https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 12:31:03 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/5#post-2740365 Thu, 25 May 2017 17:27:01 +0000 Littlebit7 2740365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We struggled with this for about 6 months last year and into this year. I was so torn. 50% of me loved the life we had, loved the phase LO was at, didn't want to go through the baby phase again, we'd need to move, kids in NYC are expensive (I know they are expensive everywhere but housing costs really kills you here). We had started to travel again and really get back into our groove. But the other half of me wanted a sibling for LO. A part of me felt our family wouldn't be complete. No one we knew who was an only child recommend it (ouch). I was reaching AMA so I knew my clock was ticking. DH honestly, bless his heart, would have been fine with whatever choice I made (we made). But ultimately we decided to just try it; his comment that stuck with me was 5 years from now, would we regret that we didn't try. And I had to acknowledge that yes, I would regret not trying.<br /> So we both went into it with the mindset of "ok, a second isn't crucial. It would be icing on the cake. We won't go to any extreme lengths. Let's just see how it goes"</p> <p>So now I'm barely pregnant with #2 and honestly I still have some trepidation. Did we make the right choice? But honestly I felt the same with number one! But I trust and know that the new one will create a new normal with our family, full of joy and challenges and love. So we'll see what happens and if this baby decides to stick. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/5#post-2740265 Thu, 25 May 2017 15:29:38 +0000 mediagirl 2740265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love that this thread.I love reading about people who have stuck with the 1 and done and people who have fallen off the wagon to have another. ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/5#post-2740261 Thu, 25 May 2017 15:23:47 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2740261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrskansas: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/5#post-2740259 Thu, 25 May 2017 15:22:24 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2740259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: It's all hard... :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/5#post-2740257 Thu, 25 May 2017 15:21:13 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2740257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBucky: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/5#post-2740255 Thu, 25 May 2017 15:19:30 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2740255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@themrsgoff: The infertility angle is a real drag, isn't it... :sad: Wishing you the best of luck going forward! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/5#post-2740251 Thu, 25 May 2017 15:15:57 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2740251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: Thank you for the good thoughts! Great perspective. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/5#post-2739638 Wed, 24 May 2017 14:05:18 +0000 lawbee11 2739638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: Yes! And DH and I both have non-traditional legal jobs with a good amount of flexibility (him moreso than me). But we're in such a good groove and have a great balance of family time, couple time, and alone time. And yeah, it can definitely be done because I know people with even more than two kids who do it and do it well! I just feel like I wouldn't be one of those people lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/5#post-2739626 Wed, 24 May 2017 13:49:58 +0000 wrkbrk 2739626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: Totally! Just noticed your username - I am a lawyer, too. Not to derail this thread but there are many MANY days I sit at work thinking, how do people do this with multiple children?? Now obviously it can be done, but I find just the one quite challenging. LOL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/5#post-2739623 Wed, 24 May 2017 13:45:45 +0000 lawbee11 2739623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: It's so fun and just keeps getting better and better! There have actually been many times recently where I've stopped and thought, "how would this even work with two kids?" Like Mother's day tea at her school...would I be going back and forth between classes? Or weekend soccer games...would DH and I split up and each take one kid? Or be racing from one game to the next? I mean with a toddler and an infant I'm sure it's hard because they're both still so needy but I feel like it gets even more complicated as they get older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/5#post-2739606 Wed, 24 May 2017 13:19:47 +0000 wrkbrk 2739606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: Loved reading your perspective! I hope it's like this for us as DS grows older!<br /> @JENNZMT: Agree! Social pressure keeps a lot of people quiet - I've found that to be anecdotally true. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739602 Wed, 24 May 2017 13:12:49 +0000 JENNZMT 2739602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: I think more people feel the same way but feel they are doing an injustice to their second child if they say it out loud! My friends gasp in horror every time I say it, but anyone who know me knows I am brutally honest and very blunt. The truth is I sometimes worry that I favor my second because we have similar personalities and similar likes/dislikes, so its not that I don't cherish him! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739600 Wed, 24 May 2017 13:08:01 +0000 lawbee11 2739600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FliegepilzHut: Sounds like we have similar situations :) My daughter has half-siblings who are older and live out of state. I will say that considering the distance they are pretty close with her (we FaceTime with them every day and they visit us/she visits them on a regular basis). </p> <p>We will not be having anymore children (and have taken permanent measures). My DH got a vasectomy right before my LO turned 3 (she'll be 4 in a couple of months). It's such a personal choice and obviously depends very much on your family. For us we just felt complete after LO was born and realized shortly after her birth that we were on the same page. It helped that she was a horrid sleeper for the first year of her life and I have no desire to repeat that. </p> <p>Being able to focus my energy and attention on just one LO has been great for me and I think fits my personality best. I don't have to worry about juggling sick days for two kids (DH and I both work full-time and can take turns taking days off for this stuff). I don't have to worry about trying to fit activities in for multiple kids (I've found this challenging enough with just one!). Travel is a huge priority for us and now that she's older it has become so enjoyable for us to travel as a family....and it's dare I say...easy (especially when her older siblings are there to help out!). There are obviously pros to having more than one, but seeing some of the challenges my friends with multiple children face makes me thankful for some of these pros of only having one :) </p> <p>I hope you can find peace with whatever decision you make! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739595 Wed, 24 May 2017 13:01:25 +0000 Bernieboo 2739595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We currently have one (almost 8 months old) and are casually TTC. I am an only and I have always known that if I had kids, i would want more than one. DH wants 4 or 5, I want 3 or 4. I've seen both sides of the sibling issue; DH and my mom have terrible relationships with their siblings. But I've known a lot of people who are incredibly close to their siblings into adulthood. We've resolved to put a lot of effort into helping our kids develop good relationships with each other. I did not like being an only. I spent a lot of time being lonely and I think I grew up a lot faster bc I was always only around adults. Another thing that factors into it for us is that I have no siblings and we will never live near DH's sister, so our kids will never have the experience with cousins. DH was ready for another within a month or two of M being born, it's taken me a bit longer, but now we both have baby fever!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739583 Wed, 24 May 2017 12:43:14 +0000 wrkbrk 2739583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JENNZMT: Wow, thanks for being honest. I feel like you almost never hear anyone express any doubts about having had a kid or more kids, although statistically, some people have to feel this way. Refreshing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739544 Wed, 24 May 2017 11:29:56 +0000 PawPrints 2739544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same as @snowjewelz, it was never a question for us, since we both come from 2-sibling families with 3-4 year age gaps. It's what seems normal to us. We will absolutely be done after #2. I'm a little worried #2 will be a difficult child since DD has been such a tender sweetheart, kind of seems like we're due for a terror! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739535 Wed, 24 May 2017 10:54:17 +0000 snowjewelz 2739535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hah, I wasn't even pregnant with my first when this thread started, and now I have two! </p> <p>I was never not gonna have a 2nd if I have a 1st. We both have siblings so to me it was just never even a question. Timing was the only question but DD2 came early as a surprise! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739534 Wed, 24 May 2017 10:48:59 +0000 babycanuck 2739534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also want to note...I always wonder. In the back of my mind it's there.</p> <p>Should we?<br /> Could we afford it?<br /> Am I not giving my son something he should have?</p> <p>I had a strained relationship with my sister growing up but we're so close now.<br /> DH had a great relationship with his brother but now his brother doesn't talk to anyone in the family.</p> <p>So hard :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739524 Wed, 24 May 2017 10:30:59 +0000 mrskansas 2739524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am really struggling with this right now. We've been trying for #2 for around 10 months with three losses and now are dealing with unsuccessful fertility treatments.<br /> I think after this month I will be at the point of being done. I fear having a second child who is really difficult (my daughter has been a dream) and regretting the decision to add to our family.<br /> This thread has really helped a lot. @FliegepilzHut: Thank you for reviving it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739522 Wed, 24 May 2017 10:28:05 +0000 mrskansas 2739522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JENNZMT: I really appreciate your honest response. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739518 Wed, 24 May 2017 10:16:38 +0000 MrsBucky 2739518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FliegepilzHut: I'm in a slightly different boat but I'll share anyway fwiw. I have one 26 mo and my husband is ready for the second to be born like yesterday (I am not pregnant). Actually he is already talking about adoption after we have our third. (!!) I feel a bit more ambivalent. I love my son deeply, but my husband is way better at the toddler stage than I am. He is also better at rolling with whatever comes than I am. I'm afraid of rolling the dice on another child's personality, being able to do things, being able to take care of more kids. But, like others have said- I always wanted more kids, I picture a larger family long term, and the spiritual part of me believes that whatever hard parts come (and I know there will be many) will help me become a better person. I also do want to give my son the gift of a sibling/siblings. So, we are trying, and I'm trying to focus on being open to whatever comes and let go of control. I will also add that my son was in a traumatic accident recently (he is miraculously fine thank goodness) and it has made me more afraid of having more kids because of fear of being less able to keep him/them safe. Thank goodness for therapy to help me work through that. 🙂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739500 Wed, 24 May 2017 09:35:12 +0000 babycanuck 2739500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are one and done.</p> <p>There are two factors for us not having another:<br /> 1. I had issues conceiving. While it was resolved surgically, I'm sure we would conceive quickly again, because I already had a high chance of twins, being over 35 having another would make that chance even higher, and I don't think I have the energy for 3. Don't call me selfish for that.