https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 15:52:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whine-fest-going-on-today#post-267645 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 11:36:38 +0000 MrsBrewer 267645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: We did talk about this from early on in our relationship, all the way through marriage counseling with our pastor. We both want the "traditional" lifestyle, but realistically isn't not doable right now</p> <p>I know that I should look at what he does too, but honestly, it's truthfully not much. We have discussed him taking over finances. He has yet to do so, I still pay all our bills. He does mow, but I do all other yard work (weeding, trimming bushes, fertilizing) and he's supposed to take out the trash, but I would say I do 50% of the time. So to be brutally honest, not much :-/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whine-fest-going-on-today#post-267638 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 11:29:09 +0000 MsLipGloss 267638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBrewer: I hope this comes out the right way . . . Have you expressed your wish to have a more *traditional* arrangement to your DH? If that concept was not something the two of you discussed, then part of your frustration could be due to your current situation not living up to your personal expectations. If you haven't discussed it, or your desire for that kind of arrangement, it would be unfair to hold your DH to a *standard* that he was not aware existed. It may also be helpful for you to take inventory of what he does take care of, i.e., whether it's garbage, vehicle/house maintenance, yard work, finances, etc., whatever it is that he does. Sometimes we get so caught up with what we're doing, it's easy to miss other things that others are doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whine-fest-going-on-today#post-267534 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 09:58:30 +0000 MrsBrewer 267534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Thehistoryofus: Same with us too. Both of our mom's were SAHM so I guess that's just what I expected I would do when the time comes. But as of right now, that won't be at all possible. Plus like your DH, mine wouldn't be cut out for the SAHD role either. I think he would try, but I think he would get way to overwhelmed and stressed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whine-fest-going-on-today#post-267530 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 09:51:28 +0000 T.H.O.U. 267530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBrewer: Its good that you are addressing some of this now because it does only get worse. </p> <p>I also understand your feelings about being a SAHM. We both were raised with a parent at home, but its not possible for me right now. We could possible look into him being a SAHD, but honestly, I'm not sure he would be cut out to do all the housework and family management stuff that comes with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whine-fest-going-on-today#post-267524 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 09:39:15 +0000 MrsBrewer 267524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Thehistoryofus: That's an excellent idea! </p> <p>I admire all of you ladies soooo much. I feel like such a wimp, because I'm complaining about housework and it's only DH, me, and the cats. I don't even have a little one to worry about and take care of yet! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whine-fest-going-on-today#post-267518 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 09:35:56 +0000 T.H.O.U. 267518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry, I know what you mean about housework. It often feels like I do SOOO much that he doesn't see. Things like the baby's laundry (which is a pain to fold), and getting her up and dressed in the mornings (which is a pain). It helps if I take time to stop and think about the things that he does do. Things like take out the trash, mow the lawn, cook dinner, etc. </p> <p>When I start to get really frustrated, I will just say, I'm getting really overwhelmed with doing xyz, and something has to give. Do you think I could do the dishes for a while and you give baby a bath (swap jobs). Sometimes it helps sometimes not. If anything it gives us a different perspective on the work that the other one does without either of us feeling like we are taking on more tasks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whine-fest-going-on-today#post-267510 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 09:28:48 +0000 MrsBrewer 267510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@purrpletulips: Yes! I'm in the same boat with all of the "extra activities" as well. I'm jealous! I can't do that, when I'm not working, or studying, I'm cleaning and cooking! Plus if I want to go out with friends or anything I always feel guilty if I spend any money, since we are doing everything in our will to save and not spend. On the other hand he spends it whenever he wants.</p> <p>@sloaneandpuffy: I mean my 2nd job is very mindless, and I work with my best friend, and we chat most of the time. So it's rather enjoyable, but then again I'm not spending time with DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whine-fest-going-on-today#post-267502 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 09:24:23 +0000 purrpletulips 267502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>HUGS! I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate as I tend to take the same approach as you, it is easier to do it myself than to deal with his grief when helping but then I will periodically explode about his not helping enough. I am often fueled by all the "extra" activities he does (like going biking twice a week) and the fact that I get absolutely no time for myself because someone has to take care of DD and maintain the house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whine-fest-going-on-today#post-267496 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 09:18:31 +0000 mamimami 267496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry you are going through this. I don't have much insight to share but it does sound like you're not having much time together if you both work 1.5 jobs!</p> <p>If your second job is causing you resentment, it might not be worth it. In my opinion decisions like that need to be made 100% of your free will and not out of any sense of obligation. Don't try to sacrifice or be a martyr for your family -- if you WANT another job because you WANT to help more with expenses, that is a different frame of mind! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whine-fest-going-on-today#post-267486 Thu, 23 Aug 2012 09:11:46 +0000 MrsBrewer 267486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I don’t know who else to turn to. I don’t want to confide in my mom anymore, I feel like I complain to her enough (and I don’t want her to think there is anything wrong with our marriage) I don’t want to confide in my best friend, because again I don’t want her to think there is anything wrong. So I turn to the wonderful hellobee crowd!</p> <p>Let me start by saying that I love my husband deeply, and he loves me. But deep down I think I am holding resentment/grudge against him. I feel like I am just working my ass off lately (working full time, took on a part time job, and I am now taking 1 class, along with all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc) Now don’t get me wrong if I beg and plead with him, he will help me, but he does it in a very pissed off fashion. And it just causes there to be a bad mood in the air. So rather than keep asking/nagging him to help with anything around the house I just do it. To keep peace. Probably not the right way to do things, but I don’t know any other way.</p> <p>I feel resentment at him I think because I have to take on the 2nd job. He also works full time and has a part time job. We are making it by with just our full time jobs, but with us both working the 2nd jobs, we are able to put a little in savings each month along with making extra payments on our student loans/mortgage. I know this is a really silly way of looking at things, but in my eyes I would love to be the old traditional family, husband works, brings in the majority of the money, wife works maybe a part time job, but maintains the house, cooks, cleans. I would LOVE that. It’s just not feasible for us, DH doesn’t have his college degree, and he’s pretty much stuck in a low paying position.</p> <p>I seriously wonder sometimes if I’m depressed. I don’t know what the signs even are. I know the my moods go hot-cold in an instant. So I guess I’m just posting on here to let it out in the air, and to get it off my chest because it feels a little better that way! Thanks! </p>