https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 10 Apr 2026 11:05:38 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2536498 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 21:57:23 +0000 FannyMae 2536498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: crazy familes! :D</p> <p>what bothers me most is that I feel much closer to my Macedonian heritage/side of the family, but I can't speak the language! I do cut my mum some slack though, as she didn't have very many relatives here that she spoke her language with, whereas we have a big Greek family and they dominated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2536496 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 21:51:17 +0000 Raindrop 2536496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FannyMae: lol I loved everything about your comment!! :). Sorry we have this in common. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2536485 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 21:18:17 +0000 FannyMae 2536485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a part of my every day life. I speak Greek fluently, but my mum's mother tongue is the Macedonian which she never taught me to speak (other than a few words/phrases that I picked up). She blames me for not teaching my daughter to speak Greek, and I blame her for not teaching me to speak Macedonian, which in turn she blames me for not learning! Uhhh hello, where was I going to learn it from?? The wind??</p> <p>The best is that my husband does not speak Greek at all, even though we have the same ethnic background. A relative of his once blamed me for not teaching him how to speak Greek... are you serious?? His mother had him for 23 years before I married him, NOT my fault!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2536290 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 17:08:52 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 2536290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If anyone, it would be your parents for following the bad advice of the teacher, but I guess no one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2536199 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 15:32:51 +0000 daniellemybelle 2536199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My situation is different than yours. My mom is English speaking, my dad is bilingual (Spanish/English), and I didn't live with my dad year round because before before my parents divorced, my dad traveled frequently and for long periods for work, and then after age 7 I usually only saw him every other weekend.</p> <p>So, I blame my dad. :silly: I know it would have been harder in that situation to teach us Spanish but if he wanted to, he probably could have. He has two younger children with his wife now and they live with him full time and they also don't speak Spanish.</p> <p>I don't think my dad blames me but he has also made comments that my brother and I weren't "interested." It's probably hard as a parent to feel that guilt so it's easier to shift the blame. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2536148 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 14:42:24 +0000 JennyPenny 2536148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would vote that its maybe everyone's fault a little bit (does that make it no one's fault?) Language is a tricky thing and it takes a lot of factors to learn it and more importantly keep it.</p> <p>One thing that I still try to work out: my DH and 4 of his siblings were born in France, spent a few years in the US (except the youngest), then back to France, then moved here permanently. They were ages A-16, B-14, C-10, D-8, and E-1 when they moved to the US permanently. His parents speak French pretty much exclusively at home and expect their kids to do the same. Everyone is fluent in French apparently some of them now sound like French is their 2nd language, when it isn't. According to his mom the best are A and D, then C, and B and E are the worst. Doesn't make any sense from an age/development standpoint. *BUT* I feel like "being French" is a stronger part of A and D's identities, so it makes sense that they might have put in extra effort to continue to speak like a native. Just 1 interesting observation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2536103 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 14:02:14 +0000 ineebee 2536103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My vote is that it's your kindergarten teacher's fault! </p> <p>When we were kids, the whole English language learning landscape was totally different than it is now, so I don't *really* blame your teacher. But that sucks what happened.</p> <p>What I do think helps people to maintain the language of their parents is having someone in the house who only speaks that language, or if you visit that country often enough. I think it's all about the kid realizing that knowing that language has VALUE. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2536004 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 12:40:25 +0000 lamariniere 2536004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sunny: he he, come on over. But here, it's actually not much better. They just elected a far right candidate for president, but since he didn't get 50% of the vote, there's going to be a second round soon, so I'm not sure if he's going to be the actual president or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2535911 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 11:41:05 +0000 psw27 2535911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ha. I mean if your mom was so worried about it, she should have worked on it more with you! But I agree, its not anyone one person's "fault" - it just happened. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2535909 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 11:39:10 +0000 Raindrop 2535909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: Haha Thanks! </p> <p>I know it's not my fault, which is why I think I get upset when my mom blames me. :) </p> <p>It's no one's fault! She doesn't need to blame anyone! Haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2535907 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 11:38:31 +0000 snowjewelz 2535907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sunny: I don't blame you tho! I'm sure it was horrible to have to go to school on top of school! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2535902 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 11:36:25 +0000 sunny 2535902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: &lt;&lt; since all my friends that went to Chinese school hated it, but then regret not learning!). &gt;&gt; Right here!!! 