https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 06:15:44 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant/page/2#post-196093 Wed, 20 Jun 2012 10:36:54 +0000 jedeve 196093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>FOOD is best for babies. That's what you should snark back at people. </p> <p>I think the "every woman can breastfeed" line comes from the assumption that back in the good old days, every mom fed her kid or half the world would have died. The issue there is that there *was* high infant mortality, and people used wet nurses. There have always been women who have had trouble breast feeding. Sometimes people just put a nostalgia on a fake image of yesteryear that never was. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant/page/2#post-195981 Wed, 20 Jun 2012 09:07:34 +0000 irene 195981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your situation is identical to a friend of mine (placenta left in uterus during pregnancy and had extreme bleeding afterwards, D&amp;C and hospitalized ... basically almost died)... and I hate to break this to you - her milk also never really came in... maybe 1 oz per pump. Her baby is 4+ months now.</p> <p>She also tried really hard - we went to breastfeeding groups together...etc. and she sees lactation consultants. take fenugreek, make delicious lactation cookies and pancakes (and we became the ones who benefits from it!). I think now that she went back to work she decided to only nursing 2 times a day: morning and night. Long session of pumping at work is not worth it for her because it took her 20 minutes to get 0.5-1 oz. so she decided to drop it. I don't know about her other friends but we didn't judge her (there is really nothing to judge anyway) because we know what she went through. </p> <p>Just ignore what other people say. They are morons and they don't know how hard it is, especially when your body is not cooperating. Formula is just as good too and they all grow up the same! And by the way my baby is exclusively breastfed, 4.5 months now, and is coming down with another virus. This is the 2nd time he's been sick since he was born. So breastfed babies don't necessarily become immune to all diseases ! Don't feel bad at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant/page/2#post-195864 Wed, 20 Jun 2012 04:51:43 +0000 aunt pol 195864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Best of luck with your group! I have to say, I always find posts like this so surprising, and not for the reasons you think. It stuns me how some places, people are so willing to walk up and comment/judge/harass a complete stranger! That just does not happen here. At all, on any issue. People would stare, I think, at an obviously pregnant woman smoking, but even on something so clearly wrong it would be very rare for anyone to actually say anything. I know that cos my SIL's SIL smoked through her pregnancy, and none of us actually said anything to her. </p> <p>I'm breast feeding and formula feeding the twins, and because it's twins the nurses/midwives etc were fairly understanding about however I chose to feed them. Only one nurse made me uncomfortable- "why are you giving them formula?" "Cos it's feckin hard to bf two babies!" she immediately backed down, and was really nice then.<br /> Bf rates are really low in Ireland, and because of that there's a lot of support/pressure within maternity hospitals to get as many mums as possible doing it, but socially nobody bats an eyelid at seeing bottles- they'd be more surprised to see open breast feeding. My SIL breast fed at home and bottle fed out and about as she just didn't feel at ease with it in public. I still haven't breast fed in front of anyone other than DH, and nurses etc. stupid, I know, just can't do it.</p> <p>Move to Ireland, nobody will notice the bottle! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant/page/2#post-195848 Wed, 20 Jun 2012 00:40:57 +0000 loveisstrange 195848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blushink: That article is amazing. I shared it with a couple friends. :) Thank you so much.</p> <p>@dookie32: Okay... the thing about this post is that this is a rant. Which means it is my personal feelings about my own personal situation. This is what happened to me and this is how I feel about it. I wanted to breastfeed and not being able to was extremely hard on me. It has nothing to do with anyone but me. I am pro-feeding, means as long as you are feeding your kid... I don't care what you're feeding them. My whole post is about being pissed off about judgement... why would I judge anyone else? I'm sorry if it came off that way because it was not my intention.</p> <p>@skibobrown: That's exactly how I feel. I feel like I need to apologize for having that container of formula in my diaper bag... which is ridiculous, I know, but I definitely still feel that way. I so badly wanted to EBF too.</p> <p>As for the rest of you ladies, thank you so much for all of your words and stories. I really appreciate your support. This is why I love HB. You guys are amazing. :) I reached out in a local Mom group for women who live on the bases here and I got a really amazing response. We're going to start our own support group on the base. :) We have collected 12 women so far and that's just in the few hours since we put the facebook group together last night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant/page/2#post-195834 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 23:34:15 +0000 skibobrown 195834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you're feeling so unsupported, and I definitely understand what you're saying. I was not able to exclusively breastfeed b/c my supply never increased beyond 1 oz per feeding. I tried everything -- lactation consultants, pumping, supplemental nursing systems -- but nothing worked to increase my supply. So I've been supplementing (heavily) with formula since my daughter was 3 days old. When I go back to work next week I'm finally going to switch my daughter over to being exclusively formula fed b/c it just doesn't make sense for me to go to all of the trouble of pumping when I produce such a small amount of milk. </p> <p>The first time I fed my daughter a bottle of formula I was so overwhelmed b/c I knew almost nothing about formula. We had some on hand at home "just in case", but