https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 03:23:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/3#post-2381157 Mon, 07 Dec 2015 23:36:13 +0000 HabesBabe 2381157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MRSJX3: I know you're trying to be helpful, but please don't waste anyone's (including your own) time calling CPS in this situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/3#post-2380542 Mon, 07 Dec 2015 14:27:44 +0000 MRSJX3 2380542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds to me like the mom has some severe post partum depression going on and is in complete denial about life. Please call CPS. I know it's hard. If you don't want to do it, I'll do it for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/3#post-2380437 Mon, 07 Dec 2015 13:38:10 +0000 BSB 2380437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I just had my babies 3 month weight check appt and they both gained about 2 lbs since last month. I thought it was a good amount of weight gain. My pediatrician said it was still on the low side and has instructed us to increase the formula so they get more calories. </p> <p>So with that said, if my Dr is concerned that 2 lbs of weight gain over a month is not good enough then this situation where the baby has only gain a pound over 3 months is probably very concerning. </p> <p>So I change my view and really think you should report this mother. If it's nothing, fine. If it is something, you'll feel better for helping the child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/3#post-2372890 Mon, 30 Nov 2015 11:23:03 +0000 Annette 2372890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetiepie I did read the posts and I realize she saw the baby however just because the baby is skinny and has a wheeze doesnt warrant a call to CPS on its own, and she did say in a later post that the mother was seeing a doctor but she wasn't sure what kind. My interpretation of the information provided is that alot of it came from grandma and other family members (i.e. baby's 1 lb weight gain, doctor saying baby is failing). I FULLY support calling CPS if she believes the baby is being neglected by the parents. My point was that she should be sure that the information from family is not being exaggerated and is accurate before doing it because calling CPS can't be undone.</p> <p>Re: would I have opened up to a family member who i see once a year asking questons about my baby's health? I honestly don't know. I feel like that time of my life was the most stressful thing I have ever dealt with and it got to the point where I became so upset even talking about it that I avoided alot of people because of it. </p> <p>I fully agree with everyone's comments that baby's health comes first and someone needs to advocate for her. Whether it's mama, dad, grandma or the OP of this thread. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/3#post-2372625 Mon, 30 Nov 2015 07:36:41 +0000 SweetiePie 2372625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Annette: Did you read all of OP's responses? She has seen the baby first hand and said she is extremely skinny and has witnessed all of the concerns firsthand. It's not just hearsay. She spent several days with the mom and baby in question over the holiday.<br /> She also said that the mom admitted she just decided to skip the follow up appointment with the Doctor. She has a history of mistrusting medical professionals and not adhering to their advice.</p> <p>ETA: the concern is that she's not doing everything she can and advocating for her child. The OPPOSITE of what you did! It sounds like you did what all of the people on this thread are saying she should do. She should be going to doctors, expressing concern, trying to get her on medication, etc. She's doing none of that. She is self diagnosing allergies instead.<br /> I get your point that maybe she's upset and doesn't want to talk about it. But if someone came to you with concern like the OP did, you wouldn't then name everything you've done for that child in terms of medical care and advocation? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/3#post-2372601 Mon, 30 Nov 2015 05:46:37 +0000 Annette 2372601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, where is the father in all of this? I'm shocked that the mother is being vilified and judged here but the father hasn't been mentioned at all. Parents should be making medical decisions together so someone needs to have a frank discussion with them both about this situation.</p> <p>I'm not against calling CPS if you believe it is truly neglect based on what you have seen but I would be very cautious about hearsay from other family members. I had an EBF reflux baby who dropped from 50th percentile to the 5th percentile because he was throwing up literally 25 times a day. He also had a cough and cried all the time because he was hungry and in pain. We did visit the doctor but unfortunately there is really nothing they can do with a reflux baby to help them gain weight until they grow out of it or fall off the growth chart and are declared a failure to thrive and have more serious medical interventions ( a feeding tube, etc) I also didn't find that our pediatrician was as concerned as I was about it and i really had to push for medicine and ask for followup appointments. We did seek alternative medicine including a chiropractor, osteopath and a naturopathic doctor and found that they were very helpful, so don't completely discount them as support/guidance for the parents as well.</p> <p>Honeslty, it was incredibly stressful and really it was the last thing I wanted to talk about with friends and relatives since I was so upset about it and it literally consumed my life. Again not saying you shouldn't get involved but really seriously think about the situation of fact vs perception that is going on here.</p> <p>Hoping this little baby gets better soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/3#post-2372331 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 19:22:07 +0000 Maysprout 2372331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Who told you baby's weight? Mom or grandmom? I've heard lots of relatives exaggerate and gossip over the holidays. Mom says baby goes to a dr. - what makes you not believe her. Where's dad in all this?