https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 13:28:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800625 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 16:55:44 +0000 codeitall 2800625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm super low-key in my birthday celebrations and my in-laws are way more into the party and presents side of things. Fortunately they don't live close enough to do this so it hasn't come up. While I agree with many others that it is weird they didn't tell you, I think I'd be totally ok with my daycare doing a birthday celebration for my kids as well. Not much, just a little cupcake or song.</p> <p>Honestly the part that actually would irritate me is that he opened presents without you around. (I know this sounds weird, but bear with me) You get cake and songs at other public places to celebrate, but opening presents is reserved for the actual birthday celebration when everyone is there. Your MIL is choosing not to attend the regular birthday celebration, that doesn't mean she gets to unilaterally decide that YOU don't get to attend his 'first' birthday party that year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800566 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 13:46:07 +0000 looch 2800566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be bothered by the fact that they didn't feel the need to give me a heads up and at least let me decide if I should be there. </p> <p>I also try really hard not to make my son feel like his birthday is a month long celebration (friend party, something at school, at home, with grandparents, etc). It creates all kinds of expectations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800565 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 13:43:26 +0000 travellingbee 2800565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I wouldn't. It sounds nice to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800560 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 13:34:12 +0000 gingerbebe 2800560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: It would not bother me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800557 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 13:33:17 +0000 cabbagerose 2800557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think so. Just be glad they love your child so much and wanted to celebrate with them . My son has always thought his birthday was to be celebrated the whole month. My In laws never came to a birthday party or celebrated with my kids. They did get a card for birthday until they turned 16 then nothing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800522 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 12:01:20 +0000 Mama Bird 2800522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be upset. Missing my kid's birthday party is not worth any kind of day off, and I say that as someone who hasn't had a legit day off since October. It sounds like if they'd just told you they're planning to have a party, you could have made plans to stop by. I don't know how your husband thought he's doing you a favor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800516 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 11:43:11 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2800516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don’t think it’s weird at all. Sounds like your MIL and FIL didn’t run pass the plans with your husband either. To me it sounds like your ILs took advantage of your husband already bringing LO to them and decided to celebrate their grandson’s birthday. This actually sounds like a very special visit for your LO. I love cake and would have missed having a slice, but other than that having other people get excited about my LO warms my heart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800508 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 10:55:29 +0000 snowjewelz 2800508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What happened was normal and very nice, but abnormal is that no one told you. I think it was nice of your DH to figure that you could have a day off; but I think he could have at least told you so you can make the choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800499 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 10:30:20 +0000 Ajsmommy 2800499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Seems normal to me. I'd assume my IL's would do something if they had DD or DS on their actual bday. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800490 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 10:15:40 +0000 MaryM 2800490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's weird they didn't tell you what they were doing. Did your husband know ahead of time? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800489 Mon, 29 Jan 2018 10:10:31 +0000 kiddosc 2800489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's weird. You made plans on his actual birthday, which is why you're celebrating on a different day, but you expect your MIL to cancel her standing plans? I think it's a bit weird they didn't mention it to you beforehand, but not that your MIL would want a chance to celebrate with him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800359 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 12:25:33 +0000 WinterBee 2800359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: I would feel sad that I missed it and would to have liked to have been told about it earlier, but I don’t think it’s weird if today was your LO’s actual birthday.<br /> I could see my in-laws doing the same thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800356 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 11:48:03 +0000 youboots 2800356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It would have been nice to know and have the option to be there and I understand why you would feel a bit slighted. That said if family were watching my kiddo for what sounds like full time, safety aside, I’d let a lot go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800355 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 11:38:23 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2800355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have liked to be "invited" but other than that I'd let it go and enjoy the day off. Other than (part time) work I rarely got child free time after my first trimester with lo3.. (like under ten hours total and only two or three that weren't commitments eta and plus the time I spent out of town but usually I flew in and out for work as quick as I could..) and I could so use a haircut but I have no idea how that can happen anytime soon since she's 5 weeks. So I'm probably a little biased but I'd be whatever about it and do my own thing. 😜 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800351 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 11:20:11 +0000 LBee 2800351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That wouldn’t bother me. I agree with @anagram: that if my husband knew I’d be a little weirded out he didn’t mention it (we’ve been together awhile and he knows I can get BEC about stuff regarding my in-laws), but that’s just me. I also agree with @truth bombs: that I would personally find it more annoying if they straight up just didn’t acknowledge it. In fact, this scenario happened last year with the nanny (except my husband wasn’t present) and I didn’t think anything of it. I had to work so she took him to get a cupcake and gave him his present. She sent me a picture and it meant a lot to me that she was going out of her way to make him feel special. </p> <p>If your husband knew about it I also don’t think it’s far fetched that they maybe assumed he would tell you? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800350 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 10:59:52 +0000 Truth Bombs 2800350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: if I were your in laws I would have assumed that you would expect that we would give him presents and have some cake for him if he was spending his actual birthday at our house. That just seems kind of the obvious thing to do. It wasn’t that they didn’t invite you, it was that you had somewhere else to be. My kids’ parties are never on their actual birthdays, that doesn’t mean we just ignore their actual birthdays, we still have cake and presents on that day with whoever happens to be around as I assume most people do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800349 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 10:47:13 +0000 DesertDreams88 2800349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: it was at their house which is 40 minutes away and DH knows I don't like driving that far, especially alone. He also thought I'd appreciate having a "day off." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800345 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 10:31:03 +0000 Mrsbells 2800345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: I think its super nice of them to do that. I can understand why it would bother you, but if you think of it from your LOs perspective it was a really thoughtful thing they did. Grandparents are like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800342 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 09:55:01 +0000 Anagram 2800342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: just curious, why do you think your husband didn't insist they wait till you are home? Or at least call you and tell you of his family's intentions and then ask if you want to continue your plans or come home to do the cake?</p> <p>Because whether or not HB thinks it's weird is irrelevant-- it rubbed you the wrong way and your husband didn't stop it and didn't include you. It seems like a discussion you need to have with him. Inlaws or your own family might do all kinds of crazy things, and it's up to the two of you to buffer those things and always be a team with each other first, before pleasing extended family whims. Seems like a DH problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800340 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 09:38:14 +0000 Mrs Lavender 2800340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: Yes, to your last comment. What would bother me is that nobody mentioned the plans. I don't like secrets and feel this was a secret. Why not mention it and give mom the opportunity to pop in for a bit if she wanted? This would bother me... not the fact that they wanted to celebrate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800339 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 09:29:24 +0000 DesertDreams88 2800339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pollywog: @pinkcupcake: in regards to choosing, my plans and his actual party have been planned for 6 weeks, their plans were made 4 days ago and no one told me about the cake or presents until afterward. </p> <p>I totally could have done both my plans in the morning and a family celebration in the evening. But I wasn't invited or told in advance. So that's the weird part to me.</p> <p>But whatever. It was done out of love, and we get to celebrate today. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800329 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 08:34:04 +0000 Truth Bombs 2800329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah I don’t see a problem with this. It’s his actual birthday, I wouldn’t expect them to ignore it because you weren’t there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800328 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 07:36:10 +0000 Pollywog 2800328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So my in-laws really value celebrating actual birthdays and wouldn't think twice about this. I wouldn't be upset, but I'm also doing 4 birthdays with my LO (weekend before with my parents, actual birthday with just us, day after with in-laws, joint friend party two weeks later). </p> <p>Also, were you not invited or did you choose not to come? I could see my DH doing something similar and it'd be more that I was welcome, but no formal invites are ever issued. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800315 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 01:04:08 +0000 annem1990 2800315@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Seems normal to me. I think it would be weirder if they were with him all day and ignored that it was his actual birthday. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800310 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 00:10:40 +0000 pinkcupcake 2800310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, not weird. Sounds like you chose to do something else today so not sure why it’s brow raising. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800309 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 00:08:12 +0000 ALV91711 2800309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Kind of weird they didn't say anything beforehand but I wouldn't be bothered by it. It is his birthday day and it is nice they celebrated while all together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800283 Sat, 27 Jan 2018 20:59:16 +0000 SugarMaple 2800283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's nice. They were likely more focused on the fact it's your LO's birthday, then who was present. It would be odd to me if my in laws ignored my kids,birthday. Unless they have a history of trying to uphand you. In that case, instantly annoyed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800276 Sat, 27 Jan 2018 20:40:34 +0000 crazydoglady 2800276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@birdofafeather: That's my thought. </p> <p>Since your MIL can't be there tomorrow, she probably just wanted to do something for him today. It would have been nice if you were given a heads up, but maybe they just wanted you to be able to have this day to yourself before the baby comes? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800274 Sat, 27 Jan 2018 20:32:48 +0000 birdofafeather 2800274@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i would probably be annoyed that they didn't tell me beforehand (because everything my in laws do annoys me lately!), but not that they brought presents, sang, etc, especially on the actual birthday. it might be weirder actually if they just ignored it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-feel-weird-about-this-bday-situation#post-2800273 Sat, 27 Jan 2018 20:31:18 +0000 DesertDreams88 2800273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: @skipra: just to clarify: FIL &amp; BIL are coming to the party tomorrow, it's just MIL that isn't. </p> <p>FWIW, my two events today were 9-12, and now LO &amp; DH have been gone 9am-7pm.... and still not home yet. So I definitely could have been invited. All I did today was chores all alone and computer work (which I can't do with LO around). </p>