I never in a million years thought I would have to use it since everyone always told me that any woman who really wanted to should be able to EBF. </p> <p>Every time I whip out a bottle of formula in public I still feel like I need to apologize and explain that I did not choose to formula feed. I wanted so badly to EBF, and it still makes me very sad that I wasn't able to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant/page/2#post-195802 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 22:14:17 +0000 dookie32 195802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you necessarily meant for it to come off this way, but as a FF mom I take offense to the statement "I'm sorry I didn't choose to feed my child formula". Well, some of us do and I'm not sure that you realize when you make a statement like that how condescending it is towards moms that are FFing by choice and not out of necessity. There are a lot of reasons that people FF other than because they can't BF. What if you don't enjoy BFing or it doesn't work for your family situation or you plain and simple just don't want to do it? It feels like you are implying that if you are FFing by default you should get some kind of gold star or extra Mom credit. I don't know- that's the way I took it. I feel like we've created a culture now where it's not acceptable to say "BFing is not for me". There has to be a justification for it and it's ridiculous. Whatever makes you and your baby happy is the best thing.</p> <p>I'm not trying to stir things up. I just think that if you want everyone to be supportive of FFing you should be supportive yourself of all women that FF, no matter what the reason is. If you aren't than I think it's just as bad as the "militant BFing Nazis" who shove the "breast is best" down everyone's throats. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant/page/2#post-195383 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 15:42:10 +0000 Mrs. Tricycle 195383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Kudos for a great rant! With 40+ comments, it's obvious that you've got some serious support. I know nothing about the topic, so no advice to deliver, but I think you've brought up something important. Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant/page/2#post-195379 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 15:40:12 +0000 lemondrop 195379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs to you! You have a very valid point that all moms need support, not just those struggling with breastfeeding. I hate that everyone has to feel so defensive about their choice in how to feed their baby. </p> <p>I started thinking about this on Saturday- I was having lunch with my best mommy friend with our sons. They start fussing as soon as our food comes, so we both whip out our big Avent bottles and start feeding them. We had a woman come up to us and say that breastfeeding is better for our babies along with a nasty comment about them being so chubby. </p> <p>What the stupid woman didn't realize was that these boys are similar sizes, simlar ages, and one was drinking formula and one was drinking pumped breastmilk. It is nobody's business what is inside those bottles, there is nothing wrong with either liquid. It brought on a whole new round of guilt for my poor friend who was physically unable to breastfeed, and who already got a bunch of flack from her parents about it. </p> <p>Formula saved us those first few crazy weeks when I wasn't making enough milk, the only thing I have against formula is that it is so darn expensive!! Formula is liquid gold too. I always save those formula coupons that I get in the mail and coupons I clip and pass them along to my friend. </p> <p>I'm sorry that we don't usually think about the struggles you are going through, you are doing a great job, and as you can see the posts above, we all support you too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant/page/2#post-195334 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 15:05:34 +0000 GrapeCrush 195334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>hugs!<br /> you are doing what is best for your baby and your situation. everyones situation is different, and no one should look down on anyone for the decisions they make.<br /> DS has been exclusively formula fed since he was 2 weeks old. i tried to BF and DS and i just weren't getting the hang of it. the 2nd night he was home he was crying and crying and it was making it so hard to try and feed him that i started crying. for the sanity of the entire house, we gave him a bottle. i tried pumping, but to be honest, it just wasn't for me. i knew what everyone says, but in the end, all that mattered was what was best for us.<br /> i had my pp visit last wednesday and my doctor asked if DS was breastfeeding ok(i had problems in the hospital, one nurse even got really snippy with me when i said i wanted DS to get a bottle in the nursery during the nights) and when i told him i got a little upset because i figured id get a discouraging look, but he was really good about it. he said 'don't be shy about it, sometimes it just doesn't work out the way you want it to and that's nothing to be ashamed of' made me feel much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant/page/2#post-195294 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 14:39:54 +0000 Honeybee 195294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: True dat!</p> <p>Anytime you need someone to talk to, I am right here. I also had a really tramatic experience with breastfeeding my daughter, so much so that I didn't even try to breastfeed my son; I went straight to the bottle. I've gotten all the comments from strangers, friends, and family, but to be perfectly honest, formula feeding is working for my family and I'm very upfront about telling people that. Let people talk; they don't get to make the decisions about my children.</p> <p>You've done nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about; you're doing a fantastic job taking care of little C, especially with all the extra complications you went through. Keep your chin up, my friend; you're an awesome mom! