https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 30 Jun 2026 20:44:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-634074 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:09:37 +0000 mrskc 634074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: Sounds like your DH is nervous about the whole thing and being the only one there to support you. Maybe figure why it is that he wants someone else there and talk it out. Husbands need breaks too. And if you're planning for an epi there will be some downtown I imagine. I didn't get an epi so it was pretty intense the whole time and my DH had to be by my side for it all. Our doula was really amazing. And I ended up having my mom in the room too. I loved having all those people there to support me. I think the doula helped take off a lot pressure for my DH. He was so thankful for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633983 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 12:48:41 +0000 rachiecakes 633983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: I think your husband will be fine. Maybe have your mom at the house so if he feels like he needs someone in the moment, he'll have someone if he really needs someone there. If you're planning an epidural, you may be resting/sleeping until they tell you to push. There's not much for DH to do. It won't be like the crazy labors they show in movies. Nurses are helpful. They'll hold your legs and tell you when to push. DH can stand behind you, if you like. I didn't want anyone else there either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633859 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 12:19:03 +0000 boiledpnut 633859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Immediately after delivery, you aren't going to even be thinking about the people in the waiting room. You'll be so caught up in the moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633710 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:43:16 +0000 mrsjyw 633710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had DH &amp; my mom stay with me overnight while I labored... (our room was the L&amp;D room as well). </p> <p>My mom got me through the worst of the contractions before epi; DH was my champ coach through pushing - I kicked my mom out during pushing (2 hours) because she started crying when she saw me in pain. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633707 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:42:10 +0000 MsLipGloss 633707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We left all our family in the waiting room - it was just DH and I. And yanno, there is so much going on in the room (so many people and in and out) they really would have been in the way. Not that I ever entertained the idea of any family being in the room with me, lol. Just . . . no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633706 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:41:42 +0000 aprk 633706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: ultimately you have to be comfortable, so that you can focus on the labor and delivery. Whatever you choose, I hope your support team (mom, husband, etc) will support that. Best wishes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633700 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:40:36 +0000 Cherrybee 633700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another vote for doula!! </p> <p>I really wanted a doula for this very reason - I want it to be a special time, with just me and DH there together BUT I was worried about DH would cope!!! Anyway, DH is adamant that he will cope so we're not getting a doula but in your situation I think it would be perfect! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633697 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:39:54 +0000 Boheme 633697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: When are you due? It might be helpful for you to take a Bradley Method class or read through the Bradley books together. They teach a husband-coached childbirth method. It really teaches your husband to be a great support person! We aren't following Bradley to a T, but reading the books has made my husband so much more confident about the process, and has made me more confident in return. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633655 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:29:07 +0000 DillonLion 633655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another vote for a doula. The men need support, too! Even if you are doing the hard part. </p> <p>We met with ours a few times before the birth to get comfortable. And this allowed DH to be able to update family and friends on the status of labor, go to the restroom if he needed to, and look to an "expert" for ideas on how to support me in specific situations throughout labor. </p> <p>I had massive drama with my family going on, so there was no way I could have asked a person I knew to be in the room with us without offending anyone. The doula took all the drama out of it and was just there to help. It was great. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633654 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:28:54 +0000 LuLu Mom 633654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both our parents were in the lobby (coudln't keep the mom's away as they knew I was being induced.) i was fine with this, they were both okay with not being in the delivery room, I told my mom I would let her know if i wanted her. I was okay, but the nurse actually asked if it was okay for my mom to come in and help hold my leg, and I said fine (this was 2 hours into pushing.) This was not what I orginially wanted but at that point anything to help me get my child into the world! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633645 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:24:51 +0000 T.H.O.U. 633645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Couldn't you have your mom there in the waiting room so that DH could take a break? You could still have it be just you and DH when it comes time to actually push. The Dr.s and Nurses are really good at kicking people out when it comes that time unless you say they can stay. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633638 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:20:39 +0000 blackbird 633638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>HIRE A DOULA!!!!</p> <p>I'm in the same boat, except I did not want my mother in the delivery room (or near it). My MIL will be in the waiting room (and staying firmly there for awhile). DH was stressing about shouldering all the birth coach responsibility and being comforting enough for me. It just freaked him out. I said we could hire someone ($400 in our area) and he was like OMG YES PLEASE LET'S DO THAT. </p> <p>Let me tell you, i have almost no anxiety about having birth and neither does DH. Both of us feel like so much of what we'd be stressing about during labor is just....not an issue now, because that is what we are paying the doula to remember. It's so nice. Contractions will suck and I think it's nice to not have to expect my husband to remember all the comfort techniques. He can just focus on being there for me whereas the doula can say, "try this, try that' and if one of them doesn't work, she has lots of ideas up her sleeve. Whereas DH would probably only have a small amount. </p> <p>It ultimately WON'T just be you and him anyways. You'll have nurses and drs in there. A doula is just another professional whose job is NOT to interfere with the whole bonding experience/etc. Her job is to help facilitate it. I DO plan on getting an epidural, but having an extra hand to help turn me around and whatnot is going to be really helpful. </p> <p>Every time we meet with our doula in our pre-natal meetings, I just feel more and more confident about this decision, and so does DH.</p> <p>eta: i guess I don't see her as a stranger, so much as a professional.