https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 29 Jun 2026 03:36:05 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1416007 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 18:16:16 +0000 chopsuey 1416007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD: DH and mom<br /> DS: DH</p> <p>I'm so happy my mom was there with us the first time. She was the best cheerleader :)</p> <p>If your mom stresses you out, then I wouldn't ask her to be there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1416004 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 18:15:28 +0000 Dandelion 1416004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is just like your mom...she stresses out so much it stresses me out. Tries WAY too hard. I have already told her she won't be in there. DH did, actually. I'm having a c section, anyways, so it's a non issue, since only DH can be in there.</p> <p>With S, I planned to have just DH, but once we transferred and I lost her, I wanted my mom there. BUT, MIL would have stressed me out to no end, so I made her wait. She wasn't hurt...she knows she bugs me with her anxiety.</p> <p>Now, she knows she won't be in there, but she's pestering me about what she can do for me in regards to other things...she wants to come vacuum and shampoo my carpet and buy me anything I could ever need and all her persistence is really starting to get on my nerves. She would help me the most by just RELAXing and let me be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1415968 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 17:56:32 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1415968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: yes, definitely find out!</p> <p>My mom kind of stresses me out during high-stress situations but other times I want my mom! </p> <p>She didn't ask to be in the room with me but I did tell her that I planned on being me and DH, but totally reserve the right to need my mom!</p> <p>But.. Then I had a section so it didn't matter. She &amp; my dad hung out at panera until DH called to say Chloe had been born! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1415928 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 17:41:48 +0000 Sapphiresun 1415928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just announced really early that it would be ONLY DH in the delivery room, and might actually not even call anybody tell them I was in labour until after it was done. Didn't even open up the door for people to mention they'd like to come in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1415636 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 16:29:28 +0000 LBee 1415636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@char54: That's what I imagine! Glad to hear it worked for someone :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1415560 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 16:15:26 +0000 AmandaB8 1415560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It was just my DH and I. We were very clear about it. Thankfully our parents live 3 hours away, and we called them when we got to the hospital. 3 hours later, we had a baby. An hour after that our moms got here! </p> <p>Fwiw, my mom didn't tell anyone until after I was born either. I guess we're a lot alike! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1415520 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 16:08:34 +0000 jhd 1415520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO is due in April &amp; I'm planning on having my mom &amp; DH there with me. Possibly MIL also, but I need to check on how many people are allowed. MIL has been with us when DH had to have multiple surgeries so I feel like I know how she will be...just helpful and encouraging. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1415513 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 16:07:27 +0000 Charm54 1415513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents and sisters visited throughout the day but when I got to pushing it was just dh, that's how I wanted it. My family and Dhs family were in the waiting room and came in after I was all cleaned up to meet dd. That was a spectacular moment :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1415492 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 16:04:07 +0000 nana87 1415492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we haven't had lo yet, but we're planning for dh and my mom to be in the room with me, and then I don't really care who is in the waiting room. I know my dad will be, but my in-laws haven't said a word about when they're coming to visit...for my mom though, there are a couple specific reasons why I want her there. I've been sick around her a couple times since I've been an adult (after getting my wisdom teeth out at 23, and a really bad case of stomach flu), and she was very helpful--she was good at anticipating what I needed without being overly solicitous, overbearing, or annoying. Dh haaaates hospitals, and I think will be really nervous about being there, whereas my mom has lots of experience with them (her own illness plus all of my grandparents') and will be calmer than he will be, so I think she will be really good at being a liaison between us and the staff, so that dh can focus on me and baby. And having both of them will give dh a break if he needs it. I guess some of that is what people want from a doula, but I trust that my mom will be be able to put my and dh's needs before her own. She is sooo excited that I want her there, but wasn't pushy about it--she wanted to make sure it was what I wanted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1415175 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 15:09:15 +0000 bhbee 1415175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>this is when it's nice to live far from family. I may not think that if we get to have #2 and have to deal with childcare during labor with no family. but we only had a doula and it was great - I'm close to my mom but I wouldn't have wanted her there. a doula you trust, who understands what you want, is much better IMO. we also really enjoyed having time as a family of 3 - we just told people that was how it was. my mom came around 10 days - right before DH went back to work - and his parents came around 3 weeks for a short visit. wouldn't be possible if family was local but we enjoyed our little bubble. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1415144 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 15:04:00 +0000 preggomeggo82 1415144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It will be just DH and I. </p> <p>I am so thankful that our parents are not putting on that sort of pressure. We don't even want them in the waiting room! We will call them when I go into labor and when they can come to the hospital, and they all seem fine with it. </p> <p>I see nothing wrong with doing this the way you want, and making it clear as to what YOU (and DH) want. Becoming grandparents is a big deal, but it's not their moment! