https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 01:35:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686606 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 15:33:17 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2686606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry about your mom! :heart: </p> <p>I wouldn't expect or suggest DH take off from work, but knowing him he would have likely worked from home to be close by/ available. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686512 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 14:20:50 +0000 Mrs. Oreo 2686512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would expect DH to help, but I would have to actually voice my expectations. </p> <p>Sorry about your Mom. Hope she gets better soon. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts to you and your family. :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686476 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 13:50:56 +0000 Boogs 2686476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have expected for him to understand my mom was my only priority and he had to handle everything else on his own. If he wants to work, fine, but he would have to handle what to do with the kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686468 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 13:46:06 +0000 Mama Bird 2686468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids are in day care, so I'd expect DH to pick them up and watch them while I'm at the hospital. But we don't have any child care help other than day care, so maybe it's different when your in laws are able and willing to watch the kids. If my MIL was able I'd definitely ask her before I asked DH...</p> <p>I'm sorry to hear about your mom! My grandma had this several times and it's usually a few days stay at the hospital while they control the fluid with medication. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686424 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 13:07:06 +0000 Mrs. Microscope 2686424@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was in the reverse situation just 2 months ago. DH's mom had open heart surgery, and she lives out of state. I told DH not to worry about home, and just go. I took care of everything, no questions asked. If it was reversed, I would expect the same. It's called being a good partner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686417 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 12:58:25 +0000 bookwormmama 2686417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, I would expect my husband to take off work since we don't have outside childcare/family nearby, and actually he did last week when this same thing (heart failure) happened to my niece and we had to quickly drive 5 hours away to see her in case she didn't make it through the weekend. </p> <p>I'm sorry you are going through this, I know the stress and fear of it all and I'm sure it is so much more difficult with your DH not helping with the kids :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686313 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 10:53:14 +0000 snowjewelz 2686313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, I would, or at least there needs to be a conversation about what happens the next day, or the next week for the matter since I doubt your mom can leave the hospital right away. I feel like everyone should be rally around you right now and I'm sorry it hasn't happened :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686305 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 10:46:55 +0000 Adira 2686305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would definitely expect him to take over child care duties, although I'd definitely discuss it with him first.</p> <p>My mom had to have surgery a couple years ago and I wanted to be at the hospital while she was in surgery and recovery. While Hubs didn't take off work, he did step-up with daycare drop-off/pick-ups and handling the kids at home so that I could be there for my mom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686291 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 10:36:36 +0000 gingerbebe 2686291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Focus on your mom, not your resentment at your husband. Yes, he should have handled it. If this comes up again, tell him he is in charge of the children in the morning and if that means calling his parents and arranging help, then he should do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686288 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 10:31:27 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2686288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: in my case seeing my mom would require flying so yes he would have to take off. If we lived closer to my mom then I don't know if I would expect it but it's definitely not an unreasonable request!</p> <p>I hope your mom gets better quick. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686247 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 09:42:42 +0000 jhd 2686247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I'm so sorry about your mum. I hope everything worked out and you were able to get in to see her. Sending lots of love your way. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686227 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 09:20:41 +0000 avivoca 2686227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry. I hope that your mom is okay. To answer your question, yes, I would have at least expected him to figure out childcare for the baby and make it happen with the school run because your place right now is with your mom. I would also have expected him to be very contactable and able to leave at a moment's notice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686222 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 09:18:12 +0000 looch 2686222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sending love and light for your mom.</p> <p>To answer the question, yes, I would have expected my husband to step up and at least ask what he could do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686217 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 09:11:37 +0000 Silva 2686217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. And yes, I would. I think he would without me asking, but then again I had to tell him to take a day off when I was miscarrying....</p> <p>Time off should be used for caring for family members. Sounds like you need care today, and you need a day off from your job as SAHM. So yeah, I would have said "yes, call in." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686205 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 08:58:02 +0000 StrawberryBee 2686205@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think what would irritate me most is that he just assumed it would be business as usual, no effect to his routine, and acted shocked and annoyed when presented with the possibility that he would be inconvenienced. But, you also mentioned that you assumed he'd be taking over duties in the morning, so I think a conversation the night before about expectations of how your mum's situation (I hope she feels better soon!!!) was going to affect things would have been beneficial. I guess depending on how lenient DH's job was on surprise time off, if there was a super important meeting he HAD to attend that day, and how critical the situation with my mom was, that would change whether I would expect him to take time off from work, or come in late because he was responsible for the kids. But my DH definitely would have offered.</p> <p>I hope your mom continues to improve :heart: :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686203 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 08:56:35 +0000 yoursilverlining 2686203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry to hear about your mom – we’ve actually had this exact situation (before kids, though) with my mom when she had heart failure and yes, my husband took the next day off to be available to me, my dad and my mom and to be on-call to help however he could.