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant/page/2#post-195117 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 12:52:35 +0000 Jumpingjacks 195117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry to hear people have treated you this way. I'm not a mom yet (9 weeks pg), but I have often heard the same comments you've mentioned being made about non-breastfeeding women by other women and I want to tell you that I stood up for the non-breast feeding women. There are a million reasons why women can not breast feed (whether they originally wanted to or not) or why they made the decision not to. You deserve support and you have mine.</p> <p>My brother, as an infant, was allergic to breast milk and could have died from it. I have cousin that was adopted, yet his mom would be judged in the mall when she used a bottle w/ formula. Frankly, my SIL was judged when seen feeding baby from a bottle that was filled with BREAST MILK.</p> <p>The people making those remarks to you are ignorant jerks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant/page/2#post-195101 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 12:45:34 +0000 ladyfingers 195101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you're feeling this way :( I was adopted and formula fed, and I think I'm fine, lol. I just found out that a couple of my friends chose to stop breastfeeding because it was too difficult in the beginning. And I don't think any less of them. </p> <p>Actually, I'm kind of scared now that I'm going to have mean LCs and stupid doctors who tell me to just keep trying... I definitely want to BF, but I'm sort of terrified about not being able to after hearing everybody talk about how much they're judged and persecuted for not being able to. I can't imagine being watching somebody in public and timing how often they feed their infants just so they can judge. People are terrible! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-195072 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 12:24:44 +0000 aMohror 195072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wasn't breastfed because my mom was so busy working and my grandma was the same way, they just didn't have the time to breastfeed and we all turned out just fine! I have had multiple friends who were unable to breastfeed and that's that! If you aren't able to or you just don't want to nobody should judge you, it's YOUR baby and YOUR choice! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-195063 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 12:19:18 +0000 MrsMccarthy 195063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>sending you lots of love and support honey! I truly feel for anyone in your situation. i think every woman should want or try to breastfeed but dagnabit no woman should be made to feel bad if her circumstances just wont allow it. I know my friends daughter and my husband are both very healthy formula babies. it may not be as good as breast milk but it seems plenty good for good health when done with care and a good diet. Bravo Mama!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-195062 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 12:16:28 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 195062@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm here and bottle feeding with you! I feel like @Honeybee and I have created our very own support group right here.</p> <p>The worst is when you whip out a bottle in public and all these moms give you dirty looks! Of course if you whip out the boob in public you get dirty looks too!</p> <p>As my dad always says, "You can't win for losing"! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-195059 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 12:11:54 +0000 Mrsbells 195059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry that you had this experience. my hospital wasnt judgy at all. My baby was formula fed in the beginning and they were very supportive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-195038 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 12:01:01 +0000 plaidpants 195038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blushink: Yes! That article in The Atlantic is great. I was actually just thinking about posting a link to it but you beat me to it! </p> <p>I had been thinking about switching to formula a couple months ago and I found that article so empowering. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194940 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 10:37:41 +0000 littlebug 194940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm just 10 weeks pregnant, so I can't offer a whole lot of advice or anything, but I just wanted to offer up some virtual hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194920 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 10:17:37 +0000 MsMamaBear 194920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Amen! I tried and tried with my LO, to the point of pumping an entire month, missing time with her trying to make milk come, wasting time I could have spent with her, hearing my SO say maybe I was doing something wrong (not in a horrible way, but post birth, hormones are raging) and then the people in life with the I breastfedSO easy. Argh.</p> <p>Ironically, the lactation consultant was very nice.LOL Didn't expect that.</p> <p>My LO is 9 months now and formula fed and happy. And she has definitely bonded with me! Don't let anyone make you feel like less of a mom. Most of our generation was formula fed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194917 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 10:15:56 +0000 DillonLion 194917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry that you don't feel like you have been getting the support you need and deserve during this time. Hopefully some PP have given you some new avenues to try. </p> <p>I was a formula fed baby because my mom was sick with extreme PPD for the entire first year of my life. I've always been healthy as a horse. No illness/disease/broken bones/etc. There are plenty of people who wind up being totally healthy, happy people, and they were exclusively formula fed. I'm one of them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194908 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 10:09:01 +0000 Crisark 194908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh honey!!!<br /> My LO's aren't really "little" anymore. But, let me tell you, when I wasn't able to breastfeed my first one it was like I had committed a sin.