</p> <p>No one else saw baby so you need to figure out if you really believe that mom and dad are lying about the Drs and would not seek attention for a sick baby or is the grandmom being gossipy because baby has a cold. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/3#post-2372313 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 19:03:53 +0000 buttermilk 2372313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree. Although I understand it's a sensitive issue, I would definitely call CPS. There are enough family members concerned about this baby that it would be hard to suspect one person of being the one who made the call. But ultimately the baby's health comes absolutely first and that's really all that matters at the end of the day. I can't believe the mother is an early ed teacher and letting this go on. Makes me wonder if she is dealing with some postpartum issues? This baby needs intervention and I wouldn't feel comfortable sitting back and letting this unfold when the mother is clearly neglecting her child's health. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/3#post-2372311 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 19:00:21 +0000 gingerbebe 2372311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think the anonymity thing is gonna help because even if it's anonymous the mom is gonna know it was OP most likely. Perhaps equally effective is to threaten (in a nicest way possible) to call CPS? Especially if it can be like group force by the rest of the family? Or have grandma mention that she may want to see a doctor because she overheard you wanting to call CPS? Like perhaps the threat of it will force her to go to a real doctor even if she hates you forever? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/3#post-2372307 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 18:52:31 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 2372307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you're unwilling to call cps, I wonder if calling an ambulance (when she's wheezing, etc) would ultimately lead to her getting checked out? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/3#post-2372288 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 18:21:42 +0000 babybysurprise 2372288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Call cps, let them decided if there is a issue. Your mind is not going to be able to rest until you call. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372260 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 17:07:58 +0000 PawPrints 2372260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I'll say a prayer for you and for the sweet baby. I hope you can find a way to make the phone call. It's the right thing and you have all the support of this community, even if not from the baby's mother. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372207 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 15:31:10 +0000 coopsmama 2372207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: This. A thousand times this. </p> <p>Please call. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372206 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 15:30:52 +0000 catomd00 2372206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: exactly this! I keep thinking about stories we hear of babies dying and saying how did no one in this babies life see it coming?! Likely, people did see it and no one said or did anything! </p> <p>I get it seems like a parenting choice to not seek regular preventive care from a pediatrician or not supplement. But, when your parenting choices are hurting your child you no longer have the right to choose anymore. Someone needs to step up for this baby. He has no choice in his suffering and it is just wrong to let him continue to be in pain. CPS is there to decide if there's a problem or not, so regular citizens like is don't have to make that decision and risk making the wrong one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372198 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 15:08:06 +0000 SweetiePie 2372198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm REALLY not trying to be mean, I actually do feel for you and appreciate the predicament you're in. I'm just not sure that there's a gentle way to say this. But if you can live with yourself if something happens to that baby, then by all means just stand by. But I suspect that if something happened to that baby as a result of not calling (death or serious illness) you would feel remorse for the rest of your life. At this point, if the worst happens, it's not just the moms fault - it's the entire family's fault for not getting involved when they knew something was wrong. The mom is a big girl. She can take care of herself however she wants. But that baby deserves more. It sounds like she is suffering. She is helpless and the one person who is supposed to advocate for her is not. So it has to be someone else. </p> <p>I get that it's hard to do. But getting a call that the baby died will be a lot harder in my opinion. The mom sounds completely inept. It actually hurts me to think about the pain this baby is in. Physically hurts my heart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372193 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 14:56:23 +0000 catomd00 2372193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: family or not, you need to call. Someone needs to stand up for and protect this child. It's supposed to be the mother but she is failing at that right now and this baby needs help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372175 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 14:29:22 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2372175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: Honestly, the more you talk about this, the more I feel like you need to call CPS. This baby needs