https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 05 May 2026 04:35:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1689578 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 16:35:10 +0000 Raindrop 1689578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe I'm a softy but I wouldn't expect the gift back because I would think he would be so sad about not graduating that it could be a very small consultation "prize". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1689482 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 15:55:17 +0000 Sapphiresun 1689482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: Thanks. I'm fairly close to him, hence the larger gift than I might typically give a cousin. He's struggled since he was little but they never officially diagnosed him with any disability, and he had asthma which landed him in the hospital fairly frequently in elementary school, which I'm sure has a fair bit to do with missing a lot of the fundamental teaching early on. I used to come over and help "tutor" him when I was in university once he hit about grade 7 and his homework became more difficult than his parents could help with. And with his parents breaking up he took it really hard emotionally, which was just another blow to his focus. I lent him my spare computer when his dad came and "stole" his, but it was having to restart a lot of the partially finished projects that was the major set back. I'm sure he'll just finish up over the summer or next year, so I think it really is just a matter of having some 0's for homework he wasn't able to complete. At this point, I really feel like his lack of graduation is just a by product of parents having no regard for how their actions affect their kids, and wouldn't even want him to face the embarrassment of feeling like he has to return the gifts from the family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1689003 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 12:23:12 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1689003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't expect the gift back, but if I was the parent I would encourage him to do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688994 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 12:20:21 +0000 yoursilverlining 1688994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: I agree. If you or your DH are close to this cousin, can you reach out and find out what exactly was/is holding him back and whether you can do anything to help him graduate? Its one thing to not graduate college, but high school – oh man, talk about sealing your fate. </p> <p>I think he should give the $$ back (unless he graduates in the summer/fall), but I wouldn’t expect to get it back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688982 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 12:15:37 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1688982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My university did/does that for some students. There is a required summer school course that you can't take until you have finished your junior level courses and some students prefer to take it after their senior year so they can do an internship between their junior and senior years. So those students get to walk at graduation, but still have another course to finish that summer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688930 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 11:47:38 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 1688930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He should but he probably won't:(<br /> I wouldn't gift again when he graduates. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688920 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 11:42:18 +0000 bunnylove08 1688920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't expect it back but I would call my cousin up and give him some words of encouragement to finish his last courses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688919 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 11:41:23 +0000 HLK208 1688919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's the right thing to do but I wouldn't expect it and I wouldn't say anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688914 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 11:38:30 +0000 LuLu Mom 1688914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't expect it back, and it sounds like he might need the money anyway. If you are close with him I would encourage him to finish up and become more than his dead beat dad (that's what I'm picking up on from your comment!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688913 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 11:38:19 +0000 kjpugs 1688913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>More than anything I think it's strange that you hold graduation ceremonies before actual graduation! I can't wrap my brain around that.</p> <p>I think it would be right to return the gifts but if it was cash, and if it was his fault he didn't graduate (didn't focus/try hard enough when he was able to) then it seems he would probably "take the money and run." If he had a disability and struggled and worked hard but didn't make the cut, perhaps he wouldn't feel good about keeping it, but really the "him giving it back" circumstances would depend on him and his situation/morals.</p> <p>Maybe next time you give a gift for graduataion it's best to give it in the parents' names as a check, marked for "Bobby's education" (So long as the parents are trustworthy.) I remember what I would blow a few hundred bills on back when I was 18 and it was not education related, haha. Especially if it was cash and my parents did not see me open it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688888 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 11:31:23 +0000 autumnlove 1688888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't expect it but it would be nice if they returned it. I hope your cousin graduates soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688880 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 11:26:40 +0000 Sapphiresun 1688880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: Yeah, he knew was walking a fine line for passing two classes that he needed the credits for, but was allowed to participate in the graduation festivities since he was within the range where there was still a likelihood that he could pass if he finished out the semester strong. My family has a bit of a history of its male members not completing high school, but hopefully he'll just do summer school or finish up in the fall.</p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I wouldn't doubt that it's spent already. As part of the drama that he went through this year, his dad left his mom, and came back while they were all out and took every small appliance and electronic device he could find, including the kid's computer that had all his school work on it, so I wouldn't doubt that much of what he received went to replace his lap top.