https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Jul 2026 16:39:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-235257 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 10:05:11 +0000 LemonLong 235257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents both worked two jobs when I was growing up. one full time job each, and then part time gigs waitressing and playing music at night. So we went to daycare, had babysitters, stayed with Grandma and Grandpa and once we were a bit older were home alone.<br /> I never felt like it wasn't my parents raising us even though they had limited time with us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-235256 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 10:05:03 +0000 mrstilly 235256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us it isn't an option for DH or I to stay home with DS full time. DH is a teacher and has summers off, but this summer we opted to keep DS in daycare (since we have to pay for his spot anyway) and DH just keeps DS home now and then for a boys day when he doesn't have home projects to do. </p> <p>So far, I don't feel like anyone else is raising him. I spend almost all of my non-working hours with him. I don't really leave him unless I'm going for a run or need to run errands. Other than that, we are together. I think that what will be important in making sure that over the years DS and any future kids, as well as DH and I, feel like we are the ones actively raising out kids will depend on how we engage with them. We will be present and engaged with their activities, from play time to baseball and ballet. We each take special time with DS now, and I love when I have a week day off from work to just spend playing with DS. I work hard to disengage from TV, the internet, work, etc... when we are home together. And it's rare for DH and I to leave DS with anyone else outside of daycare. We go out for a date now and then and are planning a short vacation later this summer, but otherwise we do things together as a family. </p> <p>I think it would be harder if DH and/or I had to work more than the 40 hours a week or traveled for work. Right now we don't, so daycare really is more like school for him. I love that he loves his daycare and he is benefiting from the socialization and structure, but ultimately he knows who his parents are and it is us that he reaches for when he is tired or hurt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-235151 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 09:09:07 +0000 Mrs. Cowgirl 235151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i just have to keep reminding myself that it's quality, not quantity when it comes to parenting. in truth, there are some students that i spend more waking hours with than their parents do during the work week, but not one of them has any doubts about who their parents are and that their parents are the ones raising them. </p> <p>with lil' CB, there have definitely been days when it's been hard to drop him off, but he and i both know that i am the one that brings him there from *home* and when our work/school day is done, i am the one that comes back to get him so we can go *home* together. </p> <p>there is a lot to be said for being there for wake-ups (no matter how early!) and goodnights...and even though there are many days when mr. cowboy is not there for one or the other, lil' CB has no doubt that his daddy loves him and is always there for him.</p> <p>hang in there @ladyfingers: ! the balance can be hard, but you'll find a way to make it work for *your* family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-235026 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 08:05:27 +0000 Jumpingjacks 235026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom was home with me most of the time before I started school and then she went to work. But, I have almost no memories of being with her before starting school. (Not to say that it isn't an important time, just because you don't remember it...but...). Then, when she worked, my brother and I went to a neighbors house for lunch and after school. We were fine. I never felt like my mom wasn't my primary caregiver. (My Dad wasn't that involved, but that's because of who he is and his choices, not because he worked.)</p> <p>Like others above, I've never known anyone to say they felt like they were raised by other people because they were in day care or summer camps. Never. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-235020 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 08:02:37 +0000 mediagirl 235020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm better with daycare than I am with when she goes to school. I wish I could be home with her for a year, but it isn't possible so I have accepted that. When she's in school, she is going to need before and after school care. That bums me out. My husband's mom was SAH and my Mom was a teacher, so both of our moms were always there to put us on the bus and be there when we got off the bus. My heart hurts knowing I won't be able to do the same for our little girl. We'll figure it out, though.</p> <p>I don't think anyone else will be raising her. We are her constant. That's the important thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-235017 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 08:01:41 +0000 Mialin 235017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well I just put my little 3mos old girl with a sitter because I had to work too. My husband works as well. We have to in order to give them the life we want them to have comfortably. And that's what they'll recall primarily over any nanny, sitter or daycare center....When I was younger I had multiple sitters...but they never raised me, only watched me. My mother was single and raising two girls...she was barely around because she held two jobs. She is from a different country too so she didn't really teach me many values of family or how to put lipstick on. However, she tucked me in, gave me Vicks when I was sick, bought my sister and I Valentine's treats and still teaches me how to make Thai food (I'm 31). She raised me :) Just like you're raising your little ones. Just like I'm raising my little one. I never felt like anyone else raised me - she gave me my basic needs (love, shelter, food, affection) and let me grow up. Don't fret, there is only one mommy our children have :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-235005 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 07:50:32 +0000 mrbee 235005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Yes, that was my point to you as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-234925 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 02:18:57 +0000 DigAPony 234925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally understand your fear, but both of my parents worked and I never felt neglected or raised by my daycare/after school program providers. We always had quality time in the evenings, on the weekends, and on summer vacations. And, as I've gotten older, I've only appreciated how hard both of my parents worked even more. It will work out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-234913 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 01:46:36 +0000 looch 234913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: It's a lesson in how differently people interpret the written word. I think we can all benefit from differing viewpoints, but we should think about how what we write could be interpreted, that's all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-234375 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 14:58:29 +0000 doodlepoodle 234375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, I will agree with the perception @MrsBee has from @Brownie's point, try to view the daycare provider as additional love for your little sweetie, it's hard not to feel like other people won't do it right (I totally micro-manage my hubby) but trust that you chose the right provider and that person is doing their best to take care of your LO during the day and then you can do everything "right" at night and on the weekends ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-234374 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 14:58:07 +0000 T.H.O.U. 234374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know for me, the couple of hours that I do get to spend with my daughter in the evenings are quality time. I make sure to put other things aside and I spend time with her. When I was on maternity leave, I never felt like I could just put everything down and be with her since there were always chores to be done, errands to run, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-234362 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 14:50:14 +0000 doodlepoodle 234362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am a WOHM, this is my first week back at work. DH is staying home with J until he starts back up at school next month (he went back to college once I was done with school and had a stable job). I can't say that I don't get jealous that he's home with J, but I have noticed that the hours I'm at home I value so much more and I think that as he gets older he'll see that. He will know that I do everything I can to make our time together special, even if it's not all day long like SAHM's have. Just try to come up with special things for you to do together, whether it's your nursing sessions, story time, bath time, etc., make that special for the two of you (or three of you if you're not as selfish as me LOL). It's about quality, not quantity :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-234344 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 14:42:08 +0000 plantains 234344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went to daycare and had nannies because both my parents worked. In my culture, there are pretty much no SAHMs so it seems perfectly normal to me to work. My LO is only 5 weeks old, and I ave 6 months maternity leave, so this isn't quite an issue for me yet, but I already kno wthat staying at home is not for me. I love my baby to bits and she loves me too, but I genuinely don't see how me staying home is serving our family well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233853 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 11:36:57 +0000 mrbee 233853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: FWIW, I thought that Brownie was just saying that daycare providers can be an additional person who loves your LO? I didn't see it as an attack on SAH parents! I thought it was an interesting point, and one I hadn't considered before.</p> <p>Regardless, I hope we can all give each other the benefit of the doubt on threads like this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233782 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 11:06:45 +0000 Mrsbells 233782@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went to daycare and went to school but I never felt like the teachers were raising me. Its sad when you have to take your infant to daycare because they are so young and precious at that age but ultimately once they get to school going age its normal for them to spend the day at school and then come home in the afternoon and spend the evening with the family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233774 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 11:02:49 +0000 chopsuey 233774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents worked full time and my grandma watched us for a while. We also stayed home alone.<br /> I had a great childhood and there's no doubt in my mind that my parents were the ones who raised me. </p> <p>I did wish my mom didn't have to work because I missed her while she was away.. My sister and I used to sneak into her car in the morning hoping she wouldn't notice and would take us to work with her..<br /> I also used to be envious of kids whose parents picked them up from schOol and got to attend school programs during the day and go on field trips with us. </p> <p>I feel really blessed to be able to stay at hOme with my lOs.. Even if I couldn't, I'd still believe I was the one raising them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233751 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:48:50 +0000 ladyfingers 233751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ah, now I want to hear what @Brownie had to say. </p> <p>Thanks everybody, for your feedback. It's cool to hear a variety of experiences both as the child and the parent, and to know that we're making the best decisions we can and that no matter what, we are still raising our child! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233670 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:17:51 +0000 looch 233670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: I found your post to be strongly written as well, I don't see that as a criticism though.