https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 15 May 2026 20:38:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2486238 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 11:49:53 +0000 Kbee 2486238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted overbearing, as much as it hurts. My ILs are the definition of overbearing. Prime example: when my DS was 4 months old we visited my ILs, SIL, and BIL the weekend following the first week that DS was in daycare (i.e. it had been a hard week for me). My FIL said multiple times that I was not allowed to hold my DS because I saw him all the time. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it. However, my DS loves spending time with them and I know they will be very loving grandparents. My parents are not in either category, they respect us being our own family, but also love DS to pieces and love spending time with him. I'm more inclined to send pictures, invite them to visit, etc. because they don't give us guilt trips like ILs do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2486233 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 11:44:20 +0000 NovBaby1112 2486233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Overbearing for sure! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2486228 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 11:38:24 +0000 jetsa 2486228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Overbearing. I want my kids to love they're grandparents the way I loved mine and that means time with them without us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2486224 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 11:33:25 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2486224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: my overbearing MIL does similar stuff. And if we have vague plans to see her anytime that day she shows up any time. Sometimes she shows up hours early. And because of when I was sick (about a year ago now) and she was helping us she has a key. I've come home to her in my place quite a few times. It can be a lot but she also brings dinner a lot, so that's nice. I'm glad she cares but sometimes I wouldn't mind her caring a bit less, lol. Plus some of it she does I'm pretty sure because she wants our kids to have something done her way not ours. Luckily dh has gotten pretty good about setting better boundaries! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2486214 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 11:22:11 +0000 Adira 2486214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hands off! Stay out of my business! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2486200 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 10:59:49 +0000 rachiecakes 2486200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Overbearing. Our parents have never babysit, they don't come out to visit us ever (once after he was born...he's 4 now), even when we ask or desperately need someone. They've cancelled on attending birthday parties and in the rare chance they do attend they make a big deal of getting there/getting home and make it all about that. It's stressful and makes me a little sad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2486141 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 10:03:00 +0000 csross217 2486141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm pretty sure I would choose overbearing! I *think* we'll have a set of each... So far, my mother has been very hands-on and helpful, and she's good about not giving advice unless I ask. DH's parents, on the other hand, are very hands-off and always have been. It's really stressful for him that they'd rather not be involved, and there have even been a few times recently that they've said very hurtful things to him (the latest was "we're not rearranging our lives or schedule for you" when asking if they'd like to stop by and see the nursery). I guess we'll see if things change in May when baby girl arrives! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2485742 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 18:06:59 +0000 erinpye 2485742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Having had experience with hands-off, I'd choose overbearing for sure. Being uninvolved is very hurtful. Luckily they've come around in the last year and are the right balance of involved. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2485715 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 16:39:19 +0000 SweetiePie 2485715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My inlaws are here. Again, I confirm, hands off. 😂<br /> They are constantly in his face and pulling him in for a hug and he is squirming and I just can't even. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2485708 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 16:23:44 +0000 looch 2485708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Overbearing. I had hands off grandparents and truth be told, I missed what I didn't have because a lot of kids around me had grandparents and I knew what I was missing...hello grandparents day. I never had anyone to bring. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2485537 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 09:16:17 +0000 Happygal 2485537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hands off all the way. I've always been independent and private, so that works best for my personality. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2485533 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 09:02:01 +0000 skipra 2485533@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The hands off grandparents sound like a dream. Your description is way more involved than my in-laws. I wish they showed enough interest to stop by for even important events. They barely even show for our los' bdays. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2485518 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 07:59:25 +0000 SweetiePie 2485518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alphagam84: exactly, I would be much more inclined to send my MIL pictures and stuff if she wasn't so obsessed. I know that sending her pictures will just open a whole new can of worms for me.<br /> We have an agreement - I send my fam pictures and my husband is responsible for sending his fam pictures. That way I (mostly) don't have to deal with them asking all kinds of questions and requesting pics anymore. I got so sick of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2485482 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 03:02:57 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2485482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hands off. I can't handle overbearing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2485481 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 02:59:54 +0000 Cherrybee 2485481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My inlaws are overbearing by your description. In fact, they're a little more intense than your example - they have a key to our house and pop over when we are out to *help with something*. I come home to dishes in my sink. My MIL tried to call us three times in an hr a few Saturdays ago and, when she couldn't get us (we were out having breakfast), she decided we had died of carbon monoxide poisoning, turned up at the house and then started knocking neighbours doors to see if anyone had seen us. We have to keep them in the loop with every tiny thing we do. Its really suffocating. But the trade off is they're always there to help and they genuinely