https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 22:10:25 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-894921 Sat, 29 Jun 2013 05:28:03 +0000 Espion 894921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is going to be interesting to see how all of this will work out once I start my "real" job in September. At the beginning of my career with an infant...there are a lot of ways I can help/hurt myself on both fronts. Plus, there is no precedent in my situation. It will be interesting, to say the least. We'll have to see how supportive the workplace really is...</p> <p>ETA: I'm going to read through the conversation more carefully once I get home... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-894910 Sat, 29 Jun 2013 04:17:57 +0000 808love 894910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, I have received more workplace opportunities, become more efficient and have seen higher behavior and performance levels from my students since having my daughter. It is possible to have both. My daughter is thriving and it is a joy to be with her. I am tired a bit more but aside from sleep, I seem to have it all and then some. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-894054 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 15:19:36 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 894054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@math.nerd: seriously! I have never been more efficient and I've built in lots of layers of backup on both ends so if something comes up, I've got both work and home covered. No more last minute deadlines for me! I've got to build in a cushion just in case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-894033 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 15:08:41 +0000 math.nerd 894033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: This is a point that the author of the article made - employers should LOVE moms because they can prioritize, organize and get s*it done! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-894002 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 14:54:25 +0000 brownie 894002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: Yeah, I actually left a federal govie job for college teaching. So far it hasn't been too much as far as issues BUT, I did have some issues when I lost child care. I wasn't sure I would be able to teach the hours I had and they would NOT budge on the hours. Ultimately, it isn't an issue because we got child care resolved but really they are supposed to be more flexible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893985 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 14:45:10 +0000 Maysprout 893985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: This isn't something I directly experienced but there was a lawsuit on campus from women profs in various biology departments because women with more seniority and more grant $$ were being placed in smaller lab spaces than men. Surprising how educational institutions can be so backwards. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893952 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 14:30:10 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 893952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsCB: I respectfully disagree that I can't be at the top o my career performance and parenting. Sure, I have a nanny, but I think my girls are utterly thriving and my career has skyrocketed in the last three years since having kids. For me, I believe that my girls have made me more efficient and driven at work and work has made me more present with the girls when I'm with them. The synergy has been excellent. The only time I get bogged down is when I indulge in mommy guilt, which I've made it a practice to abolish from my life :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893946 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 14:27:40 +0000 Anagram 893946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As other PPs have said, I think a woman CAN have it all, if she has the support from somewhere else--either paid help or a husband who can do the kid stuff.</p> <p>I do have 1 friend in this sitation. She essentially has three jobs. A full time job, a less-than-half-tim job teaching 1-2 classes each semester at a University, AND she takes on free lance jobs for publishing companies (writing educational add-ons to popular kid's books) which requires her to travel sometimes. They have two kids, one who is special needs. Her husband does the heavy lifting at home. He's a teacher and "just" teaches. He picks up and takes the girls if she can't, he cooks dinner (she doesn't cook at all), he has the girls when she travels, he has the girls all summer when she's teaching her University classes.</p> <p>He's not "helping", he's doing 60% of the parenting. So it's possible, but you have to have someone that can do that stuff for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893923 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 14:19:52 +0000 brownie 893923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: I saw discrimination as you did. Ultimately it changed my career plans sort of. I always wanted to teach, I didn't always want to do it full time.</p> <p>Women still get paid less then men for the same type of work (yes women predominately go into teaching and other low paying jobs and men go into higher paying jobs. I'm not counting those) Companies worry they will lose out when the woman gets pregnant. Afterwards they are mommy tracked etc. </p> <p>There are MORE discrimination reports now than ever in the past. Why is this? Is it because women are doing more things or because others aren't adapting?</p> <p>Men can't have it all. They can have a great career and excel at that. But they can't also be a wonderfully fantastic dad going on field trips in the middle of the day. It is just easier for them to be successful in one arena. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893887 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 14:09:58 +0000 Maysprout 893887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm surprised at how in some environments that there's still a long way to go. </p> <p>I decided to leave my position after feeling harassed while pregnant and less than a year later they fired the woman who then came after me after she announced her pregnancy. Despite so many people expressing their verbal support, the other girl documented numerous accounts of harassment, I hadn't been that prepared because I didn't want to make a big fuss (lesson learned) but I did provide written accounts and emails, basically nothing was done to remedy the situation or make sure it wouldn't happen again. One of my husband and I's biggest supporters, who is a big wig on campus and told everyone we were this powerhouse couple, had a meeting with students then about work/life balance and basically told women who wanted children they were screwed and biology was just unfair. I have been so disheartened by that situation and my lack of speaking up (I did speak up a little but I really did not want to burn bridges or cause people to be upset, which I now realize was the wrong way to go). </p> <p>The department I worked in had all married men profs with children and zero of the women profs were either married or had children. </p> <p>When my husband interviewed (we were still dating at the time and everyone knew we were dating since we worked at the same place, and my husband knew the guy interviewing him pretty well) the guy told him he used to be interested in career driven women but then he realized his family would need clean underwear.</p> <p>I have lots more examples of not nice behavior, though those probably were the ones that made the biggest impact on me. But I do know some people who have really gone to great lengths to provide the support and encouragement to women who are starting families to make sure their careers aren't affected. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893502 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 12:25:32 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 893502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pirouette: I agree with a lot of this, especially the part about all the factors needing to come together (great boss, affordable childcare, supportive husband, flexible work environment). Now I need to go get me a copy of "Lean In" - that book sounds good - thanks for the rec!</p> <p>I have a lot of things working in my favor so that I can "have it all" (at least to me). I'm thankful that even though I have an older, female boss, she has been very supportive of me through and through, both during my pregnancy and after. There are good women bosses out there that want you to have what they have! I was given a promotion and pay raise two days before I left for maternity leave, am allowed to pump as long as I need at work, and have a lot of flexibility in my schedule as long as I get my job done well. I feel so empowered in my career, and wish more leaders in the workplace would give their employees room to thrive if they prove themselves to be reliable, hard workers. </p> <p>The self-fulfilling prophecy for women is true too though because I know that since returning to work, I have not been as engaged or driven as I would've been prior to becoming a mom. Maybe in a few years when things settle down and the kids are older, I can be more present at my job, but right now - in between the pump sessions, rushing home to nurse, juggling two kids, and sleep deprivation, it is hard to give it my all. </p> <p>I am happy in my current position and have no ambitions to take on a higher level role because I know I would not be able to have the type of work/life balance I'm able to enjoy now if I were to keep going. I do feel like I have it all because I'm able to provide comfortably for my family while being available for my children and spouse, but I also feel like I'm actively choosing not to reach my full potential career-wise, and in a sense that holds me back. Maybe that's what holds a lot of women back. </p> <p>@looch: Didn't read through the whole thread, but completely agree with your original comment.</p> <p>Eta: My definition of having it all is being content and having a good work/life balance... so I agree with what @Looch said here &gt;&gt; "I should further say that I don't even WANT it all. I am quite content in my consultant position, being paid by the hour so I can be more in control of my time. I am happy not to be on a management track right now, because there are only 24 hours in a day, and I choose to spend some of them with my son." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893466 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 12:16:19 +0000 bamblm 893466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to think it is possible, I even had my own working mother as an example, throughout my childhood and adult life, she has risen to a top notch position. She had to travel extensively along the way. I do not feel my sister or I "suffered" for her choices. There may have been a time or two I wished she was around more, but overall it fostered a great sense of independence, self-reliance and a good work ethic in both myself and my sister.</p> <p>I agree with @babyjmama, it depends on the work environment. In my current work environment, it is not possible. I was actually thinking about starting a post about it, but I need to see how the next meeting goes next week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893432 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 12:00:46 +0000 ShootingStar 893432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had that "guilty" feeling about money too. I'm a contract employee that my company wants to hire on as a full employee. I recently got asked what my salary expectations are and I gave the range I was hoping for. My boss was kind of surprised at how high it was, and for a minute I felt so guilty I wanted to say the lower end of the range was ok. Why did I feel that way? I have no idea! This is not money coming out of anyone's personal pockets. Afterwards I was glad I didn't budge, but in the moment it was very mentally uncomfortable. But going from contract to full employee means a huge reduction in wages because they heavily weigh in benefits, which I don't need or care about.