someone to be in her corner and help to make sure that she gets the medical care that she needs and deserves. If her mom is not willing to do that on her own, then she needs somebody to force her to do so. CPS will do that and she will never know that it is you who reported her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372171 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 14:21:57 +0000 littlebug 2372171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: Hi, social worker here! A call to CPS (which is totally anonymous - you do give them your name, but they are not allowed to ever give it to the person being reported) will generate an investigation. A caseworker will visit the home and take a good look at the baby. From there they will make a determination of whether or not baby is in life-threatening danger. If so, they will remove the baby from the home, first try to place within the family, but if no one in the family is willing/able to help, they will place baby in temp foster care. If baby is not in life-threatening danger, they will give mom a checklist of things she needs to do in order to avoid losing baby - proper doctor visit being the first, probably. They will continue to follow and make sure she does these things. </p> <p>I know it's hard to call. I had to call on a very close family friend a few months ago because I feared her children were in danger. This was a girl I've known since the day she was born. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. But I just knew that I'd never forgive myself if anything ever happened to her 2 beautiful little girls. </p> <p>Please feel free to wall me if you have any specific questions. I don't work in CPS, but I know people who have, so I can try to get answers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372148 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 13:34:39 +0000 ldh112 2372148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: I agree with this. Really, there isn't much else you can do but call and report a concern for medical neglect. I know it's family, but like you said, you rarely see them and it doesn't seem like she is interested in having a dialogue about it. You'll never be named as a reporter and at least you would know you did what you could. If not you, would someone else in the family be more comfortable making the CPS call? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372140 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 13:20:22 +0000 jh524 2372140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi &amp; @Chuckles: she is also a teacher in early education in CA. She's seen neglect first hand as well.<br /> I am at a loss of what I can do. I'm back home now and it's been on my mind non stop </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372137 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 13:11:46 +0000 Chuckles 2372137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: as a teacher who has had to call cps, I understand your hesitation. People often think that calling = child taken away. But that's not usually the case. They can assign a caseworker who can keep an eye on baby, help mom make a plan for medical care, and require her to follow through. There can be education for mom and other support services. Hope this helps you feel better about calling. It sounds like the right thing to do in this case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372132 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 13:00:15 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2372132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: I'm a teacher and mandated reporter and I understand the hesitation to call CPS. It always made me feel guilty and uncomfortable when I've had to do it in the past. It's a very tough call to make, especially with this mom being a family/friend (sorry, I'm not quite clear on this woman's relationship to you).<br /> However, I think since you've talked to her and her own mother (?) has expressed concerns AND she has a clear pattern of ignoring medical advice/care, it may be the ultimate route to take. If you truly feel that baby is unwell and needs medical attention, please try to intervene. The first year of life is SO crucial and problems now can compound into major problems later (I work in early childhood, birth to 5) and I see many kids who have issues and their backstory includes parents ignoring warning signs from a young age.<br /> Like @MenagerieMama: said, CPS is not the bad guy and they don't want to take children from their homes. In my experiences with them, they want to stabilize families and, most importantly, keep children safe &amp; healthy. I know some 'Bees around here are in social work. Maybe you can start a thread asking for more details on how CPS calls/visits work? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372105 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 12:06:56 +0000 Jess1483 2372105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: I'm not a social worker, but I have worked in the mental health field and as a teacher. I have students who were in some borderline abuse cases, and mostly the CPS worker would meet with them and lay out some rules about what the family had to do. It's not like CPS will come and just remove the baby right away (unless they believe she is imminent danger, in which case I hope they would). I would guess they would lay out some guidelines about how often she needs to take baby to the doctor, require proof, maybe even go on the doctor's visits with her. I hate thinking of this poor baby not getting enough food. It's so sad.</p> <p>It's so hard to call. I was a mandated reporter, so I was required to do so, which kind of takes the question out of it. With family, it would be super hard, but something's gotta give. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2372090 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 11:24:08 +0000 jh524 2372090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: thank you. Your situation sounds so similar to what's happening! The baby is failing to thrive and I think there are multiple factors all at play. Possibly GERD and failure the thrive...