https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 01 Aug 2026 08:09:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian/page/2#post-390285 Sat, 10 Nov 2012 04:37:57 +0000 loveisstrange 390285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have to do will/trust and guardianship papers next year before DH leaves on deployment. Right now, it's looking like it'll be my parents. DH's are dead and none of our brothers are really in a position to raise a baby. Next in line would probably be my oldest brother and his partner, even though I really don't like her very much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian/page/2#post-390283 Sat, 10 Nov 2012 04:20:14 +0000 mynoahbear 390283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've decided on my sister and her husband. We've already asked them and put it into our will. we chose them because they are responsible, have good careers, and they don't plan on having kids of their own but they like children. We know they would take great care of and give LO lots of love if anything should happen to us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-390276 Sat, 10 Nov 2012 02:59:17 +0000 anonysquire 390276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Only my parents. I already told my brother he has custody of my cats if I die. I think he was kind of scared. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-390205 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 23:53:24 +0000 lovehoneybee 390205@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have several couples that we feel would do an excellent job raising DS if something happened to us, but it will probably end up being BIL J and his wife. He'd be in just as good hands with my ILs, my SIL, or my other BIL/SIL. </p> <p>My ILs are both retired and travel a lot, and I don't foresee them wanting to raise another child. My SIL is in the middle of divorcing my stepbrother, so not only would that cause a huge ruckus in my family, but she's currently a single mom and another child would be a major burden on her. My other BIL/SIL are probably most closely aligned with us as far as religion/politics/parenting style go, but they're currently living with SIL's parents, so they're out. BIL J and SIL have two boys already, own their home, and have great, steady jobs...adding another child into the mix wouldn't be a huge financial burden on them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-390200 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 23:42:51 +0000 JennyD 390200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Big brother. He's 10 years older than me, but so much like me. He and his wife don't have children, and don't plan to, but they're the "replacement parents" for her sister's daughter too. We asked them about 3 months after baby was born, and they agreed. We will make it "official" and legal shortly. </p> <p>Even though they've chosen not to be parents, I think they would be excellent parents. Better than our other siblings. His parents have already raised their children and two of their nephews (their father passed away when they were tiny little people, and their mother passed away when they were children - it does happen!), and my parents are out for various reasons.</p> <p>And that's that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389998 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 20:02:22 +0000 Arden 389998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no idea. We can't decide at all. </p> <p>My parents did a pretty good job at raising me, but there are some issues with them that makes me not really want to choose them. His parents are awful parents and I wouldn't even let them babysit, much less parent.<br /> Our siblings are all unmarried and pretty unmature, and also not financially stable. </p> <p>We have to write a will soon, and we have no idea what we're going to do... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389996 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 20:01:59 +0000 prettylizy 389996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was a really tough call for us. My first choice would be my sister hands down, but she lives 4 hours away from the rest of us and I would want LO to be close to the rest of her family, and not have to leave her school etc. We agreed neither of our parents, they have raised their kids, they don't need to do that again. So we went with SIL and her husband. They don't have an identical parenting style to us, but at least she'd be close to all her grandparents etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389990 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 19:57:55 +0000 GrapeCrush 389990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are sort of at a standstill as to who it will be. Whenever I bring it up, DH changes the subject because we know whomever we pick, people will be upset. But in the end we have to do what is best for our child/children </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389661 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 16:42:34 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 389661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My little sister and her SO.</p> <p>I don't want my LO raised by grandparents, and I think my sister would raise her children almost identically to the way I would raise mine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389643 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 16:34:59 +0000 SugarplumsMom 389643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, there was a blog post/thread about this a few months ago and I wrote a living will because of it. In it, I specified that LO will <b>not</b> go to either of our siblings - we want our brothers to enjoy their single lives and not be burdened with the responsibility, that DD would stay with the most convenient pair of grandparents/grandparent -- meaning if she already happens to be in the States, she gets to stay there. If she's already in Sweden, she stays here. Basically, I don't want her to separated from whichever grandparent she's already with, unless we live in the States and she's only visiting Sweden, then she comes back home to the States. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389636 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 16:32:30 +0000 oliviaoblivia 389636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We selected my younger sister and her husband, they are stable and responsible and live close to my parents. Our other sisters are in transitional situations, one is unemployed, one moves every few months for work and the other lives in Australia. My parents are our backups. DH doesn't want MIL to raise LO and FIL is almost 87 so he certainly can't take on a baby.<br /> We joke about hooking the baby up by giving custody to DH's older super rich half-brother so she could live it up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389634 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 16:31:34 +0000 lioneyes 389634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we have a child, I would assume my parents, even though they will be in their 60s, and then my BFF and her husband, or my cousin and his wife, if my parents are unable, My BFF doesn't have kids, but we grew up together both as only children, and I can see them sharing our child-raising values.</p> <p>This is semi-OT but a question for all of you planning ahead:</p> <p>My BIL and SIL asked DH to be the guardian for their first (he was single at the time, we hadn't even met yet). They mentioned it to him but that's about as much as he knows. Now I am around and they have 2 kids... if they were serious about DH being the legal guardian, is there an official process? Or is word of mouth enough? I want to bring it up with them, but only if it's still a possibility that DH would be the guardian; if it's something you need the guardian's signature on etc. (literally NOTHING has been discussed in the 7+ years since they brought it up, and all of our situations have changed), then it most likely said in passing to be nice and we are not their choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389625 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 16:24:36 +0000 Pink Champagne 389625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have danced around this issue but haven't come to an actual decision. In my heart, I would prefer my parents, but I know DH would argue his parents over mine because they are Jewish and mine are not. :( I think a good compromise is my brother and SIL (the only siblings either of us have) because they have two LO's and it would be nice for our kiddo to grow up in a family with younger parents and other kids.<br /> It's such a hard conversation to have but I think we really need to get it nailed down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389617 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 16:21:41 +0000 Freckles 389617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@creativemomma15: 6 months with one, and 6 months with the other. I was against it because i feel like stability is necessary, especially in the beginning. I agree with you completely on the importance of consistency. The good thing is that both parents live in the same neighbourhood. Such a hard decision to make for sure! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389604 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 16:15:10 +0000 MamaMoose 389604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brother and SIL. We've already asked and they have accepted. We love them both. We know they would provide a loving and supportive home for our LO that would be very similar to what we would provide. And they are very financially stable so if for some reason our life insurance and savings didn't provide enough for LO it wouldn't be a burden to my Bro and SIL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389595 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 16:12:07 +0000 creativemomma15 389595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caffeinated: what do you mean by a 50/50 split? Switching back and forth between grandparents? my only thought with that is that a child losing their parents is a huge transition and being switched back and forth between homes could be hard on children as opposed to one consistent home. </p> <p>At first my DH and I talked about either of our parents for a few years until either his sister or my brother have children and then move to one of them. We decided to just go right to our siblings to avoid another possible transition. We would like our parents to be able to continue enjoying the grandparent stage instead of having to step into parenting again. My DH and I have talked about it and are pretty well decided on my brother and SIL. We thought about his sister and BIL too but my SIL is planning on only working PT and would be home more which is more like our situation. She also works with children with special needs and we think would be a little better at helping a child with grieving. My brother and SIL just seem more comfortable with kids than DH's sister and BIL at this point.</p> <p>It's such a hard decision though! I hated talking about it and now we just have to make it official. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389561 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 15:57:47 +0000 mamimami 389561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We picked my mom because she's a little younger than my MIL, has access to decent public schools and is probably generally a little more up to being a parent than my MIl. My husband felt this way and I agreed. We explained our reasons to both of them. I think my mil was a little offended but she kept it in. Of course our plans will probably change in the next few years depending on health, etc. Our ideal would be a couple like us, not to burden grandparents, but we don't have that couple right now and we're talking pretty extreme circumstances anyway.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389553 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 15:52:28 +0000 Rubies 389553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If hubby and I both dropped dead right this second, we agreed my parents would get LO. They are both retired and have the financial means to do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389544 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 15:48:52 +0000 Freckles 389544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetchic: I had no idea that was the case! Err, i hope #2 isn't a boy then. I know DH would say that money wouldn't be an issue because the life insurance money, as well as our pension payouts and savings would more than cover the kids. </p> <p>@c.sassy: I keep forgetting that our parents will probably be quite older and it would be hard for them to take care of the LO. Good point...now, back to the drawing board. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389135 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 13:16:27 +0000 spaniellove 389135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This has been a tough one for us because there is only one sibling between the two of us and we're in total agreement that she isn't an option. She's married and has a child, and we feel that she's too emotionally unstable, plus she could never treat our child the same as her own, plus her husband would definitely take any money we leave for our child for his personal use. I would rather ask a friend of mine who I know is not going to have children (not because she doesn't like them) and has views similar to mine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389058 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:48:28 +0000 ladyfingers 389058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We know who we would like to do it, a couple friend of ours, but they already have 2 kids so we're hoping they would be OK with it. We'll bring it up after LO is here. Otherwise, no clue. We're both only children and our parents are all in their late 60s already. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389039 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:44:03 +0000 MediaNaranja 389039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think about this, too, even though we don't have LOs yet. DH's family is out, as they live abroad, don't speak english, and are not that well off. I feel like it would be too big of a shock to send a child that grew up in the US to live with rando relatives in Ecuador. </p> <p>My hope is that one of my brothers would do it. My older brother is married, no kids, but I think that he &amp; his wife would be a good option. My younger brother currently works in the shipping industry, and spends lots of time abroad/on boats in the middle of the ocean. He is also single. So unless anything changes dramatically in the next few years, it would be my big brother.</p> <p>Like several PP, my parents are semi-retired and getting older (mid-sixties), and I think having to take care of grandkids would be too big of a burden. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389034 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:43:24 +0000 Weagle 389034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caffeinated: Honestly, I think DH's parents would probably expect it. They may actually be relieved. They're older, have some health problems, etc. I could see them being more offended about us not choosing DH's sister and her husband as guardians. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389015 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:36:20 +0000 Meridian 389015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caffeinated: I think we're in the same boat! My parents are financially secure, they speak English, and they encouraged me to do a lot of extracurriculars and enrolled me in a lot of stuff that was "good for me" (that I hated at the time). </p> <p>DH's parents are the opposite of all things mentioned above. But I think they would be sooo offended... especially if we have a SON! Because a grandson technically "belongs" to the husband's side of the family (in Chinese traditional customs). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-389004 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:32:53 +0000 luckypenny 389004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My niece. She is 21 right now so in the event something happened tomorrow she would go to my MIL and her wife until my niece was in a good position to take her. DD wouldn't go to my mom because she is over 65 and is alone now that my father is in assisted living. I think my niece would raise her similarly to me, unlike my sister. She has also called/FaceTimed me everyday while I was pregnant and since DD has been here. She loves her so much :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-388994 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:29:13 +0000 DillonLion 388994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's parents will get custody if something happens to us in the near future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-388986 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:26:43 +0000 Bao 388986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We actually just wrote out our will yesterday, and we chose my sister. She is married and has 3 kids already but she is my best friend and I wouldn't want anyone else, besides my parents. They are secondary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-388970 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:21:22 +0000 Freckles 388970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@c.sassy: @Coco Bee: @rachiecakes: @sweetchic: @winniebee: I would prefer my parents over DH's only because they can speak English (better) and have the financial means, but I'm afraid DH's family would be offended. DH prefers a 50/50 split, but i think that can get complicated! Do you think DH's parents would be offended if ultimately your parents ended up as guardians?</p> <p>@regberadaisy: It's just like buying more life insurance. Morbid, but a necessity. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-388937 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:09:34 +0000 skibobrown 388937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister. I think she would do a great job, and we don't really have any other viable options. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-will-be-your-childs-guardian#post-388934 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:08:42 +0000 Mrsbells 388934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yes we have thought about it, most likely my brother or his sister. But it all depends </p>