https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 03 May 2026 11:00:36 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2615439 Fri, 02 Sep 2016 14:28:49 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2615439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im there with you. I feel like they are trying to make a case against me to let me go and I'm 6 months pregnant. I was promoted the beginning of this year, so i don't know what's going on ..... things aren't great for me. But i try to do whatever i can, whatever happens happens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2615433 Fri, 02 Sep 2016 14:14:24 +0000 Mrs. Dolphin 2615433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: A few things happened. I interviewed for other jobs and got a few offers, which validated my worth (I needed some external validation after I asked for a raise, which my boss supported, but the exec director denied and basically said I was lucky to have a job). My exec director eventually did have to give me a raise because I would have left otherwise. My boss and I also bonded more about some of our shared concerns about work. I also changed my work schedule a bit, to something that fit my schedule better and let me have more quality time with the kids (but I work again after they go to bed). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2615403 Fri, 02 Sep 2016 13:22:21 +0000 codeitall 2615403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@emilye519: I'm betting after my maternity leave that I'll want to be back at work. But I wish my company were in a place to let me go part-time (and not dropping my insurance!).</p> <p>@peachykeen: I've decided that I'll never feel bad for interviewing and looking. It is mostly passive and I only really apply for jobs that look perfect. Plus, it reminds me of my accomplishments and how much I have to contribute when I have down days at work. Maybe someday, the perfect job will work out!</p> <p>@mrsog: Ugh, I know. There's a kids' music place by us that gave me a free intro class, but guess what?! Only during the day. Way to make me feel like an outlier.</p> <p>@Mama Bird: It is really hard when there is no defined goal or end in sight :heart: </p> <p>@ElbieKay: You're right, when I went back to work from my first maternity leave, it was because I missed contributing on an adult level and having adult problems to solve. And I probably would feel the same if I was home with him all day. Grass is always greener syndrome I guess :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2615399 Fri, 02 Sep 2016 13:04:57 +0000 codeitall 2615399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: A commiseration club :silly: Right now, DS is a total daddy's boy, so I try to get my cuddles in the morning before he really wakes up and toddles off to find dad :bummed: </p> <p>@JennyD: You just described my life. My facebook feed and even neighbors can be so depressing, even unintentionally! You took your kids to a museum today and it was practically empty so you spent tons of time being bored at their favorite exhibit? Excuse me while I go punch a wall.</p> <p>@SweetCaroline: I'm with @JennyD , your daycare sounds a little uptight. And I forgot about that quality time study! That makes me feel better.<br /> You're right, I should talk to my boss again. We've lost a lot of high-level people in the past month, so I know he's been busy, but on that note, they probably really don't want to lose me either! And honestly, most of my unhappiness is due to a dev they added to my team when they got rid of his. He has a lot of dev philosophies and work habits that end up backfiring on the whole team. But at least I know that my boss is aware of all of those issues and agrees with me and is trying to mitigate some of the worst of it. Also, I'm taking a last-minute half day today, just because :grin: </p> <p>@Mrs. Dolphin: Well I feel like I'm at the bottom now, so the only way left is up! Did the work situation just slowly get better or did you do something that made a difference?</p> <p>@Mrs. Pickles: I've gone through 12 years of archives in the past few months in my downtime and keep finding new favorites! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614704 Thu, 01 Sep 2016 11:38:02 +0000 ElbieKay 2614704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OK, I have been pretty burned out lately, but I do not regret working. I like solving analytical problems and having adult conversations. I love my son, but he is only going to be little for a short period and I don't want to stop working for 5 years and then have no career to go back to. He goes to school for half days and gets to socialize, and then he comes home with our sitter or his grandparents, naps, and goes to the park for a few hours before his bath.</p> <p>I feel like I have no time to myself, but I would feel that way if I stayed home with him too. I feel like a more balanced person with a job, and I have much more personal security with a paycheck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614702 Thu, 01 Sep 2016 11:36:12 +0000 Mama Bird 2614702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, being a working mom not by choice is so awful. I mean, there are worse things in life, but I'm still so not happy that my children have to spend every beautiful summer day in a small room, and that it didn't matter if they're sad or not feeling well, they still come last, after my boss and rich clients who surely don't have to do this to their kids. I thought I was doing this so we could have a better place to live, but that's not happening so I don't quite see the point any more. I'm not rocking the