https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 21 May 2026 04:48:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-796838 Mon, 20 May 2013 22:31:11 +0000 yoursilverlining 796838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't be mad. Sometimes I cook with LO hugging on my hip - usually it's fine and were chilling and cooking together, sometimes it's because she won't let me put her down without her crying and pulling at my pants legs and having a meltdown. Someone walking isnt necessarily going to know you need help unless you say so. </p> <p>I get wanting your husbands first reaction/conversation to be something that meets your needs; but I think we women also need to be more open about our needs. It's not that "men are totally different and don't understand", but if there's no indication of a problem, why should they/anyone's first assumption be that there is a problem? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-796699 Mon, 20 May 2013 20:50:32 +0000 TheReelDeal 796699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a similar discussion like this with my husband. I said, "do you want to go with me to this doctor's appointment"? He said "yes". The next day he's like "if you don't mind I think I'm going to mow the lawn instead of going to the appointment. Is that ok with you"? Of course I don't think it's ok and told him so. He seems to think because I didn't say "I want" that it was optional. I think men and women just communicate in two different ways sometimes. Hopefully one day we will learn to speak the same language :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-796672 Mon, 20 May 2013 20:33:07 +0000 Lindsay05 796672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im just going to say it. Its a guy thing. If they dont see a screaming baby then all is taken care of. I can understand why you would be upset especially if you are tired and were really looking forward for that relief once hubby got home. It reminds me to tell my husband what I need because he honestly doesnt know what I need all the time. But yes. It should seem obvious :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-796655 Mon, 20 May 2013 20:21:25 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 796655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crumbs: I love how people are saying that your husband isnt a mind reader. But yet seriously, as a woman, if I was your friend and I walked into your house and saw you doing that, id be like "omgosh let me help you, hand over that baby..." It just seems like common sense to me. But I don't expect it from my husband (I don't want to say all men). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-796647 Mon, 20 May 2013 20:17:58 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 796647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlek: I agree.<br /> I think men just live in different worlds. They seriously don't understand that maybe they should take the baby from the hip of the lady who is multitasking above a stove.<br /> It literally just doesn't cross their minds,<br /> I have to ASK my husband to do everything/anything. I have come to terms with the fact that it WILL NOT just occur to him. Ever....<br /> sigh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-796374 Mon, 20 May 2013 17:24:35 +0000 heffalump 796374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had to have multiple talks with dh about this and since he's been much better. The problem is he has things he wants to do around the house and he gets frustrated when they can't get done. But I have things I need to do too, and I've been home all day taking care of lo so I can't do them. He didnt realize that, and he didn't realize that me doing that stuff means I get a much needed break from mommy duty. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-796287 Mon, 20 May 2013 16:30:02 +0000 Weagle 796287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be a bit annoyed, but not mad. My annoyance would stem from us both having expectations of what the evening would be like. I would have been thinking for hours, "I can't wait for DH to get home and help with LO." Meanwhile, he's been thinking about how badly the lawn needs mowing for hours. It's not that he's clueless, but he's thinking of a different way to help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795604 Mon, 20 May 2013 12:55:57 +0000 Modern Daisy 795604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO isn't even here yet, but my DH already does this. There are certain things he hates doing, like folding the laundry, so when it gets to the point when it clearly needs to be done he 'announces' that he's doing some other task or loudly starts workign on something else in another room. I call him out on it every time though and he owns up to it! </p> <p>Not that I think he's going to 'hate' watching our son, but I know it gets tedious to constantly have to watch over a little person so I do picture him thinking up other tasks that need to be done in order to get a break sometimes lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795587 Mon, 20 May 2013 12:50:57 +0000 2PeasinaPod 795587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@illumina: Agreed.</p> <p>@Crumbs: Sorry, I'm going to have to disagree with you here. Your DH is not a mind reader. He doesn't know that the second he gets home that you need to hand the baby off to do something. If my DH did the exact same thing, I would say, "hey...would you mind actually hanging on to the baby for a half hour? I want to try to get this soup done." </p> <p>I feel like b/c you gave him attitude about him mowing the lawn, he's sulking...while that's definitely immature of him, you could have also handled the situation a little better as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795574 Mon, 20 May 2013 12:48:15 +0000 Crisark 795574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't be mad. Maybe Annoyed but men don't read women as well as we'd like sometimes so simply asking for the help may just be a better approach. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795511 Mon, 20 May 2013 12:30:47 +0000 SugarplumsMom 795511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is now really pouty and says he doesn't feel like mowing the lawn anymore. *rolls eyes* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795495 Mon, 20 May 2013 12:25:31 +0000 littlek 795495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crumbs: My DH is that way all the time. I don't think men get it. DH always leaves me with LO when he does things or has me take LO when I run errands. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795469 Mon, 20 May 2013 12:15:48 +0000 PrincessBaby 795469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePumps: YES!!!!! My DH secretly loves when it's mow time, or if something goes wrong (like palm tree branches fall off and into the yard), he just cant wait to get out in the yard and "get it." Same thing with the pool. I lost track of him for a little while the other day and then he came into the house wearing his "yard pants", with knee pads over them, no shirt, wet hair, and was wearing a little snorkling mask. I just stared at him and he said, "Don't ask..." And we both busted out laughing. He had a major project going on lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795442 Mon, 20 May 2013 12:10:26 +0000 PrincessBaby 795442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not be upset bc if I need him to help me with LO, I just ask and he always does. He does have his man duties on the brain a lot, and that's fine, bc he needs to get those done, but if I just ask him to do "Daddy Duty" so I can do xyz then he will. </p> <p>I try REALLY hard to not sound like the stereotypical nagging wife about the baby. I dont mean to be contraversial or offend anyone, I just have noticed that a lot from wife to husband in other couples with kids and I make an effort to try to be conscious of that nagginess toward him;). He thinks our little family is fun and I try to keep it light around here:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795402 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:56:15 +0000 banana 795402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>UGH. I'd be annoyed too. My husband does this too and I realize that he doesn't do it to be "mean" or inconsiderate. He really just doesn't think like I do. I think some men just have tunnel vision. Once an idea pops in their heads, that's all they think about. lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795383 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:47:46 +0000 PurplePumps 795383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's normal to get a bit upset, but it would be pointless to be mad for long or to hope that he just sees that you could use a hand. If he's anything like my husband, his brain is automatically going to think about what his responsibilities are (assuming he's the one that normally mows), not to dabble in things that you're doing and seem to have a handle on. If you need/want help, he'd probably be more than willing to if you were just direct and asked. I would've probably just said no, and handed the baby over.</p> <p>On a side note... does it seem like guys are totally obsessed over mowing the lawn?! My husband is always talking about how he needs to mow it, and that he's going to do it this or that day... or that its going to rain Tuesday, so he HAS to do it Monday... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795367 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:43:10 +0000 Charm54 795367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @MamaMoose... Since he was going to do another household chore that needed to get done I wouldn't be upset. If he was asking to go play video games or watch TV though that's another story! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795344 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:37:19 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 795344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find this happens more than I would like.... I have to constantly remind him that I need him to help me out while I'm trying to do something so I can actually get ONE thing done, instead of 5 projects about 1/3 done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795310 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:28:48 +0000 Sugar.Biscuit 795310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So annoying! DH does this all the time but in his own way. I know I'm usually guilty of not speaking up to let him know what I want or need </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795296 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:24:39 +0000 MamaMoose 795296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be a little annoyed that he didn't notice I could use some help. But, it's not like he said "would this be a good time for me to play video games". He was trying to do something helpful around the house that also needs to get done, but maybe just wasn't the number one priority at that moment, so I would try to give him a bit of a break. I would have just said "Actually no, I can't wait to get this soup finished so I need you to take the baby for a little while right now and mow later" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795285 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:20:59 +0000 MrsKoala 795285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be annoyed, too! I would hate that he didn't ask me how everything was going first and probably would have sarcastically said "I'm fine, how are you?". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795278 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:19:12 +0000 Foodnerd81 795278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be annoyed. DH does things like that too and it drives me crazy. And LO isn't even hear yet!</p> <p>I know logically that if I say, No, I would prefer if you would do this for that reason, he would, but I want him to see that for himself and not make me ask. It's a work in progress. Right now, I'd settle for him leaving the seat down on the toilet, since I'm 7 months pregnant and it's getting harder and harder to put it down on all my many trips! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795270 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:15:19 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 795270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Irritated definitely. I wish my DH would see when my hands are full and jump right in to help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795261 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:12:19 +0000 lomom 795261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, DH sucks at figuring out when I need help with LO. LO was screaming and I was trying to prep a bottle, while holding him and trying to soothe him... Dh walks through the kitchen, grabs a Gatorade and walks out the back door. </p> <p>If looks could kill! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795252 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:09:57 +0000 illumina 795252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't be mad. My DH says stuff like that all the time. They're not mind readers... If I ask for help he drops everything to help me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795250 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:09:07 +0000 Rubies 795250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have said, "Actually, no, it's not a good time to mow the lawn." *scowl* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795239 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:04:48 +0000 avivoca 795239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be a bit upset, yes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795238 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:04:37 +0000 babynumber1 795238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH does that all the time. They have blinders that don't let them see multitasking. </p> <p>I would have been an ass and said "thats fine if you don't want dinner." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-bad-help-settle-an-argument#post-795221 Mon, 20 May 2013 10:59:29 +0000 SugarplumsMom 795221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH comes home from work gives us a quick hello and runs off to the bathroom. DD had a late nap and is usually clingy when she just wakes up. I'm trying to finish the soup I first started cooking the other day (had to do it in segments) while balancing DD on my hip. I'm waiting for him to get out of there so he can look after her while I finish the soup that I need to blend.</p> <p>Then the first thing he says when he's out of the bathroom is, "Do you think it's a good time to mow the lawn?" I know what that means, it means, "I wanna mow the lawn". I loose it.</p> <p>I explain to him that I'd appreciate it if he asked what I'm doing and if I needed help watching her for a bit. He says it's not like he LOVES to mow the lawn and he's fine to do it another day. My main hang up is why is it the first thing that comes out of his mouth?! </p> <p>He still doesn't understand why I'm mad. Would you be? </p>