https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 01:02:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for/page/2#post-262845 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 16:35:00 +0000 MrsFarmer 262845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely plan on being open about it if/when we get pg. So far we are on Month 15/Cycle 16, so it's taking a looooooong time. Infertility is such a soul-wrenching, emotional thing, that I hope I can give some hope to others who may be struggling by sharing our TTC journey. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for/page/2#post-262755 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 15:26:02 +0000 LuLu Mom 262755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess if people ask me then I do tell them however not many people have asked. For me it wasn't a long journey as it is for some, it happened first month of trying. I could see how to some it's a personal question, but for us we just make a joke about super sperm (obviously with close friends not random acquaintances or strangers) and that's about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for/page/2#post-262746 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 15:17:18 +0000 BKCaribBaby 262746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am the queen of "You are on a 'need to know' basis." to the point where I am newly pregnant and hoping not to tell people for as long as possible. That being said, I wonder if people will ask us. In my friend group we are not old (I'll be 35 next month), but in DH's we might as well be grandparents. I got married at almost 32, and we decided to wait almost 3 yeas before trying. We got pregnant on our first try (knock on wood). I don't think I will mind telling people, but I think many people have thoughts and assumptions ALREADY ( except my close friends many of whom are my age and still don't have kids) about why we haven't had kids yet. I would be more weirded out by the "was this planned?" question. That seems more invasive to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for/page/2#post-262743 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 15:12:51 +0000 WALLAROO 262743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was surprised by how many people asked how long we were trying. We were fortunate to get lucky on the first cycle without fertility treatments. I just would feel awkward when friends who I knew had been trying for quite some time would ask. I didn't know how to respond because I didn't want to make them feel bad so I would just give a vague answer of "not too long...we just got lucky". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-262742 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 15:12:20 +0000 avivoca 262742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know if I will or not. I've shared with close friends when we plan to TTC, but it seems kind of private to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-262714 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 14:49:14 +0000 ChuckNorris 262714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I am fairly open about TTC and fertility and pretty much everything in my life; that's just how I am... I will definitely tell people if they ask. I just feel like if someone out there is hurting because it hasn't worked in x amount of months, I can help them out by sharing my story. Albeit, it's only been 6 months so far. Even if it does take longer, I think I'd still tell... Other people consider themselves private and don't like to tell - I am not one of those people! lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-262507 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 12:39:56 +0000 blackbird 262507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Everybody in DH's family knew i m/c the first time at 12 weeks (somebody in his family has a biiiiiig mouth b/c we only told immediate family...) so people have been giving us the side-eye for a solid year, wondering WTF is going on, basically. I'm sure there will be comments once we finally announce. Close friends know it's my third pregnancy and it's been at least a year now, but I haven't had anyone blatantly ask how long we'd been trying. Probably because the ones who would ask already know. I've asked this of a few friends of mine--but they all knew we were trying. You can tell when someone is just being a nosy busybody and when someone is genuinely asking due to the situation they're in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-262291 Fri, 17 Aug 2012 10:16:19 +0000 Sunshine1810 262291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I am going to be pretty open about it. One of my friends from high school announced it in her pregnancy FB post. She wrote "after 18 months of trying for our miracle, we are expecting our first child in July!" I really admired her for it. She also wrote a little bit about it on her bump website (mentioned giving herself shots). I appreciated that she was honest about it, because it really does help other people who are going through the same thing. If I can make anyone going through infertility feel a little less alone, then it's worth it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-195077 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 12:30:50 +0000 BabyBunny 195077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, but most people already know that we have been trying for a long time. I agree with you that it's time to break the taboo. I've gotten so much support from other couples who have also had trouble that I will be happy to do the same once we do get pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-191712 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 15:09:17 +0000 Mrs. Lantern 191712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septca: HI THERE! So glad to see you here :)</p> <p>@ninja: When you added an icon to gravatar, did you link it to the same email address as the one you signed up for HB? That should do it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-191703 