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1415042 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:49:30 +0000 rattles 1415042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our parents visited while I was in labor, but it was only DH when LO came. I think I'd invite her if I were you, but I also wouldn't feel badly making my needs or preferences known in the moment. I would also talk to your doula about your concerns. She can intercede for you if necessary so that you don't have to be the bad guy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1415024 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:47:24 +0000 Torchwood 1415024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: I wouldn't, except she's already talking about it. I don't want to let her go on thinking she'll be there for the next 6 months, only to tell her no at the last minute. I'll ask my midwife though, since I don't know the policy. It'd be nice if that would make my decision for me!</p> <p>Thanks to everyone for the responses. Glad to know I'm not the only one who had a difficult time with some family members on this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1415011 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:45:32 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1415011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: I wouldn't stress out about who is present in labor just yet. Do you know what your hospital policy is?</p> <p>I was allowed three support persons (including my husband) during labor and two when pushing. It was hospital policy &amp; my support persons would be issued ID bands so no one could sneak in. </p> <p>I ended up scheduling a section instead, and their policy was one person in the room with me. </p> <p>Their hospital policy pretty much did the dictating and I never had to worry about offending someone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414961 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:37:13 +0000 indi 1414961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: Go with your gut. </p> <p>We're due in 9 days, and from week 5 we told our parents that it would be just us and our medical staff (so DH and my doula + the hospital staff) until she was here, then we'd call and let them know when to visit. I love my mom, and she'd want to be supportive (sounds much like yours), but in the end I know it would be like @HabesBabe:'s situation and she'd be trying to do things that she *thinks* help but don't and would be offended when I told her not to. And I didn't want the pressure of people waiting in the waiting room or trying to bop in, because the moms most definitely would. </p> <p>It wasn't a super pleasant conversation (and we had to have it with my mom and ILs a few times) but just a firm "this is our plan of action and this is when you will be notified" got the point across without wiggle room. If you give reasons, some folks will try to get around them. No reason to explain what you and SO want. They've since gotten over it and are now planning on and excited for when they can really come and meet her and enjoy time with her, rather than a 5 minute glimpse before they're kicked out by DH or I. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414847 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:20:13 +0000 cascademom 1414847@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just DH and the nurses/doctors throughout the whole labor and delivery. My parents visited later in the day after LO was born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414835 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:16:46 +0000 MrsStar 1414835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mum, dh and midwife. I had back labor and no epidural so I constantly had to have counter pressure on my back so having my mum and dh take turns was great when their hands got sore, also meant that they could take turns going to get something to eat, getting some fresh air etc. Mum stayed until shortly after delivery and then she left to give us some family time (was also 11pm at night) and she came back the next day for her first cuddles. I'll definitely have the same plan next time (depending who is going to look after lo) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414821 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:14:53 +0000 lamariniere 1414821@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I only had DH and hospital staff. It is your labor, don't worry about not inviting your mom if you think she will make you crazy. That said, it is a very personal choice. For me, I did not want to share that agony, and those first special moments with anyone other than DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414807 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:12:42 +0000 avivoca 1414807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did not want my mom there, as she is very high-maintenance and stresses me out most of the time. I went into labor at night, and we didn't call anyone until we went to the hospital at 5:30 a.m., at which point she wouldn't have been able to come up even if she wanted since she cannot drive in the dark. Afterward, we called once I'd had my bonding time, and they came to visit later that day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414803 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:12:02 +0000 Smurfette 1414803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH was in the room and we wanted it that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414798 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:10:44 +0000 prettylizy 1414798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH, our Doula (who was/is fantastic and made my labour sooo much better) and the nurses for most of the labour. OB came in 2x, once to check in and once to catch the baby :) both of our families were in the waiting room for a good chunk of time which didn't bother me. My mom, sister and dad all came in at seperate times to see me, but I don't think it was what they were expecting. I was a many hours deep into a no-epi pitocin augmented labour. I tried really hard to be polite and make conversation between contractions but a few contractions each and they were outta there! lol! My sisters face, I'll never forget it, was priceless. She was a perfect mixture of shocked, horrified and terrified. It was not what they were expecting (me sitting in bed hooked up to a few machines crunching on ice chips. I think they're all going to wait until the baby is born this time to bother coming up to visit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414783 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:07:02 +0000 lawbee11 1414783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: Ours mom sound really similar and I actually started a very similar thread to this when I was pregnant. My mom really, really wanted to be in the room, but I had many of the same concerns you have. In the end, I allowed her to be in the room, but I pretty much told her she needed to be quiet and supportive and if at any time she got on my nerves I had the authority to kick her out. </p> <p>It ended up being a wonderful experience and I am so glad she was there. Her "job" was to feed me ice chips between pushes. My mouth was so damn dry...those ice chips saved me! It also worked out well because DH was able to focus on helping me breathe and keeping me motivated.