https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 14 Jun 2026 07:45:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-67058 Sat, 04 Feb 2012 04:25:18 +0000 SugarplumsMom 67058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hate judgmental aholes! I can never understand how some people need to constantly prove their "superiority". This might just be a cultural thing, but a lot of women around here have a ego, similar to men elsewhere. I don't get it and never want to. </p> <p>I know I'll be judged when I give birth, whether natural or not, but I don't care. I have nothing to prove to them and would rather avoid the drama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-67053 Sat, 04 Feb 2012 02:34:01 +0000 cyneswith 67053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, and what previous posters said. In real life, if I mention that I want a natural homebirth, I get the "you're crazy/you'll change your mind when the baby comes/you have no clue what you're talking about/you HAVE to give birth in the hospital or I won't have anything to do with you!" Even from people who know what I've been through. In real life, I've only heard ONE person criticize an epi. It's easy to come across as militant online when you can't talk about it in real life. My mom and husband have only just started to go "OK, this is worth consideration, and I know you're looking out for the baby's best interests." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-67051 Sat, 04 Feb 2012 01:29:30 +0000 brownie 67051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't judge women on their choice. I went natural because I have an extremely high pain tolerance and fear of needles.<br /> I do judge women nwho don't do their research and learn and make the decision. My little sister has had 4 kids and knows nothing about childbirth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-67050 Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:55:49 +0000 MamaCate 67050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that in explaining the decision to choose one option over the other it is easy to demonize the choice you didnt make, as a justification or to help you feel good about your choice.</p> <p>For me i wanted a natural childbirth going into it and did my best to prepare but the bottom line was healthy mom and healthy baby at the end of the day. Of course i ended up being induced and opting for the epi. I felt like things didnt go as planned and i was somewhat disappointed at first. Really, though,i am thankful that i had the option and that it worked so well for me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-67034 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 23:16:05 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 67034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did it natural, but when people choose to do epidural that's fine by me. Whenever people ask me if it's "better" to go natural I say there's really no "better" or "right" way - as LONG as mama and baby are healthy in the end, that's the most important. Does it really matter HOW we get there?? I just tell them I can't speak to what it's like to get an epidural bc I've only experienced an un-medicated birth so I really don't know the other side.</p> <p>With parenting though, it seems we get judged for EVERY decision, not just the natural vs. epidural thing. Breastmilk vs formula, homeschool vs public, when to start solids, homemade baby food vs storebought... and the list goes on and on!.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-67030 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 23:03:37 +0000 Killer b 67030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's because people feel that if you do something differently, it somehow impacts their own decision in a negative way. If you are "right", then I must somehow be "wrong". There obviously can't be two "rights", right? Yeah...no. I'm not sure how it spawned, but it did. I think threads like this help promote the mindset that there is no "right" way to have a baby (or raise one, for that matter). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-67011 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:48:16 +0000 calsmom 67011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't get why people judge others on their birth plan. We are all different, thus have a preferred way to do things. I've had friends that have gone natural, done a home birth, and had an epi. It doesn't matter what you choose. If it is right for you, then who cares? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-67010 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:47:50 +0000 Andrea 67010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Luckily I have never been judged for my choice. No one I knows even cares? I have to admit that I think my friends who have unmedicated home births are a little out there but I just think it is amazing and I would never put them down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-67000 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:36:45 +0000 Rubies 67000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I told a doctor friend that I planned on a natural childbirth, he scoffed at me and said, "It's women like you who always end up begging for the epidural." I was SO offended that I cried! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66981 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:06:38 +0000 SAHM0811 66981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I had my first baby, I didn't feel like anyone judged me for having an epidural. Epidurals are so common these days, it was just a routine thing. I feel like a lot of people think, "Why WOULDN'T you get one?" instead of the other way around ... And by "people" I mean those IRL. Maybe that's because I didn't go on message boards a lot those days. Also, I do feel like people are more judgmental online vs IRL because they're behind a computer.</p> <p>Well, now that I've experienced giving birth naturally to my 2nd, I feel like I'm actually judged a lot more. Someone told me I was "crazy" (and she seriously meant it... she had never given birth either, interestingly). I also am bothered by comments that assume going natural is pure agony and torture. Just because others felt that way about their experience or hear that a lot in our society, doesn't mean it's like that for everyone. I feel like those comments are judgmental too, but not as obvious. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66967 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 20:32:51 +0000 cupcakemama 66967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: I guess that is my take on it too. I couldn't care less what other women do. I might disagree with their choices but it's not my place to judge and it's none of my business. I will burr up though when I feel that my choices are being judged or it is being implied that I am ill informed or less strong than others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66921 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 19:00:36 +0000 pastemoo 66921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think everyone's judgemental about it when they are unsure of the situation themselves. Look at moms who have already done it one way or the other--less judgmental!</p> <p>As for me--I am 100% not having one. I had one several years ago for a non childbearing related reason and it was horrendous, so never again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66904 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:41:05 +0000 mrsjazz 66904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cupcakemama: I think on boards that I've read it seems that the ladies in the epidural/c-section/induction camp get judged/bashed.</p> <p>But in my experience and in what I've read on natural birth boards, the ladies in the natural camp get a lot of judgment in real life. The o_O looks, the "You're crazy!" and "You'll be begging for the epi!" and a general lack of support. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66893 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:23:26 +0000 cupcakemama 66893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think as well where some women get defensive is when they are feeling judged/looked down on by other women who are stridently and vocally in the natural camp...but haven't had a baby yet. I usually just bite my tongue and wish them luck -not in a snarky way.</p> <p>I am curious as to how much judgement those in the non epidural camp get. Genuine interest because I know on boards and such it is usually those who have epidurals that are made to feel bad about their choices. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66879 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:09:46 +0000 heffalump 66879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I admit to judging a friend who was determined not to get an epidural ... but that's because she also said she's very wimpy and doesn't like pain. I also know people who go natural and swear by it, and I feel like more power to them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66862 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:41:55 +0000 cupcakemama 66862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There just is. People can't help judging others. Motherhood is a competitive sport apparently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66800 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 16:14:37 +0000 BabyLove 66800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am not judgemental about it. I chose to get an epidural and I'm glad I did. If anything I am impressed by the women who choose natural childbirth. It just wasn't for me. Though I have seen women who gave birth naturally give the rest of us a hard time. They tend to have statistics on the complications on hand immediately. I'm not sure why this happens. I think anyone who has a baby should be proud of their accomplishment! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66788 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 16:05:51 +0000 chopsuey 66788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't judge! I think it's fantastic if you can do it naturally. I initially wanted to but got an epidural 10 hours into labor. HEAVEN! I LOVE DRUGS! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66779 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:52:38 +0000 cyneswith 66779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been on both the "if it'll prevent another (non-invasive) exam, then cut me open" and the "30% survival rate due to reaction to medication" sides of medical issues. Neither "side" is wrong. I feel strongly about my "side", but I know that's because of my life experiences. </p> <p>Birth requires support and confidence in one's surroundings. If you don't trust yourself to birth a child, a natural childbirth will be hell. If you don't trust a doctor not to turn you into a vegetable, a medicated or surgical childbirth will be hell. If you change your mind about medication halfway through a natural childbirth, go with it. </p> <p>I do think that increased education would be beneficial to most, if not all, mothers. KNOW what a procedure or medication entails/contains and does and what the risks are before you are in your third trimester. </p> <p>What REALLY pisses me off is when someone close to the new mom gives her flack for what she ended up doing. A very close friend of mine took the epidural despite initially wanting a natural birth (her son was sunny-side up - the epi slowed labor drastically, but not so much that they intervened), and her mom would NOT shut up about it. My friend ended up beating herself up over it for months. Come on, she gave birth to a beautiful, perfectly healthy boy, she maintained her composure and humor, and she was able to hold her son within minutes of birth - where's the fault in that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66767 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:41:27 +0000 Mrsbells 66767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To be honest I always assumed until a couple of years ago that everyone had a natural birth with no meds unless there was some emergency. Having spent so much time in england and also in africa with so many of my friends there I was a very out of touch with how things are here in america. when I first realized how many americans can "opt" for epidurals or c-sections I was suprised because it was a totally foreign concept to me. I was even more suprised to realize that i was also being judged for wanting to stay away from epidurals.. I keep getting comments about how I wont win a trophy for it and it wont make me a better mom etc.<br /> I think the bottom line is we all have different ideas of what is normal or acceptable and when someone attacks our way of thinkin we retaliate by attacking theirs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66757 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:35:59 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 66757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm proud of my decision (for me), but I give mad props to ANYONE who is able to do the whole thing au naturale! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66747 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:29:19 +0000 mediagirl 66747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had someone say to me the other day, "Well, you're going to have a natural birth, right?" Um, where does it say that? On my forehead? T-shirt? Did I miss something? Just because you think it's best for you, does not mean it's best for everyone! (ps, bring on the epi)!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66745 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:27:29 +0000 googly-eyes 66745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree, as long as you aren't putting your baby in unnecessary danger, then it's your decision! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66722 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:04:58 +0000 twinmama 66722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It makes me sad. Everyone's labor and delivery is unique, just like pregnancies are easier and harder, and there is no way to be inside anyone else's body. </p> <p>But I think the judgment applies to ttc, pregnancy, birth, parenting - it never really ends. There are endless options and everyone has to do what's best for them in their particular situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66720 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:02:14 +0000 Crisark 66720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've gotten a lot of flack about my choice for having an epi with both my deliveries. Some people just don't get it.<br /> I, personally, had no desire to have a 13 hour labor in sheer agony if I didn't have to. So I didn't. And with the second one the epi was waiting on me to get there lol I'm not a big fan of pain and I didn't have much desire to move around during either labors. I just wanted to rest and get to business. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66715 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 14:56:17 +0000 winniebee 66715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: hehe that's one word I use often : ) </p> <p>I try to be open minded, but I do find myself getting defensive when I go on threads about epidurals. (I plan on having one). </p> <p>@mrsjazz: OMG, if someone said something to me in real life, I might not be able to hold my tongue! The nerve! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66713 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 14:53:36 +0000 mrsjazz 66713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree. I don't knock anyone for the way they give birth--it's a personal decision. I find the judgment on both sides. It's also interesting when it happens in real life, the few people I've told about my plans to give birth naturally in a birthing center have either looked at me like I have two heads, screamed that I must have an epidural, or have said, "I'm a wimp" or "I'm too much of a crybaby to go without an epidural," something self-deprecating. It's all ok! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66711 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 14:51:30 +0000 prettylizy 66711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @Rock n Roll... I feel like when I tell people that I want to go natural, they think I'm a crazy granola munching patchouli smelling hippie. I get a lot of "what are you trying to proove" or "don't kid yourself" so it automatically puts me on edge. Sigh, can't we all just be friends? lol! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66709 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 14:47:40 +0000 mrbee 66709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: I agree!</p> <p>Also, the fact that you spelled judgment correctly tells me that you must indeed be a lawyer! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-there-so-much-judgment#post-66708 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 14:46:56 +0000 Rock n Roll 66708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a cycle. People are used to getting judged for their decision, so they're already on edge and defensive about it, and that makes they more likely to attack others. I also think people have perceptions about the type of person who does each, and just assume that's how that person really is without knowing their story. </p>