</p> <p>2. I had really bad HG. Yes, I'm aware every pregnancy can be different, but I cannot take a chance with a toddler and the HG like I had before. I just don't have the support system for it, to help take care of my LO while I'm stuck in hospital attached to IVs, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739495 Wed, 24 May 2017 09:22:47 +0000 JENNZMT 2739495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did not want children at all until about a year after we got married(I was 28), we decided to try for one and just take it as it came. It was hard at first but by the time my first was a year old we were having so much fun with him we decided to have another! I will admit I think we may have been better off just sticking to one child. I go back and forth and at times I am so happy we had another and I love seeing there relationship as brothers grow but I have many days where I see how different things would be if we just had only my 5 year old son. My second child is also the more difficult child and has had some minor illnesses that made the first year of life really tough on us. That said we decided to have 2 mostly because we were enjoying our first so much and liked the idea of him having a sibling to play and forever have a special bond with. I think as we get out of the "terrible twos" I may feel that it was the right choice but right now there are days I still struggle with the decision(We love my second son dearly but these are my honest thoughts!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739494 Wed, 24 May 2017 09:22:34 +0000 themrsgoff 2739494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just always had pictured my family with several kids.</p> <p>The caveat was that I generally do not enjoy other people's kids, so I did worry that I might feel that way about my own. The day I had DS, though, I knew - in the hospital, I knew - that we needed more. He was amazing, we were totally smitten. I started having baby fever when he was 6 weeks and now that he is 7 months, I'm ready to go again. Husband is ready for more, also.</p> <p>That said, we did IVF for DS so I'm not sure how many more we'll get to have. At least one, would love 2, we'll see about 3. I love being a mom more than I could have ever imagined. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739484 Wed, 24 May 2017 09:10:34 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2739484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Goose: We've actually talked about adopting an older child...but later, obviously, since DS is still little and we would want to respect birth order. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739481 Wed, 24 May 2017 09:08:42 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2739481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FliegepilzHut: hmmm. First give yourselves a time window to decide if you both agree on a second and then another time window for adoption which I know can be a long process at times. Then you'll have "deadlines" you can work with and meet. </p> <p>My husband and I talked to someone who went through the adoption process for years and then ultimately they couldn't adoptfor some reason. (We are not very close to the person we were chatting with so didn't get details). If it was me for adoption though, which we had talked about in the past, I wouldn't want to devote too many years to waiting because being in that period of the unknown would be stressful for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739476 Wed, 24 May 2017 09:03:40 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2739476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Goose: I think that sounds like a reasonable approach...only both my husband and I are not averse to possibly pursuing adoption to grow our family. The biggest question right now is whether we (jointly) want more than one...and whether we will go through the biological route again, pregnancy, tiny baby stage, etc.</p> <p>@skipra: Thank you! It's fascinating to me that the same logic (or at least worry) still applies even with more than one kid... :-/</p> <p>@Eko: Those are my thoughts as well. I love thinking about our future (vacations in the short term, holidays in the long term) with more than one child. And our experience so far as parents has brought us both so much joy. What is really hard is trying to make an emotional appeal (usually I'm the "rational" one!) while my husband is thinking of the nuts and bolts, day-to-day experience of 2 kids under the age of 5.... :bummed: </p> <p>@wrkbrk: Thanks for updating! Yes, the newborn stage (I loved it) is one of the points on which my husband and I most disagree. :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739328 Tue, 23 May 2017 20:31:15 +0000 wrkbrk 2739328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are one and done, and to answer a previous question, no-it's not because of any medical reason. I don't worry the least bit about DS being lonely or badly adjusted. I worry I'll never get to snuggle a newborn again!!!!! But I'm sure he feeling will pass as our friends get past the newborn stage with numbers two and three. I'm sure a negative relationship with my two siblings somewhat influences my view on this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739270 Tue, 23 May 2017 18:07:23 +0000 Eko 2739270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FliegepilzHut: we were on the fence with #2. We struggled to conceive DS, he had bad reflux issues and we didn't really know if we had the means to support a second. I am one of three and DH is one of 4 but grew up as an only child so he was more content then I was with the idea of only having one. We knew that we did not want a large age gap between kids if we did want a second, so it was something we had serious talks about. When it came down to it, when I thought about my life 20, 30+ years from now am I going to be happy with a choice of only having one. The answer was no. We made financial adjustments to accommodate a second and had an easier time conceiving (currently pregnant). DS brings so much joy to our family that we wanted another. No way in help am I having more than 2 though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-a-second-child/page/4#post-2739160 Tue, 23 May 2017 14:12:09 +0000 skipra 2739160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were on the fence about #3. DH was totally fine with 2 but I wanted to try for a third. We decided to give it a try for about 6 months and if it didn't happen then it was the universe telling us we were done. Also morbidly, if something were to happen to one of our kids the other would be all alone and I would hate that we never gave it a shot. And I always seem to hear that you never regret having another baby but you might regret not (or at least trying).<br /> Good luck with your decision! </p>