https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 23:10:43 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-1048289 Wed, 28 Aug 2013 02:14:01 +0000 googly-eyes 1048289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Piccateer: I totally just stalked your blog when this popped up. Congrats on your baby girl from a random Internet stranger! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-1048276 Wed, 28 Aug 2013 01:15:48 +0000 erinpye 1048276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>whoops, this is a really old thread. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-1048267 Wed, 28 Aug 2013 01:01:00 +0000 BSB 1048267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Piccateer: I'm so so sorry! Hugs!! You are not the worst friend ever! And don't you think that! I've been TTC for 15 months now and I would be devastated if my close friends had similar 'tracks' as me and they both announced they were pregnant. I might hold back my tears but if they caught me on a emotional day, I would so cry. I think getting or going past 6 months can trigger lots of emotions for us who have trouble TTC. Something just clicks that makes us lose hope that TTC will be easy for us and those thoughts of failure start to creep in. </p> <p>I do completely understand your feeling of them having miscarriages and you have not. I'm not debating on what is harder (miscarriages or no BFPs). I've never had a miscarriage before but I have had those same thoughts... 'At least, with miscarriages you were able to have a pregnancy last for (sadly) a short period of time.' As for me, nope, have not had a single BFP, whatsoever. I'm having trouble at the first stage, having the sperm met the egg (Or, at least, that's what I think. My diagnoses is so far unknown.) I mean, I think that if my body was able to support a pregnancy, I would have at least seen a + on a pregnancy test, at least once. </p> <p>Anyway, I see that this thread is almost 2 years old but I hope you were able to finally get pregnant and be able to still share in pregnancy joy with your friends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-1048257 Wed, 28 Aug 2013 00:33:30 +0000 anandam 1048257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are so absolutely justified to feel that way and not at all the worst friend ever! It's a major testament to the beauty and depth of your friendships that you could even be honest and vulnerable in that moment! Of course it was intense and bittersweet for you!</p> <p>Be kind to yourself. You may still get to share the process with them, after all. It's a crazy mysterious thing. You're not pregnant till, BAM, you are! Seriously wishing the best for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-23893 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:22:00 +0000 MrsMccarthy 23893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>oh honey! you poor little angel. i feel for you so much. and it shows how truly sweet you are that you feel so guilty but my dear you have nothing to feel bad about. your friends love you and i'm sure they must understand how hard it is for you to be last in line just as you understood their pain during their miscarriages. forgive yourself and remember that no matter how much pain there is in the world it doesn't stop yours from hurting too. it is very hard to be in your position and i am sending you GIANT hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-23751 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 13:40:32 +0000 marikoono 23751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Piccateer: I feel you. I'm also in the same boat as you: regular periods, ovulate, positive OPKs and I also have not gotten preggers yet. Not even a scare. Hubbers and I have been TTC (on and off) for about 2.5 years. I'm healthy, hubby is healthy (as is his swimmers). We have what is called unexplained infertility, as we have no idea why we aren't getting preggers. After trying to put off infertility treatments for so long, we're finally giving in and starting cycle 1 of fertility treatments this month (Dec.) Oh..and hubby has a son (7 year old) with his ex., so I try not too, but I sometimes feel guilty that I can't/haven't produced a baby for him. ::sigh::</p> <p>I'm sure your friends know and understand where you're coming from (the frustrations and all). They are your friends, after all. ;o) </p> <p>If you ever need to vent, hit me up! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-23724 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 13:01:57 +0000 MamaLove 23724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh sweetie! What a tough position to be in! I think that your reaction is completely normal, given your situation. I think that when we are upset, we can say things that we don't mean and we can speak without thinking. </p> <p>The fact that you asked for a do-over the next morning is great. I'm sure that your friends understood. If anything, they probably felt a little bad that they sprung it on you like that! Looking back, they might wish they had told you a little more tactfully. It is such a tough position to be in.</p> <p>The best thing you can do right now is be as supportive of your friends as possible, but also cut yourself a little slack. If you need some time away from baby-talk, that's ok! It doesn't make you a bad friend! Make sure you take care of yourself!</p> <p>GOOD LUCK in your TWW! I hope this is it for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-23646 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 11:34:00 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 23646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not a bad friend at all!! They will understand your reaction. I know this because I was friend #1 and another friend of mine was friend #2. Our mutual friend had been struggling for a year to try to conceive and she had the same reaction. I didn't think she was doing it to bring down the excitement. She just needed to vent and rightfully so. I'm sure you're going through something very similar and that's not easy to deal with. All I can say is to try not to be too hard on yourself for that reaction and take the time you need to calm down. </p> <p>NOTE: You are not broken, either!!! So please don't think that. :-( My friend managed to get pregnant 4 months after my friend and I did. I wish you the best and hope you get the same result. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-23606 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 11:01:11 +0000 Mrs. Marbles 23606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're definitely not the worst friend ever! That's a normal reaction. It's clear that you're happy for your friends. TTC is a super emotional and touchy topic so don't feel bad for getting upset. I'm sure your friends understand what you're going through. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-23587 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 10:44:55 +0000 tiffanyanne 23587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are SO not the worst friend ever. I think lots of us have felt that way. To be bombarded with all that info all at once would be a total shock. I like that you asked for a do-over. Because, yeah, your totally bummed that you're not in the family way like everyone else, but you can be happy for your friends. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-23011 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 13:36:48 +0000 ecogirl 23011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't had that situation but just wanted to say sorry you're going through it :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-23002 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 13:31:58 +0000 Piccateer 23002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the words of encouragement ladies. I'm still a ball of regret, but I think I'm just going to let it go and try not to focus on it. Instead, I'm going to focus on throwing two kick ass baby showers in a few months!</p> <p>As for my own TTC journey I'm in the two week wait right now, but I just don't feel it is the month. Seriously, I'm so thankful to have a place like this to vent and relate to other people - I really don't feel so alone now :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22703 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 03:51:05 +0000 loveisstrange 22703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I have no experience with this sort of thing, so I don't have much advice to offer. I just wanted to say that everyone's body is different, A good friend of mine took 10 months to get pregnant with her first for absolutely no reason. She was 19 years old, totally healthy, had regular periods, everything. In the end, nature just decided to make her wait that long. She just had her 2nd and they got pregnant the 2nd time on the first try.</p> <p>There is still hope. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22699 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 02:32:31 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 22699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely understand why you got upset. It is hard to see your friends getting pregnant when you're trying and nothing is happening. I think you did the right thing by asking for a do over, and since these women are your best friends I am sure that they understand what you are feeling. Good luck with getting pregnant!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22627 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 23:14:25 +0000 Rosie Girl 22627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry :( Don't worry about it though. I am sure they understand why you are so upset, and you have every right to be upset. It is really hard and emotional to see everyone, especially your best friends, get pregnant when you are struggling. </p> <p>Good job on the do-over, that was the perfect thing to do, and since they are your best friends, you have to know that they understand. I hope you can share exciting news with them soon too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22613 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 22:30:00 +0000 tequiero21 22613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>=( all my bridesmaids got pregnant before me. and so easily! luckily, they told me at separate times (i think they all got pregnant within 3 years - 1 after the other). i'm not sure how i would have handled it if i heard it all at once. i'm pretty sure i would have the same way you did. </p> <p>i think your friends understood - especially since they both had miscarriages. miscarriages definitely give you a sensitivity chip about the pregnancy in general.</p> <p>glad you got to do your do-over! and good luck with ttc! took me 3 years and after 1 miscarriage and fertility treatments, i'm finally pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22608 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 21:52:04 +0000 cyndistar3 22608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have reacted the same way without a doubt! But im sure they understand and im proud of you for asking for a do over. I wish you the best of luck ttc and am sending you lots of internet hugs and baby dust :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22603 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 21:31:35 +0000 ALittleP 22603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry that you are having such a struggle. I'm sure that your friends understand especially if you've been open with them about your struggle. I'm glad that you were able to talk to them more about it after...I've not broken down in front of friends but definitely after...Hugs to you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22599 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 21:15:42 +0000 LuLu Mom 22599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sure your friends understand, they have been with you through the struggle and know how it feels. I would just do my best to try and stay positive from no one. Talk to your DH if you need to vent, he should give you an unbias opinion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22591 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 20:58:16 +0000 Mrs. D 22591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we started announcing our pregnancy to friends, with some it was easy, and with others it was difficult.</p> <p>We called up our best friend couple and told them first, because they had only announced their pregnancy to us two months before, so we knew it would be easy. The next call was very hard to make. A mutual great friend couple had been TTC for almost a year with no luck. She took it hard when couple one told her after only trying for two months, and knew she'd take it hard with our announcement as well, since we were also new to trying. But, she was excited for us eventually. We could hear her disappointment, along with it, but knew not to hold that against her. I'm sure your friends understand in the same way! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22590 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 20:56:54 +0000 Rubies 22590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had this kind of reaction when all my friends were announcing their engagements. I was the last to get married amongst my group of friends. It's very emotional and overwhelming. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22573 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 20:33:14 +0000 swgal 22573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I remember crying hysterically when my best friend told me she was pregnant with her second. We had been trying 10+ months and had an appt with the dr scheduled and she had sex once her first month off birth control - sigh. I knew that somehow she would be holding her baby in her arms and I would still be trying and failing and it SUCKED. I was happy for her and really sad for me, but I felt worse because she told me she had been avoiding telling me and I hated that I did that to her.