https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 01:22:07 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2526443 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 19:18:39 +0000 misolee 2526443@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband travels a lot and when his flights happen to coincide on 9/11, I do always pause and have anxiety even after all these years. With that being said, we can't live in fear even when pregnant or with kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2526080 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 13:08:56 +0000 YogiRunner 2526080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am 9 months pregnant and my husband is running this year, and I am definitely going to be a spectator. However - I was at the finish line in 2013 so have pleeeenty of anxiety about this event that I've been working on. I probably won't go near where I was standing that day but it's extremely important to me as someone who witnessed the attacks feel like I'm taking that day and our city back. I ran the race in 2014 to do just that and it was incredibly empowering. </p> <p>So I completely understand your fears and anxiety, especially with a baby on board (i don't even like my DH riding his bike!), but there is something to be said for reacting to tragedy with love and gathering once again as acommunity. Monday is going to be a beautiful, inspiring day :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2525748 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 08:18:15 +0000 rachiecakes 2525748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Paddington10: just walled you! :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2525699 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 07:51:18 +0000 gracecat 2525699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Although everyone says you are overreacting you are pregnant and thus I would make him bow down to my fear. If I were legitimately scared I would still try to make him stay home and indulge my pregnant overreacting hormones. But that's just me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2525693 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 07:44:55 +0000 hb3233 2525693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand your concerns but the odds of being killed driving to work, or doing a zillion other things, are (much) higher than the odds of dying in a terrorist attack (and I say this as someone who was at the marathon in 2013). Even in the very unlikely circumstance that you're at an event and there is a terrorist attack, the odds of being killed or injured remain quite low. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2525658 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 07:17:52 +0000 cat620 2525658@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a friend who is running the marathon this year. I think the heightened security is a good thing, and while I understand your concerns, I would let my husband go. Something bad could happen anywhere, so I wouldn't single one place out just because of an attack that happened in the past. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2525653 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 07:13:07 +0000 Paddington10 2525653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rachie Cakes -- it seems like we may be neighbors. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2525166 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 15:13:04 +0000 rachiecakes 2525166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Paddington10: Until 2013 these events were pretty open, casual... detail officers and medical tents for runners, etc. </p> <p>There is much, much more security now. Helicopters have been overhead all week in preparation. </p> <p>I'll never forget the 4th of July Pops rehearsal in 2013. We go every year. It's a great opportunity to see the Boston Pops perform the entire program the night before with a much, much smaller crowd. Perfect for families.<br /> That year the Esplanade was lined with state troopers. There were bomb-sniffing dogs everywhere. You had to walk through metal detectors to get inside. I actually started crying. It had never been like that and I was sad that that is what it had come to. :( </p> <p>As a resident of the town where the firefight took place behind my house, it's taken a couple years of therapy. I still get antsy this time of year with all the memorials, etc. </p> <p>Boston Strong :heart:<br /> Lots of men and women out there every day working to keep us safe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2525130 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 14:48:35 +0000 808love 2525130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I echo @ocean81's empathetic response.<br /> I would still let DH go and work through it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2525072 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 14:03:55 +0000 catomd00 2525072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely not something I would worry about. I however get pissed when my husband texts and drives and would not want him to ride a motorcycle or go skydiving or other extreme things like that. He's more likely to die in a car crash on his way to work than be present during a terrorist attack.</p> <p>I used to be a very anxious, immediately think of the worst scenario type of person, so I totally get it. I don't think it's your husband or anyone else's job to manage your anxiety for you, though by allowing you to dictate what they do so you are comfortable. That has to be work you do for yourself. That realization changed my life and bettered my relationship ten fold! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2525033 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 13:32:47 +0000 Tanjowen 2525033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Paddington10: I totally get your fears and its not crazy to feel that way. My DH went to Paris the week after the Brussels attack to fly (he's a pilot) and I asked him to not use the subway system. I'm sure it is perfectly safe, but it was one small step to make me feel better for him to use a taxi instead. </p> <p>We talk alot about that balance between living your life in fear and then enjoying life. Our rule is go and enjoy, but accept that there is a risk and be smart and safe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524945 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 12:44:10 +0000 sarac 2524945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I read this and thought you meant something actually risky. Mountain climbing? Free climbing? Base jumping? Ideally not. Going to a public place? Riding a road bike, for god's sake? Seriously, let's take a step back here.</p> <p>I have an anxiety disorder too, but at some point, we've got to take responsibility for our own feelings, and not try to project them on our spouses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524834 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 11:36:26 +0000 yoursilverlining 2524834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't worry and I would support him going. We can't stop living and enjoying our lives because a small fraction of people are intent on harming others. Could happen anytime, anywhere. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524829 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 11:34:18 +0000 Mrs. Bee 2524829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i understand your worries, but that's not something i would worry about. if it were me, i'd be fine with him going. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524788 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 11:10:23 +0000 Alba4 2524788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would let him go, as I would not want to live in fear. I moved to NYC shortly after 9/11 and had to deal with very nervous parents. We never know what is going to happen and when, so my philosophy is to have fun, experience life, and don't let fear stop you. I'm sorry you are feeling so anxious about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524612 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 09:39:25 +0000 MrsSCB 2524612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Seems like they will (and already do) have very heightened security, so I wouldn't keep him from going. There were all kinds of warnings about riding the Subway on the 10-year anniversary of 9/11 but I did and nothing happened. Not that terrorists are necessarily rational beings, but I would think they'd avoid places that have been targeted before and would therefore be on high alert going forward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524572 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 09:17:29 +0000 avivoca 2524572@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You cannot allow fear to run your life. That is what the terrorists want in addition to hurting people. I wouldn't forbid him from going, but I would hope that he understands your valid concerns and will take every precaution </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524567 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 09:15:59 +0000 MrsKoala 2524567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Let him go and try not to worry about it. I think you are overreacting. My brother and sister were a block away from the bombing in 2013. They still go watch the marathon. Going to events like this isn't risky just because something like that has happened before. Saying that it is risky is like saying that living life is risky. Of course, it is. Would you stop driving a car because you are more likely to die in a car accident than any other way? No, you don't. You live your life as best you can. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524554 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 09:11:00 +0000 ocean81 2524554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I live in Boston and I 100% understand where you are coming from. I don't think you are overreacting, however, I think you should try to take a deep breathe and "let" him go. Bad things can and will happen anywhere at anytime. So he is in the same amount of "danger" as he is commuting to work every day, going to a restaurant, the mall, etc. There is SO much security around Fenway and the whole marathon that day, so hopefully that eases your mind. When I was pregnant last year, I used to have panic attacks on the train and refused to take it. When people would tell me to not live in fear it actually pissed me off. We live in a scary world and if I think not doing something is keeping me and my family safe, then I am doing it. My husband has to travel to the super bowl every year and don't get me started on the massive anxiety that causes me :) He checks in a lot with calling and texts and I find that helps. Anyways, you aren't crazy! Do something fun for yourself on Monday and it will be over before you know it! :heart:</p> <p>ETA... Just wanted to add that the victims and their families from the marathon bombings are in my heart, always. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524548 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 09:08:51 +0000 petitenoisette 2524548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brother is running the marathon and I will be attending it with my one year old (and his son, my sister's kids, etc.). I understand your fear but I agree with your husband that you can't let fear rule your life. One of the things I've felt more intensely since becoming a parent is that life is freaking scary. There are no guarantees. But you kind of just have to push that fear down and continue on with your life. </p> <p>Also second others that I am sure these events are much safer now than in 2013. Not just because of increased police presence and security but I feel like everyone is a bit on more high alert. I think it will be safe for your husband to go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524530 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 09:00:35 +0000 youboots 2524530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't consider this inherently risky. If anything I'd think security would be tighter than usual.</p> <p>That said, after the cousin of a friend died while road biking while his wife was pregnant with their 3rd I forbid DH to continue this hobby while I was pregnant. Shortly after a couple in our town died (I drive past the cross with helmets regularly). And I found out my moms good friend became a widow because of her husbands road biking accident. After several long difficult conversations he won't be sharing the road with cars- designated paths are fine. I think the risk is real, significant and measurable and as a parent it was time for a new hobby.</p> <p>So I'm not against forbidding something risky, I just think living in fear and avoiding crouds is too abstract. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524511 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 08:53:19 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2524511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Coming from a person that got jumpy every week dropping off my husband at the airport for a short 60 min flight three months straight I totally get why you're worried. I quelled my fears by telling myself the plane was too small to be a target. The Boston Marathon is a been there/ done that tragic event. Sure anything could happen, but we must go on living our lives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524510 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 08:52:19 +0000 Madison43 2524510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As a Bostonian who now works in Manhattan, I agree with your husband. The fact of the matter is we live in an age where anything could happen anywhere at anytime. Scary and depressing but true. That said, I empathize with you completely - I commute through Penn Station which is often so crowded that you literally cannot move. My mind goes to terrible places in those situations,, particularly since having children. But, I have to go to work, and we (universally) need to try and enjoy life and not be paralyzed by fear. Easier said than done for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524509 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 08:52:07 +0000 Paddington10 2524509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ha ha, yeeeeah, re-reading my title, "risky" might be too strong a word. </p> <p> :silly:<br /> But it feels risky to me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524507 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 08:51:21 +0000 looch 2524507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My general feeling about this type of thing is that attacks rarely happen in the same place (with the exception of the WTC). So I would try to make my peace about him going. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524503 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 08:49:45 +0000 catlady 2524503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought this post would be about something like sky-diving (which I joked with DH that he would not be allowed to do after we had kids). I will try to be gentle, but I think this is an over-reaction. I am pregnant too and I would not be the least bit concerned if my DH wanted to go to this event. This is a very safe city and the police will be hyper-vigilant. The marathon bombing was a one time thing! It is not like we have terror attacks all the time around here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524498 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 08:47:07 +0000 LuLu Mom 2524498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While I understand your fears, but I think it's a bit of an overreaction. An attack can happen anywhere, this has been proven sadly in the last few years, you can't expect it to happen just because it did in that place a few years ago. If this were the case, I wouldn't be able to shop in one of my favorite malls because of a gunman who killed 8 people there 9 years ago. I have to remember that yes it happened but I avoiding it will never change it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524492 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 08:42:49 +0000 lamariniere 2524492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I empathize with your fears as I have the same ones, even though I know that they aren't very rational. That said, I would let him go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524491 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 08:42:36 +0000 raspberries 2524491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This isn't something that I would worry about - in fact, I'm going to the marathon with some mom friends, and we're all bringing our kids with us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-support-your-spouse-doing-something-risky#post-2524488 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 08:40:13 +0000 runnerd 2524488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Feels like an over-reaction to me. I'm not very risk adverse though - I tend to agree with your husband on not living in fear. I also think places were a big attack happened previously are less likely to be targeted again so quickly, and will have max security. </p>