less at bedtime and began sleeping through the night solidly. At this point, about two or three weeks in, she sometimes still cries very briefly when we put her down to bed, but she sleeps for 11-12 hours. I've found she is way more content through the day too, and her naps have improved tremendously in the process. She definitely figured out how to self-soothe and doesn't depend on the pacifier or bouncing or rocking or whatever else we'd been doing to coax her to sleep. </p> <p>I'd been anxious about the idea of sleep training, and looking back, I think my own lack of sleep exacerbated those worries for me. I have a good friend who kept reminding me when I was concerned about what to do that babies are pretty resilient - if I needed to back peddle from a failed attempt at getting her to sleep, she'd bounce back. And I would, too. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2774027 Mon, 18 Sep 2017 22:42:47 +0000 SweetiePie 2774027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You'll get a very wide range of responses because everyone has their own strong opinion on sleep training.<br /> Personally, I like to do it on the earlier side with my prdiatricians blessing. I read 12 hours by 12 Weeks (don't worry, I didn't START the book till he was 12 weeks, it still had good advice and a plan). My ped told me to sleep train at 4 months (was unsolicited advice but I was very happy to get it).<br /> BUT I didn't nurse. I was formula feeding by 4/5 weeks of age.<br /> As far as them feeling abandoned, you'll also get some very strong opinions on this as there are distinct schools of thought on it. Personally, I don't think they do. I think they cry because that's what they know how to do. I did extinction cio with my son around 4 months and I was very worried the first night that he'd hate me in the morning. After hours of on and off crying, I went in at 6am and he was happy as can be. He was excited to see me and all smiles. That was reassurance for me that he wasn't feeling abandoned and didn't hold a grudge.<br /> It took 3 nights total (got better and better each night) and suddenly he was sleeping 6-6 or 7-7. It was heaven and did wonders for my mental health.<br /> Definitely ask your doctor if you aren't sure. But I think that there's enough professional advice out there to justify any decision you make. There's professionals saying 3-4 months is fine and others who say 6 months, and others who would never do it. It's really one of those parenting decisions you can't go wrong with - just read the advice and make the decision best for you. Let the fact that there ARE so many opinions be a comfort because it means you can't really go wrong.<br /> If you do decide to go for it, there are quite a few moms here who have done it and can lend support/advice.<br /> Good luck with whatever you decide! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2773996 Mon, 18 Sep 2017 19:33:07 +0000 petitenoisette 2773996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this sounds pretty normal for 3.5 months and I wouldn't feel guilty like you should be sleep training or are doing something wrong. It's great that sometimes you can just give him his paci and he will go back to sleep without nursing! </p> <p>Personally I am more comfortable with waiting til around 6 months to do any sort of sleep training. In reality we didn't really sleep train at all until maybe 8 months and even then still did one or two wake ups for a long time after then. We all survived and my daughter is a great sleeper now (since around 2 when I finally did night wean her fully). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-start-sleep-training-feeling-anxiousguilty#post-2773976 Mon, 18 Sep 2017 18:16:00 +0000 MsBAM 2773976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi all, looking for some advice.</p> <p>Current situation: My lo is 3.5mo. Been co-sleeping since baby was born. He didn't like his bassinet and co-sleeping was the only way we would get sleep. I nurse him to sleep. When I put him down after he's asleep he usually wakes up, so I give him his pacifier and will fuss but will usually fall asleep with his pacifier and spit it out shortly after. He'll usually wake up again so I'll have to either nurse again or give him his pacifier. Then he's usually sleeping for several hours. He also hates car rides and cries to the point of being hysterical and then will sometimes end up falling asleep in the car after crying so long (15-30mins). I feel bad about it but there's nothing I can do when I'm driving. I'm assuming this will also be his reaction to sleep training.<br /> Ideally, my goal is for him to fall asleep on his own. When should I start sleep training? Which method may work best in this situation? How long did it take you? I'm not set on one particular method yet, but I'm feeling guilty already about him crying and feeling abandoned. I know he has to learn to self soothe though :( </p>