https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 10 Apr 2026 10:43:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2651767 Sun, 13 Nov 2016 12:29:13 +0000 lemondrop 2651767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not a problem for a close family member. I worked for a family who did this. The father had testicular cancer, so his brother donated for their last two kids. I'm not in touch with them anymore, so I don't know how it played out at all as the kids got older. </p> <p>@agold: That is very cool! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2651705 Sat, 12 Nov 2016 23:59:14 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2651705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd probably be ok with it being in the family, but I don't know about others. Just my honest gut reaction. It's not something I've ever seriously considered. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2651461 Fri, 11 Nov 2016 17:48:08 +0000 JenGirl 2651461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't bother me at all. I think I would be fine with it for a stranger or for a close friend/family. Especially since my husband's brother is an identical twin! I wouldn't think about that child as my husband's child or him as their father. As far as I'm concerned, your parents are the people that raise you, far more than the single cell of a sperm. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2651454 Fri, 11 Nov 2016 17:13:37 +0000 Aqualov 2651454@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As someone whose husband makes no sperm and who wants a family, I'm happy that there are women who are okay with this. Not judging those of you who don't, but until you get to a place where it's needed, you have no idea what it means. Before we found out about DH I thought we would never in a million years consider it. Now I thank my lucky stars there are selfless men (and their partners) willing to help people fulfill their dreams of a family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2650778 Thu, 10 Nov 2016 13:24:51 +0000 Boogs 2650778@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had this discussion with DH and he would personally never want to do it, I was surprised not even for his twin brother if it ever came up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2649184 Mon, 07 Nov 2016 13:13:09 +0000 Mama Bird 2649184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've had this discussion and would be OK if it was someone close to us, but not with anonymous donation. Life is so uncertain, I'd feel weird if one of us had a child out there and we didn't know if they're being treated well, if they're in some very bad situation and no one is looking out for them... very unlikely because most likely they'd be in a loving family, but it did bother me (and DH, when I pointed it out to him).</p> <p>I still think it's a great and very generous thing to do. Talk about holding two contradictory opinions at once! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2649180 Mon, 07 Nov 2016 13:00:15 +0000 Portboston 2649180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not at all. There are so many people out there struggling with IF, I would be proud if he decided to help someone.<br /> I registered to donate my eggs years ago but was never selected. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2649152 Mon, 07 Nov 2016 12:22:00 +0000 snowjewelz 2649152@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It would not bother me if we reached the decision together to donate either to strangers or someone we know. </p> <p>I would want to know if he had done that before we met! I'd probably feel a little weird that someone (or multiple persons) out there has/have DH's DNA in them... But it wouldn't bother me that much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2648533 Sat, 05 Nov 2016 18:39:13 +0000 Iced Tea 2648533@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it would bother me. I'd also consider donating eggs to one of my siblings if they needed them (and didn't consider my eggs too old!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2648492 Sat, 05 Nov 2016 14:54:46 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2648492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brothers sister is gay, so when she &amp; her partner were ready for a child the idea of him donating was brought up. His sister pretty quickly said they wanted unrelated sperm because they planned to take turns being pregnant &amp; wanted the chance for the kids to share the same donor father. But if they ask sometime in the future, it's a possibility (unless DH gets that dang vasectomy he's been promising me!)<br /> Until it's a real request, though, I don't know 100% how I feel. It seems like it'd be strange to be "uncle dad" but also strange to hide that information from the child. If it was for strangers, I'd be totally fine. Sometimes I think of donating my eggs, once my kids are older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2648369 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 23:37:11 +0000 agold 2648369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I think I said it fairly clearly in my post, but no, i don't think that way at all. I'm just her auntie. She looks 100% like my sister and she definitely has my sisters personality. Even when people say she looks like me, it just makes me a proud aunt. I love my sister so much and I personally preferred that my family members have our own family DNA so that we have our own family crazy in the child rather than some other kind of crazy from an unknown donor. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2648168 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 13:52:27 +0000 californiadreams 2648168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i think i would hesitate if it was going to be for a baby that we would see and be close to. but i guess i would see how i really feel if the situation actually presented itself. a sperm bank i have no issue with. DH is not interested in doing it though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2648165 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 13:42:50 +0000 JCCovi 2648165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I would be ok if it was close family. It's hard to imagine not being willing to give something to my brothers for instance. I think it would always be a little weird though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2648061 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 11:01:59 +0000 Anya 2648061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Anonymously, not at all, especially if it was prior to our relationship. To a friend or family member, I really can't say. It would entirely depend on circumstance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2648031 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 10:11:21 +0000 MrsRoo 2648031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH was asked when we were engaged and he said no. He feels very strongly that he wants to be able to raise any kids he fathers. That was the first time I ever thought about a scenario like that, and with such a strong reaction from him, I can't imagine a scenario where it wouldn't bother us both. My sister has some issues that may hinder her fertility, and we've talked about me being a surrogate for her, but unsure if it turned out she needed eggs. Id be more inclined to think I could be okay with donating sperm/eggs to an immediate family member. So hard to say without being in the situation! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2648003 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 09:35:17 +0000 gingerbebe 2648003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH was actually asked once and we declined. Its not that we don't support donating or anything like that, its just that we would see the child and be involved in his/her life and we both felt that we wouldn't be able to keep appropriate boundaries. DH admitted he would think of him/her as his child in some way and feel responsible. And I agreed that I would feel similarly. I think that sets things up to be messy in the future (like if they made parenting decisions that we disagreed with or if they had some financial situation that adversely affected the child). So they went with someone else. I have no idea if it was someone they knew or if they went with a bank, but yeah, that's where we stood on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647986 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 09:23:34 +0000 looch 2647986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am really torn on this, I think it's a selfless thing to do, but I wouldn't want my husband to do this.</p> <p>I also wouldn't want to learn that my father did it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647980 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 09:20:35 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2647980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's nephew recently asked DH's brother for his generic material. BIL said no so they asked another nephew. DH was hurt to not have been asked.</p> <p>I think I'd be OK with him donating to friends or strangers. He makes smart and good looking babies. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647961 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 08:39:06 +0000 Ajsmommy 2647961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My gut reaction is that it would bother me, but then if I think of if it were someone close to us who was struggling, it'd most likely want to help in any way possible. I think this is one of those things I'd have to "experience' to know how I'd really feel/react. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647934 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 08:11:10 +0000 lamariniere 2647934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Hypothetically speaking, I feel the same way. I would mind much less for DH to donate anonymously to people we wouldn't ever know. I think I might have a hard time knowing/being involved with a family raising my DH's biological child. But it's hard to say without actually being in that situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647932 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 08:08:53 +0000 Littlebit7 2647932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Someone close to me, like immediate family? I wouldn't mind if all other options had been exhausted.</p> <p>Random donation to a sperm bank? No. There is actually an interesting article on the NY Times right now about sperm donation. A) I didn't know how hard it was to actually get accepted, especially if you are a white male B) they limit you to "fathering 20-25 children" but oftentimes many go unreported and some men end up fathering many, many more kids (wha, what? thats a lot). C) As a donor you can opt to be "discoverable" i.e., the children you father can look you up when they turn 18. I knew some of the facts the article presented, but it was a really interesting post. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647921 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 07:43:55 +0000 Anagram 2647921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think any of those scenarios would bother me, but it's hard to know when it's all theoretical at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647919 Fri, 04 Nov 2016 07:33:18 +0000 Cherrybee 2647919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: wow, you did an incredible thing. :heart: Can I ask... Do you ever think of yourself as their biological mother? Or does it just not cross your mind? Will the children ever be told? </p> <p>I wouldn't mind at all if DH wanted to donate to a sperm bank. Im not sure about someone close.... I think I would be okay with it, but it would be weird if the child was in our lives..... because I wouldn't be able to shake the idea that they are really *his* son/daughter and my kids' sibling; I would want to set up a college fund etc! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647836 Thu, 03 Nov 2016 23:52:22 +0000 agold 2647836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't like him to donate to randoms. But I don't mind at all if he donates to his brother, which might happen one day because we already know his brother has no sperm. I donated my eggs to my sister years ago after she tried multiple rounds of Ivf. I don't view what I did as "mothering a child" with my BIL (ugh.. so disgusting :silly: ) and i won't view my husband as having "fathered a child" if he donates to his brother (equally absurd). We are just aunties and uncles to little kids who may or may not look like us because we share the same genetic make up - just like all aunties and uncles do with their nieces and nephews! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647835 Thu, 03 Nov 2016 23:51:38 +0000 lilybean 2647835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It wouldn't bother me. And if I were in need, and the shoe were on the other foot, I would take donor sperm. If he felt strongly about this, I would support it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647824 Thu, 03 Nov 2016 22:49:11 +0000 sapphire 2647824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. This would be a big deal to me. I don't like the idea of his genetic material being combined with someone else's...I don't like the idea of him fathering children with someone else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647820 Thu, 03 Nov 2016 22:35:05 +0000 BSB 2647820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, it wouldn't bother me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647818 Thu, 03 Nov 2016 22:20:46 +0000 caterw 2647818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: For the record, I do think it's awesome that sperm and egg donation are options for people. My sister will be unable to have kids without both due to fertility issues and both of my siblings are gay- all of my future nieces and nephews will likely be from donors and/ or surrogates! I would just be uncomfortable with my DH being the one that does it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647816 Thu, 03 Nov 2016 22:14:48 +0000 caterw 2647816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: if it had been before we got together I don't think it would bother me as much, but I would worry about the impact on my kids if one of the donor kids came to find him. I also would have gotten to think about it through our relationship before having kids together rather than setting up expectations of our family being just us </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-it-bother-you-if-your-dh-was-a-sperm-donor#post-2647812 Thu, 03 Nov 2016 22:00:19 +0000 ocean81 2647812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: same. I wish I could say it wouldn't bother me, but it would. Kind of feel like a hypocrite because if we were ever in a situation where we needed a sperm / egg donor, I would use it. </p>