https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 19:26:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2822024 Fri, 11 May 2018 14:33:36 +0000 JLC53 2822024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am in a similar situation, but reversed... My husband runs a start up business from home while I work outside the home. This is how we break it up.</p> <p>Hubby does daycare drop off every morning. This will allows me to get to the gym, work earlier, etc...</p> <p>Since I am already out of the house, I do daycare pick up on my way home from work. This allows hubby to do anything after work that he needs. </p> <p>Typically we are all home by 6pm for dinner, bedtime, etc...</p> <p>This has only started since January, and I have to say I am loving the arrangement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821927 Fri, 11 May 2018 08:47:27 +0000 Mrs Panda 2821927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: yeah, I guess every work/stay at home configuration has its challenges. I guess most people think you’ve got it made if you work from home, and maybe it is still less challenging thannWOH or staying home full time. But it’s great your DH got a first hand view and is more sympathetic now!</p> <p>@Ms.Mermaid: I think my DH may be opennto that, actually. It may be more my hang up than his, as I’m the one more queasy about spending when it could be avoided. But it’s doable. Here, we contract for a certain number of max hours a month, so I could always do the minimum and only use it a few times a week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821879 Fri, 11 May 2018 03:12:48 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2821879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: would totally put your kiddo back in aftercare. Then you would have the time to do the things that need to be taken care of, but grocery shopping, etc. is so much less exhausting if you don’t have to manage a kiddo. Or you can go to the gym after work and your husband can go later. Here, we can do aftercare a couple days a week instead of all 5 days - that might be a good option? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821869 Thu, 10 May 2018 22:34:37 +0000 irene 2821869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: Same here!! </p> <p>I have been working from home for the past 10+ years, way before DS was born. Daycare is like the training wheels to the road to "you can just forget about working for good now". DH used to drop off and I pick up at 5pm, which is very reasonable and doable. After switching to a "real school", carpool time is 2:45pm this year, and like you said we tried to save on aftercare and we do enrichment classes that dismisses at 4:15, which doesn't cover the entire semester. Grrr. Between that and taking DS to baseball practices during the week after school, I feel like a SAHM as I lost all incentive to work, because what's the point when I really only have 8am-2pm. haha. SIGH!</p> <p>I used to get a lot of "you are home anyway why don't you do a-z / what have you done the whole day / how could you not have done a-z already" from DH (like you do), but since DH switched positions and work from home too, and see how little time I have, and right after I pick up I start cooking anyway while juggling to play scrabbles/ UNO with DS, he has A LOT LESS to say. Sometimes he volunteer to do the pick up (on top of drop off) if he could. Hallelujah. My thoughts are with you. No help but just want to give you emotional support lol :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821860 Thu, 10 May 2018 20:48:20 +0000 lamariniere 2821860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: I also deal with major time differences, most of my European clients are 6 hours behind me and my US clients are like 15 hours behind me. So it's kind of a mess, but it works, and often to their advantage since I finish projects super early for them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821784 Thu, 10 May 2018 14:10:37 +0000 gingerbebe 2821784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: Yeah nope, if its an option, then I think you put her back in after care. Like, you'd have time to work out, get a hot shower, get dinner ready, and just be composed before the hot mess of "second shift" kicks on, especially since you start work so damn early in the morning! I get home about 45 minutes before my kids get home from daycare and that 45 minutes alone is VITAL to me getting dinner prepped and just like mentally prepared to switch gears from attorney to mom and I can be happy and calm when they come in the door instead of frazzled. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821780 Thu, 10 May 2018 14:07:13 +0000 Mrs Panda 2821780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: when my daughter was in kindergarten last year and only half day, we had after school care and I had flexibility in when to get her. It was luxuuuuuurious. But then this year it was like, great! We can save on after school care because I can be done with work and get her! </p> <p>But yeah, getting that back would be one way to deal with this. I’d almost feel guilty for how much time I’d have then. Almost. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821738 Thu, 10 May 2018 11:28:58 +0000 gingerbebe 2821738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: Can your kids go to aftercare at school to get you to 5pm? It seems like if you had a little bit more time in the afternoon, you would have a minute to take a breath and get some stuff done for yourself so you wouldn't want to kill yourself. The extra cost of that would be worth it to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821720 Thu, 10 May 2018 11:06:36 +0000 Mrs Panda 2821720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: yes, that is what happens here too when something is his responsibility</p> <p>@looch: exactly. I wish my DH understood that better. But I think we’re getting closer...</p> <p>@Iced Tea: good for you!! Enjoy your time away!!</p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821700 Thu, 10 May 2018 10:39:38 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2821700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally get it. Unless I have conference calls my husband does not respect my one day I WAH. He nearly fixed his lips to ask me to take him to the airport. GTFOH :shocked: :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821697 Thu, 10 May 2018 10:32:55 +0000 Iced Tea 2821697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: another person here who understands you!!</p> <p>Since we couldn’t get LO2 into daycare until end of this month, I am only working part-time from home, while my husband works full-time from home. He gets personal time almost every damn day. I barely ever do. And my husband has traveled a total of over six weeks so far this year, leaving me home with everything and everyone by myself. I’ve been going nuts, which is why I’m about to take a four day trip to see a friend in Scottsdale. I’m using his points and miles to take this trip and stay at a fancy resort to recharge. I’d like to say I’m leaving him to do everything while I’m gone (so he can begin to understand), but I’m not. His parents are here for a rare visit, so he will probably keep them on kid and cleaning duty. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821654 Thu, 10 May 2018 09:14:07 +0000 looch 2821654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't work from home often, but my husband does. He works from home because he keeps European hours, so he starts at 7 am. Instead of commuting, the guy is working, so there is no way he could take that time instead for errands and household chores. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821651 Thu, 10 May 2018 09:11:24 +0000 nana87 2821651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Dh works from home and I do as well much of the time (I'm an academic and have meetings/teach sometimes on campus; I usually just work from home because it's easier to pump). We still have bicker about this stuff alll the time. Dh has more of the chores on his tasklist than I do because the girls both have mommy-preferences, so when we're home I usually have my hands full with them--so he takes on cooking/dishes/grocery shopping, trash, laundry, dog walks. But he tends not to do those things until we desperately need them, like he grocery shops (orders groceries online..) when we run out of milk or does the laundry when the hampers are overflowing. I do most of the picking up and organizing chores--like he'll leave the living room a tornado instead of taking 5-10 mins to straighten up. He also leaves work during the day for at least an hour to go to the gym, so he IS taking time for himself during the day, he does have time. He does a LOT, but there are times when I need him to do more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821638 Thu, 10 May 2018 08:38:57 +0000 Mrs Panda 2821638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lamariniere: that’s awesome - that’s how it’s supposed to be! My schedule is weird....i am on the west coast but work east coast times.<br /> So I start at 6am, work to 8am, then take “lunch” from 8-9 when I get the kids up and off to school. Then I work straight from 9-3pm. My daughter gets out of school at 3:15, so I rush out to get her as soon as I’m off the clock. Morning workouts would have to be all done before 6...not sure I can manage that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821615 Thu, 10 May 2018 02:30:58 +0000 lamariniere 2821615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: this sounds so much like me! I've been WAH since my older LO was born (he's 7), and it took us awhile to work out the kinks. If I'm having a slower day, I'll do laundry, run errands and whatnot, and I was always doing pickup and drop off because there was just no other way. But when I'm busy, none of the household stuff gets done, except pickup and drop off. I started going to the gym either right after morning drop off or during my lunch hour. Would either of those be a possibility for you? At this point, I feel like I'm in a sweet spot with work/household stuff/me time and I really do feel like I have the best of both worlds. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821602 Wed, 09 May 2018 22:01:18 +0000 Mama Bird 2821602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: yay that's great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821599 Wed, 09 May 2018 20:58:15 +0000 Mrs Panda 2821599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks to everyone for the listening ear and advice. We had a conversation and what we came away with is that I’m going to look into getting a gym membership for a place with a pool (knee issues, so it’s my preferred exercise) and we will alternate evenings for exercising. I’m super happy about this and just hope we both follow through! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821584 Wed, 09 May 2018 19:18:46 +0000 Anagram 2821584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: this is about your husband being more assertive about his needs and also the fact that men don't seem to have that "mom guilt" (parent guilt?) gene. You need to assert your needs and get him to step up. Write out a list on paper of each of your duties, have him contribute to it in case there are some invisible things he does, and then look at whose list is longer and how you can divide it more equitably. </p> <p>FYI--my husband worked from home the last two days because our sitter is sick. He did not do even 1 extra thing around the house and both days, I returned to a wrecked house (he worked from home to be able to pick up DD1 from school at 2:30). Yesterday, the second he stopped work, he used his typical "commuting time" to go get a haircut and then he went directly to an HOA meeting while I did dinner, bath, bedtime, packed lunches by myself.</p> <p>Today, he volunteered me for play date with a neighbor after I got home from work (that's a whole other story), so I rushed home from work to grab my kids and rush to this play date, then rush home for dinner. As soon as we got home, he left to work out because he was "going crazy" from being inside "for two days in a row". Meanwhile, I left for work at 6:45 am and barely sat down till 6pm. While he worked out, I again gave the kids dinner and packed lunches. </p> <p>The second he walked in the door, I told him I'm off duty for the night and am doing no more parenting related tasks. So he did bath, stories, and bedtime and I put my feet up and have been watching tv. He has needs--I also have needs. I asserted my needs. =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821569 Wed, 09 May 2018 18:28:31 +0000 Mrs Panda 2821569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBucky: not at all - I completely agree. I am working on resetting...and I also think I need to approach it with some specific suggested solutions rather than saying vague things like “I work too- I need more help/time.” Thinking about what I can propose.</p> <p>@Mrsbells: agree! I also spend more time socializing when I’m in the office, which makes me feel more like a real person. I work from home at least 4 days, sometimes all 5, and sometimes I feel like I’m going to go crazy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821547 Wed, 09 May 2018 16:50:59 +0000 Mrsbells 2821547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: definitely communicate this loud and clear so he knows how you feel. I have told dh that the days i wirk2 from home are much more stressful for me in terms of getting things done because its the only proof i'm actually working. When i am in the office i can actually run more errands without worrying </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821545 Wed, 09 May 2018 16:44:31 +0000 MrsBucky 2821545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: honestly I’d start with trying to get into a headspace that you’re on the same team and henisnjust clueless, so you can have the conversation productively rather than having it be him v. You. Probably means you have to start by apologizing for losing it (I know, I know) and then explaining that you’ve been feeling frustrated by the balance and would like to talk about how to fix it together. For me it helped once my husband saw the mental load (knowing all the things that need to happen, knowing that the applesauce pouches are almost gone, etc) is actual WORK and I do almost all of it. Once he started to see and appreciate it, he recognized that even if his to do list is long, he doesn’t have to think about what needs doing. Does he still get frustrated? Yes. Is it perfect? No. But our talks about it are much better than they used to be. Hope that wasn’t too ass-vicey! That’s what tends to work for me, but I know it’s super hard to start over and reset when you’re already at the tipping point! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821539 Wed, 09 May 2018 16:26:52 +0000 Mrs Panda 2821539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@psw27: omg, similar story from a few months back - kids started fighting because they both wanted an apple sauce packet and we had one left. DH says to me, why didn’t you buy more? I lost it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821538 Wed, 09 May 2018 16:25:27 +0000 Mrs Panda 2821538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@shabang: I totally get this. Sometimes I think yeah, I do everything but in some ways I kind of prefer it because then I don’t have to worry about whether he’s taking care of it or not. But then I feel overloaded. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821536 Wed, 09 May 2018 16:22:46 +0000 Mrs Panda 2821536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBucky: yeah, we’re kind of mid-“fight” about this right now, precisely because I let it build up and lost it yesterday evening. We haven’t communicated much during the work day today, and I’m trying to figure out how to calmly pick it back up this evening. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821531 Wed, 09 May 2018 16:05:50 +0000 MrsBucky 2821531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: I’m curious if you’ve spoken to your husband about it and how it went? Because honestly it seems pretty clear to me the balance is unfair but I also see how easy it is in a partnership to get comfortable with the status quo and assume it’s working for the other person just because it’s working for me. I’ve also seen myself let resentment build up when an honest (calm, non confrontational) heart to hear can move us towards a solution. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821526 Wed, 09 May 2018 15:57:49 +0000 shabang 2821526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: I only very occasionally can work from home, but I hate the perception that it isn't work. It also was annoying when I was traveling for work, and I got comments about that being fun or exciting (12 hour days at the client, more work in the hotel in the evenings, and you see nothing of the city you're visiting beyond the airport...yes, it's amazing)</p> <p>Regarding division of labor, the only thing I've found that works is to completely transition some items to him. I don't comment on how those items are done or ever do them. For us, it's bathtime (if he doesn't do baths, kids don't get them), dog-walking during the week, and breakfast preparation for everyone. If I don't completely transition something, I just end up doing it because I can't relax until things are done unless I know it's completely off my plate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821524 Wed, 09 May 2018 15:45:36 +0000 psw27 2821524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Panda: I don't WFH but I do understand your pain. Household balance is a tricky subject. I have a job where I am much more able to manage and devote mental energy to household/childcare things but it feels awfully unfair at times. This morning my DH was complaining we didn't have any bread (we hardly eat bread so I don't always buy it) and I nearly lost it. Why do I have to be the one to pay attention to if we have bread?! It seems so trivial but it grates on you. Take some me time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821521 Wed, 09 May 2018 15:34:55 +0000 Mrs Panda 2821521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: wow, if I were to break down our division, it would look like this:<br /> - me: everything plus full time work.<br /> - DH: go to work.<br /> I guess that’s not totally fair - he does kitchen clean up after dinner and he bathes the kids. It’s just been feeling that way. </p> <p>@snowjewelz: thank you for the sympathy. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821514 Wed, 09 May 2018 15:16:44 +0000 snowjewelz 2821514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh heck no! Just because it's easier for you to do some extra's without a commute does not warrant you not need time for yourself too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/work-at-home-vent#post-2821510 Wed, 09 May 2018 15:08:43 +0000 gingerbebe 2821510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have the reverse situation where I work in office and DH works from home. He does pick up and drop off for the kids and if there's a sick kid or doctor's appointment, he's the primary parent to go grab him. </p> <p>How we have divided the work load is:</p> <p>- DH handles certain household chores just as an assignment. Dishes, trash, and laundry are usually his job. He also gasses up the cars. </p> <p>- I do all the grocery shopping, and cooking.<br /> It is actually easier for me to stop by the store on the way home since I'm already in the car, then making DH get up and go to the store to pick something up. So this is more fair.</p> <p>- I handle packing/prepping daycare bags and lunches and breakfast. I get up earlier and pack up the car for DH so he can just load the kids and go. I also then unload the bags, empty the bags/lunchboxes, in the evenings. I also lay out the kid's outfits for the day so DH can just dress them and go.</p> <p>- Anything I can do remotely from work I try to manage. So scheduling the doctor's appointments (while he takes them), ordering stuff online (that he will be home to receive and open), I handle.</p> <p>- I do all the menu planning and cooking, but we usually eat out once during the week so I can get a break from that.</p> <p>- We did away with things that would require the stay at home spouse to run extra errands during the business day. So, for example, we don't dry clean stuff - we changed our clothing so that its not necessary to have someone go run and pick up dry cleaning. We do online banking and automated bill pay most of the time so someone doesn't have to run to the bank during business hours.</p> <p>- If there is a kid that's sick, DH handles the first sick day and I handle the second sick day (if necessary). </p> <p>Ultimately, I spent about 60-70 minutes commuting, but DH spends about that much time each day with pick up and drop off at school between loading them in the car, taking the kids to their classes, signing them in, picking them up, etc. So its not really a valid excuse to say your husband needs more time because he commutes. That's like, not a thing. Frankly, DH has to handle the kids screaming about something in the car, whereas I can listen to NPR.</p> <p>I would shut down the "you don't need me time" BS too. DH goes out to eat every day for lunch and while its an added expense and he could easily eat leftovers or something, we've decided he needs to take a break and physically leave the house, get some sun, and eat something he likes as a little treat mid-day to stay productive. He uses that as a little bit of me-time and then because I do the opposite and eat my desk at work, I usually get 30 minutes in the evening when he bathes the kids to unwind a little bit alone. We each get about an hour of alone time every night to workout or whatever, but its AFTER the kids are in bed for the night. We got a treadmill so that we could both workout at home and not inconvenience the other. </p>