https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 05:56:20 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2672507 Sat, 31 Dec 2016 17:44:24 +0000 Corduroy 2672507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted we don't know. We picked my brother &amp; SIL before for a lot of reasons. Now he's getting a divorce and there's no way he'd want additional kids. Back to square one. DH's kid sister is four years older now than when we last considered our options. Maybe her. We probably won't decide and hope for the best. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2672475 Sat, 31 Dec 2016 14:52:18 +0000 Jess1483 2672475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents right now. We have 5 siblings between us, but there's only one we'd consider as a guardian (we are guardians for their children.) None of the others are options. My boys know my parents very well, and they know and follow our parenting wishes when they have them. They live where we do, so there wouldn't be other major life changes to contend with. If we get to the point before the boys are 18 that we feel they are no longer the right choice due to age or whatever, we'll switch to SIL and her husband. But my parents are only early 60's and incredibly active, so we'll use them for now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2672463 Sat, 31 Dec 2016 14:21:44 +0000 GardenFloral 2672463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I were just asked to be godparents/guardians for DH's "little sister" and BIL who just had her baby this week. She's actually his aunt's god-daughter, who raised her after her own parents passed, and they are very close. She's very much his sister, more so than his actual older sister. She has no family suitable for raising her child, and while her DH has two siblings both with kids their parenting styles and how they life just don't match up. </p> <p>DH and I are TTC and this is a topic we struggle with. While my parents are young enough, it wouldn't be ideal. DH's parents are smokers and that is 100% a "no" for me. My brother/SIL are CFBC and while I know they'd take my child (my brother always wanted kids before marrying her) obviously it's not what I'd want for my child. DH's sister in her 40's and unmarried w/ no kids after every long-term relationship goes south. She does had a boyfriend now who is great and had 3 kids - but honestly she would not raise our kids how we would want them raised. </p> <p>I think more than likely we'd end up reciprocating with DH's little sister &amp; BIL. While she's a bit more hippy-dippy than we like, they live the most similar lifestyle with how we'd want our kids raised. The backup would be our close friends who currently have 1 kid and envision a big family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671537 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 17:21:31 +0000 JennyD 2671537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brother and his wife are our back up parents. They're 10 years older than us and childless. But they are financially responsible and they have similar values to ours. her life would be very similar to how it is now. She would continue to be the only child, her guardians would both be highly educated and working full time, and she would continue to spend a lot of time outdoors. </p> <p>It's interesting to me how people are saying they may change their minds on guardians as time goes on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671532 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 17:11:55 +0000 youboots 2671532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My cousin. She's about 10 years old. They are very religious and have a stable home and 5 kids. We are also in business together so our fortunes are tied. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671498 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 16:10:11 +0000 SweetCaroline 2671498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We choose friends despite having 3 siblings between us. Only one of them is married and it is not a relationship or household we want our child raised in.</p> <p>There is potential that one of the siblings could do it later in life but we felt that it would be an unfair imposition on his current lifestyle (aka utterly and completely rock his world). The people we chose would manage our estate wisely, raise our child very similarly and maintain ties with our family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671493 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 15:54:24 +0000 JCCovi 2671493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Right now my parents are listed as #1. They are still in their 40s so we think they are viable candidates for another at least 10 years.</p> <p>If they are gone my brother and sister in law are listed. They don't have children yet so if it were to happen soon it would be a major life adjustment.</p> <p>My dad hates if we talk about it, even though he knows it's in our will. He just says 'don't die!' </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671482 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 15:18:33 +0000 LCTBQE 2671482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have lots of siblings between us, but my brother and SIL are our backup guardians, and we are for their kids, too. Similarly stable marriage/household, same spiritual beliefs (none), they live in my home city, and I really admire their parenting style. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671480 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 15:12:06 +0000 looch 2671480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are currently named as guardians. We were advised to do it based on if it we were to pass at this very moment. It can always be changed later and to account for our living location.</p> <p>The executor of our estate is not the same as the guardians. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671473 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 14:49:16 +0000 LuLu Mom 2671473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Originally we had discussed DH's Bro and SIL but we recently decided to switch it to my Sis and BIL. She's been their primary daycare provider this last couple months and live in the same school district as us. She has 3 kids of her own, but she's the type who was born to be with a ton of kids. Our parenting styles are similar, she's a little more of a helicopter than I am, but she's gotten better as her kids have gotten older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671459 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 14:08:29 +0000 Truth Bombs 2671459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids would go to my brother and SIL. They have two children and parent very similarly to us. They also have the financial ability to take on two more kids (on top of the significant estate we would leave behind). My SIL and her husband are great parents, but they are low on funds and honestly I wouldn't feel comfortable with them having to support our two kids or manage the estate we'll leave behind. Also, I really don't care for my in-laws and I know if my kids went to my SIL they would spend TONS of time over at my inlaws. My Brother and SIL aren't close geographically, but my kids have a great relationship with them and with their kids so they would adjust. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671457 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 14:03:19 +0000 Mae 2671457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents. They are in good health and spend the most time with our daughter. Plus we don't really have anyone else. I like my MIL but not her husband, and would not be okay with LO being raised in his home. My SIL is a single mom and has her hands more than full already. My brother is great but I despise his wife's family and they are too entwined in his life to allow our daughter to be raised there. If my SIL ended up getting married/getting less overwhelmed I think she's probably the most likely backup for my parents. Or if my brother had a kid and I saw that they were able to keep his wife's family's crazy away from their kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671451 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 13:49:29 +0000 snowjewelz 2671451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Most likely my SIL as they have 2 similar age kids and are well off.. But we haven't finalized anything or even talked to them about it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671432 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 13:36:22 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2671432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1) Age of guardians- 28<br /> 2) Location of guardians- several states away/ dif time zone<br /> 3) Values / Family lifestyle- ambitious, hardworking, independent, busy<br /> 4) Capability of parenting- he would figure it out<br /> 5) Family size of guardians- single<br /> 6) Your kid(s) knowing the guardians well enough- besides us LO doesn't know anyone else very well. We would definitely have to foster the relationship over the years.</p> <p>We picked my BIL. If both of us passed away LO going to him would be like LO being raised by DH by himself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671430 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 13:34:19 +0000 Mrs. Washi Tape 2671430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was a really tough choice for us. We didn't choose either set of grandparents. Age was a major factor - I don't think either set is ready to start over raising kids right now. We have 9 siblings between us, but none are close to appropriate due to age or lifestyle choices. For now we have chosen a couple we are close friends with. They have similar values to us and are fantastic with kids. As some of our siblings get older, we may ammendment our choice in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671421 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 13:20:48 +0000 PinkElephant 2671421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My older sister and her husband. They adore our girls, and have successfully raised two wonderfully smart, kind, and grounded teenage daughters. They don't live near us, but do live very close to my parents, so they'd have help. We discussed the guardianship with them before writing it into our will (and probably need to revisit it now that we've had a third child, but I can't see it being an issue); they were flattered to have been asked and gave us an unwaivering YES that they would take the girls if tragedy struck our family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671419 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 13:04:07 +0000 Cole 2671419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My bil and sil are our pick. I have three siblings so I always assumed we'd pick one of them but none are a good choice and I know my one sister in particular will be very hurt by the decision but she won't raise my daughter the way I want and I don't love her partner. I also think my mom will be hurt we picked his family but I'll be dead so that's her problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671414 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:53:21 +0000 Astro Bee 2671414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have asked my parents, and will be detailing our wishes in our estate plan in the new year. Our second choice would be DH's brother and his wife, only due to my amazing SIL, who is great with kids and really responsible; they work in the restaurant industry and work so many crazy hours, though, so they aren't our first choice. I guess then my brother, and lastly DH's parents. I've posted a lot about them over the past couple of years, and DH and I agreed before DS was born that they wouldn't make good guardians. </p> <p>Our choice is based on the financial situation of all parties (we will be leaving a lot of investments behind, but want to make sure that they are managed wisely for our kids and not squandered on drugs). Then there is the healthy and safe lifestyle aspect. My parents are amazing and very warm and generous with their time and love. My mom does have some health problems but my dad had better health than all grandparents and siblings put together. Lol. They are also the most involved, despite living the furthest away, and can be counted upon to raise our kids as we would. The exception being that they would bring them to church weekly. DH and I are both atheists, but I was raised Catholic, and my parents and hometown community aren't pushy with their faith, more about promoting good values. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671406 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:44:00 +0000 JenGirl 2671406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband's twin brother and his wife are our designated guardians, should something happen to us. Even though they lives several hours away, my husband and his brother are incredibly close and I get along with my SIL very well. They don't have kids, so I'm not exactly sure how they would parents, but I imagine it would be similar. They're both good, kind, loving, responsible people, so I think it would be fine. They both have good jobs and we both have life insurance, so I think they could handle it financially. It's actually kind of perfect, right now, because they both say they're interested in having kids but my SIL is kind of terrified of pregnancy/child birth. </p> <p>Also, my husband and I are the designated guardians for my best fried's kids. When they asked, we did talk it through, but it really wasn't a question if we would do it. She's like a sister to me. And she doesn't have any siblings/parents that would be appropriate to be guardians. We see them pretty frequently, so the kids know us. And we've got pretty similar parenting styles and values. We watched their first when their second was born and we've watched them both for a long weekend when my friend and her husband have taken a mini-adults-only-vacation. We realize that it would be a big shift to inherit two more kids (we'd need a new house, potentially move cities). We'd have to make some lifestyle changes, but we could afford it. And I really love the kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671405 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:43:41 +0000 catgirl 2671405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Currently it's my mother (and her husband). It's not ideal due to age but we feel it is the best choice for now. DH's mom/stepdad parent so differently from us. His brother is a mess who we would never trust. His step siblings are each married with a child but we disagree with how they parent - one of them we may reconsider when DD is older, though. I don't have a relationship with my stepmom so she and my dad wouldn't work. Both of my sisters are in high school. My closest friends are not in a position to take care of children right now for various reasons. So my mom it is. I think in the next 5-10 years it will evolve a few times to one of my friends and then possible one of my sisters. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671403 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:35:57 +0000 travelingnanny 2671403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I do not have kids yet but we already know we're going to ask my bosses to be the guardians. He's not very close with his family and my bothers and sisters are too young. My bosses are amazing parents and amazing people in general. The big thing is that I know my kids will be financially and emotionally taken care of if something were to happen to us.</p> <p>Edit- My entire family lives in another state and therefore won't be as involved in their lives. My bosses on the other hand will see and interact with my children pretty much daily unless they move which isn't on their radar. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671402 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:35:56 +0000 caterw 2671402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are doing my parents as a first choice- my ILs are older/ have significant health issues and I would not want to leave DDs to them. I don't know who we would choose if that didn't work out. His siblings would not be interested in taking on kids and mine aren't in a position to do so (but either one would). Maybe my closest cousin or DHs best friend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671398 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:34:23 +0000 rattles 2671398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our estate plan has them going to my parents first, then to BIL/SIL, then to dear friends and then to my other BIL/SIL. I think as my parents, siblings and our children age, we will modify that. But for now, it reflects and prioritizes geography, faith and parenting style along with a consideration for the degree to which it would be life altering (e.g. priority for the BIL who has children over the one who is open to fostering down the road but is currently happily child free, and priority of both over my then college aged siblings). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671397 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:33:49 +0000 MOMTOLITTLEB 2671397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister is a super mom with her own 3 kids so she's busy but has said she would absolutely take my son. That is what I would feel most comfortable with. His other aunts are single and childless, very loving aunts but not my ideal environment for my son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671394 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:29:51 +0000 kiddosc 2671394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't figured it out either. We don't want any of our parents to be guardians, they're all getting old and wouldn't be able to keep up. My siblings are completely irresponsible. DH's sister is raising her kids in ways that we majorly disagree with. His brother would be a good guardian, but their son is 24 already and I doubt they'd want to take in young children again. My best friend was a possibility, but her husband just isn't crazy about kids. I really don't know who else to even consider :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671389 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:23:49 +0000 Boogs 2671389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't figured it out either. There's one person that could be a front runner, if they decided to pursue what we feel like would be a better partnership. But, we can't plan everything in life, thus we continue going without a decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-are-the-guardians-for-your-kids#post-2671386 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:18:33 +0000 DesertDreams88 2671386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Who did you choose as guardians?</p> <p>There are lots of factors involved, in no particular order:<br /> 1) Age of guardians<br /> 2) Location of guardians<br /> 3) Values / Family lifestyle<br /> 4) Capability of parenting<br /> 5) Family size of guardians<br /> 6) Your kid(s) knowing the guardians well enough</p> <p>We can't figure out who would be the best guardians for LO! Each of our 4 options have significant drawbacks :( </p>