https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 02:27:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-wont-my-kids-listen#post-2892264 Thu, 25 Jul 2019 11:47:45 +0000 Ajsmommy 2892264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellobeeboston: good luck! I didn't post any advice bc well... I don't have any. LOL. Well... maybe just one thing I'd say is consistency is key for my kids. I don't consider them good listeners or bad listeners really... it comes down to the distractions and what is going on most times. And honestly I get it.. sometimes I interrupt them and they just don't wanna.. I get it bc trust me there are LOTS of times people tell me to do things and I just don't wanna!! LOL...I draw the line in situations where they could get hurt like parking lots or crowded areas I don't play in those situations and I'm consistent so my kids know.... also if they are legit misbehaving and not listening i'll stop what I am doing and get to their level and they know I mean business then. I do this consistently as well and they know... if mommy is coming to me and kneeling down and her hands are on my shoulders.. she means business... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-wont-my-kids-listen#post-2892260 Thu, 25 Jul 2019 11:28:46 +0000 hellobeeboston 2892260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catgirl: Thank you so much for this response!</p> <p>@Hypatia: Thank you! Your comment about kids being like velociraptors is both hilarious and true :grin: </p> <p>All of what you guys said makes sense, but when I read through it it just sounds ..... time-consuming. ha... I feel like a lot of the issues happen when <b>I</b> am rushed/behind, etc... which is the main issue at home, well, that and usually the TV being on, which I need to turn OFF to get their full attention.</p> <p>Being out and them not listening is another situation - but I think it boils down to distraction.</p> <p>I made a little checklist for my older son to be able to give him daily to make him be in charge of a few things, he likes feeling in charge and having responsibility - so i'm hoping this helps.</p> <p>Thanks all for advice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-wont-my-kids-listen#post-2891983 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 18:09:28 +0000 magnolia 2891983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellobeeboston: I like the book How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen </p> <p><a href="http://howtotalksolittlekidswilllisten.com/" rel="nofollow">http://howtotalksolittlekidswilllisten.com/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-wont-my-kids-listen#post-2891981 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 16:26:11 +0000 Hypatia 2891981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do a lot of what @catgirl says. I start with their name. </p> <p>“Jane.”<br /> Wait for her to look up at me. If she doesn’t, I say, “I need eyes.”<br /> If she still doesn’t look at me, I go over and lean down and repeat that I need her to look at me when I call her name (usually don’t have to do this anymore but it’s part of the process).<br /> Then, calmly and in a low voice (this is important—my voice drops when I give an instruction, in part so that they associate it with that and in part to keep me from subconsciously raising my voice), I say, “Go put your plate in the sink.”<br /> If she doesn’t, I physically lead her over there, explaining that since she is acting like a baby who doesn’t glisten, I’ll have to treat her as one and be by her side every second.<br /> If I’m still getting a defiant attitude or a tantrum, there are consequences, both natural like @catgitl said, and in general (time out, etc.). . </p> <p>I try not to ask, but tell. I know asking seems nicer, but it sends a mixed message, and carries less weight than telling. </p> <p>I would start but choosing the one thing that frustrates you most and work your way up from there. So if getting out the door in the morning is a yelling fest, choose to practice thrat on a weekend. I choose a short song associated with leaving and tell my kids that when they hear that song, they should know that it’s time to get ready to go. So the song plays over the Bluetooth speakers, I calmly remind them what it means, and remind them that if they’re not ready by the time the song ends, we aren’t going. No nagging, no repeating, just get ready yourself and wait by the door. When the song ends, inform them that because they didn’t do as they were instructed, the trip to the park is cancelled. We can try again tomorrow. </p> <p>Or if your kid won’t stay by your side in stores, choose a weekend where you tell them you have several errands to run at Target, the grocery store, hardware store, etc. Have three or four lined up where you don’t actually need anything and can leave on a whim. Explain that they must stay by your side close enough to reach out and touch you at all times, and if they don’t obey, you will leave the store. Immediately leave Target when they wander away. Explain why. Say you hope they’ll do better at the grocery store. Do the same thing. Repeat as many times as necessary, giving praise for how proud you are of them if they manage to stay by your side the whole time. </p> <p>Just make a long list of problem areas and go through them one by one when you have time to totally focus on habit training instead of trying to train their behaviors while getting stuff done. You and your kids have fallen into a deeply grooved habit, and it takes time to establish new habits so that their default isn’t to push and push until you’re about to lose your shit. </p> <p>I mean, not that this works 100% of the time. Kids are like velociraptors from Jurassic Park, always testing the fences for weaknesses. But it does seem to work well enough that I’m not going insane having to repeat myself all the time.