https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 29 May 2026 15:34:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765657 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 18:08:01 +0000 DigAPony 1765657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't say either of us were traumatized. I had a great pregnancy, delivery was challenging for both of us (obviously much more so for me, but it was very difficult for my husband to watch me in pain and not be able to do anything), and the newborn stage was challenging too (probably more so for me because my husband went back to work after 2 weeks and I am a SAHM with no family around). Definitely don't think traumatizing is the right word for our experience! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765591 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 17:34:15 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1765591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband on all fronts. When our son got to around 3 months old though things were much much better and now even better than that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765587 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 17:32:47 +0000 wonderstruck 1765587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy - Me. I had horrendous morning sickness the entire time for both pregnancies....like in the ER getting fluids put in me, kidney stones from dehydration, losing tons of weight...it was absolutely awful. </p> <p>Labor/Delivery - Me. I know DH felt helpless and it was hard seeing me in pain, but the pain was horrendous and the emergency c-section was terrifying.</p> <p>Newborn stage - DH. I did have some lower moments with tears, and he didn't really experience that, but overall it was harder on him. I do better on less sleep than he does, and he had to go straight back to work and would get home right as 'the witching hour' was beginning. Plus it took him a long time to feel comfortable caring for L and to get down his routines down because he was working so much (60 hour weeks, ugh.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765543 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 17:14:50 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1765543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I win all three of these. Yay me.</p> <p>Pregnancy - Me. It wasn't a hard pregnancy by any means, but it's not like DH had to do much, so it's me.</p> <p>Labor/Delivery- Me. Worst pain of my life with no epidural. </p> <p>Newborn stage- Me. We were both very tired and learning as we went as new parents, but DH is just so naturally easygoing and go-with-the-flow about things! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765447 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 16:28:32 +0000 mdf106 1765447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy - Me. I had an uneventful pregnancy, but it was not fun. </p> <p>Labor/Delivery - Me, but it was not too bad. I had a relatively short uneventful labor with an epidural, but pushing was not fun. DH watched everything, but did not seem traumatized.</p> <p>Newborn - Me because I was breastfeeding, but it was so much easier than I expected, I can't complain. We both adjusted pretty well. DH is always calm, and it rubbed off on me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765428 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 16:16:30 +0000 Dandelion 1765428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy - me. I don't want to go through it again, whereas, I think DH would be open to it in a couple years. We're not, though. Adopt or nothing.</p> <p>L&amp;D - both. Our ordeal with S made us both hate labor. The c section was more traumatic for him than me. For me, it was a breeze, but he babied me too much.</p> <p>Newborn - him. But, to be fair, I have gone through it before with D and knew what to expect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765413 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 16:11:04 +0000 X0X0X0 1765413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy- me. But compared to other women my symptoms were minor. Backache throughout 2nd and 3rd trimester and minor nausea </p> <p>Labor/Delivery- Me. With LO1 I had a 3-day-long failed induction that ended in csection (which I don't really remember cuz I was really tired) but postpartum pain was pretty memorable. With LO2 I remember entire csection so I'm still traumatized and incision is always painful for at least a month </p> <p>Newborn stage- Both of us were traumatized with LO1 because she cried nonstop for 2 months.<br /> Me with LO2 because he was super easy since day1 and mostly slept the first 3 weeks. So I was the one getting up to breastfeeding </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765387 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 15:56:21 +0000 jhd 1765387@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were both very traumatized by our delivery &amp; NICU stay. We have been home for a month now and I am just now starting to feel a little better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765353 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 15:40:08 +0000 twodoghouse 1765353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think any part has been really traumatizing. Is that weird? I had a horrific L&amp;D, but now it's just a funny bizarre story. I think it helps that we are done so we never have to do it again. And every awful stage we move through and think at least that is over forever! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765335 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 15:34:09 +0000 googly-eyes 1765335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't use the word "traumatic" but maybe bothered, freaked out, etc.</p> <p>Pregnancy- After morning sickness ended ~12 weeks, we were both really happy the rest of the time! I was 22 so that may have had to do with it.</p> <p>L&amp;D- I thought labor would be long if it was 12 hours, and boy, was I surprised at how long it could be within "normal." And I didn't expect back labor. That said I choose not to think about it... they say the second baby is usually easier right?</p> <p>Newborn- Me, all the way, especially weeks ~7-16? I had ppd, ppa. Breastfeeding didn't work out. I was scared to be alone with lo and at one point started discussing giving her up for adoption. It passed relatively quickly (with meds, help, therapy) but really made me think about having another one. (But we're now ttc.) Dh just doesn't worry or freak out the way I do. I'm grateful that at least one of us was really "present" in those times! I love the pics I have of dh holding dd in those first few weeks and months. He was a natural. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765264 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 14:59:35 +0000 Raindrop 1765264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is very interesting. :)</p> <p>I was actually quite traumatized by my first pregnancy.