https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 10 Jun 2026 01:15:24 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1134459 Sun, 06 Oct 2013 13:23:03 +0000 Mae 1134459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I keep reading stories on here of people coming over and expecting you to wait on them and it seems so crazy to me! I guess I don't know yet since I haven't yet given birth... but I just cannot imagine anyone we know coming over and expecting us to wait on them with a newborn. My mom has offered to come down and stay with us and spend as much time as I need with her after the baby is born, particularly after my husband has gone back to work. And she's very much the "clean your house/make you dinner" type. I imagine she will keep us well stocked on food. My mother in law also wants to fly in at some point and she's also of the helpful type so I imagine her stay will be more helpful than not. My father-in-law is not so helpful but I think we just won't let him come the first month. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1134038 Sun, 06 Oct 2013 05:41:26 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1134038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Interesting article. Now when family asks to help after the baby is born it all makes sense. People don't want to meddle, although I'm sure some do, but genuinely they know giving birth is a big deal. I am still in the camp I want to be left alone. </p> <p>I think American women are expected to bounce back because let's face it there's work to be done! We live in an two-income society. The support system (granny's and aunties) are working too. Post childbirth care is not cheap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1133968 Sun, 06 Oct 2013 00:13:20 +0000 shopaholic 1133968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can never get the page to stay so I can read it! Weird! True though! Even my own family. They expected us to just up and go and do everything normal with the baby as soon as we left the hospital. My dad actually told me my aunt needed help and stuff for a month after her minor outpatient surgery vs. me who just had a baby and should bring her out to lunch the same day we got home. Because I was young. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1133948 Sat, 05 Oct 2013 23:15:35 +0000 Sapphiresun 1133948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very interesting. I'm in Canada so at least have a liger maternity leave but have to say I've been a little disappointed in the suppor I've received. We live far away from either set of parents due to being posted for dh's job. I have some extended family locally who did like to come visit at first but of course just wanted to hold the baby and have me make them food. And now I'm 9 weeks pp and not a single person has been here in 5 weeks. My husband works 12 hour shifts and people seem to think maternity leave means "always available to make airport runs/take older family members for their errands and appointments". I was called and asked to assist someone with moving 3 weeks pp since "nobody else has a Tuesday off" (I said no to that one).<br /> The only person who visited and actually helped was my sister who came to town the weekend after the baby was born and cleaned our house, asked for our grocery list, made us meals, watched the baby outside the dressing room while I shopped for nursing bras/clothes that actually fit. Unfortunately she could only stay for 3 days though. Hopefully I can return the favour when she has her babies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1133939 Sat, 05 Oct 2013 22:59:16 +0000 illumina 1133939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a bit of a sore point for me at the moment, though I agree with all the pp's. I'm nearly 3wks pp and have received next to no help. It's been very tough and I alternate between feeling frustrated and angry at my close family for their actions, to feeling fiercely proud of what I've accomplished- we eat 2 cooked meals per day, my house is reasonably presentable, laundry up to date, baby happy and my body has bounced back better than I imagined. But all this on very little sleep has been a huge challenge. </p> <p>I wish there was assistance out there for new families who don't have the support of others around them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1133836 Sat, 05 Oct 2013 20:55:06 +0000 Anagram 1133836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was lucky that both my mother and my in laws came and they were all helpful (cooking, cleaning, not getting up in our parenting business ). My mom especially helped immeasurably... I was so well rested my first two weeks! Then when they left and my husband went back to work it was a rude awakening. </p> <p>Honestly, the sleep deprivation I've experienced in the 10 weeks since our parents left has made me wish I could afford a baby nurse until out LO starts sleeping longer. </p> <p>So for me, it's not an issue with visitors, it's more if the societal expectation that a mom is supposed to " do it all". Not sleep, keep the house clean, take care if the baby, somehow make nutritious meals, get back into shape... And not accept any help to do any if it. </p> <p>It's exhausting. And if we don't do all if that, breezily, like it's no big deal and with a big sappy grin on our faces, then we get mommy shamed and told we should be appreciating this time period and be happy to do all the night wake ups. Ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1133667 Sat, 05 Oct 2013 17:31:10 +0000 JessKas 1133667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Post-natal care and understanding is horrible. I had to go back to school 2.5 weeks postpartum because the school would not let me defer and the professor would only let me miss the first week of classes. And I'm studying holistic health...</p> <p>There is little to no help and lots of expectations to look good, have a clean house, and take care of others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1133628 Sat, 05 Oct 2013 16:35:22 +0000 Lindsay05 1133628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree. I remember basically being thrown to the wolves in the hospital. I had to call in a nurse to help me change a diaper because I guess they just assumed that it came with motherly instinct. Even an hour after giving birth, they had me walk to my new recovery room, change clothes, learn the spray bottle all while wheeling around an IV pole. I remember DH's grandma saying how it was the best being in recovery in the hospital because it was a great break from home. And it was like staying in a hotel for at least a week. My DH wasn't even allowed to stay with me the first night in the hospital so I got zero sleep because I was trying to get up out of bed to tend to my screaming newborn. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1133615 Sat, 05 Oct 2013 16:14:37 +0000 erinpye 1133615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I remember my mother in law, who has never had children herself, commenting 3 days after I gave birth that she was surprised I was walking slowly and basically waddling. She also expressed disgust at breastmilk. A lot of people really have no clue. I am demanding so much more help and support this time around because being left alone, with a colicky baby, 5 days after giving birth, without a single family member's help or them even bringing a meal, yet coming by for hours, is just not OK! My sweet cousin that lives an hour away did bring me coolers of meals twice- I was so beyond grateful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1133521 Sat, 05 Oct 2013 15:14:23 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1133521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is exactly why we refused visitors for the first month. I was not going to be taking care of family members in addition to my new baby. When friends said they'd pop by, we made sure they brought a meal or they should wait to come over.</p> <p>I think that made post-partum a lot less stressful for our family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1133490 Sat, 05 Oct 2013 14:29:31 +0000 deerylou 1133490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are such a go-go-go-go society. When a baby is born, the focus is always on the infant, and rarely on the recovering mother. I definitely felt overwhelmed to "get over" some of the consequences of a postpartum complication, and while I'm in good spirits now, it was hard feeling like my emotions were second fiddle to my daughter, who was genuinely just fine. </p> <p>It's tough. I feel we need more focus and education on the postpartum period during the prenatal phase. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1133489 Sat, 05 Oct 2013 14:29:15 +0000 boots 1133489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was just talking to DH about this last night! It's something that really disturbs me, and I think that it should change...like yesterday. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1133486 Sat, 05 Oct 2013 14:28:25 +0000 Dandelion 1133486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Great article! It's true...we're so oriented to "bounce back" after birth that we don't really get a good chance to heal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-are-americas-postpartum-practices-so-rough-on-new-mothers#post-1133477 Sat, 05 Oct 2013 14:17:34 +0000 Anagram 1133477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/witw/articles/2013/08/15/america-s-postpartum-practices.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.thedailybeast.com/witw/articles/2013/08/15/america-s-postpartum-practices.html</a></p> <p>What do you think? After reading all the stories here on HB about visitors coming and expecting the mom to do stuff for them, I think our society's general level of knowledge about women postpartum sucks. </p>