https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 25 Jun 2026 00:11:16 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/3#post-1228043 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 18:50:59 +0000 deactivated_account 1228043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lovehoneybee: Deal. Cheers! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/3#post-1228040 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 18:50:23 +0000 lovehoneybee 1228040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMcD: Well, I have at least one brother I haven't spoken to in 3 years and that's not going to change, so we'll agree to disagree, yeah? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/3#post-1228030 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 18:47:16 +0000 deactivated_account 1228030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lovehoneybee: I don't expect siblings to be best friends. I just think sibling relationships in general are invaluable. People will always be busy with their own families so we can't rely on friends to be there for us for the entirety of our lives like siblings will be. Like them or not, they are a part of your life. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/3#post-1228009 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 18:32:36 +0000 lovehoneybee 1228009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMcD: Sorry, I just didn't want to come off like "I wish they weren't alive so I could have this" (and I felt like I might have been a bit!)....just wanted to clarify that we don't take into account the assumption that a sibling=best friend for life when making our family plans, because I've seen firsthand how opposite that can be...but I'm sure I'm the exception here, not the rule!</p> <p>Sorry to threadjack OP! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227958 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 17:53:37 +0000 Cole 1227958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I suppose we could afford more than the 2-3 kids we want but it would mean changing around the way we live. I don't know that we will be able to pay for 100% of college but I want to be able to offer significant help. I also want to be able to travel with our children, it is something that is very important to my husband and I. If we magically ended up with octuplets we would make it work, life would just look different. So I guess the answer is that affording it is different than wanting to make the life changes needed for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227952 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 17:50:46 +0000 mrsjazz 1227952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: Same here. I grew up poor and while I love my brothers and sister, there were experiences I felt like I and we (as a family) missed out on, experiences I want to provide LO with. Also as someone that was one of four we didn't all get equal time and my Mom was spread thin. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227947 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 17:47:50 +0000 spaniellove 1227947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We originally didn't plan to have any kids, so one is a stretch for us. Buying a house suitable for kids and then deciding to (hopefully) do private school was never part of the plan until well into our marriage, so multiplying the expense by two or three kids is tough to imagine. I know it's been said by others, but paying for college to some extent is important to me because of the experience I had growing up. My parents pushed me hard to get into a great college, but they got some bad advice from other parents whose kids weren't on the same track. Those parents told them it was "the American way" to cut your child off at 18, so even though I'd worked my butt off to get into an amazing (and expensive) school, they told me when I got there that I was completely on my own and would have to get by with a combination of loans and work. That really screwed me over and I'd never do that to my kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227938 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 17:41:51 +0000 loveisstrange 1227938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Housing, college, retirement, child care, healthcare, possible private education... There are a thousand ways that kids are expensive. </p> <p>I also don't want to spend my life poor just to have more kids. I grew up that way and I don't want that for my kids. My parents worked their asses off and still struggled. I remember listening to them fight about money as a kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227923 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 17:33:21 +0000 artsyfartsy 1227923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My theory is you can never be financially prepared for children. I want a big family (3-5 kids) and I'm not concerned about affording it. I'm concerned about handling it! Lol</p> <p>I guess technically I'm not financially prepared for even this LO, but we will make it work of course. Maybe he won't get the nicest newest toys for Christmas but that's not at all important to me. I grew up in a household that had to stretch financially but I had a wonderful childhood with 2 sisters that I made great memories with. Having and raising a loving family is more important than money to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227797 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 16:39:47 +0000 mrsjazz 1227797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sapphiresun: Hahahaha! The home for sale across the street from me looks like a crack shack. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227796 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 16:39:14 +0000 Mrsbells 1227796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Daycare costs!!! especially if you have kids close together so you have two or more kids in daycare at a time </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227793 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 16:38:07 +0000 plantains 1227793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sapphiresun: hilarious! How depressing and hysterical all at once. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227754 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 16:26:25 +0000 Beyond2 1227754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>These responses are so interesting to me! I'm so glad so many people chimed in! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227739 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 16:22:19 +0000 Sapphiresun 1227739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: .@plantains: Insane. </p> <p>A brief aside: this website about our local real estate market makes me laugh (through my tears).</p> <p><a href="http://www.crackshackormansion.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.crackshackormansion.com/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227686 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 16:08:05 +0000 deactivated_account 1227686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lovehoneybee: I didn't see your "ETA" but I never would have assumed you were a total b*tch. Maybe I'm blissfully hopeful that I will have one nice big family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227664 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 16:03:41 +0000 Kimberlybee 1227664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am not worried about food and clothing really. I am mainly concerned with future educational costs and tuition expenses. If we continue to live where we are, central to everything, great access to all the major freeways (big city living but not downtown) we have to plan for private school. The public school system here is in a big mess, funding shortfalls, and I only see it declining. If we sell our condo and move to the suburbs (which is in my 3-5 year plan), the cost of living will go up to be in a better neighborhood with better schools. The commute to work with be costly also. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227655 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 16:00:49 +0000 lovehoneybee 1227655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMcD: I added an addendum so I hopefully don't come off as a total bitch who wishes my siblings never born. As for our relationships, I doubt even time will help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227641 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 15:56:32 +0000 deactivated_account 1227641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lovehoneybee: I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship with your siblings. That's too bad.... Maybe time will change things. Its always great to consider what sacrifices youre willing to make to have kids. Big families definately aren't for everyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227616 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 15:49:18 +0000 lovehoneybee 1227616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're still on the fence about #2, but the difference is being able to give one a really good life and keep up a lifestyle we want...nothing extravagant. We'd like to be able to take family vacations, go out to eat, not eat beans every night. We'd like to be able to contribute as much as possible to E's college fund. With two we'd have to make a lot more sacrifices, and we're not yet sure we're willing to do so. </p> <p>But even if we do decide to have a second, and made significantly more money than we do we wouldn't have a third (unless by adoption) because we feel the Earth is over-crowded as is and we'd only want to replace ourselves. </p> <p>@MrsMcD: I actually feel the opposite. I have 6 siblings, most of whom I don't speak to (and who don't want to speak to me). Quite frankly, having a college education (which I don't have), would have been much more beneficial to me than the often acrimonious relationships I have with my siblings.</p> <p>ETA: That is just to say that any possible sibling relationship isn't a factor to us, because while they might be BFFS they might also be strangers, or worse, so we don't use it as a reason either way. But being able to help E afford further education is a big one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227603 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 15:46:19 +0000 Purpledaisy 1227603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not finding that having a child is as expensive as people made it out to be. BUT my husband and I work alternating schedules so that we don't need day care, we are going to send her to public school and we aren't going to pay for her college(help here and there but definitely not going to completely fund it) we are planning on having 3 kids on very modest incomes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227579 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 15:36:41 +0000 HLK208 1227579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I base most of my opinions on what my parents did, which might seem silly.</p> <p>For us, we want to be able to help pay for college, put them in sports and take an occasional family vacation. It's beyond money for us though. I don't know that each child would get enough of my attention if we had more than 3 (mainly because my parents couldn't divide their attention with having 4). </p> <p>I'm certain we can handle three financially though. We don't pay for daycare, I SAH and DH makes more than I probably ever will. Here's where my past comes into play besides dividing attention, my parents paid for a majority of my three sisters educations, along with their cars, some private school, family vacations, piano lessons, etc. with less income than we bring home. However, me, being the youngest of 4, I hardly played any sports because of the expense, I had to pay for college myself and I really felt the effect of my parents saying "there's no money left". I really would hate for any of my children to feel that stress. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227455 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 15:11:19 +0000 Honeybee 1227455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think we could afford more kids, but we wouldn't be able to afford private school for three at the same time. So we'd either need to space them out quite a bit or my husband or I would have to have a significant raise in salary. Private school is very important, something we're not willing to sacrifice, so two is it for us right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227449 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 15:10:43 +0000 littlebug 1227449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us, it's kind of a lifestyle choice. We could *probably* afford 2 kids in daycare....if we cut off cable, turned our heat way down, never traveled, never went out, etc. But that's not the life we want for our family. We want to take vacations. We like to watch tv and movies. We like to go to concerts and out to nice dinners. And we like to keep our house warm in the winter! We are not willing to sacrifice those things just because "D needs a sibling!" </p> <p>In the long-term picture, we'd like to be able to contribute some money to D's college. We probably won't be able to pay for it outright, like my parents did for me, but we'll hopefully be able to pay for most of it. And we'd like to retire at an age where we can actually enjoy retirement, not when we're 80! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227423 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 14:58:15 +0000 travelgirl1 1227423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMcD: I totally see and respect everyone else's points, but I'm similar to you. I have three siblings and DH has 6. None of us got help with uni, but love having such big families and I imagine that will shape our thoughts on this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227270 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 14:20:45 +0000 plantains 1227270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: cray cray! So funny how living here completely skews the idea of affordability. Like you, we are adjusting out spacing because I do not have 5k a month to spend on childcare, the mortgage is bad enough haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227145 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 13:50:08 +0000 deactivated_account 1227145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love everyone's passionate responses! And its so awsome to be able to fully fund your childrens' education. I just personally wouldn't limit the number of kids I wanted on that ability. My parents didn't pay for my college education. They didn't pay for my sister's eduation, either. But in the end, I am so happy I have my sister. My lifetime relationship with my sibling is so much more rewarding than a fully-funded college education had I been given one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227136 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 13:48:35 +0000 mrsjazz 1227136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sapphiresun: @plantains: There's a house for sale across the street from my apartment for the low low price of $1.2 million...which is actually a steal compared to other neighborhoods. I will be sticking with my small rental :wink: </p> <p>But two has always been the perfect number for me, we are just adjusting our child spacing due to finances. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227083 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 13:35:53 +0000 plantains 1227083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sapphiresun: same here, and a yard to grow is unheard of. At least not without a few mil. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227078 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 13:34:31 +0000 plantains 1227078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Daycare costs $2500 for one kiddo around here, so no, a giant family is not in the cards for us. My family all live all over the world too, so two is the max for us for sure. we need to pay for college, retirement etc. </p> <p>Additionally, finances aside I think two is the right number for us. I liek to eat in restaurants, travel and do all kinds of things that are a lot easier with two than a huge family. I am definitely not willing to do the newborn thing more than twice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-cant-you-afford-more-kids/page/2#post-1227060 Tue, 19 Nov 2013 13:27:50 +0000 Sapphiresun 1227060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a lot of the same issues (college, retirement savings, daycare costs ~$900-1200/month per child).</p> <p>And then.... that 900 sq ft house with a yard to grow our own food that the OP mentions as a strategy to save money: Would cost well over ONE MILLION dollars in our city, so we're likely restricted to living in a small apartment on our salaries. </p>