</p> <p>ETA: Here is the thread I started</p> <p><a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mom-really-wants-to-be-in-the-delivery-room-not-sure-what-to-do" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mom-really-wants-to-be-in-the-delivery-room-not-sure-what-to-do</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414759 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:01:37 +0000 lemondrop 1414759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just my husband, I didn't want an audience. My family is very pro natural birth, and I am all for medical interventions, so I did not want anyone else's 2 cents during my birth experience.</p> <p>ETA- I was totally fine with the med students being present. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414758 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:01:22 +0000 kiddosc 1414758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just DH and I... and the team of doctors, nurses and students :silly:<br /> We were supposed to pick up my parents from the airport that morning, but were obviously busy. So they took a cab to the hospital and waited out in the waiting room. Actually, the nurse took them back to our room and they were going to say hi, but got there just in time to hear E's first cries through the door. They knew we didn't want anyone else in the delivery room, so they just went to wait in the waiting room. They got to see E for the first time as he was wheeled by to get cleaned up after our hour of bonding time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414756 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 14:01:17 +0000 dolphin 1414756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Only DH. My mom thought she was going to be there but I had to gently tell her I had only wanted DH in the room. I felt bad but she understood. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414747 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 13:58:58 +0000 lilyann 1414747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Last time, it was just DH....this next time, it will be DH and my doula. No regrets here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414733 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 13:57:04 +0000 loveisstrange 1414733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH was there (plus 14 other doctors, nurses, midwives and a nursing student! lol). I would be okay with DH and my mom, that's it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414725 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 13:55:52 +0000 ElbieKay 1414725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am due in 12 days. My husband and doula will be there. I have told everyone that after I deliver I am going to (1) take my "golden hour" to attempt to bond and breastfeed and (2) go to my postpartum room and take a nap with my baby. After that, my parents, MIL and sister can come to the hospital and meet the baby. I do NOT want people waiting around for me to deliver. Then I will feel pressure to rush through our time as a new family.</p> <p>I also told everyone not to count on visiting much during the first week or two. I just don't know what kind of shape I will be in. I'm not especially close to my parents or my MIL. I feel like we have superficial relationships, and that I have to be "on" around them. (The reasons are different for my parents vs. my MIL, but either way I feel like I have to be "on".) If I'm recovering from delivery, learning to breastfeed, and extremely sleep deprived, then I am going to want privacy and down time.</p> <p>I have not discussed this directly with my MIL, but she apparently informed my husband that she is not a visitor; she is *family*. She's insulted that she's not an exception but she's not the one delivering a baby and learning how to be a new parent.</p> <p>I really wish this wasn't an issue. Maybe we should take a road trip this weekend and deliver in a remote location! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414686 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 13:49:06 +0000 cmomma17 1414686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just my DH and my doula.</p> <p>My mom definitely thought she should be there! She was there with my sister, but my sister was young and single when she gave birth. It was hard, but we just had to tell everyone that it was a personal, private thing, and that we'd see them when the baby was born.<br /> I should have been even firmer, because they (my mom and MIL) came to the hospital while I was in the midst of pushing and asked if they could come in the room. A nurse said "grandma's are here! They can come in right?" and between pushes I yelled "What??!! NO!!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-was-there#post-1414659 Tue, 11 Feb 2014 13:42:23 +0000 HabesBabe 1414659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom stresses me out and I caved and let her stay-- I'm an only child and we were REALLY close when I was growing up (she divorced my dad when I was 3, so it was just the two of us for 20+ years). Once I finished up high school, though, our relationship got rocky, but I felt it was still important to have her there for her sake (Asian daughter guilt, I guess).</p> <p>We were admitted at 7:30a after a low fluid level check, and she arrived around 5:00p. I wasn't too difficult during labor, but there were definitely things I liked/didn't like. My husband would try to hold my hand and I didn't want to-- same with my mom. Or she would stroke my leg/hair and I would ask her not to. Those little things apparently got to her because she still mentions it almost 2 years later.</p> <p>Just keep that in mind if you end up having her in the delivery room with you. In the end, it wasn't horrible, and she was really honored and happy to see C being born. </p>