https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 25 May 2026 13:05:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is/page/2#post-2098335 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 16:03:40 +0000 Adira 2098335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: The only people that seem to gush over my husband doing his parenting duty are MY mom and HIS mom - apparently my dad and his dad didn't help out nearly as much as mine does! BUT both my mom and his mom were SAHMs and Hubs and I are both WOHPs, so it's a different situation I think. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is/page/2#post-2098255 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 15:32:07 +0000 mediagirl 2098255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's hard for both when they both work long hours and have commutes. If they both do that and they both put in effort around the house, it's just as hard for both of them.</p> <p>It's harder at the beginning for the woman if she is breastfeeding and pumping because she naturally has more work put on her. But, if the husband is helpful and does things like brings the baby to her in the middle of the night and does bottle duty, then it's harder on both. </p> <p>I guess I've never seen anyone gush over my husband doing husband things. He just does them. It's what he feels is his role as a dad and husband... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is/page/2#post-2098238 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 15:24:29 +0000 littlejoy 2098238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: My husband had 3 separate people tell him "good job" a month or so ago, when he took our daughter on the bus downtown. Or, "Oh, daddy's babysitting?" -- No! Daddy is parenting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is/page/2#post-2097913 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 12:12:19 +0000 TheReelDeal 2097913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think in this exact moment the balancing act is more difficult for my husband. He's a "me, me, me" person so he can't understand that we have to get the baby ready for bed before we eat dinner now and as much as he likes going to be at 8:30 p.m. that's just not our reality anymore. </p> <p>What makes it such a sore spot for me is I explained to him before she got her that we would need to make serious sacrifices and he made it seem like he could change immediately, although I knew that to be false since he hates change.</p> <p>Anyway, my adjustment to this work/family balance hasn't been easy but I have found a way to manage it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is/page/2#post-2097877 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 11:46:47 +0000 lawbee11 2097877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The poll was meant to be a representation of men/women generally, though I'm glad to hear about so many involved fathers! On the whole, I think there are more single working mothers than single working fathers. I also think when one partner in a marriage works late and travels for work it's typically the man. In my household I'd be more likely to vote "about the same," but generally I think it's more difficult for women. </p> <p>There was recently a news story about a woman who had a baby with Down syndrome and decided she didn't want to raise the baby so the father was going to raise the baby on his own. He's a great father and man for doing that, but it made international news. I can't imagine a woman making international news for deciding to raise a child on her own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is/page/2#post-2097876 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 11:46:29 +0000 littlejoy 2097876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: I agree. It kills me to see partners not pulling their weight. I imagine that would be intensely difficult (let alone having to process those feelings while having to take care of everything). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is/page/2#post-2097873 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 11:41:54 +0000 PrincessBaby 2097873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: Oh I totally get that! I was actually talking more about threads I've seen mentioning habitual issues with division of labor. I feel really bad for ladies on here where it all falls on them bc it seems like they have a Husband who NEVER contributes. Very sad situations like that:(. And I'm not flaming anyone! I just feel genuinely bad for everything that is being put on them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is/page/2#post-2097868 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 11:40:28 +0000 littlejoy 2097868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted equally hard for both. I know my husband and I both struggle with balance. We both do so much for the home and our jobs. While I am the default parent on sick days, he wishes he could be. I think it's really hard for him to be away all day (he's expressed many times that he wishes he was a sahd). Then when he's here, he has 1,483 things to do. It's hard, and while our balance is different, I think both struggles are valid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097827 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 11:04:10 +0000 psw27 2097827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @adira - my DH just doesn't have the time or capacity to remember all of the smaller things around the house that have to be done. He works a super demanding job and works a lot of hours so I live in reality that more of the childcare and household stuff will fall on me.. Would I like him to remember to buy dog food or make sure we have wipes? Absolutely! But its not going to happen... </p> <p>It is interesting to think about society's expectations of men versus women. No one says "oh that's great" when I'm rushing out the door to get LO at daycare but at my DH's office his boss would be like "Oh you're getting the LO tonight? that's so great." Or when people refer to DH as "babysitting" our child. It makes me a little mad.... LO is his child too! Its not babysitting, its being a parent. I know that no one means harm by it but its just what people expect -- the dad is "helping mom out" when he takes care of the kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097823 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 11:00:02 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2097823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Agree completely with your second paragraph too. I have to remember all those things, plus work, plus pump! </p> <p>There are some things he does that I don't get concerned about. When to mow the lawn, need to change car oil, etc. But those seem to be fewer. </p> <p>I am trying to get him to help more with budget because I think some of the decisions (like can we afford to do XYZ house repair project) get defaulted to me because I know the budget better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097812 