https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 04:59:24 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child/page/2#post-2564731 Thu, 09 Jun 2016 18:15:50 +0000 mrbee 2564731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We suspected our daughter was on the spectrum, and it was very emotionally difficult (we found out later that she had a sensory disorder, which has a lot of overlapping characteristics). But the biggest redeeming thing in my mind was that we had caught it early - and that by doing something, we could have a big impact on her development.</p> <p>If someone had pointed out their concern to me, I would totally have been open to it. I actually had a vast feeling of relief in after Bee and I first started considering the diagnosis, because I had always felt in my gut that something was "off" in our daughter but hadn't put it all together. In the end, it turned out to be a sensory issue - and with early intervention and some changes in how we parent, our daughter has totally flourished. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2564456 Thu, 09 Jun 2016 12:54:16 +0000 Happygal 2564456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: like I said, I wouldn't say anything, but I don't think that choice is cowardly. It's for all the other reasons people have shared here by other members (that I'll skip restating), not fear. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2564343 Thu, 09 Jun 2016 11:23:56 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2564343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: While I know you're concerned, and you may want someone to say something if it were your child, I wouldn't say anything given her sensitivity. I've been in your situation with a friend of mine, and here's how it played out:</p> <p>My friend's son is 18 months older than my son, and they were essentially on the same level with expressive language. Receptive language, my son was usually ahead of hers, and her son began exhibiting some signs of delays. We talked about them as she brought them up, and I asked if she had seen a developmental pediatrician (we're in the US), and she felt as if I was attacking her for being a bad mom and not getting him the care she thought he needed.</p> <p>She finally did call early intervention just before he turned 3, and he qualified for 4 out of 5 therapies they offered. He's now 5, and they evaluated him for kindergarten. Early intervention classified him as autistic, and she flew off the handle. She called me to complain that they didn't call her to warn that the diagnosis was coming and she didn't think that the tests were done appropriately. She's fighting every day to have that diagnosis retracted instead of focusing on getting her son the help he needs, and it's frustrating to watch.</p> <p>The thing is, I'm not in her shoes, and I don't know what it's like to have a son who is severely delayed (yet). Until I've walked a mile in her shoes, I won't ever say anything about my feelings on the situation other than to be the listening ear for her. It wasn't received well when I made a suggestion initially, and I learned my lesson from there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2564268 Thu, 09 Jun 2016 09:48:09 +0000 MrsLonghorn 2564268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think @panckaes is spot on! </p> <p>Do I want random strangers diagnosing my kid? Absolutely not.</p> <p>Do I want people who know my kid and see him regularly to politely raise concerns in case I have my mom-blinders on? Absolutely! I think the way @pancakes phrased it is really appropriate. If you see my kid on a regular basis (teachers, friends), I consider you a co-parent in some small way. I would be devastated to know after the fact that you suspected something that I didn't notice, and I didn't act in time because of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2564232 Thu, 09 Jun 2016 09:15:16 +0000 Ajsmommy 2564232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would absolutely not bring it up. I have been in a similar situation with DH's best friends son. He has since been diagnosed by a dr and our friends have told us they always knew something wasn't right and that he was different. So they knew and us pointing it out wouldn't have changed anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2564030 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 18:22:33 +0000 pinkb 2564030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know that you already said you wouldn't. But I just wanted to say as a mom with a child that has language and speech delays I wish you would. She has already expressed that she notices he seems to be behind the "norm". I would just go off of that and ask if she has noticed improvements or if she still feels he is behind. I cant tell you how offensive I find it when people find out my child has a speech delay and say well a lot kids don't talk til they are 2. Or till they are 3. Or my kid just all the sudden started talking in sentences. "Don't worry" It is very difficult dealing with a child with delays in just day to day behavior, or atleast for us it has been. And to just have someone understand that my child is different and has delays and it's not just how some kids are, it means the world to us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563976 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 16:05:56 +0000 Cherrybee 2563976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: @KT326: Guys, please dont think that I think I'm in any way qualified to even hint at a "diagnosis". I'm really, really not suggesting that I know anything about this stuff. Something just didn't feel right, and then I saw the video today and got all over emotional and flew into a what-do-I-do panic. </p> <p>Does he make eye contact with his mum? Hmm.... I can't say as I've noticed that he doesn't...... So I want to say yes? </p> <p>@Orchid: That was my initial thought - I love the kid and I love his mum, do I owe it to them to put my discomfort aside and mention it? But from the replies here, I think that most people would not say anything. As its likely she will be very, very hurt and offended, I'm going to defend my cowardly behaviour and keep my big gob shut, unless expressly asked again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563968 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 15:53:08 +0000 youboots 2563968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd keep my mouth shut. Not my business to armchair diagnose other people's kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563954 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 15:16:36 +0000 JerricaBenton 2563954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't imagine a scenario in which I would say something. The closest I'd come would be if she asked me outright, and I'd probably say something like, 'oh he's probably fine, all kids are different, but you should ask your pediatrician just to ease your mind.' It's such a sensitive topic. I would think if there was a real concern, a family member or Dr would say something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563933 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 14:47:59 +0000 looch 2563933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the only way I would be open to hearing about it would be from another parent that has a kid with a diagnosis. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563872 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 13:47:16 +0000 caterw 2563872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: I was going to say the same thing about speech therapy! I feel like that would be a much easier thing to talk about with your friend than possible ASD- lots of kids are speech delayed (including my daughter's bestie and another neighborhood friend) and a lot of cities have free or super cheap speech therapists that will come to the house to work with children. DD's best buddy has had speech therapy for only 6 months and went from basically zero speech at 2 years old to being pretty understandable in conversation after 7 months of working with a therapist- it's amazing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563832 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 13:00:18 +0000 KT326 2563832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @Maysprout: watching a video and comparing kids doesn't really mean much. </p> <p>My son couldn't jump until 2.5. </p> <p>He is 4 now and flaps his hands when he gets upset or when he gets really excited. I was worried because both of my nephews who are on the autism spectrum (and were diagnosed young) would do this. I've talked to my pediatrician about it many times and she has no concerns. It's just something he does when he gets emotional. </p> <p>My son had a ton of words at 18 months, while my friends son only had 2 or 3 and didn't really have a word explosion until just after he turned 2. She was worried but talked to her pediatrician and he calmed her fears. </p> <p>At that age my son would play with kids at his daycare because he knew them. But if we went to a park or somewhere he didn't know anyone, he wouldn't play with the other kids. He would just play near them. </p> <p>As for the eye contact, does he make eye contact with his mom? My son would with me and my husband at that age, but he could care less with other people (unless it was certain friends of ours that he had a good relationship with). </p> <p>My point is, every child develops at his/her own pace. It is great that you are concerned, but I also don't think you should outright say anything. Maybe talk about it in general like others have said, but don't say it specifically about her son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563828 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 12:59:01 +0000 babynumber1 2563828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a friend that we have a similar issue with. My daughter is 4, her son is 3 months younger. There is a staggering difference in their ability levels. He has just potty trained. Until about a year ago he still walked on tippy toes, not able to socially interact with other kids, etc. He doesn't talk much. I will never say anything and she is one of my 2 best friends. She stays at home and contributes his issues to just not being around other kids much, but is also not willing to put him in pre-k. Her older son has sensory processing disorder and is a huge handful. I think her younger one is constantly overlooked due to big brother, but I will never say that. </p> <p>I value our friendship too much to damage it and her self esteem as a parent would take a huge blow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563821 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 12:47:16 +0000 whiskers 2563821@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in a similar situation and actively don't bring it up, because she is sensitive about being a good mom. At the very most, I would mention a "friend" in a "similar situation" and how they are getting help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563819 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 12:43:46 +0000 Happygal 2563819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No. I wouldn't say anything unless my friend brought it up herself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563813 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 12:34:44 +0000 Maysprout 2563813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: my first daughter barely spoke at 2, my 2nd was speaking in sentences at 18 months. But my 2nd isn't as social with strangers so I've had people comment now at 2.5 how they're impressed she finally started talking. My first though was really physically able so I was always surprised when kids a decent amount older couldn't do the same things as her.<br /> So I guess what I'm trying to get at, and this is going to sound a little mean, but watching a video on YouTube or comparing another kid to your child really doesn't mean much. I think that's why I said not to say something, Bc it sounded like the video solidified the diagnosis in your mind and I think it'd be hard to have a non biased convo at that point. I do think it's fine for parents to talk to one another about big issues and a few people have pointed out some gentle ways to do that, I'd just try to push out the assumption of diagnosis in your mind before talking to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563805 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 12:27:28 +0000 Cole 2563805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read all of the replies so this might be a repeat but I was in your same shoes. What I decided on was sharing the story of a friend who got an evaluation and how great an experience it was and how it really put her mind at ease etc. Assuming you don't have another friend who recently went through it too maybe you could "stumble across an article." For my friend, she already had concerns in the back of her mind and I think it made it easier to know what to expect and how supportive the early intervention people were. I think people are scared that EI will judge their parenting or tell them what they did wrong, and let's be real, finding it there may be a concern with your kid's development is scary so it's easier to ignore sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563802 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 12:23:51 +0000 Orchid 2563802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You love the child so there's really only one thing to do. If there's some sensitivity on the mom's part, I think she would eventually thank you for acting in her child's best interest. And if not, you'd be able to live with yourself knowing you didn't ignore the warning signs that could get the child early help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563799 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 12:12:09 +0000 PawPrints 2563799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: This is really tough but given what