https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 03 Apr 2026 22:15:48 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1989356 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 23:28:03 +0000 loveisstrange 1989356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, and we asked if they were okay with it first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1989338 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 23:10:42 +0000 twoofeverything 1989338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, we told her. It was a really complicated decision, and we ended up deciding on someone who wasn't family. We asked her, then told the family who *may* have assumed it would be them. Sticky, but I'm glad we decided! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1989334 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 23:03:11 +0000 fancyfunction 1989334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We asked and told them we knew it was a big decision that they should think about but they said yes right away. We then had our wills and trusts drawn up but yes, now that I'm thinking about it, the guardians don't need to sign anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1989301 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 22:31:13 +0000 Mae 1989301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess I sort of told rather than asked...? Our LO would go to my parents. But it was never really a question I don't think-- even though I don't think my parents would be thrilled with the arrangement (beyond the loss of their daughter) because they are over raising kids, they would prefer that to any of the other options. We don't really have anyone else we trust. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1989292 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 22:26:10 +0000 Astro Bee 1989292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does anyone know if a willed guardian is legally binding in Canada? Does it differ by province, or is it (like a lot of things) Quebec and the remainder of Canada? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1989287 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 22:23:50 +0000 Astro Bee 1989287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I brought this up to DH a couple of weeks ago, that we needed to decide in the next few months who will be the baby's legal guardian if something happened to us. I'd be more comfortable if we decided before the birth, but just waited until after to make a new will - I believe that's required, anyway. Without naming names, I told my husband that it needed to be someone who's financially responsible and stable, settled into a stable living environment (i.e., not moving around constantly), is healthy and has a healthy lifestyle. To my mind, those prerequisites eliminate our younger brothers (although they're now in their 30s, and one is married), and his parents. My mother isn't as healthy, but my dad is, so assuming he didn't predecease her, my parents would be my choice. Of course, things may change in our brothers' lives that would make them better candidates down the road. I'll let him mull it over for a bit before bringing it up again. But I hope he sees things my way. In the end, it's what's best for our kid, so I'm less concerned about potential hurt feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988485 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 12:48:46 +0000 Mrs. Lion 1988485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>ooh, I wanted to mention this too....</p> <p>We didn't know this at first, but putting guardianship in your will is not a guarantee in most states. You can choose someone, but a judge will make the final decision in the best interest of the child. From what I heard it is really rare that a judge would go against a parents will, but if you think there is a chance that anyone would contest what you have in your will (family members that would want to fight for custody or whatnot) you may need to have those conversations up front. It is super uncomfortable, but I wanted our families to be clear about our wishes, so we had to have some awkward conversations about this, especially since the person we chose isn't family. </p> <p>Just something to think about! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988464 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 12:38:06 +0000 HabesBabe 1988464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Holy crap, really? I had no idea! Maybe I should change mine to Brad and Angie... hahaha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988453 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 12:32:48 +0000 Snowdrop 1988453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe it used to be your parents but she now wants to change it to you? That is our plan if my brother was to settle down etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988437 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 12:25:46 +0000 Smurfette 1988437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We asked my sister if she would. Told her if she needed time to think about it that was fine. She said no, of course she would. Then we let her know it was official when we had our will and trust done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988436 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 12:25:24 +0000 .twist. 1988436@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: I hear ya. It's such a complicated situation! Glad you figured it out, I hope we can soon. It bothers me so much that we haven't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988435 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 12:24:35 +0000 BananaPancakes 1988435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My attorney told us this should be discussed with the parties before signing. Both for guardianship and the conservator of our estate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988431 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 12:22:13 +0000 youboots 1988431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just asked my cousin and her husband last night. I asked them to think on it. I want it in writing before baby is born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988395 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:56:51 +0000 MrsScottish 1988395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>hmmm Thanks for the responses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988392 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:55:51 +0000 swurlygurl 1988392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, we need to figure this out. I think once you know who you want, you should definitely tell/ask them!!</p> <p>@Mrs. Lion: I have a close friend that asked us for similar reasons. I was so honored!! