https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Apr 2026 18:21:41 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384498 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 15:39:15 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2384498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: once I figure them all out I will. My goal is to figure it out and have a book to give to her for her first birthday. I'm having a hard time with what's age appropriate and how to present it. I'm probably putting too much pressure on myself about it. I just want her to know that DH and I love her and wanted her very much, but that her donor family also wanted her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384483 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 15:28:48 +0000 gingerbebe 2384483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, we didn't end up having to use IVF for our babies (we were in the beginning stages of RE testing after 3 years and some other health issues when I got pregnant the first time, and then we got pregnant immediately the second time when we started NTNP). But our results showed we would have had a very difficult time conceiving naturally (like we'd need ICSI, etc.) so we realize our babies are total miracles. So we'll tell them that's what they are - because we weren't supposed to be able to have them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384477 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 15:26:36 +0000 mediagirl 2384477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pickle: will you do a blog post on what your plans about talking to your daughter about her adoption? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384472 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 15:24:09 +0000 BSB 2384472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mamaof2: Not sure when we will tell our kids, but I think it would be good to have the discussion that not everyone can get pregnant easily. I do have twins through IVF so I do more readily (not all the time) tell people we did IVF. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384419 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 14:50:22 +0000 runnerd 2384419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When they are old enough to understand the emotional weight of it all, I will share with them that we had two miscarriages and some scary pregnancies, because they changed me and how I look at things in a lot of ways </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384386 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 14:30:41 +0000 twodoghouse 2384386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My IF is caused by endometriosis, which runs strongly though families. I want my daughter to be aware of what endometriosis is and what he symptoms are so we can get her on birth control as soon as possible if she exhibits the same signs. I was never on hormonal birth control so I don't know how much of the spread could have been controlled, but I want to give her a shot at preserving her fertility. Not to mention being on BC could help minimize the painful periods that I've always experienced. </p> <p>My kids are twins so I think this is much more likely to come up naturally, too (especially since they have IVF twin cousins as well). As it is I'm constantly answering questions from people who ask me if they're natural! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384380 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 14:26:46 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2384380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't thought about this yet. I think for our family it'll first be a conversation about us being older than some of LO's friends' parents, and then perhaps when age appropriate, adding details about how it took us a while &amp; maybe that I'd had a m/c will seem worth sharing, and our seeking extra attention from doctors to conceive her (&amp; any potential siblings?). I know I was relieved to learn my MIL &amp; maternal grandmother had had m/c's in between their otherwise perfect kids when I was reeling after my m/c--I didn't know it was that common--but I don't know if I would've needed to know more before ttc. I also would still want to caution my children of either sex that pregnancy *can* happen with 1 single time of having sex, &amp; to use ALL the information to help them learn to make good choices along the way &amp; not lull them into believing that just because I had trouble that they will. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384370 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 14:19:36 +0000 travellingbee 2384370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no need to keep IF a secret so sure. I'd share any of our struggles with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384361 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 14:13:53 +0000 lilteacherbee 2384361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't deal with infertility, but it did take over a year and a miscarriage to get pregnant with LO1. I can imagine that it will be a part of our family story as our kids grow up. I have a very visible tattoo in memory of my first baby and I will definitely be truthful whenever they ask about it. </p> <p>I remember my aunt always talking freely about her struggles getting pregnant and multiple miscarriages and as others stated, it made me aware that those things happen. Also, my MIL had a miscarriage and I'm not sure when/how she told DH, but it seems like he's always kinda known. It helped to hear her story and know about it when I was going through my own struggles. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384354 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 14:10:55 +0000 MrsKRB 2384354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I probably will, I feel like I would be keeping a secret from them if I didn't. At least with IVF - I'm not sure I would if it just took me a little longer, or we conceived with iui (unless they asked). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384337 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 13:59:00 +0000 Miss Ariel 2384337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I vividly remember in second grade hearing one girl tell how if her mom hadn't miscarried than she never would have been born. It's kind of a crazy concept a that age. Especially since I can remember what the girl looked like but not even her name, but this story stuck with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384334 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 13:58:08 +0000 LovelyPlum 2384334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KT326: I agree with this. It's never been something I've been afraid to talk about, because I've known it was a possibility for as long as I can remember. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384330 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 13:57:13 +0000 LovelyPlum 2384330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: same. My mother was always open about it. She and my dad tried for 3 years and had one miscarriage before she had me. That's the reason I figured it would be a challenge for us to conceive. I think it's important to talk about in order to normalize the experience, so that if it happens to her, she'll know she's not alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384326 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 13:48:23 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2384326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can only imagine my future daughters being interested in this info. Like my mother shared with me, I will share that I miscarried. She spoke so freely about it I just figured it was a right of passage. I'll be open about how long it took the first time to even get pregnant.</p> <p>My mom miscarried during my 6th birthday party, so I have been aware that it can happen for decades. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384320 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 13:46:06 +0000 KT326 2384320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mamaof2: Actually, since I knew when I was young (9-10 is when I really understood), it was easier to have conversations with my mom about it. Especially when I was a young teen (12-13) and all my friends had their periods but I didn't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384313 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 13:41:43 +0000 KT326 2384313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. My mom was very open about her struggles to have me. I don't remember a time where I didn't know. I'm grateful she told me because I was able to prepare myself in case I had trouble conceiving. I think that's why I'm okay with my infertility (well, as okay as you can be when you want a baby!). It's always just been a part of my life. If I have a girl I am definitely going to be open about it. I have a son and I will answer any questions he has, who knows if he and his partner will be dealing with it someday.</p> <p>1 in 8 couples will experience infertility. If we talk about it, maybe it won't be such a shock when the time comes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384286 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 13:23:23 +0000 Caly 2384286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When they're old enough, we'll tell them. It isn't a big secret and we're both very open about what it took to have them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384283 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 13:21:19 +0000 mrsrain 2384283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will. We didn't end up needing fertility treatments, but it took us a long time to conceive. I want her to understand that it's not always easy. </p> <p>Also, last Christmas I made a shutterfly book for her called "the day I was born", and it talks about waiting and praying for a long time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384282 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 13:20:33 +0000 macintosh 2384282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sure we will, probably around the time he starts asking about where babies come from.</p> <p>I joke that I'll tell him "when 2 grown ups love each other and want to make a baby, they each go have surgery..." I'll probably tell home something age appropriate about how we needed a little extra help from doctors. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384277 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 13:16:46 +0000 sungirl 2384277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know...I guess only if it came up or seemed relevant for some reason. We had an IUI with DS#1 after being diagnosed with unexplained infertility. And DS#2 came about naturally without really trying. I think it might be different if they were girls and were at the point of trying themselves. We really haven't shared the details with many of our friends and family beyond it took a lot longer than expected and we had to have assistance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384265 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 13:05:19 +0000 Mrs. Train 2384265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did. But we just answer when questions are asked. We didn't sit them all down and say "we are going to talk about mommies infertility today". We just answered questions as their curiosity surfaced and we let them lead the conversations.<br /> Our oldest wanted to know why some mommies and daddy's adopt. So we talked about a lot of reason why people choose to adopt one bring difficulties getting pregnant. He wanted to know then why we chose adoption. We talked about trying to have babies and it not working and that we thought that adoption was the best idea ever instead of more doctors visits. when he asked how I was able to have his brothers in my tummy we said it was a big surprise and we didn't think it would happen but we are glad it did because then he got to be a super awesome big brother when he was only 9 months old. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384251 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 12:58:09 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2384251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mamaof2: that's true! I just want to make sure she knows it's a possibility when she's at the point of trying to conceive herself. I wouldn't tell my LO at a young age if it wasn't a big part of her adoption story. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384247 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 12:55:49 +0000 Mamaof2 2384247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pickle: yes but there is no reason for a 12 yr old to know that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384243 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 12:54:50 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2384243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mamaof2: I think it matters so they can be aware they might have fertility issues one day.</p> <p>I will tell my LO because it's part of her adoption story. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384240 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 12:53:03 +0000 Mamaof2 2384240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chillybear: I can see that scenario - if I was asked I would tell them - I certainly wouldn't lie about it </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384236 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 12:50:27 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2384236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't have IF, but since our kids are about a year more apart than we wanted originally, I could see that maybe being mentioned if we were ever talking about how far apart our kids are. We don't really know why it took a lot longer the second time around, aside from maybe my being sick and losing a decent amount of weight, so there aren't really any details to tell other than that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384225 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 12:45:33 +0000 Chillybear 2384225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom had 2 miscarriages before conceiving my brother when I was 9. With the first pregnancy, she had already told me and most of our family (I was 6). I can remember he being in bed and being sad (after what would have been the D&amp;C) So I knew about my parents struggles in some capacity from childhood on and was told more of the story as I got older. I have no idea if my brother knows about any of this</p> <p>Before trying to conceive myself, i sat down with my mom and got all the medical information about her and my aunts, just in case it was pertinent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384210 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 12:34:26 +0000 LindsayLou 2384210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When my daughter is older, I will share that I had a miscarriage before I had her. I don't want it to be something hidden, so I'll tell her when she can understand what it means. I don't want to wait until she's trying to have her own kids to share and have her feel like I wasn't open about it or felt ashamed.</p> <p>I think it's important to talk openly with kids (when they're old enough to understand) about things like infertility, loss, adoption. I want my kids to understand that there are different ways to make a family, and that everyone has their own struggles. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384197 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 12:26:50 +0000 Mamaof2 2384197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sure - why would it matter? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/will-you-tell-your-los-that-you-had-trouble-getting-pregnant-infertility#post-2384196 Thu, 10 Dec 2015 12:26:17 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2384196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't speak for myself since luckily we did not struggle to conceive DD.</p> <p> But growing up, me and my siblings all knew that we were fertility treatment babies. My parents did not have to make the jump all the way to IVF like you but it took them months of injecting meds to get pregnant with all of us (TTC for 18 months with me, 13 with my sister and 9 with my brother - and they went straight to fertility treatments with the second two).. They have always been up-front about it which I appreciate. </p>