https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 27 Apr 2026 21:43:17 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2817341 Thu, 19 Apr 2018 16:16:41 +0000 antigone 2817341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Glad to hear you found another option! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2817278 Thu, 19 Apr 2018 12:37:08 +0000 Mama Bird 2817278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: great update, I'm glad you can move to a better center! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2817199 Thu, 19 Apr 2018 08:49:53 +0000 periwinklebee 2817199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LemonJack: @LCTBQE: Thank you!</p> <p>@MamaCate: Yeah, my impression is that the older kids are, the harder the transitions can be. At this age he is pretty likely to grin happily at anyone paying attention to him, so hopefully it won't be too rough on him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2817165 Wed, 18 Apr 2018 20:24:37 +0000 MamaCate 2817165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I am so glad to hear you have a plan that you feel good about! I think some transitions this first year are tolerable if it gets you to a long term good fit. My friend just transitioned her 2 y/o twins from an in home to a center and it has been challenging. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2817146 Wed, 18 Apr 2018 16:31:43 +0000 LemonJack 2817146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That’s great news! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2817124 Wed, 18 Apr 2018 13:48:02 +0000 LCTBQE 2817124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: yay!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2817114 Wed, 18 Apr 2018 12:38:31 +0000 periwinklebee 2817114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you everyone again - this thread was super helpful for a very worried momma :heart: </p> <p>After a fair amount of scrambling, we have a solution that I am feeling pretty good about! We'll be putting him in a daycare that we've heard wonderful things about - but is a quite inconvenient location - for the summer, and then in the fall we traded our spot off the wait list in one center with another family's spot off the waitlist in a center that's a much better location for us and he will be going there. I know it's a lot of transitions, but I just have a much better feeling about these centers and they look better on paper as well. I think it's worth the transitions to have care that I think will be substantially better quality. I can handle a not so great commute for a few months in the interest of him getting better care. He'll be in his current place for another month or so, which I can be comfortable with, since I know his basic needs are being well met (i.e. always gets fed on the schedule we want, etc), he's safe, and at this point I think he's getting more attention than he would later since he's the new, cute little baby. </p> <p>@MamaCate: It's good to hear this, as the center we're putting him in the fall is like this. Only 7 kids in the infant class, and each child has a primary teacher who handles the portfolio, communicates with parents, etc, although obviously any teacher will attend to all the children in the room as needed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816970 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 22:03:26 +0000 LemonJack 2816970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, this would bother me a lot and would be a deal breaker. I get some babies cry more than others, but no, I would not be okay with babies being left that long to cry. I could have seen this being my first DD and it would have broken my heart. No, just no! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816968 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 21:42:12 +0000 MamaCate 2816968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I just wanted to say it is possible to find good care in a center, but it takes a while as a new mom to know what that looks like. My first was in a center from 5 months on and my second from 3 months. </p> <p>One of the things that stood out in our experience compared to yours is that our infant room was small. There were only 8 babies total with 2 teachers. Each teacher was “primary” for 4 of them so they had one person who was their go-to for getting their needs met. This of course did not mean that if teacher A was changing a diaper and one of “her” other babies was crying then teacher B didn’t help, but they had one main person. I think the small size also helped create a really calm and nurturing atmosphere which helped. I just felt overall that the teachers loved my baby and that my baby loved them. It is hard to tell that at the beginning.</p> <p>But I would say that fine for now but better to find a different plan would be my takeaway from this post and some of your others. It is hard to get lots of data when it is kind of a subjective and emotional decision like who to trust with your kid. But you and your baby deserve care that is a good fit overall. That doesn’t mean no hiccups but it should mean that you trust your providers. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816947 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 19:21:11 +0000 periwinklebee 2816947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennibenni: Thanks :heart: </p> <p>@MissKriss19: I think there are tradeoffs either way - I know some people who've been unhappy with nannies because they were ultimately not very good, and other people who've had amazing experiences, and likewise with group care. It is so hard to find childcare that's a good fit... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816941 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 18:51:20 +0000 Jennibenni 2816941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MissKriss19: Your post kind of breaks my heart. Motherhood is hard enough without someone laying on unnecessary guilt regarding their child care choices. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816937 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 18:21:15 +0000 MissKriss19 2816937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Omg this breaks my heart!!! A 3 month old is still like a tiny newborn and shouldn’t be left alone to cry it out 💔 I would steer clear of daycare centres for such a young age and have a nanny for at least the first year or two so baby could have one on one care. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816773 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 09:18:27 +0000 periwinklebee 2816773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all, this is super helpful. </p> <p>I'm not normally a person who "goes with my gut", I like to gather tons of information and weigh everything. My sense with our daycare, though, is that there are a lot of teachers - they have 24 infants across two rooms and 7am - 6pm hours - and some of them are good and some are not so great. I know it's a long day for them and they're going to get tired, but a couple in particular my impression is that they are fairly disengaged - letting the babies cry for a long time in their cribs while they seem to be fairly half-heartedly watching the other babies, etc. Like others have said, it wouldn't be that hard to verbally acknowledge them, and when I've seen crying babies taking out of their crib and put on a play gym or something - a fairly minimal effort - they tend to be happy.