</p> <p>And to be clear DH was never advocating asking for the money back, just potentially more annoyed than I am if it doesn't come back of his own volition. I assume he'll finish up eventually and just keeping it saves an awkward transaction of handing it back and forth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688222 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 08:26:16 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1688222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't ask for the money back and I would not expect it to be returned. I don't see this as the parent's responsibility to return it either. @Sapphiresun: you mentioned the party is before grades are in. When I was teen money burned a hole in my pocket. So if I had a week between receiving the gift and getting my final grades the money is likely already spent. I would not expect my parents to replace the funds. They did not intend to give me a couple hundred dollars, so they shouldn't have to cover my undeserved gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688177 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 08:11:50 +0000 snowjewelz 1688177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sucks! I would not ask for it back, but I'm not sure if he would know to return it. I mean, does he just need to redo a class or something for a better grade? Your gift still stands I guess if he can finish up over the summer and officially graduate then? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688166 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 08:08:00 +0000 MamaMoose 1688166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think giving the money back is absolutely what he SHOULD do, but probably not what he will do unless his parents force him to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688158 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 08:03:01 +0000 Smurfette 1688158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't expect it back but would be annoyed to not get it back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688140 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 07:52:59 +0000 Adira 1688140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjyw: Agree. I wouldn't expect the gift back, but if it was my kid not graduating, I'd make him/her return the gifts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688131 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 07:46:40 +0000 wonderstruck 1688131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: Yeah, this is what I was thinking as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688105 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 07:32:43 +0000 mrsjyw 1688105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't expect it back, but I would think that the parent would return all graduation gifts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688090 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 07:25:14 +0000 Happygal 1688090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bummer all around. I wouldn't expect the $$ back, but would consider that the polite thing to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688073 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 07:16:07 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1688073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This actually happened to my grandmother. She gave my cousin a watch as a gift for passing a test that essentially was part of his graduation (like a licensing exam). He had not gotten the results back yet but it was christmas and we all were together, etc. that was 4 years ago and he hasnt passed the test yet. No he did not give the gift back.</p> <p>Personally i would figure i was out the money :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688017 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 06:30:06 +0000 looch 1688017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As a parent, I would encourage my son to give the gifts back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1688013 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 06:24:47 +0000 littlek 1688013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I personally would not expect to receive the money back eventhough that may be proper ettiquette. I have a friend of a friend who called off her wedding and decided that she "deserved" the wedding gifts and did not return them even though the wedding was called off. I think ettiquette would say that in both situations you should return the gift, but I'm not sure that is what actually happens. </p> <p>I'm sorry to hear your cousin will not be graduating this year. Hopefully it will be soon! Sounds like he has had a tough time. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1687986 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 04:42:56 +0000 Dandelion 1687986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Why isn't he graduating? Is he just missing some credits. He'll probably take the fall to get it straightened out. If that's the case, he'll graduate eventually soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1687975 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 02:15:32 +0000 Arden 1687975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not expect an 18 year old to know the proper etiquette and even think to return it. I would not expect it back, nor would I ask for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1687973 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 02:13:48 +0000 sunny 1687973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it would be rude to ask for it back for the reasons you mentioned but I also wouldn't expect for it back. An 18 year old with no money may have already spent it and even if they didn't, they would probably not even know the etiquette for returning the gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1687969 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 01:46:24 +0000 googly-eyes 1687969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with your dh. If it were me I'd give it back. But I also think it's rude to actually ask for it back, for the reasons you mentioned. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect-a-graduation-gift-to-be-returned#post-1687968 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 01:42:33 +0000 Sapphiresun 1687968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, my youngest cousin had his graduation ceremony and family party last weekend (We host ceremonies and prom before final grades are in, I'm not sure if that's just a weird Canadian thing). This cousin has faced various hardship throughout his school career, so I was really excited for him that he'd finally "made it" through, and gifted him several hundred dollars in his card, in hopes he might put it toward future educational endeavors, knowing that it's unlikely he'll get much monetary parental support.</p> <p>However, turns out he will not be graduating... and now DH is saying that it would be very rude if the cash is not returned to us. I'm certainly not going to ask for it back, and I kind of think if if you give a "conditional" gift prior to knowing whether the condition will be met, that's just the risk I took, and I will try to remember not to gift again if/when he actually graduates. DH says it's more like a wedding. If you send a gift ahead, and the wedding gets canceled, people should get their gifts back. </p> <p>But, I'm just curious what you guys would think in this situation?? </p>