</p> <p>EDIT: I would also try to focus on one kid at a time, ideally alone. If your husband or wife can take the other kid, that would be best. I would start with the six year old, because he’ll ick up on it faster and will influence the younger one. You CAN train both at the same time, just be prepared for it to go a little slower because they might feed into each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-wont-my-kids-listen#post-2891967 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 14:11:32 +0000 MrsSRS 2891967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes to everything @catgirl said. Also I start every.single.direction with "find my eyes" and wait to speak until they are looking at me with a calm body. Then I KNOW they heard me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-wont-my-kids-listen#post-2891962 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 13:48:50 +0000 catgirl 2891962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I definitely have this issue at times with DD but I have found a few things that help. </p> <p>First, I found I was asking her to do things that weren't optional. SO I would say "DD would you please go get your shoes on" and she would say no or ignore. I found if I say "DD it's time to put your shoes on" it seems to work better. (At least for now :silly: )</p> <p>Second, I make sure she has eye contact with me (whenever possible), because I know that she is focused on what I am saying. </p> <p>Third, I will only say things three times at most. The first time is nice, the second is nice but firm, the third comes with a consequence (or item taken away) if she does not listen. The consequence is generally based on what I am asking her - will have a book taken away at bedtime if she doesn't clean up before bed when asked, will not go somewhere if she isn't listening about getting ready, will go home if she isn't listening while out, etc. </p> <p>Third, and definitely the hardest, is to always follow through. So if I give her a warning that has a consequence we always follow through. So if I say "you need to get your shoes on now, if you don't we aren't going to the playground" and she doesn't put her shoes on, we don't go. I make sure to only say a consequence I CAN follow through on and then I always do if that's what is needed. So I would never say we can't go to a birthday party or something like that. Or if we are grocery shopping and can't leave, I won't use that. It always has to be something I will do if necessary. Sometimes it sucks for me too, but it's made a big difference. </p> <p>And if she still hasn't done what I have asked, I walk to her and help her do whatever the task is hand over hand, even if it pisses her off. </p> <p>Also, anything safety related is only said once, no repeats. Early last month we got to the park to meet a group of her friends. I let her out of the car and she took off running through the parking lot to a friend. While she was running I yelled "DD stop and move to the sidewalk," she didn't. SO I loaded her up in the car (kicking and screaming) and we went home. We have gone every week since and she has waited at the car and held my hand through the parking lot every time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-wont-my-kids-listen#post-2891951 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 12:45:36 +0000 KT326 2891951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellobeeboston: With my 7 year old, I ask one time, if he doesn't do it I ask him to repeat what I just asked him to do. If he still isn't listening I count down from 5 and then something gets taken away. I've been consistently doing this for about 6 months and by the time I get down to 2 he is usually doing what I asked. I have to really dig deep not to yell, that just makes things so much worse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-wont-my-kids-listen#post-2891949 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 12:41:09 +0000 hellobeeboston 2891949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kaohinani: ha ha.. UGH, I know it's sooooo frustrating. I seriously do not know how to tackle this. It seems to be getting worse! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-wont-my-kids-listen#post-2891947 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 12:35:29 +0000 Kaohinani 2891947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellobeeboston: No tips - just commiseration. :heart: My DS (4) 🧒🏼 and DD (11) 👧🏽 make me repeat myself more than I'd like as well. (* I've had both of them checked for issues hearing AND they can hear just fine. It is "selective hearing" and I believe they tune me out. 😖)They also argue constantly... I, swear, I have TWO 3-year olds at times!!! It fascinates me that I can command and maintain the attention of a full class of adults (18-30 somethings) with cell phones and "better places to be 🙄;" however, my own kiddos lack the ability to listen, focus, and follow directions! 🤦‍♀️ Amazingly, they are spectacularly well-behaved with impeccable manners with others. 😶😶😶 I give up. 🤷‍♀️🥺 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-wont-my-kids-listen#post-2891944 Mon, 22 Jul 2019 12:22:56 +0000 hellobeeboston 2891944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know (at least I think) that this is a problem for MANY.</p> <p>HOW do I get my kids to listen to me/us? It's my #1 pain point with my kids (ages 3.5 and 6.5).</p> <p>I am CONSTANTLY repeating myself. I have to ask everything multiple times. I've tried a variety of things to remedy this but it always comes back to me repeating myself for everything, and them not listening until I get angry &amp; upset. I'm reaching that point faster now as I'm realizing I'm on my third+ time asking them to do something and nothing is happening.</p> <p>UGHHH.. HELP ME. I need tips. </p>