</p> <p> When I dropped off this morning, a teacher that I think is really good - and my son has also really taken a liking to - was there, and I feel completely comfortable having him there. Unfortunately she's moving in a month. The daycare - at least at the administrative level of the director - also seems very concerned with parent impressions, so especially when the weaker teachers are there, it has a different feel at drop-off/pick-up versus in the middle of the day. </p> <p>Overall this leaves me with the impression that he's not being harmed there and it's ok short-term, but it would be better to the extent we can swing it to find alternative arrangements sooner rather than later. He apparently had a rough day yesterday and I feel bad. I feel like he gets extra attention now because he's the new, tiny baby, but that won't be the case for much longer.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816739 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 05:10:52 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2816739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would want to keep monitoring the situation. My first reaction is that 15 min does seem like a long time for full wailing/crying with absolutely no interaction/acknowledgment from adults. </p> <p>It could be that certain babies are just "higher maintenance" than others and it's also possible they are assigned to a particular teacher (that's how it was where I worked) and it could be more of a matter of how the teachers interact (which may or may not be something you can live with.) Another perspective on the teachers not jumping in could be that the "low maintenance" babies are still being interacted with rather than just being left alone because they don't cry a lot. </p> <p>All this depends on a lot of different factors that could be affecting the class dynamics and the moods of the babies so I'd just want to keep observing for a bit. Ultimately it's you that has to be ok with leaving your child in their care. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816731 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 23:34:16 +0000 gingerbebe 2816731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: Oh another I reason I say ask for context is that it’s possible they were trying to keep the kids apart because one seemed sick or something. This year has been absolutely awful for illness at our daycare - it’s been nonstop - and they are forever trying to triage sick kids so it’s possible there was some juggling going on there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816686 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 19:01:54 +0000 LCTBQE 2816686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: ugh yeah, that makes it really tough to decide. I thought the June place requires a year long contract though? I suppose one way to look at it is if you just have no way of knowing yet whether you'll be there long term, you could plan as if you were going to be--then if you stay, great, and if you guys move, then you'll just have gone through some stressful/annoying rigmarole which ultimately will be water under the bridge. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816661 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 17:00:41 +0000 Mama Bird 2816661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be bothered, yeah. Not bothered enough to pull my child out of the day care on the spot, but I'd definitely want to watch them more to see how the kids' care is overall. Of course the teachers can get tired and be slow to respond to a crying child, but I'd want to know if the kids get lots of attention at other times, or this is a chronic thing.</p> <p>Our day care definitely has days when I come in and it seems like the whole room is crying. It seems like the weather gets some kids in a bad mood and it just spreads. The teachers get everyone calmed down and happy, but if it starts at pickup it can go on for a while because everyone's busy getting the door, undressing the kids that come in, etc. I wonder if the end of naptime is also peak cranky time for some kids? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816658 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 16:43:15 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2816658@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I think someone above made a great point that you would expect the teachers to at least be talking to the babies, even half heartedly, to get them to settle or at least say "I know, baby, ill be there in a minute" almost for your benefit? If that makes sense. That's what Ill do at work, as a pedi nurse, if I don't have parents with my patients, and they all decide to cry at once, I do talk to them from across the room (its a nursery set up with 5 cribs in one room separated by curtains), and even more so if another patient has parents that are listening in. I don't want the babies to cry of course but I also don't want anyone to think I am neglecting them... if that makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816651 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 16:10:49 +0000 KT326 2816651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: So my son pretty much cried if he didn't have one of two specific teachers holding him (or within his sight) from when he started until about 8 months old (when he transitioned to the crawling class). It was tough for anyone else coming in (to give breaks or what not) because he would just scream. </p> <p>I would definitely go with your gut and gently inquire about the policy of crying babies. I'd also try to do a few more drop ins at different times to see what's going on in the room. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816646 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 16:02:46 +0000 snowjewelz 2816646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I hope you will be able to get a little more info that way! I know for DD2's room currently, all the kids are pretty clingy. Every time anyone walks in for pick up they all congregate by the front and start crying lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816645 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 16:01:06 +0000 periwinklebee 2816645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all, this is super helpful to have other perspectives. I'm definitely going to ask some more questions and try to get more context. My instinct is that while I'm not worried about safety or cleanliness, and I know his basic needs are being attended to - fed, diapered, they document that he gets an appropriate amount of developmentally appropriate activity like i.e. some tummy time everyday. And I think some of the teachers do make an effort to go beyond that but some of them it seems like less so, which is a problem for me.... </p> <p>@snowjewelz: I think this is a great way to go about investigating. I'm sure if I raise a stink they'll tell me whatever I want to hear but ultimately I'm not there monitoring the classroom all day, whereas what I really want is their honest