</p> <p>Pregnancy - me - was sick all the time.</p> <p>Labor / Delivery - me maybe both - very scared there were a lot time we thought we might lose LO... elevated heart rate, didn't want to come out, cord wrapped around his neck twice, bad newborn scores and didn't cry when he was born (a lung specialist came to check him out).</p> <p>Newborn - this was actually the easy part but we had a lot of help for the first 6 months.</p> <p>I will say that you sort of "forget" how bad things were during pregnancy and labor and even newborn because after a while we were like we should have another... and now that we are expecting our second this is all flooding back to me how bad it was last time... and how even worst it is now (my pregnancy so far has been BAD!) but I'm excited to have another baby and a sibling for LO. :) In the end everything will be worth it. These stages are a small length of time compared to the rest of your life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765234 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 14:45:44 +0000 looch 1765234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was not traumatized by pregnancy or delivery, but I don't think I am cut out to handle newborns. Everything about the first 4 months of my son's life was extraordinarily difficult and I didn't handle it as well as my husband did. I think it was easier on him though, because he went back to work, in the meantime, I was in a whole new, often lonely world. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765232 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 14:44:34 +0000 Mae 1765232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PawPrints: I think that feeling helpless is really hard for guys. As I was heading towards hour 18 of labor and the docs were trying to decide if they were going to do an emergency c section or let me keep trying another few hours I started spiking a fever and my bp was going up up up and LO's heart rate was getting really unstable. My husband still talks about how he was just sitting there watching the monitor that had mine and LO's heart rates and feeling like at any minute either of us could head down hill or like if he stopped paying attention to them something horrible would happen. In reality the scary part was only a few hours long (and I never had any fear that me or baby wouldn't come through things okay)... but I think seeing us unstable just really freaked him out and made him worry he could lose both of us so easily. (I don't think things were ever ACTUALLY that dire for us-- but fear and exhaustion at 3am can make scary things seem worse I think). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765222 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 14:42:02 +0000 LuLu Mom 1765222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy: Me, I was miserable 50%</p> <p>Labor/Delivery: I think we both handled it well, but maybe a little more DH. When I was pushing (puking inbetween) he looked helpless. </p> <p>Newborn: We both took it like a champ, and we had a great baby who loved to sleep in the beginning so we didn't have it as bad as others. I would say a little bit more me only because I was home all day alone so got a little stir crazy not leaving the house. And then the reflux started, and I was a mess. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765212 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 14:36:42 +0000 Foodnerd81 1765212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy- me, but I cannot complain. Though DH was a little shocked the time I started bawling because he took too long to make breakfast. </p> <p>L&amp;D- obviously, physically it was a lot harder on me, but like a few others have said, it was scarier for DH. There were some minor concerns with her heartrate and a bit of a rush to get her out at the end, but in my haze of labor I just knew it was all fine and they were overreacting (in my head. I'm sure they were reacting appropriately!). So that was scary for him, and the way I was zoning out. Meanwhile I have wonderful feelings about my labor now. </p> <p>Newborn- traumatizing isn't the right word, but it was way harder on me since we BF, so I handled all the night feedings, and I SAH while he went back to work, so I dealt with the baby the refused to ever nap and just screamed. BUT, I was more prepared for the way our lives would change so he had a bigger adjustment in that sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765095 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 13:53:07 +0000 winniebee 1765095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Me. I loved being pregnant but was on bed rest in 3rd tri which sucked. Labor was a breeze but my husband hated seeing me in pain. I had a hard time w/ NB phase and DH was a natural. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1765092 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 13:51:47 +0000 leelee 1765092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I loved being pregnant and labor went great. Newborn stage is brutal for the both of us. Breastfeeding was painful and DH is not a fan of the middle of the night wakings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764962 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 13:12:30 +0000 hilsy85 1764962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I guess that's true in that even though BF was super hard for me too, I wouldn't hesitate to do it again with #2. So I guess how traumatized could I really be, lol. I also agree that it is easier to be the one in pain than the helpless one watching someone you love in pain. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764944 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 13:06:03 +0000 PawPrints 1764944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really surprised by everyone saying L&amp;D was equal or even harder on DH! Very interesting to know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764935 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 13:03:17 +0000 Anagram 1764935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy--me. I was very ill for months.<br /> L&amp;D--me. Let's just say before my epidural I was shouting and grunting and half-screaming a lot. DH was calmly eating ice chips.<br /> Newborn days--me. Turns out, I have some sleep anxiety that gets much worse when someone needs me 24/7. </p> <p>Guess it's no surprise that DH has been wanting to try for number 2 for 5-6 months already! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764921 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 12:59:35 +0000 MrsF 1764921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy - It was harder on me at the beginning (morning sickness and migraines) and harder on him at the end (I had pre-e with HELLP syndrome and, in hindsight, I think it was pretty scary for him). </p> <p>L&amp;D - neither. Obviously I felt more pain, but I had a smooth induction and a great epidural. </p> <p>Newborn - Definitely me. I was a total mess (BF struggles and a colic monster) and he was a rock star. He really stepped up and shone when I just couldn't do it any more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764901 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 12:52:47 +0000 skipra 1764901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy - first time me, second probably DH. I honestly like being pregnant. First time around I had worse morning sickness and exhaustion and was working full time so that was hard for me. Second time around was easier in the beginning but since I needed more sleep, DH had to start doing a lot more with DS, especially motn wakings, plus we moved and needed a lot of work done on the house which all fell to DH. Since I was at home with DS I was able to nap during the day and had no work stress and overall was much better off.<br /> L&amp;D - first time definitely me. It was a three day long induction, enough said! Second time tie. Contractions started over 24 hours before delivery but were nothing compared to pitocin contractions until just before my water broke. Then DH had to try yo get me to the hospital 35 miles away in rush hour traffic. He thought he was going to have to deliver on the side of the road but when the ambulance arrived he thought he was going to miss the birth. Med free birth is no joke but I was in the zone and DH was kind of traumatized by how it went down.<br /> Newborn - me both times. Just being attached to baby at the boob day and night is tough but add in all the post partum hormones and it's no question who it was harder one. The worst was mourning the change in my relationship with DS1 when DS2 was born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764879 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 12:42:53 +0000 Boheme 1764879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy - me. I had a sucky pregnancy.<br /> Labor/delivery - Affected DH emotionally short term, affected me physically and emotionally long term.<br /> Newborn - me, but thankfully this was the easiest phase of the 3. Or at least I'm remembering it to be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764874 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 12:40:52 +0000 yoursilverlining 1764874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Me<br /> DH (although neither of us were traumitized by delivery)<br /> Me </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764859 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 12:34:31 +0000 Adira 1764859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy - Hubs probably. I wasn't overly bothered by being pregnant, but it did make me tired and emotional and I don't think Hubs was really expecting some of my outbursts or my suddenly unwillingness to do stuff.</p> <p>L&amp;D - Equal. Hubs witnessed it and almost fainted and thought I was going to die at one point. And I was totally unprepared to give birth without an epidural.</p> <p>Newborn - Me. Hubs seemed to dive into fatherhood and seemed so patient and cool about everything. MOTN wake-ups didn't even bother him, and he handled everything from diaper changes, shushing, swaddling, etc., except feedings. On the other hand, it took me a good 7-8 weeks to bond with Xander and I found breastfeeding to be such a struggle. I often found myself wondering what the heck I had gotten myself into. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764853 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 12:32:03 +0000 ladybee 1764853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I think this has a lot to do with DH having a harder time during delivery and newborn days. I was in so much pain during delivery and then the csection and recovery were miserable. Plus I'm a BFing drop out so that was hard on me. It's really actually sweet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764836 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 12:28:11 +0000 ladybee 1764836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy - me, however, I don't have many complaints. It was pretty simple. </p> <p>Delivery - DH for sure. I had an emergency csection which was scary for both of us. I was terrified of losing another baby and the csection was scary. Don't get me wrong, I had PTSD and was tramatized. But DH thought we were going to die. I've never seen him cry but he did when it all got real. He's still unsure if he could do it again. </p> <p>Newborn - I'm not sure. I had PPD and horrible migraines. DH has continuously struggled with not being selfish. Plus M was allergic to milk and constantly sick which had us in and out of the hospital. Plus there were other medical issues. Hard on both of us but again, I know I'd do it again but DH isn't so sure so I guess he wins. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764831 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 12:26:22 +0000 swurlygurl 1764831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pregnancy - Me, I guess. I have had wonderful pregnancies so there's nothing for DH to even think about</p> <p>L&amp;D - DH. My L&amp;D was about as normal as it can get, but DH was not amused about the actual delivery part... haha</p> <p>Newborn - DH. His world was totally shaken and it took him a while to get used to the new order of things. I'm very easy-going so it wasn't too big of a deal to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764827 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 12:25:22 +0000 Mae 1764827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: a lot of times I feel like being the person in pain is easier than being the person who has to watch the person they love in pain! I think this is probably a big part of this for DH too. With all of our feeding issues there was much crying on my part because of pain or just sadness/frustration over the issues and I think DH felt super helpless since he felt like he was being unsupportive if he told me to stop with the BF already, but he can't actually help make it easier on me. I don't really feel like the breastfeeding was traumatizing though. Frustrating and sad and painful sure-- but if we ever had another kid (which seems highly unlikely with my husband's frame of mind lol) I wouldn't think twice about attempting BF again even though it didn't work out this time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-more-traumatized-by-having-a-baby#post-1764818 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 12:22:52 +0000 snowjewelz 1764818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am still in the pregnancy stage but I am 99% sure that I will be the more traumatized one on all fronts! DH is just that calm, take charge, not phased by anything type, so I'd be SHOCKED if he freaks out! </p>