</p> <p>As for having it all, as other posters have said, it depends on your definition of "it". I read that article a while ago, and from that woman's definition - rising to the absolute top of your field + being a good parent, then no, I don't think you can have it all. I don't think *anyone* can, male or female. Having to travel constantly or work late nights means your family suffers. It's just more socially acceptable for men to do it than women. </p> <p>But to me, I have it pretty good. I have a 40 hour a week job, I get paid well, and I'm about to have a little boy. Will I be CEO or even a director one day? Probably not. But I'm still successful and will have a family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893429 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:59:14 +0000 cascademom 893429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@math.nerd: It's not the best place ever, but with a nice boss and work from home, it's made my life easier. We added someone else locally too, so two women with families makes it easier for all of us to be understanding and flexible. My boss has always said that home life comes first, so if something comes up, that's more important than work. Knowing that helps with life in general. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893427 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:58:56 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 893427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think your definition of "all" needs to focus in order to feel like you aren't letting yourself down in one area or another. For me, things like a sparkling house or going to a lot of social events and other activities took a backseat to my main priorities which are:<br /> 1) my girls' happiness and well-being<br /> 2) the girls' education<br /> 3) my career</p> <p>I am very lucky that my relationship with my partner is pretty easy and self-sustaining.</p> <p>I read lean in and it didn't resonate with me because I found myself getting stuck on the structural barriers that need to chang on an institutional and national level to optimize womens' performance in the workplace. While I do think I have a lot to learn about not selling myself short, I think I'd be less likely to do so if the system wasn't rigged to sell me short!</p> <p>A wise person (@Mr. Bee:) told me when I was offered a big promotion that no guy would ever turn down the offer as I wa thinking of doing at the time. They'd go for it and sort it out as they went. I took that advice to heart and am growing into my new position each day :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893426 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:58:51 +0000 avivoca 893426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsKoala: @brownie: I really agree with this! I remember going to school at the bright and early hour of 7:20 and getting out at 2:20. It's madness. Kids need more sleep than that, and maybe more would be involved in sports/clubs/activities/arts/music if they happened during school hours with set transportation home!</p> <p>@littlek: I went to a year-round school in high school, and I think it was great. We got small breaks throughout the year and six weeks off in the summer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893410 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:54:56 +0000 math.nerd 893410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I totally agree with what you are saying about "it all". Who decided that what all women want is a high-profile business career while they have kids? I know plenty of women whose "all" is being a SAHM, or having no kids at all. It's very much a spectrum.</p> <p>@cascademom: I want to work at your office! :-)</p> <p>@MrsKoala: The work/school schedule was very interesting to me as well. Our society seems to value hours on the job more than quality of work completed. I know that I can get more done effectively in 2 focused hours than in an entire day of being distracted. But I know that if I don't come into work early and stay late - and everyone sees me sitting at my desk - I'll look like I'm not working hard enough (when I might even just be posting on HB :-) ). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893398 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:50:37 +0000 littlek 893398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I second the idea that schools should be in session year round. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893383 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:43:23 +0000 MrsKoala 893383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: Or that! Either way it seems a little ridiculous for school and work hours not to coincide more for the benefit of everyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893338 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:33:02 +0000 Pirouette 893338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: i agree on the definition of "it" - and i think that very definition discourages many women from even pursuing promotions because it is so daunting to think of life that way. sadly, i think many female young professionals see the image of having it all as this unattainable goal, and then either give up completely or stick with a stagnant position that does not fulfill them. When, in fact, having it all doesn't mean being a "power woman" and can mean a million different things, as long as your job makes you happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893306 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:22:38 +0000 cascademom 893306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I came back from maternity leave, I got promoted. My boss handled my pumping pretty well. I only had one discussion with him about getting in on time. After that, we worked on making sure I got in on time. I consider myself lucky to have a great boss and some built in flexibility with work from home. Without work from home, laundry would be an even bigger challenge and chores in general. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893302 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:22:20 +0000 brownie 893302@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsKoala: Why not change the schools to go 8 - 5 when parents work? Bring the sports, music and arts back to the schools for the kids to do there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893295 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:21:35 +0000 Mrs. Pen 893295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I think I truly feel that I have it all- I'd like financial stability and a decent house haha. Not there yet but I'm on the right track! I'm still young though with a lot of time. </p> <p>Oh and I totally agree, the "American dream" is almost as unattainable as nailing jello to the wall. I know one family though that is living that aspect of the dream and they love it. </p> <p>@babyjmama: true. I agree with this. In the department I work, it just so happens to all be women. My supervisor is a mother of two young children. She never had an issue with me pumping and said to take however much time I need, no need to punch out or log those hours. There was a private room steps from my desk. One coworker just went on maternity leave, everyone has been so excited for her to come back! I think she took 8 weeks. Anyway all that to say- it is so dependent too on who you work for! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893242 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:04:18 +0000 doodlepoodle 893242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was hired into my job now at a higher rate than the older male I replaced. He had a longer work history, however not in our specific field like I do. My boss offered me $2k less than I asked for (which was what I thought at the time a DREAM) and they respect that I have a family. They're already asking when we are having another LO;-) My last job was NOTHING like this one in the equality sense though, I was disrespected, paid low, and was given a laptop to work from home while on maternity leave bc they needed the help. God forbid they hire a temp. So I think it very much depends on the business itself rather than society as a whole....if that makes any sense? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893234 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:02:08 +0000 looch 893234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: So then, I think you have made your choices and you do have it all, because you have defined what "it" is for your family. </p> <p>Somewhere, somehow, the whole thing is that "it" got defined as having a power career, being fabulously put together, having children and being totally involved in all aspects of their lives, managing your house, keeping it spotless while eating bon bons. That's what I take issue with, not each person's choices. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893232 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:01:47 +0000 Mrs. Pen 893232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: just saw your edit to your post. Same here. I'm hourly, DH is salaried. When our nanny was sick- guess who stayed home- DH! It just makes sense. I lose significant pay missing my ten-hour day! DH loses nothing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893226 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 10:59:31 +0000 Mrs. Pen 893226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: true. I suppose I assumed you were referring to women :)</p> <p>I think have it all is dependent on each persons individual dreams. At this time in my life I need a lot of help from DH come this fall when I'm in school and working. I know I won't be able to do it with a toddler if I'm fully expected to be his primary caregiver. So it's give and take for sure. But I suppose I see that more as a family life balance than a work life balance. </p> <p>The same goes for DH- he would rather log his 40 hours and come home. He has no desire to put in extra hours to climb his way to the top, he values family as #1. Once I am a FT working mom, I can't really see myself wanting to work much more than that either. Family will always be my priority. So having it all isn't dependent so much on career status as my happy, healthy family and our needs met. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893225 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 10:59:12 +0000 Pirouette 893225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@math.nerd: I'll be interested to hear what you think! i'm about halfway through, and finding it thought provoking even though it's nothing earth shattering. I wish there were more books like it. I too have all male bosses, and i totally agree about how they respond positively to my assertiveness. I was more thinking about the other post you mentioned about the pumping and an unsupportive female boss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893214 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 10:55:03 +0000 looch 893214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsKoala: Interesting perspective on working the same time as school is in session...I see it the other way around, schools should be in session all year, not on this off in the summers farm schedule! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/women-and-working#post-893209 Fri, 28 Jun 2013 10:52:52 +0000 MrsKoala 893209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a really interesting concept that I have thought about a lot since that article came out. I really agree with what Ann-Marie Slaughter argues. That women can't have it all until there is a shift in US society/working culture to be more in favor of the parent. This means paid maternity leave (that is longer than 12 weeks), adjusted work hours (working the same time as school is in session), allowing parents to work from home, and generally allowing for more flexibility. Until those things become more the standard in the working world then I don't think it's possible for women to be able to "have it all" unless they can afford significant child care and there is still the time tradeoff where you must spend more time at work than with your children. </p>