https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 11:49:39 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids/page/2#post-2149702 Mon, 20 Apr 2015 09:56:11 +0000 looch 2149702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will be honest, I am the least thing from maternal on this planet, but I am often the "office mom," knowing everyone's birthdays, generally the glue that holds groups of people together.</p> <p>I had made peace with myself that I might never have children. I didn't meet my husband until I was 30 and at that time, I was in a long relationship that was to end 2 years later. So, I kind of realized okay, my life is not some horrible, terrible punishment if I don't get married, if I don't have kids and I was on the road to accepting it. It's part of the reason why I am okay with being one and done and if we didn't conceive, I wouldn't have pursued treatement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids/page/2#post-2149695 Mon, 20 Apr 2015 09:51:03 +0000 Modern Daisy 2149695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To us, the only downside was the cost, and we figured if people who have nothing choose to reproduce then why shouldn't we. But we didnt want it badly enough where not getting pregnant would have ruined us or anything, so we were pretty relaxed about the whole idea. I was okay with the idea of growing old with each other and not having a family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids/page/2#post-2149445 Mon, 20 Apr 2015 01:09:08 +0000 Trufflehunter 2149445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: isn't there another solution to everyone in the developed nations producing 2-3 kids? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids/page/2#post-2149101 Sun, 19 Apr 2015 15:18:46 +0000 skipra 2149101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never cared to have kids until I started to see the big changes between my 2 sisters, one with kids and one cfbc. Being a mother changed my sister for the better. No question, she is a nicer, more responsible and caring person. And my other sister still acts like a teenager - she and her husband drag up so much unnecessary drama and they are really no better off not having kids (financially and they don't travel or do anything really rewarding). On a car ride home after a long visit with both of them, DH and I both decided we were afraid of being cfbc and wanted kids if we were able to have them. I know cfbc does not look like my sister for everyone but we were just afraid of falling into the same rut. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids/page/2#post-2149063 Sun, 19 Apr 2015 13:56:38 +0000 jedeve 2149063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I agree. </p> <p>I think, currently, we live in a very egocentric age (not necessarily a bad thing, but the way we tend to process information is from the viewpoint of the self, that's all I'm saying.) So I had kids because "I" wanted them, which would technically make it selfish.</p> <p>But I think it's largely selfless, if you operate from the viewpoint that we want our society to progress. And I'm not saying that my kids are going to cure cancer or anything. But we do need people to support aging generations, lest we become top heavy. It's true that there is overpopulation in some parts of the world (a real and serious problem), but the fertility rate in many developed countries is falling below replacement rate. And that's not some vague, far off idea - in about 15-20 years, our kids will be taxpayers and a very real part of the economic and social framework of our lives. Basically what I'm saying is, unless you are part of the human extinction movement, someone needs to keep having kids!</p> <p>And I didn't have kids just for myself. I gave my sisters nephews, my parents grandchildren, and most importantly my kids their life. Granted, I wouldnt keep extrapolating that to say I should have all the babies, but I don't think you can overlook that. </p> <p>I will say it's a very irrational act. Since we don't live on a farm in the fifteenth century, my direct financial involvement will not exceed my payoffs. And emotionally, let's be honest, there is a lot of good, and a lot of bad, and the good doesnt necessarily cancel out the bad - you just experience them both. Although the way I felt the moment after my sons were born was a high unlike anything I will ever experience again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids/page/2#post-2149048 Sun, 19 Apr 2015 13:32:22 +0000 youboots 2149048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband always wanted to be a Dad and I got on board after a few years, I could have gone either way. I always felt like a family before, but I'm excited to do life as a family of 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids/page/2#post-2149043 Sun, 19 Apr 2015 13:19:09 +0000 ChitownRo 2149043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1- Like previous posters, I just saw myself as a mom. I have always loved kids. Babysat my whole life. I'm definitely a caretaker type<br /> 2- Since I work in GI oncology, many of my patients die. I see all types of family situations as they face the end of life. It definitely is tough if a patient is childless...Harder for the surviving spouse. Seeing patients die makes you realize what is important in life. (And made me want to give our parents grandkids sooner rather than later) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids/page/2#post-2148849 Sun, 19 Apr 2015 04:58:59 +0000 mediagirl 2148849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: lol, parenting lite! I like that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids/page/2#post-2148823 Sun, 19 Apr 2015 01:15:36 +0000 Trufflehunter 2148823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Being CFBC is about the least selfish thing a person can do. They should be supported by society as much as parents are. Has anyone read Freedom by Jonathon Franzen? That really crystallized my thoughts on over-population.<br /> I actually feel slightly guilty for contributing to an already over-populated world but my selfish desire to have a family bigger than just DH and I coupled with my perception of myself that I actually think I am a pretty good parent led me to where I am with one child and hoping for another. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids/page/2#post-2148629 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 16:52:29 +0000 babycanuck 2148629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It was a deal breaker for my husband. I was always on the fence about having kids. I'd rather adopt, but he's not into that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148628 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 16:51:05 +0000 hummusgirl 2148628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @yoursilverlining and others that it was pretty much a selfish decision. Basically, we were sort of bored and having a kid was an opportunity to have a completely new and interesting experience. After a few years child-free, we'd done a lot of cool/fun things but it was starting to feel empty. Having a kid has opened our world to so many new things, plus it's been really fun to relive some of the wonder/excitement of childhood all over again through his eyes. </p> <p>From an environmental perspective, I especially feel selfish having kids and it's one of the reasons we're planning on stopping at 2. I absolutely don't think people are selfish for not having kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148607 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 16:18:20 +0000 mrsjyw 2148607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Dh and I had this discussion while we were dating and both of us wanted to have kids and when that time came, baby fever hit like woah! I'm with the consensus that while parenthood can be and is a very humbling and selfless experience, the decision to procreate is most often a selfish one. </p> <p>I could have been happy w a CBC life for different reasons but my life now definitely is unimaginable without ds1 and soon to be here ds2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148606 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 16:16:10 +0000 Greentea 2148606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: but just because you want something does not make it selfish, and I agree- selfish isn't necessarily negative. I see what you are saying- you feel most reasons for choosing them are selfish. I still think some people have altruistic reasons, but I'm also of the mind that I think having kids is somewhat irrational; I think biology takes over!; carry on the human race and make the world a better place and all that, because logically it doesn't make sense to have them. I just don't think it is all selfish, even if it has benefits or positives. I am an artist and I suppose the same question could be applied to why an artist creates. All different reasons. </p> <p>Stepping back from an idealistic view, there are still many other things at play; societal pressure, pressure from a partner, surprise pregnancy. Not all kids are wanted, sadly, or chosen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148578 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 15:25:18 +0000 catlady 2148578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I was younger, I wasn't sure about having kids, although it was always vaguely there in my mind that I'd probably have them. I didn't really feel any strong desire or urgency about it though, even after DH and I got married. Then I lost my mom and I suddenly felt like I had a hole in my heart that only a child could fill. We still waited several years after that to TTC, but the feeling never went away. I think that losing my mom made me realize what a precious thing a parent-child relationship can be. Now that we have one LO, we love her so much that we want another. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148575 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 15:17:54 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2148575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: hmm... adoptive parents don't get to see the biology in action, nor do we leave a legacy of our DNA... yet I still see even adoption as a somewhat selfish action. Thoughts? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148569 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 15:12:04 +0000 yoursilverlining 2148569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: agree with what you said. </p> <p>@Greentea: I guess I see "deciding to become a parent" and "how you actually parent" as two separate things. Once you become a parent, you will hopefully be pretty selfless most of the time. I agree with you that most parents are - the good ones at least! But getting to that point - the "why you have kids" in the first place, I don't see any reasons to have kids that are selfless. Unless you know with absolute certainty that your kid will like cure cancer and is the only one who ever could, but you'll die in childbirth having them, and you decide to have that kid anyway, yeah, that's pretty selfless to have that kid then. But to have kids just because you want to have kids, or to create a legacy for yourself, or to have a piece of your partner in another person, meh, pretty selfish reasons because they are all centered on your wants. Selfish doesn't have to be super negative though (it's often good to be selfish!), and is no reflection on how you actually parent once you get there.</p> <p>ETA: I know I'm probably over-thinking this, but I have a lot of friends who are CFBC and they *all* have gotten told how "selfish" they are, which has always baffled me since I see it the opposite way! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148532 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 13:50:55 +0000 FaithFertility 2148532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Huh.....I always knew I wanted kids but not sure as to "why" I know as we tried for son long we would talk about all the little things you forget like the beach,zoo, pool and being able to relive so many "firsts" but through their eyes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148529 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 13:43:55 +0000 Greentea 2148529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: the question was "why do you want kids," I was answering the question- so obviously my response to that original question described things driven by the wants of the parent; on a site for people who have children. I am not comparing CFBC vs. having children. In my experience, having children is selfless. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148498 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 12:48:12 +0000 Foodnerd81 2148498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: you said was I was trying to say much better. Thank you. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148497 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 12:47:25 +0000 Foodnerd81 2148497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am another "always wanted to be a mom". I just felt that is what I was supposed to do. Always loved kids and looked forward to my own. </p> <p>@yoursilverlining: @Greentea: I agree that having children is no more or less selfish than not. Yes, I think I'm a good mom and we are providing our child(ren) with a good life, and yes I have made sacrifices for that. And I hope my children make the world a better place. But am I so full of myself that I think the world would really be missing out if we didn't have kids? Not really. We have kids because we wanted to have kids and have a family. I make sacrifices but it was my choice to have children. Does that make sense? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148494 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 12:44:16 +0000 lawbee11 2148494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: Love that article so much. Thanks for sharing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148492 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 12:41:20 +0000 Truth Bombs 2148492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: couldn't agree with you more that being child free is often the less selfish option!!</p> <p>@Greentea: while having children certainly involves sacrifices, they are sacrifices we choose to make because we choose to have children. The children didn't ask to be born, we wanted to kids so we had them, totally a selfish choice. Just look at your reasons above "how I wanted to live my life and who I wanted to be remembered by".... All things driven by the wants of the parent. That doesn't mean it's a bad thing, but choosing to have children is almost always a selfish choice since we do it because we want to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148485 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 12:31:39 +0000 artsyfartsy 2148485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just always wanted to be a mom. I don't have a more in depth answer than that. I got married to someone I loved and got baby fever a few years later. </p> <p>I never considered being child free. Ever. But now that I have a child I can understand why people do and I think it's a very valid choice. I try to never question or make comments when someone says they don't want kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148482 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 12:27:55 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2148482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The Atlantic just published an interesting article yesterday that made me think of this thread -- <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/04/why-women-arent-having-children/390765/#disqus_thread" rel="nofollow">http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/04/why-women-arent-having-children/390765/#disqus_thread</a></p> <p>"As a compilation of writing, Shallow, Selfish, and Self-Absorbed is generally very strong, bringing together a diverse range of voices and styles to riff entertainingly on a subject that has seemed, up until now, unriffable. But as a collection of manifestos, it’s hugely significant. It won’t influence anyone hell-bent on children away from having them, nor will it dissuade people who feel eternally conflicted about the subject. But what it does, more crucially, is refuse to accept the perpetuation of the myths that have surrounded childbirth for the last 200 years—that women have a biological need to procreate, and that having children is the single most significant thing a person can do with his or her life, and that not having children leaves people sad and empty. Try telling that to Oprah Winfrey, or Ellen DeGeneres, or Jane Austen, or Queen Elizabeth I. Or George Washington, or Nikola Tesla. The argument that lingers after having read the book is that the sooner having children is approached from a rational standpoint rather than an emotional one, the better for humanity, even if the result is that there are slightly fewer people left to enjoy it." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148197 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 22:26:05 +0000 Greentea 2148197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: thats interesting- I actually think of having kids as very selfless. Maybe I feel I have given up a lot, maybe that's why I'm thinking like that (not that others haven't), interesting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148194 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 22:21:26 +0000 Greentea 2148194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It was something I didn't want to NOT do. When my Grampa passed away, we were very close, and I just felt that I wanted to make more family. I felt it was what mattered and how I wanted to live my life and who I wanted to be remembered by. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148193 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 22:10:27 +0000 Grace 2148193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I could have gone either way. When DH and I were dating, he kept talking about how the future would be with a little one (going to the zoo, and vacations and playing at the park etc). He painted a picture of our life with his imaginings and it became very appealing. So I came over to his side. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148096 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 19:06:56 +0000 yoursilverlining 2148096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think there is any reason to have kids that isn't totally selfish. CBC peeps get the "selfish" label all the time, but really, I've yet to find a reason to have kids that isn't selfish. But selfish isn't always a bad thing. DH and I were undecided about children before LO, and were totally happy and fulfilled being child-free. I'm almost 34 and have never felt my bio-clock tick haha. Of course, now we can't imagine life without LO, but we have no desire (for now, can't see the future) to have another. So, I don't know why we had a kid, but I love having her! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148055 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 18:12:36 +0000 sarac 2148055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I think it's quite true, for many people. My daughter will be four this year, and life has just gotten so easy with her around. We're able to put a lot of energy into ourselves and our own personal goals, while still really enjoying life with her. I'm kind of sorry to mess it up by having another child, but I assume that the joys will outweigh the hassles, as they usually do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-did-you-have-or-why-do-you-want-kids#post-2148026 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 17:19:41 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2148026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: @ILoveLettie: we called two "no joke" then three is where "shit just got real!"</p> <p>One is a very sane option! </p>