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 15:03:48 +0000 Mrs. Pen 191703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jholler25: you have such a great perspective. I loved reading your post. </p> <p>A lot of people asked me. Some of my closer friends I didn't mind but most times it felt too personal and made it really awkward. I also hated when people asked if he was planned or an "accident". I would usually answer. And change the subject lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-191697 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 14:59:34 +0000 Modern Daisy 191697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hadn't really thought about it, but yeah it does seem like a super personal question. Why does anyone need to know that? The answer is they don't - they're just curious. I will probably give a vauge answer like "Oh we weren't really counting, but not too long" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-191693 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 14:50:13 +0000 Shutterbug 191693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I'll be open about this for the same reason that @bluestriped bee mentioned - because I think that TTC is such a hush hush topic, and before I got into this world I thought that practically everyone just decided to start trying and then got pregnant right away. It was eye-opening to find out that it takes most people a while. My mom told me it took her about 6 months each time - I was shocked, and now I realize that's actually not too bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-191668 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 14:32:17 +0000 ninja 191668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It only took us 5 months, so I just usually say awhile if people ask, and then they let it go.</p> <p>@septca: Even if you upload a pic to gravatar, there is no guarantee of an avatar! I tried that a few weeks ago and it never took :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-191655 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 14:21:04 +0000 Running Elley 191655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septca: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm so glad to see you here :) I saw "septca" had posted on this thread and I popped right over to say hi! To get an avatar you have to upload a picture to gravatar.</p> <p>*Sorry for the threadjack! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-191651 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 14:19:08 +0000 septca 191651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was always really open about our TTC struggles (when it starts to involved months upon months and surgery, you kind of don't have a choice...), and will continue to be. Like others have said, it drives me CRAZY how much shame surrounds infertility in our society - I figure maybe telling people that we struggled will allow even just one of those people to be open about their struggles as well. I hope that being honest about TTC not only encourages others to be open as well, but helps other women feel like they aren't alone...</p> <p>P.S. How the heck can I add an avatar picture? (This is my first HB post - HI!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-191586 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 13:17:12 +0000 Running Elley 191586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m always very honest about how much of a process it was for me to stay pregnant. Most of our family/close friends knew about our first miscarriage so they expected that we’d start trying again immediately after and were looking for an announcement right away…especially since it happened so quick the first time. People would make really insensitive comments about how easy it would be, etc. To me it felt like they were brushing our miscarriage away and just taking it as an exciting sign that there’d be a good pregnancy announcement from us soon. When it took 8 months after that miscarriage for us to get this sticky pregnancy everyone started to get almost pushy about it. When people asked directly I was very open with the fact that we were going through a bunch of testing and treatments to make sure that I didn’t just get pregnant but that the pregnancy would be a viable one. </p> <p>Now that I’m 22 weeks pregnant I’ve also been very open about what we went through. Sometimes I feel like I have to be so that people don’t think I’m just a helicopter mom for being at the doctor all the time or getting multiple ultrasounds or being paranoid….almost like I need to give them a reason so that they understand we’ve had to really work for this baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-191571 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 13:03:14 +0000 cyneswith 191571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If someone asks, I'll tell them. We weren't really struggling with infertility (just a short LP, possibly eliminated with some B vitamins, since I got pregnant the month I started on them.) But I don't feel a need to broadcast when I do or don't have birth control going. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-191562 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 12:58:57 +0000 Mrs. Lantern 191562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FutureMrsMcK: Completely agree with what you wrote. It took us 11 months, and if anyone asks, I'll be completely honest! Women shouldn't have to deal with this alone. Especially when it affects so many of us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-191557 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 12:55:34 +0000 kml636 191557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH's cousin asked me this. Color me shocked! I was not about to go into having a miscarriage, etc. I just ignored the question. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-190875 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 03:00:22 +0000 looch 190875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FutureMrsMcK: I agree with what you've written. I really think women need to be honest and open with each other and tell the truth in order to erase the stigma. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-190860 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 01:23:10 +0000 Chastenet 190860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've surprised myself with my openness about this, when people have asked I always give the correct number of months and quite often throw in the fact that I had a miscarriage, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-190831 Fri, 15 Jun 2012 00:42:01 +0000 ChuckNorris 190831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am continuously surprised by how comfortable people are asking about our TTC struggles, but I am very open and honest. If anyone asks, I am honest with them about pretty much any question they have. I feel like, you never know. They could be in the same boat and looking to reach out to someone. They could know someone who needs someone to talk to. And I could ALWAYS use someone to talk to =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-186109 Mon, 11 Jun 2012 15:58:38 +0000 BSB 186109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't believe how many of you were asked that question. I have heard of people asking whether or not it was planned but I thought it would be TMI to ask how long. </p> <p>@mediagirl: I'm actually thinking of announcing it that way. </p> <p>@jholler25: Thanks for sharing. I know you were trying for awhile. It must have been hard being around all those people. </p> <p>@Leialou: Yeah, that's the one thing I am afraid of is if I say how long we were trying for, I don't want additional questions being asked. I certainly know that my DH would not like me telling other people that he was the problem. Although, it might actually be something wrong with me. Who knows. I would hope people don't ask that. </p> <p>@FutureMrsMcK: Yup, I've felt all of those struggles. I, also, stopped telling people that I am TTC because I don't want friends to constantly ask me if I'm pregnant yet. I think that would make my TTC process harder. I don't want the constant reminder that I can't get pregnant from other people. It's hard enough seeing the BFN each month. Or then those awkward questions from friends asking me if I was trying everything correctly. Like all of sudden because they got pregnant so easily that they were experts and knew everything. (Ok, that came from my brother and my husband's best friend. Both guys. Why are guys so insensitive!) So yeah, it's hard trying to figure out how much information to tell people. I want people to know so I can find others who are struggling but I don't want to volunteer that info in fear of the other questions being asked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-184596 Sun, 10 Jun 2012 11:04:40 +0000 lovehoneybee 184596@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't volunteer the information while we were trying or our miscarriage (except for my a very select few close friends/family members, but I've been very open about it with friends or family since. </p> <p>I figure everyone assumes it's so easy to get pregnant and then have panic attacks when they start and realize it won't necessarily happen as quickly as they assumed (like me). Most of my friends aren't TTC yet, but it would have been a comfort if there was someone I knew IRL who was open about their struggles TTC that I could talk to, and I want to be able to be that person for someone else in the future. </p> <p>There seems to be a stigmata against women who have trouble getting and/or staying pregnant, and I think it's in large part because a lot of women are very close-lipped about their struggles--because of the stigmata. They think there's something wrong with them (whether or not there is a problem), and they're ashamed (I was). I think it would be less of a stigmata if women were more open to sharing how difficult it can be. It's one thing to read stats about how it takes a healthy couple between 6-12 months to get pregnant, it's another to know real life people who had trouble. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-184552 Sun, 10 Jun 2012 10:20:27 +0000 PBandBaseball 184552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're still TTC but I think I might just say that it took awhile if people ask. I think it's pretty rude for people to ask, though. I'm surprised that so many of you have had to answer that question! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-184488 Sun, 10 Jun 2012 08:34:31 +0000 SugarplumsMom 184488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't volunteered the info about how long we've been trying except to my good friends. It's not a secret, but unless ppl ask, I think it's TMI. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-184481 Sun, 10 Jun 2012 08:10:03 +0000 PastaAndPotato 184481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i don't know how i would feel if someone asked (not pg. yet), but, the few friends who know that we are ttc know how long we've been trying, and we'll probably tell the other people that we're close with after we conceive</p> <p>i'm really shocked by the number of you who say that people were always asking you! i couldn't imagine asking someone something so personal! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-184453 Sun, 10 Jun 2012 07:18:16 +0000 mrs. bird 184453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not pregnant yet, so my feelings could change, but I think I'd be ok saying something vague like 'longer than we expected!' to most people, and being honest with people who we're close to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-you-get-pregnant-will-you-tell-anyone-how-long-you-were-trying-for#post-184450 Sun, 10 Jun 2012 07:04:36 +0000 Rubies 184450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Only two people have asked me and I didn't mind at all only because of the nature of our conversation. If someone just asked me for their own curiosity, I would find that rude. </p>