care about us and E. </p> <p>My mum is much worse than your example, in that she wont babysit at all, but its really the disinterest that bothers me. She likes to have pictures of her granddaughter smiling, but doesn't want much to do with the reality. </p> <p>Id pick the overbearing ones in a heartbeat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2485451 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 00:36:29 +0000 lemondrop 2485451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely overbearing. The kiddos adore their grandparents and I want to keep that relationship as happy as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2485409 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 22:46:24 +0000 catomd00 2485409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm it depends. Overbearing is preferable assuming they respect your decisions. If they don't, then forget it I'll take hands off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2485393 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 22:03:36 +0000 alphagam84 2485393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: You sound exactly like me! My IL's are nearby and super overbearing but they also offer terrible unsolicited advice. My parents live out of state and are great at not bothering us-although we all text almost daily and I send them pictures of her (unsolicited). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents/page/2#post-2485115 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 12:10:00 +0000 loveisstrange 2485115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, C only has one set of grandparents as my DH's parents both passed away before I got pregnant... so overbearing. </p> <p>My parents are very involved, babysit all the time, and bought a house 5 blocks from us. They were the kind of parents that came to every school event, concert, play, etc when I was a kid, and they're already doing that with C too. My mom borderlines overbearing sometimes, but mostly they are pretty chill. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents#post-2485038 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 08:51:48 +0000 Pollywog 2485038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Overbearing. I like the advice (you never know when it will help) and love that LO will know his grandparents. An extra set of hands is always helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents#post-2485018 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 08:14:18 +0000 yin 2485018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Overbearing. I have a set of each, and overbearing wins. They are loving and want to be part of our LOs' lives. It's really sweet. The thing about overbearing grandparents is that they can tone it down over time. They just genuinely want to help and be involved. To me it's better than grandparents who take a hands off approach. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents#post-2484991 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 07:32:57 +0000 petunia354 2484991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a set of each and would vastly prefer the overbearing set. Granted, they are my parents so I'm probably biased. But it sucks to know that DHs parents don't give a flying f*ck about our life and DS. Super depressing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents#post-2484988 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 07:07:01 +0000 magnolia 2484988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I vote overbearing as my parents are busy and self absorbed. They don't do babysitting and I cant rely on them to help. My cousins and friends whose parents stayed at house when baby was born and babysit all the time make me jealous. I Will give my dad some credit That he helped me financially when I lost my job and had a newborn. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents#post-2484962 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 03:25:03 +0000 misolee 2484962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Overbearing! </p> <p>Both of ours are neither and are a good blend so I'm thankful. My parents live closer and could be a tad bit overbearing but I don't let it get to me when advice is given. my LOs have great relationship with my parents and the love they receive is incomparable. I can always count on them for anything. Inlaws are in another country so the situation is a little diff. </p> <p>I have a friend whose Inlaws live 15 min away and are so hands off that she gets really hurt. She has to force them to come see her children and even when she asks for help, the Inlaws act like its the biggest inconvenience in the world. For example, one of her children fell, needed stitches, and she has to rush to emergency room. She called her mil to watch her other kids bc husband was out of town. Mil told her no bc she had a tennis match. :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents#post-2484956 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 02:15:33 +0000 lamariniere 2484956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hands off. </p> <p>But growing up, neither set of grandparents were involved in my life. In our current situation, both sets live far away. So that's all I know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents#post-2484827 Fri, 04 Mar 2016 20:12:42 +0000 mrsjyw 2484827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Overbearing! for the sake of my babies. Even though, my patience would run out quick; I want their grandparents to be an active part of their lives! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents#post-2484821 Fri, 04 Mar 2016 19:57:32 +0000 babybysurprise 2484821@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My inlaws are definally in the overbearing category but I wouldn't change it for the world. True, the unsolicited advice is somewhat annoying but whatever. It gives my husband and I something to laugh about. I love watching them with her and her with them. They absolutely enjoy her. I know that that relationship with them is something she will always have as she grows. They pick her up for daycare every Friday afternoon just to spend time with her. It fantastic! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents#post-2484819 Fri, 04 Mar 2016 19:56:10 +0000 gentlelunette 2484819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mother-in-law is borderline overbearing and it can really be a sore spot sometimes. My mom is the perfect balance, but I think that's because she's just my mom. That said, I'd rather slightly overbearing grandparents than grandparents that don't seem to care at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents#post-2484805 Fri, 04 Mar 2016 19:39:34 +0000 jmarionsmith 2484805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/which-would-you-choose-overbearing-or-hands-off-grandparents#post-2484799 Fri, 04 Mar 2016 19:23:25 +0000 BSB 2484799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: I'm an introvert, too, and reading the description of an overbearing parents is so stressful. I would prefer to have absent grandparents than a grand parents that are always questioning, undermining and arguing with the parents. My twins are well loved by us, aunts, uncles and friends (and of course my inlaws and parents from afar). </p> <p>I did also grow up without both sets of grandparents. One was across the world and never met my grandmother until I was 30.</p> <p>Oh, I'll also add that we are across the country from both families.</p> <p>Family is great but it's not required. </p>