https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 18 Jun 2026 22:54:26 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-your-child-gets-their-feelings-hurt-at-school#post-2809062 Sun, 11 Mar 2018 18:02:43 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2809062@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the wording of "go away" is not something I would have brought up unless I was the other kids' parents. Kids don't do polite the same way adults do and in some ways although your dd was upset about actually being rejected, she may have been less upset about the wording than you were. Not only that, but we really can't control what people say or do and she will encounter rude people her whole life. I don't know if I'm explaining what I mean well but I swear I have good intentions in saying this! </p> <p>My approach would be more to listen, try to validate and understand, and then encourage her to seek other friends and give her some words for that. At 5, just finding someone who likes to play at the same activity might be enough. My oldest is that age and not super social either but that has worked for her.</p> <p>If she's not yet in elementary then on the bright side she has a clean slate next year. My dd really has blossomed a lot since leaving preschool and entering elementary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-your-child-gets-their-feelings-hurt-at-school#post-2808852 Fri, 09 Mar 2018 19:26:47 +0000 Silva 2808852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am not there yet and am really dreading it. But How to Talk to Kids Will Listen has some great advice about this. Its basically what @Mrs. High Heels: suggested. Validating, really listening, repeating what they are saying, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-your-child-gets-their-feelings-hurt-at-school#post-2808825 Fri, 09 Mar 2018 16:58:31 +0000 dolphin 2808825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Yes, I think having scripts ready is a great idea! When DD was younger a boy pushed her down at the playground. DH and I role played with her stuffed animals and acted out things she could say/do next time. Haha. Often I have to keep my adult language (wtf!) in check and give her a more kid-friendly version. :wink: </p> <p>@LuLu Mom: It IS heartbreaking! When DD was telling me the story I was thinking oh boy, and now it starts. There’s gonna be more friend and school drama to come and my mama heart can’t handle it! :crying: </p> <p>@Mrs. High Heels: I wish she would play with other kids more. She’s always been shy and not the type to go up to someone and say “let’s play!”, unless it's a kid she knows REALLY well. I am hoping she will open up more especially when she starts Kindergarten! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-your-child-gets-their-feelings-hurt-at-school#post-2808785 Fri, 09 Mar 2018 14:47:25 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2808785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you handled it well, and I handle it similarly. I acknowledge/validate the hurt feelings, - "that must've really hurt your feelings". I'll also vocalize and call out the behavior. "That wasn't a very respectful or kind thing to say was it?". And I also let her know she doesn't have to be friends with kids who treat her like that and encourage her to branch out and make friends with others who will treat her with kindness and respect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-your-child-gets-their-feelings-hurt-at-school#post-2808764 Fri, 09 Mar 2018 13:57:29 +0000 looch 2808764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to make it clear to my son that everyone has their own "thing" and that it's okay not to have everyone in the class be friends. What's not okay is to be mean about it and I am trying to get my son to the point where he doesn't respond with something mean when a child excludes him. It's hard, but it's a necessary life skill. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-your-child-gets-their-feelings-hurt-at-school#post-2808762 Fri, 09 Mar 2018 13:54:10 +0000 LuLu Mom 2808762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This just happened a couple week's ago, DD got called away for her turn to do something with the teacher at preschool during play time and when returned there wasn't room for her in the playhouse anymore. She was very upset (she's as social butterfly/used to being in the mix) and said no one would play with her because they were all in the house. I gave her some tips like "go to another area and play with someone else who wasn't in the house" or ask another friend to play a different game with you since there isn't room. Or go find a book to read for a bit. She was heartbroken and it was hard to see her so upset over an incident at 5 years old, I can't imagine how much it will hurt me when she's older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-your-child-gets-their-feelings-hurt-at-school#post-2808761 Fri, 09 Mar 2018 13:50:11 +0000 Anagram 2808761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dolphin: I think I would say something similar, and help her come up with a script to say next time. Try to talk to her without interjecting your adult take on it (that part is hard). Ask her how she felt in the moment and sympathize, ask her why does she think B would use those words and just listen. Ask her what she could say next time, and emphasize that not everyone wants to play all the time and that's okay, but friends st school should always say so nicely.</p> <p>Maybe next time we can try, "there's space here for all of us to play together", or "you two can take a turn on the chair and then I'll take a turn".</p> <p>We do scripts sometimes with my oldest and it's interesting to see her actually try them. We have a lot of playground time so we have a fair amount of interaction with kids where there's friction---you know, another kid not letting anyone else use a slide, or kids saying random mean things or bothering my daughter on a way she doesn't like. She'll actually use some do the scripts we've come up with together, although sometimes I also have to gently step in if it's a kid we don't know and repeat what she says, like "it looks there is enough space on the jungle gym for everyone to play together, okay?", and the the other kid will listen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-your-child-gets-their-feelings-hurt-at-school#post-2808716 Fri, 09 Mar 2018 11:46:52 +0000 Mama Bird 2808716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I tell DS something like "I'm sorry, such and such is ridiculous, he's acting like a baby!" I can't change the other kid's behavior, but maybe treating it as something that's not appropriate for big kids takes some of the sting out of it... </p> <p>This has also come up over sharing (and not sharing) stuff that the kids bring to afterschool. I've offered DS a pick of stuff he can bring in and share, but the problem item is someone else's iPad, and sorry, but I'm not getting one for a five-year-old. He has my sympathy and all the Hot Wheels and stickers he can fit in his bag, but no widgets yet. I guess peer pressure starts early... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-your-child-gets-their-feelings-hurt-at-school#post-2808684 Fri, 09 Mar 2018 10:36:40 +0000 dolphin 2808684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD (5 years old) is really shy and only really plays with a few kids in her class. One is this girl L. Yesterday her and L were sitting together but DD got up to get something. When she returned, another girl, B, sat in her spot. It was one of those comfy chairs that can fit 2 kids. DD wanted to sit with them but there was no room so DD sat on the floor. B and L told DD to "go away". They told her that she tries to hang around L too much and she should go away. :sad: </p> <p>I was so sad hearing this story but I know it's part of growing up and being in school. I know all kids go through this (being left out, feelings hurt, etc.) but I want to give her the right tools on how to handle a situation like that. I told her that nobody should tell her to "go away". I told her if it happens again to tell them that is not a nice thing to say and it hurt her feelings. I also told her she should try playing with other friends in her class because I bet they would love to play with her (I know this is not easy for her to do because she's shy). </p> <p>Anyway, for those with school-aged kids, how would you have handled it? I know things like this will happen more and more when she is in school. What do you tell your child to do when they feel left out or when other kids say mean things to them? </p>