assessment of the situation, as it determines how they react when parents or the director aren't around... </p> <p>@DesertDreams88: yeah, exactly, I understand there are many times when they will be busy feeding or diapering or dealing with another crying child, but when the other babies are entertaining themselves pretty well, why not step over and attend to the child who's really upset... or like others have said, at least verbally acknowledge them... </p> <p>@LCTBQE: Thanks :heart: It's complicated, We may move at the end of the year but aren't sure yet at this point, which is definitely throwing a wrench in my decision making process. If I knew we were going to move, I would put him in the center with an opening June 1 and I'm pretty sure we'd be happy with that arrangement, if I knew we were going to stay I'd try really hard to find childcare we were happy with to tie us over until September since that would potentially determine his care through kindergarten...both of the daycares that we got into also add a fair amount of time to my commute and make it infeasible for DH to do drop off and pick up, but I'm willing to endure that to be happy with the care. I need to find a good local moms group - the one I joined is just basically people selling stuff... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816628 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 15:27:43 +0000 gingerbebe 2816628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I am always for trusting your gut with regards to childcare, but I would ask for context via the director. </p> <p>For what its worth, at my kids' daycare, a baby would never be left to cry for 15 minutes and they have recently talked about limiting the on-boarding of new toddlers into our youngest child's room even though there is capacity because the transition period is so hard for the babies (and the teachers) that they require a lot more hands-on attention from the teachers to keep them from crying so much and that if they moved to capacity and had that many crying babies, it would be untenable for the teachers. Essentially, they want more time to transition this current set of newbies and then delay bringing more kids off the waitlist until the newbs are settled. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816625 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 15:16:23 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2816625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That would bother me. I noticed daycare teachers are more numb to crying and take longer than a parent might to get to a crying child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816619 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 15:09:42 +0000 LCTBQE 2816619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>agree with pp's that there can be many variables that factor into these kinds of decisions, but as you describe this particular scenario: yes, this would upset me, and I'm sure you've noticed in all the daycare threads on HB that the predominant theme/conclusion is *always* "go with your gut". I think if I were you I'd switch to one of the new ones and not look back. also, he's still so little that I don't think this will impact him much. no advice on which one of the new ones as I don't know the nuances of those centers and your feeling of urgency that something isn't good at your current place. are you for sure going to still be in your city for the next year plus? maybe that factors in, too. finding childcare that you feel good about is the most stressful thing I can think of--when I was looking for a new daycare/nanny/sitter situation for our upcoming move I would wake up in the middle of the night worrying about it, so I feel you. just make a decision that you think is best and you will settle into it.<br /> ETA I'm sure you've done this, but throwing it out there that talking to parents who send/sent their kids to the new daycares is invaluable. I did that and also made a fake Facebook profile just to join a (huge) local moms group so I could research if anyone had anything positive/negative to say about the places I was looking at. I've also been a reference for people shopping and considering our current daycare that we're about to move away from, and I've been very honest about what I like and dislike--I think most moms would be. hang in there :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816617 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 15:04:23 +0000 DesertDreams88 2816617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Its would worry me that there were teachers who could have stepped in and didn't. If their hands were full with feeding or diapering, I understand. I liked the other poster's mention of calming them down by talking to them across the room and using their name. Even that little action would make me feel better about the situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816611 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 14:23:41 +0000 snowjewelz 2816611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would trust your gut too, but maybe do a little more "investigating" before finalizing a decision. Maybe next time casually chat about how boy, these babies are like that every time I stop by! Are they ok? And see what they say? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816608 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 14:21:15 +0000 crazydoglady 2816608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: Have you talked to the director about this? I would try to do what you can to make this acceptable until June/Sept. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816606 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 14:14:05 +0000 Ajsmommy 2816606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would def bother me and I'd ask about it. And depending on the answer and how I felt about it I'd decide from there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816603 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 14:04:08 +0000 Adira 2816603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: Our daycare has a similar policy! I remember because I was like "If you could just leave him for five more minutes, he'll fall asleep!" but they just weren't allowed to do it.</p> <p>Agree with the others - if there were teachers that really weren't too busy to attend the crying child, it would definitely upset me to see them not do it. Letting a child cry for ~5 minutes doesn't bother me, but 15 without doing anything? That would definitely be a flag to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-unhappy-if-you-saw-this-at-your-childs-daycare#post-2816595 Mon, 16 Apr 2018 13:44:41 +0000 Truth Bombs 2816595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, this would upset me. Sometimes babies cry and there's nothing that can be done to soothe them, and sometimes teachers are just covered up and will get to the baby as soon as they can, but in this case it seems like the teachers just aren't trying. Our daycare actually has policy that babies can not be left to cry in their cribs for more than 5 minutes which I remember because they told me that the teachers basically can't do CIO with your kid if they cry for more than 5 minutes before settling. </p>