https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 00:00:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-606503 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 15:58:26 +0000 Bookish 606503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I don't think so. Not for any moral or religious reasons, mostly because the women I know who had children before marriage had a really rough time of it, and ended up splitting with their BFs. I know that's not always the case, but it definitely made me want to be married first. Not like that ensures happiness, but still. :p </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-606485 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 15:52:58 +0000 Ra 606485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I honestly think it would depend on the circumstances. If I were in my mid-thirties and not married yet, then yes, I would plan a pregnancy. If I were any age and a medical reason came up where I would eventually not be able to have children, then yes, I would plan a pregnancy. Luckily, I did not have to face either of those issues. However, if circumstances were different I would rather face the social stigma than live the rest of my life without a child out of "principle." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-606262 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 15:00:21 +0000 MrsLilybugg 606262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, I absolutely WOULD have planned a pregnancy before "marriage" :) I love my husband, we have a great marriage. But our relationship was just as committed pre-wedding, and so marriage would not have come into the equation when it came to TTC. I had such baby fever that let's say I'd never met DH, and I was single, and I was down to my last egg (lol), I totally would have gone to a sperm bank. tmi? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-606254 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 14:58:29 +0000 heffalump 606254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We planned on TTC right after we got married. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-606236 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 14:54:13 +0000 KissMeCait 606236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely not. I'm not traditional in many ways but this is one of them. Marriage comes before babies as far as I'm concerned (for my own life, don't care what other people do with theirs). Had we had an "oops" prior to tying the knot, we probably wouldn't have followed through with it (the pregnancy, not the marriage). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605773 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 12:44:35 +0000 MrsCastro 605773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>plan, no...but if it had happened then we would have done what was right at the time... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605760 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 12:37:55 +0000 sera_87 605760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. It's got to be the only thing I'm traditional on :| </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605756 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 12:35:39 +0000 autumnlove 605756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't plan on it but I got pregnant during our engagement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605755 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 12:35:36 +0000 tequiero21 605755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, I wouldn't want to raise a child on my own.... I also believe a child should be born into marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605744 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 12:32:35 +0000 Mrs. Pen 605744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No. I like the security marriage gives. AND my family would be livid if I was pregnant before marriage. So would DH's family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605733 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 12:30:32 +0000 Foodnerd81 605733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not. Partly for societal reasons- it would be a big deal in my family- but mostly because I see having a baby with someone as a bigger committment than marriage. If we weren't already ready to commit to marriage, why would we be ready to commit to an entire lifetime of raising a baby? I could see it from people who have issues with the institution of marriage, and plenty of other reasons, but for us I would def not have planned it that way. Unplanned is a different story- though we prob would have had a quick wedding before baby, do we'd be married before it was born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605696 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 12:14:55 +0000 Caly 605696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Having grown up in a pretty religious home, I wouldn't. However, I don't judge or have a problem with those that do/would. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605598 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 11:51:02 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 605598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH likes to say he could have persuaded me to be his baby mom's, but I always knew I would be wife then mother in that order. I even described where babies come from to my younger cousin as when the husband and wife, not man and woman. This may sound trivial, but having the same last name as my child is important to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605535 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 11:37:45 +0000 spaniellove 605535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't plan it. However, I did accidentally get pregnant while engaged, and had a m/c. I was on BC and didn't know my meds interacted with the BC. It was so hurtful to me that my now-MIL accused me of planning things that way. DH and I have talked a lot about this since then, especially now that we're experiencing infertility and given the chance we would have gone through with having the baby no matter what people thought. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605510 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 11:30:11 +0000 yoursilverlining 605510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe. Being married first, or even at all, wasn’t important to me from a moral/religious standpoint (since I’m not religious at all); so if I was in a relationship where we wanted to be together forever, were fully committed to each other, and we wanted to be in each other’s lives for the rest of our lives but we couldn’t or didn’t want to get married; yep, I’d have a baby before marriage or without marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605502 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 11:28:23 +0000 MamaMoose 605502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: this exactly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605498 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 11:27:44 +0000 littlebittyhouse 605498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: @MaisyMay: @Mrs. Superhero: so impressed with you ladies that waited for marriage - that really is something so amazing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605477 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 11:22:05 +0000 Weagle 605477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope absolutely not. </p> <p>@Mrs. Superhero: @MaisyMay: same here! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605306 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 10:43:31 +0000 stargal 605306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes i would......I think as long as your in a committed relationship with the same intentions to have a child and be together to parent that child. I also am religious but in my own beliefs do not believe a baby needs to be born into marriage. A loving committed relationship. Absolutely. You can very easily have a loving committed relationship without a piece of paper stating your married. To me its all about mindset. And yea I am married and had my son after we got married but if I had him before pallned or not I would not have any shame or regrets.<br /> A marriage doesn't mean you are guaranteed to be together to raise that child. Divorce or abandonment happen to married couples all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605268 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 10:37:04 +0000 meredithNYC 605268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I say no, but then again I was lucky enough to find my person and get married while relatively young (married at 28). I often wonder what I would have done if things hadn't worked out that way, and I can't honestly say I would be childless for life if I hadn't found a partner. So, it's a tough one for me and I feel very grateful I don't have to make that very difficult choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605264 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 10:36:34 +0000 Dandelion 605264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before my first marriage and ds, I would've said I wouldn't care if I waited or not. But then after we split, and I'm having to co-parent with someone I really don't like, I definitely did NOT want to make another baby with someone I wasn't 100% for sure on.</p> <p>Lucky for DH (and dd!) I'm madly in love with him, and I'm not going anywhere this time, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605261 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 10:35:42 +0000 MrsTiz 605261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No. It is 100% avoidable, and I knew that I wasn't a good candidate for having a baby before marriage. It's not religious for me, it's just to me that is the order it goes in. Love, marriage, baby carriage :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605252 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 10:33:40 +0000 cascademom 605252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. For us, more for me, I wanted to enjoy our marriage for a couple of years before planning on TTC/LO. </p> <p>My husband's ex-girlfriend married a year after us was 9 weeks pregnant on her wedding day. They announced the pregnancy a month after their wedding. From what I was told, it was a very planned pregnancy. I was surprised that they married because she seemed so against marriage for years. With them, it's funny because we've been married longer than they have, but their LO is older than ours. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-605226 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 10:28:02 +0000 wheres_c 605226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Plan, no. I strongly believe that kids should be brought into a stable environment. (Marriage or civil union).<br /> Despite my feelings that we should wait, I ended up having a baby while unmarried. I was dealing with PCOS, and not ovulating and told I would need fertility treatments, so we stopped being careful.<br /> We are in a stable long term commitment with discussion of marriage. I would have preferred to be married, but very happy for our miracle baby. Hopefully we will be married within the next 2 years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-604544 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 04:41:43 +0000 illumina 604544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As @septemberlove said, it was ingrained that marriage should come first. My DH didn't agree though and took a bit of convincing (he comes from a background where people usually have a child and then get married - if at all). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-604138 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 23:18:53 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 604138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-604136 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 23:18:16 +0000 MaisyMay 604136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No. We both waited until marriage for sex, and it would have been hard to have a baby first without sex. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-604130 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 23:16:13 +0000 sarac 604130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, but not for moralistic reasons. For me, a baby means a lifetime of co-parenting. I sure as heck wouldn't want to do that with someone I didn't plan to be married to forever, so marriage would always come first, for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-604063 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 22:59:46 +0000 Mrs. Superhero 604063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Erm, well I was a virgin, so it would have been tricky. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-ever-plan-a-lo-before-marriage#post-604005 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 22:48:27 +0000 runsyellowlites 604005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely not.</p> <p>ETA: I had DS unplanned unwed. With DH we waited until the I Do's so P was definitely planned after. </p>