</p> <p>Don't get me wrong, daycare has benefits just as staying at home has its downfalls. Nothing is the perfect solution...don't ask me what is, because I am still undecided! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233668 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:15:30 +0000 brownie 233668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>sorry </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233646 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:01:22 +0000 looch 233646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: my son has more than 2 people that love and care for him and he is not in daycare. It takes a village. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233643 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:00:08 +0000 brownie 233643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233603 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 09:47:51 +0000 looch 233603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am a SAHM, so that probably colors my view, but I think no matter if parents work or not, it is not the number of things that you do with your child that makes your their parent. It's the decisions that you make about their core beliefs that shape a child's life. I want to make my son have a golden childhood, but I think all mothers and fathers want that for our children, don't we? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233578 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 09:33:30 +0000 Lozza 233578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a SAHM, while DH had two parents who worked full-time as physicians. He did plenty of afterschool programs, there were au pairs, etc.... and there is no question who raised him. When he talks about his childhood, it's all about his parents- trips they took, family traditions, quirks, dinnertime rituals... there's barely a mention of the other people who watched him even though they logged a lot of hours with him and his brother. The people that shaped his character and that had the impact on him- those were his parents. His mom, who he was pretty close to, passed away a few years ago, but he's incredibly close with his dad- they talk on the phone 2-3 times a week, and we see him probably every six weeks or so.<br /> Once LO is older, DH and I will probably try to arrange our schedules to maximize time with him, but we still plan on working full-time outside the home, and I'm really not worried on the impact that will have on our relationship with LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233522 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 09:09:14 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 233522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like I am FULLY raising my girls! There is no substitute for mama. I think it's great that they have outside input for 8 hours a day, but in the end I'm the one that gets up in the middle of the night and snuggles and dresses them in the morning.</p> <p>Of all the time I've spent at work, I've only missed one milestone for either of my girls and that was M's giggle, which she promptly did for me when I got home that evening. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233514 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 09:06:43 +0000 Andrea 233514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: My mom picked me up every day but DH was latchkey, too. I've never heard any complaints from him, though, and we both turned out pretty similarly even with our different upbringings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233510 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 09:02:43 +0000 mrsjazz 233510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister and I had babysitters, daycare, and summer camp because my mom was a single parent. Make no doubt about it--my mom raised me! But I have those same thoughts come up because I hate leaving my baby. I just remind myself that I never doubted that my mom loved me and I never thought our babysitters or daycare people were "mom." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233509 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 09:02:17 +0000 Mrs. Bee 233509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>most days charlie is happy to go to daycare, but sometimes he is super clingy and doesn't want us to leave. the same goes for all the other kids at daycare. no matter how awesome daycare is (and charlie adores his teachers), they love their parents best! </p> <p>i don't feel like daycare is raising charlie at all. we spend a lot of quality time together in the mornings playing together, in the evenings at dinner time, bath time and story time, and on our adventures every weekend. charlie has no doubt who is family and who isn't! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233505 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 09:00:38 +0000 MrsTiz 233505@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: I'm right there with you. I would literally give ANYTHING to be a SAHM, but there is no way we could make it work, at all and it makes me sad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233504 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 09:00:36 +0000 Adira 233504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have any advice since I'm not in this situation yet, but I also plan to go back to work after having kids and our kids will be in daycare.</p> <p>One of my best friends was in daycare, and she's never said that she felt like her mom didn't raise her. She actually really enjoyed being in daycare though, from what she can remember of it, haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-moms-do-you-feel-like-you-or-others-are-raising-your-children#post-233503 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 09:00:30 +0000 ladyfingers 233503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Andrea: True. The only thing that concerns me, is afterschool. We won't be there to pick them up, etc. so we'll have to put them in an afterschool camp once that time comes. DH was sort of latchkey, but I always had somebody to come home to, to pick me up, so I have no idea what it's like to be on the other end! I'm already worried about activities and everything, too. </p>