https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 00:23:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111613 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 19:49:08 +0000 Mrs. Oyster 111613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL drama started on the day of our wedding. Right after our 1st dance she came up to me and said, "Ok, time to call me Mom now!" I just kind of stared at her blankly and walked away. I'm not comfortable calling her Mom (as I have one of my own and love her dearly - plus it has always been just the 2 of us) and I think that upsets her a lot. It doesn't help that DH calls my mom "Mom" openly.</p> <p>My MIL raised 3 boys, plus DH's younger cousin and then went back to school to get her Master's and now works for Bank of America as a very high up manager. She believes she's done it all and done it all correctly. She likes to be involved in every conversation and always has to know that she's being heard. If she's telling a story or asking a question and someone doesn't answer her right away she says, "right?? right??" until someone answers her. Her mom is actually very, very overbearing and needy and it drives her nuts....but I'm not sure she realizes that she is very similar to this. </p> <p>I worry about my MIL once our baby is born later this year and I know DH worries about my mom. Sigh - seems like a double-edged sword haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111490 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 18:36:27 +0000 cupcakemama 111490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mil is ok. We are quite different people and I am not sure that she likes/approves of me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111368 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 16:52:42 +0000 enjollah 111368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Omg....reading this post reminds me of the frustrations I have with my own MIL. She called us almost everyday when we were on our honeymoon. Whenever she sees me she whines and tells me to call her more often (and this makes me want to call her<br /> Less). If it were up to her, she would want us to go over for dinner everyday and live there! Ugh! Omg.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111345 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 16:24:40 +0000 holdonforonemoreday 111345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have two (technically three) MILs in my life. One I HATE and the other one is nice but a bit batty and they are both driving me crazy. </p> <p>The one MIL is actually my DH's grandmother, but she acts like his mom because he grew up with her. We have always had problems with her, more me than him. She smothers him even now. I was actually going to start a post on this today as what happened last night has me so upset. She has always been so drama but last night really takes the cake. His parents came over to see my DH and my son and to get their taxes done. She ignored me the whole time and barely said 5 words to me. This is not unusual, but when it's in my own home, it's not ok. </p> <p>She also wound up my son to the point that we had trouble getting him to go to sleep. She has an opinion on anything and everything, last night it was that I was feeding him wrong. I was feeding him baby food, then let him eat strawberries by hand. He likes feeding himself and she insisted to my husband that I was doing it wrong and that she should feed him like a little baby that he is. (He's almost 14 months!) I was furious by the time they left. </p> <p>My only solution to this (right now) is to tell my husband she is no longer welcome around me or my children. I have already told him that she is not welcome at the hospital after I give birth in June. Last time they just showed up after saying that they were not coming. I will give the nurses a picture and tell them not to let her in. I am tired of being disrespected and treated like I don't exist. </p> <p>Tell me ladies, am I out of line? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111302 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 15:57:00 +0000 Andrea 111302@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>wow, so sorry you have to go through that. my MIL mainly leaves us alone - maybe a little bit too alone though - we don't hear from her very much!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111300 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 15:54:25 +0000 chopsuey 111300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love my MIL. She keeps her opinions to herself and leaves us alone! :) We email back and forth maybe once a week, she sends care packages every once in a while. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111265 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 15:00:29 +0000 mrstilly 111265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that my MIL is stuck in the generation she grew up in. She also is the only woman in DH's family and they are dairy farmers, so it is normal/expected for her to take care of her husband and sons, which equates to waiting on them hand and foot. Granted they work hard on the farm all day, so I understand, but she takes it too far, like by picking up the bathroom after they shower, etc... BIL just drops his clothes on the floor, right next to the darn hamper, and steps over them on his way out leaving them for her to clean up. She also is a take charge, can't stop moving for 2 seconds kind of person. She feels offended if someone offers to help or do something for her, like laundry or make dinner, like she isn't needed anymore. </p> <p>She's had a hard time adjusting to DH and BIL having strong, liberal women in their lives and taking over caring for her boys. </p> <p>I thought it was awesome to have the first grandchild in DH's family, but she's channeling all of her extra energy from not having DH and BIL in the house into my son, which is exhausting at times. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111256 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:55:46 +0000 mrsjyw 111256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I are both very close to our parents; which made the transition for each of us to develop close relationships with our ILs.