boat only because my oldest starts school in a year, and making it so I can come home early to pick him up will be my hill to die on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614653 Thu, 01 Sep 2016 10:30:58 +0000 mrsog 2614653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I too am in the WOHM funk. I just got the parks and rec guide for the fall activities in our town and all of the 2-4 year old programs are Tuesday and Thursday. I am super upset that I can't sign my son up for soccer and have this guilt that I shouldn't be working but should be able to do these things with him. Because obviously they think that enough people don't work that they can take their toddlers to classes during the week - but why can't I? :sad: </p> <p>I just keep reminding myself that I am working so that we can buy a house and so my boys will have more. I know I get quality time with them and my MIL watches them so they get great care. But yea, it sucks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614645 Thu, 01 Sep 2016 10:24:35 +0000 peachykeen 2614645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm there with all of you. I keep debating between job searching and staying with my current position. Even though I feel stifled career-wise (definitely not using my full skillset or potential here) they are pretty flexible when it comes to schedule flexing and telework. I've been thinking this way since I got pregnant with DD over 2 years ago... Sigh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614628 Thu, 01 Sep 2016 10:13:35 +0000 emilye519 2614628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel you, I have those feelings often but also stayed home with dd until she was a year old and know that isn't for me either. I wish there was a way to have better balance, but I try to keep in mind it's all just weather and this too shall pass.</p> <p>Hang in there Mama! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614561 Thu, 01 Sep 2016 08:52:56 +0000 Mrs. Pickles 2614561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: Dilbert is my favorite! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614521 Thu, 01 Sep 2016 08:15:33 +0000 Mrs. Dolphin 2614521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>*Hugs* There are ups and downs being a WOHM (as, I suspect with any situation). I went through a period where I was pretty unhappy with work; I love my boss but was pretty unhappy with our exec director and just felt like I was missing my son during the day. Things got better at work, though and the regrets lessened. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614476 Thu, 01 Sep 2016 07:07:33 +0000 SweetCaroline 2614476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: ha, they are totally fussy. I've made peace with it (sorta :silly:)</p> <p>Not going to lie, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot too. I think k I'm going to leave work a couple hours early on Friday to get a pedicure. Little things like that make me feel human and like I can keep going, even if I can't get a whole vacation day in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614398 Wed, 31 Aug 2016 21:43:50 +0000 JennyD 2614398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetCaroline: hahaha thanks. To clarify, I feel like I'm missing out. I wanna chill at the park and drink coffee with my mom friends. I'm sure that's what my husband does all day.... (Not really)</p> <p>Your daycare seems a little fussy... That's asking a lot! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614370 Wed, 31 Aug 2016 20:43:45 +0000 SweetCaroline 2614370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: lol I know you're joking but maybe we really do need a WOHM support thread...</p> <p>@JennyD: you are providing so much value to your kids by working (life lessons, not just bread and butter!). Also, a recent study showed that WOHMs had just as much QUALITY time even though not as much time in general if they were to stay home.</p> <p>A recent working mom fail day: The other day I got home from work at 9pm after working a 14 hour day. I missed bedtime of course. I read DDs daily sheet from daycare "E does not like beans and strawberries...please send something else". (shes a toddler, she'll change her mind tomorrow) the note also reminded me to bring swimsuit and towel I had forgotten that morning.</p> <p>The next morning, I got grilled on why DD is scratching her neck like crazy (eczema, lay off!) And also, I had mentioned I needed to cut her nails, did I get around to that? THEN the teacher says "oh boy E, that dress looks like it's getting a little short!" (Shes 18 months, ITS 90 DEGREES...who CARES!)</p> <p>All that to say that some days are a real struggle and I feel like a shitty mom. Other days, I feel like a bad ass. @codeitall: I know it's a real struggle if you aren't engaged and loving your job. Have you talked to your boss about the way you are feeling? Have you identified the root of your unhappiness at work? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614321 Wed, 31 Aug 2016 19:28:58 +0000 JennyD 2614321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It seems like everyone I know is either on mat leave or pregnant. Or has managed to stay home with their kids. And my life is full of posts with people doing awesome fun stuff with their little kids. I feel like I'm missing out, but I'm also the only employed person :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614306 Wed, 31 Aug 2016 18:57:47 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2614306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm on maternity leave and dreading going back. I wish I could take a year or two off. But I don't know what I would go back into if I left. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614275 Wed, 31 Aug 2016 18:02:18 +0000 avivoca 2614275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: I am definitely taking half days every Tuesday next month (my final month of pregnancy). I am looking forward to the mini break! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614266 Wed, 31 Aug 2016 17:32:11 +0000 snowjewelz 2614266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: I hope you will be able to find a good balance :heart: We can start a WOHM club haha. </p> <p>I have to say, I am still the most preferred one by DD even tho DH takes care of her the most during the week. And I do love that she is exposed to and thriving with both grandma care and daycare, making her a very adaptable kid! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614260 Wed, 31 Aug 2016 17:05:02 +0000 codeitall 2614260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks ladies. Maybe I really just needed to commiserate since I don't work with any other mothers (or even know any in my area), but your comments really made me feel better just knowing I'm not alone in this.</p> <p>@avivoca: You're totally right that it won't be forever, and maybe I'll just set up a countdown to my maternity leave in March :wink: Hopefully by the end of that I'll be ready for work again or have a new plan.</p> <p> @Mrs. Pickles: Why are there so many difficult people at work? Sometimes I wish I could be more like Alice in the Dilbert comics (<a href="http://dilbert.com/strip/2004-05-31" rel="nofollow">http://dilbert.com/strip/2004-05-31</a> is one of my all-time favorites).</p> <p>@bluestriped bee: I've been sounding out my network looking for new opportunities, but I kind of shot myself in the foot since I'm pregnant and my state doesn't have any maternity benefits other than FMLA. I hadn't really thought about moving within the company, I'll start looking into that!</p> <p>@snowjewelz: I've been here long enough to get decent PTO, maybe I'll start using them to just spend time with DS. Like mental health days but with a toddler haha :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614136 Wed, 31 Aug 2016 13:50:27 +0000 snowjewelz 2614136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am the breadwinner too, so I understand how it feels to really have no options! I know I will be a WOHM for years to come. and it's just something I have to accept. I don't love my job either, so sometimes it's definitely hard when I think about how I spend my hours; at some place I don't want to be vs with DD! </p> <p>But this how I am providing for my family so I guess I just suck it up. And I know it will get easier as they get older. We haven't gone on any extended/extravagant vacations so I usually take random days off to spend w/ DD and DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614126 Wed, 31 Aug 2016 13:43:47 +0000 BSB 2614126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm the breadwinner, too, so I know I will be a WOH mom for a very long time. I'm also job hunting so I'm hoping the new job with bring me a little bit of excitement in working again. I can't wait to leave my current job. Just waiting on the job offer to come in... </p> <p>I know I need to provide for my family so just remembering that. If one of my twins had a rough night and has to sleep with us, it is so so hard to leave in the mornings. I just want to take off but I know I must work. My twins are young but I'm sure once they start getting older and noticing that mommy always has to work.. I'm sure it will get even harder to leave.</p> <p>Maybe consider switching jobs or moving within the company? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614122 Wed, 31 Aug 2016 13:40:40 +0000 Mrs. Pickles 2614122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice just commiseration. I've had to deal with a lot of difficult people at work that overshadow my actual offerings so it weighs me down.</p> <p>Bottom line, we need the insurance and paycheck but it breaks my heart when my boys miss me </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614120 Wed, 31 Aug 2016 13:39:33 +0000 avivoca 2614120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been there (and still am). Staying home is not an option right now, so I just put my head down and keep going. I'm looking for other jobs, but so far nothing has come my way. I know it won't be like this forever and that really helps me when I'm in a funk.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wohm-regrets#post-2614118 Wed, 31 Aug 2016 13:37:22 +0000 codeitall 2614118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been really struggling at work the past few months. We've had some reorgs and the stuff I used to be excited about, I'm just not working on anymore. I love my boss, he's been really amazing and understanding as this first trimester was loads worse than my first one (he was my boss then too). But with the reorg, he has a ton of new direct reports and I just don't feel as engaged with the department and company as a result.</p> <p>Adding to this, we've had a huge fiasco with our daycare and emergency switched to one of my husband's friends who watches DS with her two youngest children while DH is in classes.</p> <p>We have two more years of paying tuition ahead of us and logically, I know that I need to be working as the only bread-winner, but it is just so hard these days when I'd so much rather stay home and play with my cute toddler than go to work and feel useless. :sad: </p> <p>Has anyone else struggled with this? How did you deal with it? </p>