🙋</p> <p>@lamariniere: that is so fascinating about your kiddos! DH was joking around the other night and suggesting that we move to Europe if Trump becomes president... He says he qualifies for an EU passport. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2535856 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 11:07:39 +0000 gingerbebe 2535856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not trying to sound like a d*ck I promise, but I'd be like who cares? It's illogical to blame someone for something like that so I wouldn't pay it any mind. But I deal with utterly delusional parents so I guess it's easier for me?</p> <p>I don't think it's anyone's "fault" - it just happened. Your parents made a parenting choice to favor your English skills because they weighed the pros and cons and decided learning English was more important, but have remorse about losing your native tongue. The end. Perhaps your mom thinks it has something to do with you because your other siblings speak Cantonese better, but again, like there's no logical way to "blame" someone for that. I naturally pick up languages better than my brother, but it's not a fault per se in my brother, it's just how we're built. </p> <p>In Asian cultures they DO tend to blame parents for everything "wrong" the kids do, so perhaps your mom is trying to deflect that "shame" onto you by acting like she tried to make sure you knew Cantonese but you were just unwilling to learn. </p> <p>Again, illogical and stupid, so whatever, who cares. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2535633 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 08:32:29 +0000 Umbreon 2535633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you HAVE to blame someone, I would say it would be your parents. However, if it was causing issues in school, I think your parents did the right thing. I feel like it shouldn't be a kids responsibility to take it upon themselves to learn a language.</p> <p>DH blames his parents for not teaching him Spanish as a child. He took it in High School and has used the app Duolingo to help teach him more. But it's definitely more difficult to learn a language as an adult than it is as a child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2535626 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 08:26:34 +0000 lamariniere 2535626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownepiano: I think it really depends on the kid. My son was bilingual until 2 when we added a 3rd language. He mixed up his two main languages all the time until he was about 2.5. My daughter has been trilingual essentially from birth. It's fascinating to see the differences. Whereas, my DS would speak any language to any person regardless of what they spoke and speak sentences mixing 2 or more languages, my daughter has always made the distinction between which language she speaks to which person and very rarely speaks multilingual sentences. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1/page/2#post-2535621 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 08:22:03 +0000 snowjewelz 2535621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: It's 100% not your fault! Technically, it's your parents' fault, but in your case, it's no one's fault b/c they had to speak English to you so you could keep in up in school. </p> <p>I don't count b/c I immigrated here when I was 13 so I was already fluent. My sister on the other hand can't read/write, but she's fluent in conversation, and can actually kinda read. My parents never did anything over &amp; above... She didn't go to Chinese school, but we did watch a lot of HK drama's at home haha! And we did speak a lot of Chinese/Chinglish and went back to the motherland frequently. Also I think it's really the kid too.. My sister was very interested in her culture/language and made an effort herself. </p> <p>With DD now, DH and I speak different dialects. We both speak Cantonese, he's fluent in Mandarin where as I am like 80-90%, and then he also has his dialect on top of that. I don't ever expect DD to even know dialect, since his family can all speak Mandarin. My mom speaks a lot more Cantonese to her than me. When she gets a little older I do plan to introduce Chinese books/music/videos and I plan to teach her Chinese myself without having to send her to Chinese school. I really want her to learn in a fun way (since all my friends that went to Chinese school hated it, but then regret not learning!).</p> <p>But if she's just not into it, I'm not going to push her. I'll do my best to make it available to her, but in the future, I can't really say it's anyone's fault if I tried my best, and even if she isn't interested, I wouldn't say it's her fault either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535601 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 08:11:20 +0000 brownepiano 2535601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I wonder if it was just a timing thing then that seemed like a language thing. I didn't speak intelligably until after I was 2. I mixed the two languages together so much no one could understand me. But then we moved to US for a year and I learned English. When we moved back overseas I had to relearn Spanish. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535598 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 08:07:41 +0000 looch 2535598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownepiano: I just want to point out that it's not always the case that introducing a second language causes delays in speech...in most cases, children don't even know there is more than one language, just different words. A lot of speech delays (at least what I have been exposed to) are motor related according to my son's SLP. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535578 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 07:31:26 +0000 brownepiano 2535578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am on the other end of this. I used to speak Spanish mostly fluently but I lose it almost immediately when I'm not immersed in it or using it a lot. I consciously chose not to try to speak Spanish to my son. It was more than I could could handle as a new mom. Now at 2 he is not seriously behind in language but definitely on the late end of talking. It makes me glad we didn't try two languages because I think it would have made him delayed (which happened to me). So I take responsibility but it isn't always so clear cut. At least I know if he chooses to learn a Latin based language I'll be able to help him in school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535553 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 06:11:02 +0000 looch 2535553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read all the posts, but I actually blame the school. They should have done whatever they could to treat English as a second language and offer services to help you.