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988366 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:38:51 +0000 Mrs. Lion 1988366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: We had this problem too. We chose a close friend instead. We included in our will that we specifically did not choose our parents because we wanted them to remain in the role of grandparents (they are all retired, and while they are in good health, we didn't want them to have to start their parenting lives over...it didn't seem fair), and I just have to hope that in the event something awful happens that our parents feel like family to her too. It is such an unlikely situation, but we felt strongly about who we didn't want raising our kids, so we felt it was very necessary to pick someone so that there would be no question or shuttling kids around when they would already be going through so much. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988365 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:38:49 +0000 Mrs.KMM 1988365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't tell - we asked my SIL and her fiance if they would be our LO's guardian if something happened to us. They discussed it and said they would. Our LO isn't even born yet! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988356 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:35:21 +0000 Mrs. Lion 1988356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We definitely asked the person we chose before LO was born when we were having our wills drawn up. She is a single mom of one little girl, so I did ask again when I got pregnant the second time. Theres a big difference between taking responsibility for one kid vs. two and I wanted to give her the option to tell me that would be too much. We haven't spoken to our back up person, mostly because we aren't 100% sure they are going to stay our back up person and we don't want to hurt their feelings when we end up changing it later. </p> <p>This is absolutely the most difficult parenting decision DH and I have had to make. But I also feel it is insanely important. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988354 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:33:50 +0000 .twist. 1988354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't discussed it with anyone because we honestly don't know who would do it. We can't trust any of our siblings and we love both of our parents equally, so how do you choose? It stresses me out on a regular basis but I just don't know what to do and I feel like it would be such a burden to ask of my friends. And even if one of our friends would love to do it, how do you make sure that they will take time to visit our parents, plus their parents, with their kids? It's just so much responsibility and I have no idea what would be best for us.... :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988349 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:29:31 +0000 catomd00 1988349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a little odd not to mention it at all, but I am not surprised people don't mention it. You don't have to accept the responsibility should it come to that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988346 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:28:02 +0000 Cole 1988346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our plan is to ask them but not necessarily share our choice with anyone else. My mom will be sad about not choosing someone from my family even if she knows logically that we made the right choice so it's easier for me to write a note to be included about why we made the choice and the benefits for her that she can read if it comes to it as opposed to get having to just stew over something that will hopefully never happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988335 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:23:17 +0000 looch 1988335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>From a legal perspective, I don't think you have to tell. I mean, do I think you should, yes, but the attorney doesn't send out a notice to the named guardian or anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988334 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:23:05 +0000 Eko 1988334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My aunt discussed with me first if I would like to be the legal guardian for her three children. We had a pretty serious discussion about it, including the kind of money we would get to support the children. I couldn't imagine if something did happen to have that sprung on you. When I get my will done I plan on having a discussion with the person we choose first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988330 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:22:19 +0000 HabesBabe 1988330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't "tell" that person (my BIL/the hubs' older brother)-- we asked him and told him to think about it (but he accepted on the spot). I don't think this is a responsibility that you just decide for another person, and especially without telling them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988321 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:21:21 +0000 Mamasig 1988321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister will get my boys. She is also their godmother. And I know I'd get her kids. Just something we always knew and understood! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988320 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:19:44 +0000 blackbird 1988320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Most definitely, this was something we discussed. </p> <p>SIL gets our kids if anything happens to us. We are guardians for friends of ours if anything happens to them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wills-and-guardianship#post-1988316 Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:18:28 +0000 MrsScottish 1988316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When our LO was born my SIL came to the hospital to visit and we told her that if anything happened to us that she and my bro would be the guardian for LO. We are going to visit a lawyer in the new year. She then informed us in a joking manner that if anything happened to them that we would be guardian for their 3 kids (which are 10, 7 and 1).... I literally had no idea! It was never brought up, they had never told me in the last 10 years, or told my parents (who have had a huge part in raising them). I literally had no idea, and never thought it would be me (now us). When the eldest was born 10 years ago my parents told them that they needed to decide who would be the guardian, tell the person and go to a lawyer, which they said they did. (um, they never told me then- I was single then-So unless they changed it..... )I just thought it was weird that we find out now.<br /> Is it standard to not tell??? I always knew growing up what would happen to us if something happened to my parents.... </p>