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 10:53:57 +0000 Madison43 2097812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is such an interesting question and am going to say that it's family/circumstances specific. Like @PrincessBaby,<br /> my husband travels for work frequently, so during those times, I do take on everything related to childcare, which can be hard, particularly when things are crazy at work. But when he's home, he's doing 110 percent to make sure I get a break too. And he's also the one who makes sure that we have diapers, wipes, groceries, whatever. I never even think about that stuff. We do what we have to do to keep things balanced -- it may not be a perfect daily balance, but I think it comes out as a wash by the end of month. </p> <p>I am also going to say that there's is a flip side to the comments that people fall all over themselves when a man contributes to childcare (as he should), which is that many employers expect moms to be the default parent and accordingly are put off when a male employee needs to take time off for kid related reasons (and I guess silently wondering why mom can't handle it). It's something my husband deals with, and all of my close male friends have had to deal with. There's an expectation that men will put their jobs first that I don't think is as prevalent with female employees. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097807 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 10:51:17 +0000 BKCaribBaby 2097807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Yes...the holy grail of a family friendly job..that pays well! Ha! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097805 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 10:49:48 +0000 catlady 2097805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In general, it seems to be harder for women, but in my family, we have it pretty equal right now. It was definitely harder for me during the first year due to breastfeeding, pumping, and night nursing sessions, but DH tried to compensate for that as much as he could by doing more of other things, like cooking. Now that LO's a toddler, we probably do a similar amount but different things based on our strengths, interests, and availability. For example, DH has kept up doing most of the cooking because he likes it. I do daycare drop-off and pick-ups because it's on my way to work, and I deal with inventory and shopping with LO (diapers, toiletries, clothes, etc) because I like to. The other stuff is mostly shared.</p> <p>In terms of actual work, I think my employer is more understanding about family stuff than DH's, but his job is more flexible. DH works more hours per week than I do, but that is his choice. So DH probably has it a little harder on the actual job front right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097804 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 10:48:31 +0000 mrbee 2097804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: Sorry, I shouldn't have used the word "regional"! I meant that in the neighborhood where we live in Brooklyn, there are a lot of dads that are really involved - and that seems more like the rule than the exception around here.</p> <p>@BKCaribBaby: Definitely agree that it's about the individual spouse and their career choices! Not sure why, but a lot of people around us are choosing family over career. It's definitely been new to me, as I've worked a lot in tech (and my brother worked on Wall Street) and those industries aren't particularly known for being family friendly! Not really sure why, but a lot of our kids' parents work for non-profits, the government, universities and other more family-centric employers. I definitely get envious: Bee and I are self-employed, which offers some flexibility but isn't nearly as family friendly! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097799 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 10:41:52 +0000 jedeve 2097799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: @yoursilverlining: eh, I think you have to take that all with a grain of salt. I'm not going to write a post about how my DH takes care of the toddler when he has nightmares or holds him while he throws up (although he does that and is awesome for it.) But I totally want to write a post botching about how he was whiny this morning about being tired, even though I was the one up at 5:30 with the baby. But I don't want to get flamed about having an unfair division of labor. Sometimes people just want a place to vent!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097796 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 10:39:54 +0000 MOMTOLITTLEB 2097796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is extremely hands on with house stuff and childcare and we both work. The reason I think it's harder on me is that he doesn't feel the guilt from being away from our son. It's been a year, I've even increased my income but I still feel bad being away from him and I've blamed a lot of things on myself for working. I'd love to find a better balance with part time work but we live in an expensive area and need the money. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097784 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 10:35:18 +0000 jedeve 2097784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: definitely agree! Granted, I SAH, but when we are both home, I'm the one laying out clothes to put on, packing the diaper bag, making appointments. DH does do a lot of the physical labor of parenting, but leaves a lot of the "directing" up to me. And it's not because I am a control freak. I just think he isn't used to the management side of it all. And that's the part you can't just decide to divide, you know? </p> <p>@mrbee: I completely disagree! I think, overal,<br /> I've seen a much better work/life balance in the west for everyone than I saw in the east. It's one of the reasons I don't think we would move back east. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097707 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 09:33:42 +0000 yoursilverlining 2097707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: "Sometimes I read HBer's posts about their husband's lack of contribution to the house/child/work/etc and my jaw drops." </p> <p>PREACH. Along with that is the acceptance of this unfair division of labor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097597 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 08:13:44 +0000 PrincessBaby 2097597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's hard for any working parent, male or female. My husband has to work away a lot, but he makes up for it tenfold when he is home. I really respect the effort that he makes for our family working so hard, and also the mad skills he brings when he is home with our daughter:) By the same token, I work my butt off every day, and it's hard to manage it all. But we both do what we have to do. And I'm proud of both of us for working so hard, being successful, and being obsessed with our little family the minute we're off the clock:)</p> <p>ETA: I may have a skewed opinion because I actually have a husband that does his best to "do it all, " and I can honestly say that he pulls just as much weight around the house and with our daughter as I do. Sometimes I read HBer's posts about their husband's lack of contribution to the house/child/work/etc and my jaw drops. So I think the case may be different in that situation, where a lot of the work or care for the child falls on one parent, day in and day out. That would be really tough! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097591 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 08:09:23 +0000 Adira 2097591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was reminded of this thread this morning when I realized no one had prepared Logan's bottles or Xander's lunch for the day. And by "no one" I mean myself, because... obviously. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097055 Thu, 05 Mar 2015 16:38:45 +0000 Eko 2097055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely interpret this question more towards exactly what @TemperanceBrennan said. </p> <p>I think that men get rewarded more by the community and peers if they are more family oriented versus women. Women often get scorned for their work choices and if they chose to spend more time with their family. Yet, men get rewarded and congratulated if they have the same ambitions or do the same tasks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097020 Thu, 05 Mar 2015 16:19:53 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 2097020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I don't think it's a regional thing. We live in the South and DH, like most of the dads I know, is very involved with LO and with housework. He's more than happy to split (or take on more) of the childcare and housework, but I have a lot more of the infrequent or one-off responsibilities like buying the next seasons clothes for LO or making sure we have plenty of dishsoap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097019 Thu, 05 Mar 2015 16:19:32 +0000 birdofafeather 2097019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>this is so interesting to me as in our family right now, my DH's career is taking precedence over mine and his hours are VERY inflexible. so he really doesn't have a lot to juggle because the lines in his work are pretty cut and dry. where as, i run my own business from home, am the "default parent" and run the household because he just really can't contribute. and it's something I KNOW, but it's still hard to deal with because as a baby, he was much more involved because his job was very flexible. all that being said, i feel the brunt of balancing it all and not feeling like i do a good job! so i think for myself and for my friendships overall, it's harder for the mothers in the families. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097016 Thu, 05 Mar 2015 16:13:54 +0000 Applesandbananas 2097016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Harder for women for a lot of the reasons mentioned above. It's just expected that I would do child tasks, if DH has to take off, his boss/coworkers fall all over themselves to tell him what a wonderful dad he is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2097005 Thu, 05 Mar 2015 16:09:02 +0000 Corduroy 2097005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is very involved and does a lot of household chores but he also WAH one day a week and only works 4 days a week. That automatically makes it easier for him to balance. Much like PPs mentioned I'm in charge of logistics, food, anything MOTN, pregnancy, BFing, and well infancy in general.</p> <p>DH does laundry and dishes but nobody is going to wake him up in the middle of he night to do those things. He doesn't have a toddler following him around whining while he does those things. </p> <p>I have a flexible workplace with a lot of hardworking employees that are dedicated parents. Due to long commutes and two income families most employees do either drop off or pick up of their kids. Whenever a man has a schedule change for pickup he is applauded for being a good dad. People aren't openly critical when women do the same but we do not get the positive attention the men get. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2096984 Thu, 05 Mar 2015 16:02:20 +0000 Anagram 2096984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's difficult for both, but I think that if a woman breastfeeds (or Pumps) that automatically makes it harder. I've been in training a in another building and had to pump in a shared bathroom with just a stall and no where to sit; I've had to pump in stop and go traffic during my commute; I've had to pump in a back room at parties--DH never had to deal with any of that. I get more time off from work, but my job is way less flexible than DHs about arrival times and taking a few hours off for appointments.</p> <p>I will say that DH doesn't get any special treatment at work for being a parent. </p> <p>I feel like this question depends so much on each family. I think DH and I have struggled equally with the lack of sleep--he has always split night waking with me, which I appreciate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2096967 Thu, 05 Mar 2015 15:52:46 +0000 BKCaribBaby 2096967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I disagree actually. I really do think it's about the individual husband and his career choices. I will say that in Brooklyn many people tend to have untraditional career paths that allow them flexibility. My DH sadly is not one of them. NYC has lots of industries and socieconomic classes, and I would say that that doesn't hold for everyone. </p> <p>I would say that Temperance B. got it right above re: expectations. Family and community expectations are huge. My DH gets appaluded for some things that should be basic parent involvement. Me not so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2096918 Thu, 05 Mar 2015 15:20:49 +0000 mrbee 2096918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think a lot of it is regional. Where we live in Brooklyn, a lot of dads are very involved! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2096889 Thu, 05 Mar 2015 15:00:24 +0000 looch 2096889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's difficult for both parents, there are only so many hours in the day and everyone has obligations. Some people can say no better than others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-say-that-balancing-work-and-family-is#post-2096860 Thu, 05 Mar 2015 14:46:43 +0000 StbHisMrs 2096860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dh stayed home with M when she was a baby for about 5 months. He said he has no desire to ever do that again, and he became way more helpful after he went back to work. </p> <p>So I voted that women have it harder. I also think that staying home with kids is harder on a different level than working full-time. It's just my opinion, but I just stopped working full-time in January, and I'm already to ready to go back to work because this is SO difficult for me!! </p>