</p> <p>Think about it, I know have a big push to assimilate and learn English in this country, but then in the other side we say learning a foreign language is beneficial to children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535515 Wed, 27 Apr 2016 23:34:08 +0000 lamariniere 2535515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was actually just thinking of a similar post recently. I blame the parents. I grew up in a household where my dad spoke 2 other languages in addition to (broken) English. My mom only spoke English so that's what we spoke at home. I blame my dad for not making an effort to teach us kids. I would hear him weekly on the phone talking to overseas relatives so I am familiar with the sounds of the language but do not understand it. I think it's also a generational thing. People our age have parents who just wanted to assimilate and draw as little attention as possible to the fact that they were foreigners. </p> <p>Nowadays, pretty much everyone realizes the value of imparting language to their kids early, so I think families are more inclined to be multilingual at home when the parents speak different languages. </p> <p>As for siblings, I'm fascinated watching my two. Yesterday they started a conversation in German, switched to French midway and then picked up in English again. My older one is usually the one who sets the language for the two of them and the younger one just follows his lead. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535503 Wed, 27 Apr 2016 22:20:26 +0000 Freckles 2535503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Omg i went through the same thing. I had grandmacare up until kindergarten, and my horrible teacher told my mom that i was "retarded" and i should be evaluated. The doctor said that i was fine and just needed 6 months to pick it up. But my mom was so scared that she stopped speaking Korean to me at home. Since she is fluent in English it was easy for her to converse with me in English. Anyways, she blames herself that my Korean isn't as good as it should be. I think your mom needs to let it go! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535486 Wed, 27 Apr 2016 21:35:03 +0000 Mrs. Bee 2535486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>if my parents hadn't spoken korean at home almost exclusively growing up, i doubt that i'd be fluent today. that's really the best way to absorb a language, especially when you're young! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535480 Wed, 27 Apr 2016 21:27:56 +0000 yin 2535480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I blame my parents. :silly: </p> <p>My parents originally taught my sister Cantonese from their village. My sisters didn't pick up on it, and my parents' friend gave them the advice to teach Hong Kong Cantonese. That helped a bit, but ultimately my parents sent my three older sisters to Hong Kong in the summers to spend with my aunt. On the other hand, I was more self taught by watching a lot of Chinese dramas as a kid. My parents also only ever spoke to us in Cantonese. We were supposed to learn English in school.</p> <p>Fast forward to now, and my Cantonese is horrible. I only speak it with my parents and throw in a lot of English words. They never blame me or themselves for my broken Cantonese. I don't give myself a hard time for not knowing the language better, and my parents are content as long as we can somewhat communicate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535458 Wed, 27 Apr 2016 20:59:07 +0000 Raindrop 2535458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stiletto_mom: I don't really regret or resent that I don't know Chinese fluently. I am envious of friends that are fluent but right now I don't have time or energy and I actually do know enough to get by ... especially in restaurants and Asian super markets. Which has come in handy!</p> <p>I can definitely see my mom regretting not teaching me and wanting me to shoulder the blame which I think is kind of uncool. Though this sibling idea seems to be good... maybe I could have her blame my older brother for my lack of Chinese. Haha... kidding!! In case anyone thinks I'm serious. </p> <p>@sunny: This sibling theory is very very interesting. *nods nods* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535446 Wed, 27 Apr 2016 20:39:52 +0000 PurplePumps 2535446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oooh, that makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535443 Wed, 27 Apr 2016 20:37:58 +0000 sunny 2535443@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally think it's the siblings fault! I have 2 younger brothers and I speak Cantonese the best out of the 3 of us because I had my mom's exclusive attention up until I was 4. I didn't have anyone to speak English with at home until my brother started speaking. So basically it's my fault that my younger brothers don't speak Cantonese very well. :silly: As for me, I guess it's my parent's fault that I didn't get better than I did. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535439 Wed, 27 Apr 2016 20:30:33 +0000 Raindrop 2535439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePumps: It's easier to write Cantonese than Toisan :) Who knows what Toisan is?!?! Almost everyone knows what Cantonese and Mandarin is. ;) I also got the feeling that Toisan is basically like Cantonese. I want to say it's a dialect? Ha!</p> <p>So my dad's side only speaks Toisan, my mom can speak ANYTHING so she just spoke in Toisan too.</p> <p>Edit : I usually tell people I know some Cantonese instead of saying I know some Toisan, but I can understand both so I thought that was okay to say. :) I am way better at Toisan though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535438 Wed, 27 Apr 2016 20:28:17 +0000 PurplePumps 2535438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: Haha! Same here! I always thought they sounded so similar and that it both could understand each other cause my dad would speak to my grandma in Canto and she'd understand and respond in Toisan and he'd understand! I didn't know until I my friend from HK told me she couldn't understand Toisanese and I'm like huh?? really?? She's like no, it's totally different!<br /> But if your parents speak Cantonese, how did you end up speaking Toisan? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whos-to-blame-1#post-2535431 Wed, 27 Apr 2016 20:19:56 +0000 Raindrop 2535431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePumps: I was put in ESL anyways. I was in it till 5th grade!</p> <p>So... I can understand a lot of conversational Cantonese pretty well but the main reason I don't speak is because I actually speak in Toisan, which is hard for a "pure" Cantonese people to understand. :) I didn't know that till college and so I just talk back in English was the norm for me. </p>