you've said about the health system where you live, I think you should say something. Just be sensitive and respectful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563793 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 12:02:57 +0000 Cherrybee 2563793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: We don't *have* paediatricians here (they work at hospitals and you only get a referral to the if your childs issue is diagnosed). We have a general family doctor, who are not trained in this kind of thing, and we only go to said doctor if the child is ill. We have something called the Health Visitor (usually a nurse), who visits once a year until the child is 5, to do their "development checks" but they are notoriously terrible and it appears he has fallen through the net (I had to chase for E's check, too). </p> <p>Those of you who have said you wouldn't say anything have solidified my decision - I'm not going to say anything. </p> <p>@Maysprout: I guess I only have my LO1 to go by, and she was talking in sentences by then - but I do know she really focussed on talking (and still cant walk down the stairs or sleep through the night!!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563792 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 12:00:58 +0000 yoursilverlining 2563792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't bring it up with her. If she's otherwise well educated and not extreme in some fashion (ie, anti science, anti vax) and has already hinted to you she thinks her son has delays....I guess I imagine she already knows/fears, which is part of the reason she is delaying his 2 year appointment. </p> <p>The most I would do is to casually suggest to her that she get on his 2 year appointment for some other reason; but met with resistance, this isn't something I would insert myself into personally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563762 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 11:12:22 +0000 Ms maths 2563762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: That could totally be the case. I sometimes need time to process, so getting an email/text bringing up a topic would give me space to do that and decide whether or not I wanted to talk more about it. But not a helpful thing for every person or topic (and this is probably one of them.)</p> <p>(And just to clarify, I wouldn't say anything in this situation, but be open to talking about it with her if it somehow came up.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563759 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 11:09:59 +0000 Mama Bird 2563759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's possible she already knows, but she may be feeling helpless and in denial. It sounds like you're close and hopefully she would understand that if you say something, it's coming from a place of love. So maybe it would help to gently point out that while you think something may be going on, it's not the end of the world and if she brings it up with a doctor and a diagnosis is confirmed, many children do very well when they start therapy early and can learn the social skills that don't come to them naturally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563758 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 11:08:57 +0000 Maysprout 2563758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't say anything in that situation. Nothing sounds that atypical for a just turned 2 year old. </p> <p>If she's not taking him to a pediatrician I might ask her why not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563757 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 11:08:57 +0000 Chuckles 2563757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've worked with kids with ASD for a long time and I love the suggestions from @magnoliamama42: and @pancakes: to ask if she wants to talk about it or say that you've noticed something. Since she's brought up concerns to you before, she knows something is up, so I'd be okay with asking about it gently. I've definitely seen kids slip through the cracks and miss good early intervention because they did things like smile at others or seem bright in particular areas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563756 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 11:08:54 +0000 Anya 2563756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would absolutely not bring it up. That's between her and her child's doctor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563755 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 11:08:06 +0000 Shantuck 2563755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not bring it up unless you are professionally trained in child development. Pediatricians evaluate for this. My nephew was/is the same way and my sister's pediatrician recommended that my sister have my nephew tested for early intervention. He tested borderline and she did therapy until she found out insurance wouldn't cover it. He's still really behind in my unprofessional opinion but I realize that I am not a specialist and that she has made her decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563754 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 11:05:51 +0000 ShootingStar 2563754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would only say something if asked. I don't think there's any way you can be like, "Hey, so I think your kid might have ASD" and she'll respond positively and go, "You might be right, I'm going to have my ped check him out!" </p> <p>I think it's more likely that she'll be offended and it'll only hurt your friendship. Of course if she asks, tell her there might be some signs of something else going on and encourage her to see her ped. </p> <p>@Ms maths: It might be easier as the giver of information, but I'd be so offended if one of my friends sent me an email telling me they thought something was wrong with my son. Whether they had a good point or not, I'd be pissed and not open to hearing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563743 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 10:41:50 +0000 Ms maths 2563743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't been in this situation exactly, but sometimes when I want to bring something up but am not sure the other person wants to talk, I write an email expressing my concern, letting them know that this is a tough thing to talk about, and that we can talk about it more if and only if they want to. Then the other person can just ignore if that is what works best for them.<br /> But such an email could still be upsetting for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-something-if-you-suspected-delays-in-a-friends-child#post-2563742 Wed, 08 Jun 2016 10:39:53 +0000 catomd00 2563742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well I'm guessing she takes her kid to the pediatrician, so I'd leave it up to the professionals. I would not feel comfortable unless directly asked if I thought something was wrong, and even then I would probably direct her to her pediatrician. </p>