</p> <p>I'm sorry you were ambushed with the news and that you reacted in a way that you regret. I definitely know the feeling and it sucks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22565 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 20:12:43 +0000 Andrea 22565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It must have been very overwhelming for them to drop the news on you like that so you had an emotional reaction. It sounds like you've worked it out with them, though. Wishing you all the best for your happy ending soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22556 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:47:29 +0000 Sunshine1810 22556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sure that your friends understand. I have 3 close girlfriends from college and I know if that happened with one of us, the others would understand. We have had a similar situation with 2 of us married, one getting married, and then one with a really longterm bf and no engagement yet. We all understand that sometimes her actions/things she says are out of frustration having to do with her own situation. We are all supportive though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22555 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:47:28 +0000 cupcakemama 22555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh sweetie that is tough! Your friends are good friends for a reason and they will understand. I have never had a mc so I don't know what it is like but I do understand the fear of not being able to get pregnant at all. I have been in the position of being the pregnant friend with the desperately trying (for 6 years) to get pregnant friend. Honestly she could have said anything to me and I would have been fine. I got that she was so unhappy for herself but ecstatic for me and was in a really tough place. My major concern was for her and not making her feel bad. Happy ending: she's due in 2 weeks. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22552 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:40:10 +0000 skibobrown 22552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Awww. I'm sorry you had to get that news all at once, and I'm sure it was rough. Should you have said those things to your friends? Probably not, but you were hurting. It sounds like you handled it well after the fact though. You made it clear that you know you messed up, and you've now expressed that you're there for them. I think if they're your true friends (which it sounds like they are), then they will understand and forgive you. Given their histories, they must know that TTC can be a struggle and that it can put you in a weird place mentally.</p> <p>Also, I just want to wish you all the best with getting pregnant. I recently watched a close friend take almost a year to get pregnant with no known fertility issues. Well now she has a perfect little boy and another baby on the way. Sometimes it's a mystery why these things can take so long for some people and not for others. But I'm sure you will get your perfect baby in the end too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22540 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:31:25 +0000 Piccateer 22540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@junebugmama: Like I said, I normally would have never, ever said that. I feel horrible about it; in that moment it was my sole focus that I've yet to even experience being pregnant and they had. I guess I feel alone - everyone in our group of 8 has had the moment of "You're pregnant!" but me - my husband had it with an ex-girlfriend years ago - she miscarried but it lingers in my head that he's had that moment and I haven't. I know it doesn't make sense and is selfish and I hate that I feel this way all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22534 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:20:11 +0000 junebugmama 22534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did one time have someone say to me that the fact I miscarried was better than not being able to get pregnant at all. Honestly, I thought it was probably the most insensitive thing anyone had ever said to me. Having a child die, is worse than never having one at all in my opinion. With that said, I forgave her. She had been trying for about a year or so with no success and I understood that it came from a place of frustration. I think that TTC makes us crazy, at times irrational, and selfish (why her and not me). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22527 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:04:08 +0000 McSarah 22527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't been in that situation (I'm not even TTC yet) but I just wanted to lend my support! I'm sure they understand why you're upset, their road to pregnancy wasn't easy either. I think you did the right thing by apologizing, and now you should move on :)</p> <p>Good luck with TTC! I hope you have success soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/worst-friend-ever#post-22526 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:00:11 +0000 Piccateer 22526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I'm officially the worst friend ever. At least I feel that way. I just need to "talk" to some people other than my DH who may understand my reaction. Here's what happened:</p> <p>I have three best friends from college, and we are only able to get together every few months. We are all in the same life stage: married with babies on our minds. One friend is about the give birth; the other two, like me, have struggled to get pregnant. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for everyone. Friend #1 had a miscarriage last year, but she dealt with it surprisingly well. She took it as a sign that her body was not ready and she needed to work on her health. Friend #2 had a miscarriage in August, and she did not work through it in the same way. She was extremely depressed (rightfully so). I'm on my 8th cycle of trying with no apparent problems in sight - ovulation, perfectly timed periods and I'm not sure why it hasn't happened yet. My pregnant friend has felt tremendous guilt that she's had a successful pregnancy.</p> <p>Well this weekend, Friend #1 and Friend #2 came into town. We skyped with our pregnant friend, and as we took a group photo (showing our friend on the computer screen - we're silly like that), Friend #1's husband announced "Friend #1 is pregnant!" We were shocked! She was scheduled to go on Clomid next month so it is wonderful news. Then Friend #2 pipes up, "Hey me too!" </p> <p>The reaction I should have had: "OMG I'm so excited!" with lots of hugs and happiness.</p> <p>The reaction I actually had: crying. lots of crying and blubbering about what the hell is wrong with me that I can't even seem to get pregnant. I think I even said something about yeah your miscarriages sucked ass but at least you know now your bodies do work properly and you can get pregnant. I haven't so much as seen a positive symptom or pregnancy test. I normally would never, ever say something like that, but in the moment it was so overwhelming and I didn't really have a clear mind. All I could focus on is the fact that my three best friends are going to be moms and I don't get to be a part of that in the same way. I think if I had gotten the news separately I would have controlled my emotions way better.</p> <p>I think they understood and I didn't hurt their feelings...at least they didn't say that. I asked and I would hope they would be truthful. The next morning I asked if I could have a do-over and we talked about names and birth plans and all sorts of stuff. </p> <p>Has anyone out there had a similar reaction? Or have you been on the flip side and received a reaction like mine after announcing your pregnancy? </p>