</p> <p>HOWEVER, a MIL is a MIL. While thankfully DH is NOT the stereotypical mama's boy/only child... MIL is the stereotypical overbearing mom of an only child. She's also daughterless, so it's been a work in progress to slowly set our boundaries with her. DH had a huge talk with her prior to our TTC journey (as I told him it needed to happen prebaby) and it (knock on wood) seems to be working so far. </p> <p>I still speak to her on the phone, we have dinner with them a few times a month; but it's when we WANT to, not when she insists we do. No more random "oh we stopped by to see you two" trips. I've also made sure to have DH curtail her habits of "helping" us, when it is not warranted, so that it minimizes her getting mad at us if we don't adorn with appreciation.</p> <p>It honestly was a balance of both her realizing boundaries and also my realizing that I can't give into my own guilt trips and do things just to appease her because that just builds my resentment and fuels her habits. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111232 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:23:47 +0000 yoursilverlining 111232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is super awesome, relaxed and caring – I really love her. BUT, she was out this weekend for my baby shower and to help us furnish the nursery and she’s definitely going a little bit baby bananas. </p> <p>Our nursery is our former spare room/junk room and has a wall heater that is basically always on low for some reason – so our cat LOVES the room, and often sleeps in there, next to the heater. The cat has a bed in there by the heater, she has been sleeping there her entire life, and she will most certainly be allowed to continue after LO is here. The cat will not be banned from the nursery.</p> <p>MIL is lovely, but NOT an animal person, at all. She spent the entire weekend screaming every time the cat moved to go into the nursery! Yelling at the cat or yelling at us to get the cat out of the nursery. When she saw the cat sniff a toy I bought for LO, MIL just about lost her mind. One, there is no baby in there yet. Two, this is our house, and that has been the cat’s room. It will continue to be a room she uses. Those are the rules. End of story.</p> <p>I finally told my husband to talk to his mother before I did – the cat is a family member too! MIL also constantly closes the bathroom door completely (so you can’t pull it open without using the door knob) when she knows the cat drinks water out of that tub faucet. Bah! </p> <p>I’m hoping this weekend was just stressful for everyone and she gets over the cat issues quick! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111226 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:18:57 +0000 BabyLove 111226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sounds rough. I wouldn't be able to handle someone so tough to please. I've been with my husband for 9 years and in that time I've realized we're from two very different places. I'll never be able to figure his mother (or his family) out. They're just different. All I'm required to do is respect them, and I do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111224 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:16:22 +0000 oliviaoblivia 111224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kml636: Do I win a replacement MIL?!?!?!</p> <p>So sorry to everyone on here with a crummy MIL. It's not something I ever anticipated. At least we get nice DHs out of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111221 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:13:47 +0000 kml636 111221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yours sounds sooo difficult! Yikes !! Mine is difficult in a different, passive aggressive way. </p> <p>@oliviaoblivia: I think yours wins. That's awful, I would probably have to cut off all contact to keep my sanity with that one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111219 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:11:30 +0000 chopstixwife 111219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My relationship with both MILs is awesome. I rarely see or talk to both of them so that's good. Step MIL is busy with her very actively senior lifestyle and I only see her on holidays and special occasions. She only lives 20 minutes away. My MIL still works and she drops by whenever she can and she only lives less than 5 minutes away. MIL is just happy that 1. she now has some contact with her OWN son and 2. she has a grandson to spoil. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111211 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:05:46 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 111211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thankfully my mil is not drama at all. She is sweet an caring and I love her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111197 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 13:58:46 +0000 Clementine 111197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, I just let her be as much as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111075 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 12:41:29 +0000 Adira 111075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. wagon: My MIL sounds like yours! She has little-to-no boundaries and seems to want to treat me (and have me treat her) like I'm her actual daughter, instead of just a daughter-in-law. I'm always like "You have your own daughter, leave me alone," although I never have the guts to say it, haha. Now she's bugging me about when we're going to have kids and my own mother doesn't even do that! She's so annoying and invasive! If I wanted to tell her our plans, I WOULD HAVE! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111065 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 12:32:10 +0000 lemondrop 111065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After watching what my mom had to go through with my dad's crazy mom, I was very cautious to check out the MIL situation before getting too serious with anyone.</p> <p>I feel for anyone who has a difficult time with their MIL, I hated to see my mom cry when my grandmother was mean. It really damaged her relationships with her grandkids since none of her daughters-in-law were good enough for her sons!</p> <p>I love my MIL, and most of the time we are really good friends, just once and a while she may not understand why I make a choice. Fortunately my husband and I are a perfect fit somehow, but I grew up in a very different environment from him. Our parents raised us with the same values, but things were still very different. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111064 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 12:31:54 +0000 MamaMoose 111064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually get along really well with my MIL. However, my husband's family is not great about setting boundaries. So I do often worry about how that is going to play out once this baby gets here. Before I was even pregnant we were fighting about the fact that I really don't care what he says.. his mom will NOT be in the delivery room. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111057 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 12:27:09 +0000 betsyboop 111057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: Oh. My. Goodness. I think your theory on your MIL being the way she is because she was the only woman in her family is spot on! I'm convinced that's why my MIL is so used to getting her way too! I don't understand how in-laws can be so mean to people who aren't even their own children! I'm sorry your MIL is so controlling :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111050 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 12:24:22 +0000 oliviaoblivia 111050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh boy. Aside from just general snubbing and nastiness. My MIL is a "poor little rich girl". She has no money because she spent it all (LARGE divorce settlement) and refuses to work. She spends her days at one of her three country clubs and expects DH and I to support her financially. She owns two houses outright and takes extravagant vacations. Meanwhile, DH and I are saving to buy a house and DH has just started his own business. Why would we use our savings to help her go on vacation when we don't even own one house yet.</p> <p>She's nuts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111048 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 12:23:28 +0000 heffalump 111048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's crappy, hope your mil starts to understand where you're coming from!</p> <p>I rarely have issues with my mil. The only problem was when I told her we were taking lo to the doctor because I thought she had reflux. She swore up and down its nothing, just a fussy baby with gas. Then she preceded to point out to me every time she burped or footed for the next 5 hours. And I just sat there silent. Of course she had reflux, she got meds, and she was fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111036 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 12:06:09 +0000 mrs. wagon 111036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Now that I'm Mrs. Wagon and not so anonymous anymore, I can't really bash on my MIL ;)</p> <p>But I will say that she and I have a hard time getting along because we have COMPLETELY opposite personalities. She doesn't believe in boundaries and I am all about boundaries. </p> <p>Over the past 7 years we have finally learned how to understand each other, and just this past year we've finally learned how to communicate with each other. We had a big blowup fight in person (well, not really a fight, but we were both upset) and it has really helped both of us know that we both have good intentions to get along with each other, and we both have to constantly work on trying to understand one another. Also, her talking to my own mom has helped. My MIL wants me to be like a "real" daughter to her, talking about all of my feelings and etc... and my mom explained to her, "she doesn't even do that with me, her OWN mother, after 30 years... how can you expect her to do that with you?" That helped a lot for her to understand to not take it personally when I don't open up to her... it's just who I am. </p> <p>I am VERY lucky that she is incredibly liberal and understanding and thoughtful. But she and I are both still women and very emotional, so things can get bad FAST! But if we both work at it, they can get good again, and fast. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111030 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 12:02:23 +0000 lilteacherbee 111030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: wow, big hugs to you!! Sorry that your MIL is like that! You should do what's best for your family and maybe eventually she'll come around?</p> <p>I (thankfully) have a wonderful MIL. Just last night, DH got called into work, so after I went to the gym, I spent a couple hours at the in-laws' house. They're truly my second family and I love them to pieces. </p> <p>DH, on the other hand, has a totally different relationship with his MIL/ my mom. My mom is really emotional and high strung and EVERYTHING is a huge deal to her. She didn't like DH when we were younger and dating, but she's tried to get over her issues now that we're married. The worst part for DH is when my mom upsets ME. That's when it bothers him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111029 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 12:01:24 +0000 itsmejules 111029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my MIL tells me one thing and then tells her daughters something else (usually about how they ditch her, treat her awful, etc). </p> <p>Latest example is that she told me she really wants to have a birthday party this year, and that her daughters refuse to plan her one. So when I tried to get them to help - my MIL emails us all and says "its all a misunderstanding, I dont really want a party". </p> <p>umm what? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111023 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 11:56:09 +0000 LuLu Mom 111023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh boy, I'm lucky to have no issues with my MIL, I just want to say I feel for you. I can't imagine going through that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-your-mil-drama#post-111019 Wed, 04 Apr 2012 11:51:05 +0000 autumnlove 111019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is very controlling, overbearing and opinionated. She currently isn't speaking to me because I won't quit my job. (my maternity leave is winding down and I go back to work on Monday) DH and I told her that we have to do what is best for our family and right now we both need to work. She just screams and accuses us of being bad parents, etc! Sigh...I'm ok with her not talking to me for a bit!</p> <p>I am convinced she is the way she is because she has always been the only woman in her family! Her husband and 3 sons usually give her what she wants! </p> <p>Have you ever tried to "figure" out your MIL? Lol </p>