</p> <p>as far as your mom goes...i'ts ultimately up to you and DH. It's not her experience :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633635 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:19:47 +0000 lomom 633635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprk: I don't think it's the right choice for us and my mom would go apeshit if she found out I have a stranger in the room instead of her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633627 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:17:48 +0000 lomom 633627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chillybear: she won't just stay there though. She will come to the hospital and I'll feel obligated to let her come in, which is what I want to avoid. I want to feel like I can have it be just DH and I, and if I know she's just hanging out in the waiting room, I'm going to feel like I have to let her come in (and so will DH, he would drive me batshit crazy until I agreed she could come in and even if she was at the house, I feel like DH would do that, he seems to really have an issue with being the only support person and I don't know why). </p> <p>And after LO arrives, I want to do skin to skin and try to nurse right away and I won't feel like I can do that if she's hanging around, chomping at the bit to come in. I just want to feel like I have all the time in the world to bond with my new family of three, that's why I don't want anyone to know I'm even in labor. It's really important to me to get that bonding time and to get the skin-to-skin and try to nurse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633622 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:16:23 +0000 aprk 633622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@maybebaby: me too. I am thrilled to have our doula there - I've heard from other moms that hiring one was the best money they ever spent </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633619 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:15:52 +0000 aprk 633619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: are you anxious about having a "stranger" in the room? Often times the doulas are there to support the husband/partner so they can better support the mom. Remember, even though their part isn't physical, it's still a big, emotional day for them too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633597 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:09:40 +0000 lomom 633597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: I haven't totally figured out what his issue is, whether he really thinks he can't handle it alone or if he just doesn't want to be the sole support person or if he thinks my mom deserves to be there or what. I just don't know so I keep offering different solutions (aside from hiring a doula, that completely wipes out the whole I just want it to be he and I thing) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633585 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:07:32 +0000 Chillybear 633585@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you put mom in charge of staying at your house and being there just in case you need her at the hospital?</p> <p>Not to go worst case scenario on you but my cousin was in the same boat you were she didnt want anyone even knowing she was going into labor esp since she worked at the hospital she was giving birth in. Her labor ended up getting scary and she needed an emergency C-section. Her fiance called her parents. Even though working as a nurse she knew she would be fine but she said it was very reassuring to have her parents there and to see them before going into the OR. he made the right call. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633579 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:06:34 +0000 maybebaby 633579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprk: I was going to say the same thing. It will just be me, DH and our doula--and if he needs food/bathroom/rest breaks, she will be there for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633576 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:06:06 +0000 lomom 633576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: very true and I plan on getting an epidural, so hopefully I'll be able to nap after the epidural so even if it's 18+ hours of labor, we may both have an opportunity to get a little rest. And I wouldn't care if he went and grabbed a cup of coffee or something, after I had the epidural. But before then, I want him to help me get through the contractions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633574 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:05:57 +0000 MamaMoose 633574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: My labor was pretty quick 12 hours from first contration to delivery. And mostly overnight so hubs never left the room (although he did get in a little sleep). But remind your husband that there are always nurses around checking in on you. And if he needs to go grab a snack or a drink or something the nurses will be there. And most of labor is kind of just waiting around (especially if you get an epidural!). You won't need constant attention until it comes time to push. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633563 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:02:48 +0000 lomom 633563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprk: he wants a doula. I want him to suck it up and be supportive. He has the easy job, he isn't pushing a human out of his body! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633562 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:02:39 +0000 Mrsbells 633562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would only want my husband. Of course he can take a break by walking out of the room briefly, going to bathroom or getting something to eat. The entire labor wont be constant action </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633560 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:02:21 +0000 Boheme 633560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprk: Agree! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633554 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:00:55 +0000 matador84 633554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It was just DH and I in the room. He didn't think he could handle it but he said it was amazing!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633552 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:00:26 +0000 aprk 633552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is where a doula would come in perfectly </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-to-have-in-the-delivery-room#post-633544 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 10:58:23 +0000 lomom 633544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't decide and it's really stressing me out. </p> <p>DH and I went to childbirth class last night and he really wants someone in there with us, he doesn't seem to think he can handle it on his own. He made a commen about how if labor lasted 18+ hours he'd definitely need a few breaks. I think that's completely ridiculous, considering I'm the one giving birth and I don't get any breaks!!</p> <p>He wants my mom in the room. My mom and I are close and we've talked several times about different scenarios but these days in really leaning towards I just want it to be DH and I and I don't even want her to come down (she lives 3 hours away) until after the birth and we say come down. </p> <p>She wants to come down the moment I go into labor, she says she'll just be making sure our dogs get let out and stuff and if I want her in the room cool, if not, cool. </p> <p>I dont want anyone to even know I'm in labor. I don't want to feel like I need to send pictures or updates right away or allow visitors right away and if no one knows I'm even in labor, they can't ask for updates or to come visit! </p> <p>I know I'll feel obligated to invite my mom in if I know she's just sitting in the waiting room (and I know DH will be pestering me to let her in) and I just want to feel like it can be just DH and I. I really just want it to be he and I but I dont feel like that's an option. </p> <p>I know she wont NOT come down if she knows Im in labor. We talk once a day so if I don't call her shes going to know something's up and I won't lie if she asks but I know she won't just stay away. I don't want to feel obligated to invite her in and I know shes already said she wants to stay a few weeks after the baby is born, which I dont want either. </p> <p>Ugh I know I need to talk to her but I'm really afraid ill wind up changing my mind. </p>