<br /> I had preclampsia and was on so much meds that I couldn't BF. I didn't "choose" to formula feed initially.<br /> With my second one, I DID choose to Formula Feed.<br /> I never had any desire to BF really. I just didn't. It wasn't "natural" to me.<br /> Let me tell you one thing for certain though, my children are not any less healthy or intelligent because they were FF. They weren't sick more, they weren't behind on milestones. Hell my youngest is gifted. The one we are currently TTC will be FF because I want to. Simple as that.<br /> Do NOT allow anyone to tell you what you are doing is wrong. You are a great mother and FF doesn't change that.<br /> If you want/need to talk please feel free to message me. I'd be glad to help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194875 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 09:49:04 +0000 mediagirl 194875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@zippylef: my husband was bottle fed. He had absolutely no health problems as a child. I'm sorry you don't feel like you get support. I hope it gets easier for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194866 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 09:44:12 +0000 Andrea 194866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@zippylef: I'm sorry that you've have such judgment thrown at you. I had the same experience with an infection (they found no placenta remnants though) and I had to be rushed to the ER, too. This put a huge, unforeseen hurdle in my plans to breastfeed as well. Breastfeeding is hard enough without such a massive health complication pp dontcha think? Anyway, I definitely want to offer you my support and some perspective from someone who now has a 2 year old that was fed a lot of formula. It was very devastating to stop breastfeeding my infant but now I don't even sweat it because she is 2 and I have seen that she is HEALTHY, HAPPY, and SO SMART!!! </p> <p>You're doing a great job and try to ignore the haters. Contact me anytime if you want someone to talk to!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194860 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 09:40:45 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 194860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@zippylef: I agree that it's horrible. When I wanted to stop (BF) because I was starting to feel resentful towards DH people looked at me and couldn't believe I would voluntary stops. </p> <p>You should read this article... it helped me accept my choice to formula feed... </p> <p><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/1/" rel="nofollow">http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/1/</a></p> <p>xox hugs </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194848 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 09:28:52 +0000 owlmom 194848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The pressure to breastfeed is so overwhelming. When we had to supplement with formula because my baby wasn't gaining weight, I was devastated. Sobbing. Ridiculous. Why did I feel bad about giving my baby the nourishment she needed? Because it didn't come out of my boob? Fortunately, my mom and my SIL, who both formula fed their children, talked some sense into me and were so supportive. You're right - we make ourselves feel bad enough about using formula that we certainly don't need anyone else giving us a hard time about it, and having someone to cheer you on with a newborn is so important regardless of what the baby eats. You're doing a great job! Your baby is healthy and growing. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about doing what is best for your baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194809 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 08:50:53 +0000 Alivoo01 194809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@zippylef: I don't have any LO's yet, but I know you are doing the best you can and you know what's best for your LO. I know it's frustrating learning the ropes of parenthood, and I'm sorry you're not receiving the support you need! As other poster's mentioned, maybe starting a thread to help provide a place for people who are in a similar situation as you?</p> <p>A friend of mine's newborn is allergic to her breastmilk and has solely been formula fed. He's a thriving little boy and has all those cute little baby fat rolls! All my siblings and cousins, myself included, were raised on formula. Zero breastmilk. So growing up and until a few years ago, I thought formula was the way to go on feeding a baby. Never knew about breastmilk! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194807 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 08:48:47 +0000 purrpletulips 194807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@zippylef: yep it was back in February, I think </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194805 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 08:48:07 +0000 Rubies 194805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@zippylef: Yeah, yeah, no worries - I totally knew you didn't mean anything terrible. I really can imagine how rough it could be. I REALLY hope you find in-person support!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194803 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 08:45:01 +0000 loveisstrange 194803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@purrpletulips: Really? I didn't realize one of the bloggers had written about it. I will have to look it up. Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/where-is-the-support-for-me-rant#post-194801 Tue, 19 Jun 2012 08:44:18 +0000 loveisstrange 194801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rubies: I'm sorry if that came off as harsh. The group here really does fit that term, they're pretty awful. I did not at all mean that all women who are advocates for breastfeeding are like that. I apologize for poor word choice. I also realize that that is the reason there is so much support for BFing... that's not really what this post was about. This post is about the unequal amount of support when there is clearly a need on the other side of the fence. Unfortunately... military health care kind of sucks in follow up. I only mattered to them up until 6 weeks postpartum and now I don't exist to them anymore. </p>