</p> <p>Whether or not he “should” have taken off work is subjective, but the fact that he got up early for work leaving you to figure out and wrangle kids is messed up. That is a way bigger issue, IMO. Total disregard for what you’re going through and failure to step up when he obviously needs to. I would be losing my shit over that if my husband behaved that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686202 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 08:55:54 +0000 Banana330 2686202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I wouldn't expect him to take the day off.. but it would have been nice for him to deal with school drop off and get his parents over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686197 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 08:51:11 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2686197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would expect to do nothing while he figures it out himself. That might mean taking off work, finding care for the baby and possibly being late, whatever it took. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I'm glad she is stable and I hope her condition continues to improve! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686190 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 08:44:29 +0000 azjax 2686190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like you, most childcare in the morning and the daycare run are all on me. When something happens though, DH stays back and takes a later bus so he can help. Usually, I don't have to ask. I think I would've expected something similar in your situation and I don't think you're out of line being annoyed at him. If your DH isn't very good at anticipating your needs, maybe you have to tell him the night before so he doesn't obliviously leave you in the lurch.</p> <p>Hope your mom recovers soon :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686186 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 08:39:40 +0000 lamariniere 2686186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hope your mom is doing better.</p> <p>In our situation, I would have expected my DH to take off any time I requested for a medical emergency/incident. We have no family around and his workplace is generally very flexible about those kinds of things, so it wouldn't have been a big deal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686173 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 08:29:16 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2686173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I dont know. What exactly does your mum need help with? Are you looking to just go up there to sit with her? I would think it would be nice for him to help contact the IL or other childcare arrangement assistance but since its not a true emergency no I wouldn't assume he needs to take off work unless I directly asked him to with a reason. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686167 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 08:14:44 +0000 twodoghouse 2686167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry about your mom. My DH would probably ask me what I wanted and default to that. He probably wouldn't think to call off on his own. On things like this, I always try to be upfront about what I need/expect. He is not a mind reader and I don't expect him to predict everything I need from him perfectly. If my husband said "do you want me to call off?" I would have just said yes, or maybe "not necessarily, but I need you to contact your parents to arrange childcare, or whatever." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686165 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 08:08:51 +0000 travellingbee 2686165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know what I would expect. But I know that we would have had a conversation wherein he would have offered to do whatever was necessary to help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686159 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 07:49:10 +0000 nana87 2686159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry about your mum :heart: I hope things are looking up for her today, sending healing thoughts your way</p> <p>I would expect dh to cover child care responsibilities/arranging care</p> <p>Eta I remember from past posts that you all have a more strained relationship with your mom than his parents-- maybe he just isn't thinking clearly bc of that? Maybe ask him what he would expect of you if it was one of his parents in the hospital rather than your mom? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686154 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 07:22:55 +0000 erinbaderin 2686154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry about your mom, I hope she's doing better today. </p> <p>Like others have said, I would expect him to take over home duties so I could be with my mom - in this case it sounds like that would have involved missing or being late to this meeting while he figured out childcare. I would be upset that he just proceeded like it's business as usual. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686142 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 06:21:04 +0000 Cherrybee 2686142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks all. </p> <p>He leaves for work at 7am so all child duties fall to me every weekday morning .... and, yeah, I would have been happy with him just going in late and working out the childcare arrangements. </p> <p>@Mrs. Lion: yes, it simply didn't occur to him and, when I clearly told him what I needed, he obviously thought I was being unreasonable. Whereas it didn't occur to me that he wouldn't take over the school run and deal with the baby (find childcare or take the day off). When he started getting dressed for work as I was giving the girls breakfast, I was shocked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686140 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 05:42:04 +0000 Ms. RV 2686140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry to hear about your mom :heart: </p> <p>I wouldn't expect OH to call off work, but I would expect him to offer to handle daycare and take his own vehicle to work so he could leave if necessary. I think him ride sharing was totally not cool. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686138 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 05:21:17 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2686138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i would expect that he would take over all child responsibilities while you are with your mom and be in contact...if that meant being late and missing work then yes. but if he can take care of the kids and still go to work i would be okay with that. </p> <p>dh had to do that last week when i had to fly out last minute to be with my brother across the country when he was in a car accident. it was nice to know i could just focus on me and what i needed to do instead of juggling the family too.</p> <p>we dont have family close to help though, so we kind of know its just him and me and we have to have each others backs for this sort of thing. its possible it just hadnt occurred to your dh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686137 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 05:06:15 +0000 AprilFool 2686137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am not sure I would expect him to take the day off but I would expect him to be late and to stay with the baby until other arrangements can be made. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686134 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 04:25:29 +0000 matador84 2686134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think I would expect my dh to, but I k is he probably just would because he would want to help me out if I needed it. </p>