https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 17:19:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432753 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 09:34:40 +0000 travelgirl1 2432753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We lived abroad for six years and had kids in that time. Most of our family were great about sending presents for the kids apart from my dad, one of DH's brothers and one of my sisters. You know, I wouldn't have cared but Facebook told me about all the wonderful gifts they bought for the other kids in the family, and so that really stung. I didn't like myself for it though, because it is not a requirement of loving a kid to buy them presents. The kids never noticed and now we live in England again they got spoiled alongside the rest of them this year. So yes, it would bother me, but it is probably not worth making a stink about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432726 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 09:21:59 +0000 youboots 2432726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would not bother me. For Christmas my in laws gave her at least 20 items of clothing some in sizes she had outgrown and almost 10 toys- all plastic and or battery operated. When she asked what we wanted I said clothes in bigger sizes and no toys with batteries. I just think it's a waste. I'm a minimalist of sorts and getting a bunch of stuff we don't need is overwhelming- many of the toys are still in the packages. I can't remember a single gift my Dads parents gave me, and my Moms parents just gave us cash. I'm not into gifts (DH and I don't exchange for birthdays or Christmas). I echo what others have said unless you express this disappointment to your child I doubt they will pick up on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432705 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 09:06:20 +0000 Anagram 2432705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This wouldn't bother me at all, but my love language isn't gifts (at least...I don't care for anyone outside of my husband) and neither of our families are super into gifts. This year, my in-laws didn't give our LOs a Christmas gift--we went to their house for Christmas--and I was more than fine with it.</p> <p>This is the first year our LO got more than 2 gifts...she got 5 total, just because I ordered several books and I couldn't pack them all into one box. But I was really disappointed that she got like...."Gift fatigue" after the first 2 gifts and didn't seem to care about or appreciate anything else she opened. And we have relatively modest gifting strategies in our house anyway. So it just shored up my resolve to keep all gifting to a bare minimum going forward. Having the inlaws not give gifts helps us do that.</p> <p>Plus, they are very frugal people in general, and I prefer they save their money or spend it on themselves. They worked very very hard to get my husband and his sister where they are today and now I hope they feel like they can kick back and have us spoil them a bit now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432679 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 08:55:53 +0000 looch 2432679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: He didn't, thank goodness. Because if he did, he would have seen my parents carrying it in via the front door! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432672 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 08:54:05 +0000 mrbee 2432672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Haha did he ask you to rewind the home security footage so he could see Santa leaving the gifts under the tree?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432579 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 07:47:31 +0000 looch 2432579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will be the dissenter, my son notices when someone gets something more than he does. He doesn't quite understand actual value, but this Christmas, for example, we were at my inlaws. My sister in law decided to bring over the gifts that she was giving to her three kids. We didn't because we were travelling by air and my son's big gift didn't make the trip and wouldn't you know it, he got upset that he got a book and everyone else was opening stuff all around him. We had to log into our home security system to show him that Santa indeed brought him a gift and he wasn't left out of the whole thing.</p> <p>So, I'd address it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432558 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 07:37:41 +0000 erinbaderin 2432558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks, everyone, for the reality check - clearly I'm too close to the situation. I know it's going to continue to make me nuts but all the opinions that my son won't notice/care make me feel better. The thing about love languages did hit home - it is really important to me to select gifts for people that I think they'll really love, and I get real enjoyment out of that, and it is very hard for me to understand when other people don't seem to feel this way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432532 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 07:18:49 +0000 lamariniere 2432532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As long as you don't say anything to him, I really don't think your son will notice. That will just be how it is with the grandparents. We also have grandparents who live in other countries. One sends gifts in the mail from time to time and the other does not. I personally do not expect them to send anything as it is expensive to do so and, especially in the case of my father, he has NO IDEA about kid gifts. None at all. Honestly, I would try to lower my expectations and just graciously accept whatever they do gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432509 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 06:34:04 +0000 rachiecakes 2432509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Growing up one set of grandparents would spoil us with toys and the other set sent a fruit basket for the family. I didn't think anything of it. Both were nice and loved. I never once thought about how the ones who sent fruit never sent toys. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432504 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 06:23:10 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2432504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This wouldn't bother me at all. I can count on one hand the gifts I received from family other than my parents. Sure it's nice when people dote on your kids with affection &amp; presents, but it's not a requirement. Some families do this, some families don't. With two kids of their own still to raise (child vs grandchild is not a fair comparison) I wouldn't be surprised if they are way less active in your child's life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432446 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 02:21:05 +0000 Nutella 2432446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First thing I thought of was the love languages - they don't sound like gifts is theirs! Probably not much you can do about it, but I totally understand where you're coming from. My MIL gives LO's older cousins extra gifts at Xmas (guessing it's because she thinks he is too young?!) but it irks me - haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432397 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 00:33:41 +0000 travellingbee 2432397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agreed that it would bother me but it likely will not bother your kids at all. I'd try to shrug it off, as far as the kids are concerned. Looking back, one set