https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 01 May 2026 00:44:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce/page/2#post-296413 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 09:57:30 +0000 Bookish 296413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I were HER, yes, I would strongly consider it, because it sounds like they were very honest and open with each other before getting married, and then he up and changes the terms. It isn't fair to her to miss out on something she feels is so important. However, I would probably wait a year just to see how the situation developed. I don't think divorce should ever be taken lightly. </p> <p>If it were ME, no, I would not divorce DH if he suddenly changed his mind. Kids have never been a deal breaker to me, and he is such a great uncle already to his nieces + nephews that we would still have a wonderful, fulfilling life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-296342 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 08:09:41 +0000 Andrea 296342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would divorce assuming that we discussed kids pre-marriage and had agreed to have them. If I really wanted kids, I would always feel like part of me was incomplete. I would feel like my life with this man was over and that I would need to find another person to fulfill my dreams. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-296287 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 04:32:48 +0000 AprilFool 296287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What about an annulment? It should be granted under fraud since he clearly led her to believe one thing and then changed his mind </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-296284 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 04:20:34 +0000 Sweet T 296284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I were your friend, I would wonder if her husband was using this excuse for a way out. He should have been honest with her before marrying her.</p> <p>I honestly don't know what I would do. I've wanted kids for as long as I can remember. DH &amp; I have always been on the same page about that. We talked about wanting them before we got married. I don't think I would divorce him just because he said he doesn't want kids but I think I would resent him a lot for it and it would cause a lot of strain on our relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-296268 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 01:47:44 +0000 tequiero21 296268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Superhero: @kiddosc: i wonder what he would say if she stayed in the marriage and wanted a sperm donor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-296263 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 01:38:48 +0000 Mrs. Superhero 296263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>hard to say as we have kids...I would say no, I'd stay with him. We've gone through some bad times and decided that we just love each other too much to ever want out. </p> <p>But am I the only one who would consider getting pregnant by "accident?" Not saying I would...just throwing it out there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-296262 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 01:36:10 +0000 tequiero21 296262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>luckily, this is a non-issue for us. but i'm with @MrsCB. i wouldn't want a divorce but i may be resentful and that could lead to a divorce?</p> <p>@chopsuey119: haha this is a good kinda 180!</p> <p>@autumnlove: i would be devastated if my hubby did that to me. wow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-296233 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 00:08:14 +0000 Grace 296233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh that so sucks. I hope he does end up changing his mind. The idea of kids is scary! </p> <p>Personally, I wouldn't divorce. Not having kids isn't a deal breaker for me, but I would want to know why the about face. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-296198 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 23:14:18 +0000 daniellemybelle 296198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, this is so tough. I can't imagine this ever happening - DH and I were both SO excited to start a family from the very beginning. It wasn't just, "Oh, we'll have kids one day," but we actively fantasize what that will be like. I feel like I was VERY sure that we had the same aspirations, so I would be completely shocked if he changed his mind.</p> <p>Having said that, I do think it is grounds for divorce - not solely because DH didn't want children, but because I think the feelings of betrayal and resentment would probably persist forever. I would try really hard to work it out in counseling but I doubt I could get past it and be OK with it, and that wouldn't be fair to either of us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295514 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 13:03:19 +0000 Weagle 295514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No. I don't think this is grounds for divorce. But I also believe that having children (or at least desiring them) is one of the purposes of marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295484 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 12:50:13 +0000 ShootingStar 295484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm honestly not sure what I would do. I don't think I can live without DH, but I can live without kids, as much as I want them. But I think that if he did this, I would be resentful and unhappy for a long time and I think it would end up destroying our relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295371 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 12:03:37 +0000 Crisark 295371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was a big issue for my DH before we got engaged/married.<br /> I already had two children so I wasn't sure I wanted another one. He, however, absolutely wanted one of his own. So, if I were to not want to have another child we weren't moving forward with our relationship regardless of how strong our feelings were. </p> <p>So, in my opinion, if it were me and he surprised me with such a decision I'd have to weigh my feelings on all of it. If having a child out weighed my love for him then yes I would. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295360 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 11:57:07 +0000 runsyellowlites 295360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The only things I would consider divorce for would be abuse &amp;/or infidelity and even those would take alot of things and counseling into consideration.</p> <p>My biggest thing would be to find out what changed. People don't just make 180 decisions just because. Did he see something, hear something, become fearful, know something I don't know, what?... There HAS to be a reason and as a wife I expect to need to know the reasoning behind my husbands actions so that I can better understand him. Especially in the cases where a marriage ends and then the spouse goes on to have children with their new wife..... what was it in the first marriage that made them not want to? Assuming of course it wasn't just a cop-out to divorce.</p> <p>All of these things would play a HUGE factor into what DH and I would do to help our marriage be successful and who knows, if the internal issues DH had got resolved he may be open to children again some time in the future. I just know I couldn't leave him just for being him after I already told him in marrying him that I accepted him (given it's not abusive or damaging to me). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295337 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 11:42:31 +0000 Mrs. Pen 295337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be hurt and devastated but I take my marriage so seriously that I wouldn't ever divorce him. I would definitely need ongoing counseling though to help counter resentment and bitterness toward him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295316 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 11:28:29 +0000 calsmom 295316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brother got a divorce for the same reason. However, he went into the marriage knowing how she felt about kids (couldn't stand them, didn't want them). He thought he could change her mind once they got married. Well, of course she stood her ground and they eventually got divorced. He's now remarried with 2 kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295309 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 11:24:43 +0000 Honeybee 295309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is exactly why my FIL divorced his first wife. They had been married for about 1/1.5 years when she told him she changed her mind about having kids. He divorced her immediately and ended up marrying my MIL, who had two daughters from a previous marriage. He adopted the girls and together they had my husband; so my FIL ended up with 3 kids, total. </p> <p>I think it would be a dealbreaker for me, too. Part of the reason I love my husband is because of his excitement for our kids. I don't think I could be with someone who didn't want children of his own. (And even though we're Catholic, the Church allows annulments and remarriage in situations like this, so our faith wouldn't be an issue in these cases of divorce). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295294 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 11:15:24 +0000 blackbird 295294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yup, dealbreaker. The resentment would be too strong. I know he feels the same way about me, if i decided not to have kids. Not being ABLE to is a different story. We know we'd adopt. But just saying, "nope, don't want them" was not acceptable </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295279 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 11:10:08 +0000 autumnlove 295279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chopsuey119: I think so. She got remarried and had trouble getting pregnant so she had fertility treatments. She now has 3 year old triplets so hopefully she is too busy to think about her ex husband! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295194 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:38:00 +0000 GrapeCrush 295194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>it would be tough. DH and i talked in length about kids before we even were engaged. i told him upfront that if he did not want children we weren't going to be together...but, if after we were married and he all of a sudden changed his mind it would be tough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295191 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:37:33 +0000 Smurfette 295191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. I can't imagine not being married to DH and having him in my life. But having kids were something we agreed on before we got married. Him just changing his mind without talking to me about it, that would just kill me </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295186 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:35:13 +0000 ladyfingers 295186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow... that's awful. I have no idea what I'd do. I'm 32, so divorcing DH and hoping to find another mate I loved enough to marry, then having kids... that would certainly take up a chunk of my fertile time. I don't see what divorcing him would do to help my situation in so far as children went... but it depends how old the person is. I would certainly always resent him, though, and I can't say it wouldn't eventually lead to a divorce because of the divide. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295179 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:33:37 +0000 kiddosc 295179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chopsuey119: That's kind of what I wondered at first, but it's been about 2 years and he hasn't made any moves to get out of the marriage. He even agreed to go to counseling with her and has been an active participant (although he hasn't changed his mind at all)<br /> @MamaMoose: I respect that he was honest too, it's just a crappy situation </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295154 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:27:33 +0000 Mrsbells 295154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be EXTREMELY upset, and would definitely have to figure out some middle ground, but I dont think I would get a divorce over it. I think our generation is a little quick to jump on the divorce train </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295153 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:27:26 +0000 chopsuey 295153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kiddosc: @autumnlove: I wonder if it was/is the guy's (cousin's husband and bff's husband's) way of getting out of the marriage..? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295151 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:26:43 +0000 Foodnerd81 295151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: But I also think no one should be a parent unless they are 100% commited to it, so I respect that he was honest with her.<br /> I agree-- it royally sucks, but better now than when they have a baby and he resents the innocent baby. </p> <p>As far as the vows, as far as I am concerned, being open to having children WAS part of my vows. I don't think we explicitly said it in church, but that was part of our agreement to get married, and this is especially true in religious ceremonies. Our priest asked us and everything. </p> <p>Still don't know what I would do, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295147 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:24:16 +0000 kiddosc 295147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: OMG... I would be devastated too. How awful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295146 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:23:31 +0000 kiddosc 295146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I agree, if it were because of some medical situation and not a conscious decision, that would be a completely different story. </p> <p> @TurtleDoves: Yea, no one could really believe he just out of the blue made this decision without ever having discussed it with her. It really is a tough situation where obviously there is no clear answer. </p> <p>Our group of friends is just starting to have kids and I guess we're all hoping just a little that he might change his mind once everyone else has LOs. He doesn't have a very good relationship with his parents which is a contributing factor and he's afraid of how much a LO would change their lifestyle... who isn't though? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295144 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:22:33 +0000 MamaMoose 295144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: now THAT is just awful! "Oh sorry, I guess it turns out I just didn't want kids with YOU". I would be devestated as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295136 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:19:58 +0000 MamaMoose 295136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would have been a deal breaker for me and for my husband. We were both very clear from the beginning that having kids was non-negotiable for both of us. His father was married prior to his mother and they divorced because his father's first wife decided she didn't want kids so my hubs didn't want to go through that.</p> <p>I think it's really crappy that her husband pulled a 180 on her. But I also think no one should be a parent unless they are 100% commited to it, so I respect that he was honest with her. I think it's best that they just part ways. I know I personally would feel resentful of my husband for my whole life if he took away my opportunity to be a mother. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-consider-divorce#post-295135 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:19:27 +0000 autumnlove 295135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would consider it after counseling. This happened to my cousin...she got divorced because her husband decided he did not want children after several years of marriage. She was emotionally crushed when she found out that he got remarried and had 2 kids with his second wife. </p>