</p> <p> I talked to the mom and she got upset and didn't talk to me much at Thanksgivibg but came around eventually. I can't bring myself to call cps on them. It's family. Even grandma is worried sick though and keeps saying get her to the dr.!</p> <p>The baby may have colic also but mom is saying she has food allergies per her own decision. She says she's taking her to a Dr but I don't think it's true pediatrician or family dr. The baby is failing and grandma just told me that mom was told that but isn't doing anything.<br /> On Thurs., Baby bf's and was happy for about 10 minutes then gets very upset and spit up everything and chokes. Has wheezing sounding breathing and eye mucous. She's very thin. I told mom the stats about her growth a previous commenter provided and she says she knew.<br /> If cps was called, what happens? I just don't get it, mom and her family that came &amp; saw the baby, are all highly educated people. Apparently dr googles who know everything:( it's a sad thing here but I don't think I can do anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2371101 Fri, 27 Nov 2015 12:35:21 +0000 gingerbebe 2371101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: Still thinking of you and that baby and have been for days! My son is now just shy of 15 months and thriving but he was born at 6lb 15oz and was down to 6lbs 6at discharge because my milk wasn't coming in and he had jaundice. The doctors made us come in every 48 hours for like two weeks and I was BFing 24/7. My son never stopped crying and was puking everywhere. After 3 weeks we got him medicated for reflux (which ultimately required a few dosage adjustments and then a second drug that finally made a huge difference), started supplementing with formula, and eventually put him on a 3 hour feeding schedule on bottles of pumped milk and a bottle of formula at bedtime because his weight was still not going up as fast as doctors wanted and I wanted to verify the total amount he was eating every day. After 3 months of hard work he was about 12lbs (so just under double his birth weight) and he was at the 30th percentile for his curve. The ped wasn't worried anymore but told me to keep up whatever I was doing. At 1 year he was finally at 50% and my ped told me to relax, but that first year was me constantly worrying about his caloric intake, fattening up his solids with oil and butter, and spending upwards of 3 hours a day pumping until I weaned to formula. When I think about those early months when he was screaming and crying from hunger and reflux pains (he was on meds until 5.5 months) I feel so bad and so grateful he's okay. I really really hope however she gets help that this baby finds a solution soon. My son fought bottles and eating for months just because he associated it with pain and throwing up and being miserable, so he basically cried all the time - from hunger, then pain, then from throwing up, then from being hungry from throwing up, etc. I so feel for this baby! God bless you for being concerned! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2370893 Thu, 26 Nov 2015 23:54:31 +0000 Torchwood 2370893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've gotta say, I'm not pro-calling CPS normally, but in this case if she isn't taking you seriously very soon, I'd call. My cousin's son was very similar- high birth weight even being born a bit early, but totally failed to gain at a healthy rate, with a lot of spitting up. Turns out he has a serious disease (eosinophilic esophagitis) and would have died without proper medical care. (Which she got, even though doctors didn't take her seriously, and even accused her of Munchausens by proxy, so basically the opposite of this situation.) I know I would feel guilty as hell calling, but I'd feel infinitely worse if the baby had a bad outcome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2370860 Thu, 26 Nov 2015 22:32:56 +0000 pastemoo 2370860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: I would talk to grandma unless you are really very close. Sounds like grandma both has concerns and knows more. It sounds like mama is on a situation where she is blocking out advice, so I wouldn't go with the direct approach . Talk to your husband and others involved but don't be the only one who says something. Maybe mama has PPD and isn't remembering to feed baby, maybe something more complex is going on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2370822 Thu, 26 Nov 2015 21:25:55 +0000 yellowbird 2370822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. Personally, if a friend, relative, acquaintance, patient, or anyone I knew had an infant that they refused to seek medical advice for and who had only gained 1 lb since birth and did not seem healthy then I would have absolutely no problem calling CPS myself and would feel obligated to call for the sake of the little one! I hope she is okay! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2370812 Thu, 26 Nov 2015 21:06:10 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2370812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow - just reading all of this , I'm concerned for this baby. I hope we're all wrong but it definitely feels like something is going on here. Please keep us posted! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-a-friends-baby-not-gaining-weight/page/2#post-2369593 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 12:59:08 +0000 Mama Bird 2369593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: I completely understand how you feel about CPS, and I do hope you can get through to the mom without going that route. But failure to thrive (if that's what's going on) can have long term consequences, and her baby could be falling further behind every day. Would she at least see a lactation consultant?</p> <p>That said, LCs and chiropractors are not substitutes for regular medical care. It's not OK to deny that to a baby, especially since she doesn't seem to be doing well.</p> <p>Good luck! </p>