of grandparents that didn't live near us never got me gifts. I never really noticed until just now! It clearly didn't affect me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432392 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 00:28:23 +0000 Boogs 2432392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think @mrbee: is right on the money about the love language. My inlaws just put money in a bank account they have marked for grandkids as gifts. My kids don't notice, my oldest especially who is actually aware, more enjoys spending time together. Plus, maybe it's just me, but I rather have no gifts than junk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432388 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 00:23:15 +0000 birdofafeather 2432388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would bother me too as I have a similar but different issue with my in laws and their thoughtfulness. I'm still dealing with it, honestly. I know I need to temper it because my daughter will start to pick up on my annoyance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432354 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 23:23:21 +0000 Astro Bee 2432354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It would bother me, because I also give really thoughtful gifts, and I would perceive them as not caring a lot. I am also coming from a place of extreme upset at my inlaws for several reasons. But I'll save that for a different post. Regardless, kids don't see things the same way we do. Your LO won't suffer any for the lack of gifts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432308 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 22:48:32 +0000 catomd00 2432308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No it wouldn't bother me. I'd teach my kid to deal with or appropriately if it came up, which I doubt it will. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432303 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 22:44:15 +0000 sapphire 2432303@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My grandparents never gave me gifts growing up. Never really bothered me since my parents gave me lots of presents. I doubt your LO will ever really think about it esp if it's normal for them growing up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2432024 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 20:25:26 +0000 Littlebit7 2432024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: this is a really great way to phrase this. Not to hijack, but I love selecting thoughtful gifts for people, and I'm good about writing thank you notes. My SIL has never once acknowledged a gift I've given her and she doesn't send me (or LO) gifts ever and no thank yous. Ever. This is a really good comment about this; I guess some people just dont speak the gifting language. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2431981 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 20:12:13 +0000 mrbee 2431981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: I don't think your kids will notice either! My parents have never bought my kids anything, and they don't seem to have noticed (they're 4 and 6)</p> <p>Is your love language gifting? That can make bad gifting or non-gifting hard... but it's tough because it's not something you can control! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2431971 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 20:09:37 +0000 MamaBehr 2431971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That would bother me. A lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2431968 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 20:08:08 +0000 misolee 2431968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It would bother me personally but I don't think your son will notice. My husband doesn't believe in gifts and even though it drives me crazy, I kind of understand his stance on unnecessary things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2431955 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 20:03:27 +0000 JenGirl 2431955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Eh. Annoying, but I doubt your son will notice or care as much as yoy do. It'll just be his normal for his relationship with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2431919 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 19:54:14 +0000 Ms.Badger 2431919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You can't control the presents other people get for your child. Growing up, my grandparents thought my parents spoiled us too much and would always get us cheap crap for gifts and I vividly remember getting socks and sheets for Christmas. Apparently, we always loved the cheap crap they gave us and I had no idea that this was even a thing until I was an adult and my mom told me about it. Your kid probably will not notice and if he does, explain that you should be gracious to receive all gifts and their presence is the best gift </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2431898 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 19:50:17 +0000 BandDmommy 2431898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: my MIL actually regifts items and gives them to our kids. It's annoying because they are not age appropriate at all. To be honest, I'd prefer no gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-this-bother-you-in-law-rant#post-2431890 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 19:47:31 +0000 erinbaderin 2431890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So my in-laws live in England, and since my son was born we've seen them four times - we went there twice, and they came to us twice. </p> <p>Important back story - my husband and I have been together for 12 years, and in that time they have never sent us birthday presents, and for Christmas they usually send a package of....junk, honestly. Novelty socks, decorative tea towels, one year I got a pair of rubber gloves with a fake diamond ring and pearl bracelet. Every year we make an effort to find things that we genuinely think they'll like. It's not that they don't celebrate with gifts - my husband has two brothers, 19 and 23, who get lots of big presents - game systems, an SLR camera, a new tv. </p> <p>Last year for my son's first Christmas (he's also the first grandchild), they sent him a $10 toy remote control that we already owned (and had owned when they visited a few months earlier) and a small Fozzie doll. For his first birthday they sent nothing - they said they were going to get him something when they came to visit in the summer. They didn't. This year for Christmas I wanted him to have a decent present from his grandparents so I suggested that we buy the present from him and they buy presents for the brothers from us, and they agreed (although we never got a thanks or any indication of what we got them, so I suspect they didn't get anything). For his birthday they sent a card. </p> <p>A few months ago we were talking to them and FIL was talking about how they'd seen an electric car in the shop and he had thought about getting it but "you probably aren't coming this year and next year hell have outgrown it". Sure, so buy it for him here! It would be stupid to buy something like that for a one week visit anyway! Am I being oversensitive? It bothers me so much that they don't make any effort to send him gifts on major holidays! I know that it doesn't reflect how much they love him but....it kind of feels like it does. I get that they spoil their kids and not my husband because he's an adult (he's 13/17 years older than his younger brothers) but Bennett is a baby, and before too long he's going to start to notice, I think, who gave him what thing and that his grandparents don't give him anything. </p>