https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 06:00:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527335 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 22:27:55 +0000 youboots 2527335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@creativemomma15: this may not be a popular thought but you could change without telling your brother then leave a letter in case something happens so there would be some closure. Odds are you and your husband are not both going to pass away at the same time. Just another possibility. But this could go wrong too since it seems like your Mom would know and might let it slip. Not saying I would do this just throwing it out there.</p> <p>That said @MrsSRS: has a great suggestion. </p> <p>We signed our will/guardian/trust paperwork Friday. We chose my cousin. I like her parenting style and she's like a sister to me- they have 5 kids and their youngest is 5 years older than T. If my sisters living situation improves we would change to her and her husband. They just live in one of the highest cost cities in the US in a small place with their own 2 young children. Our chosen guardian knows this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527329 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 22:01:38 +0000 Torchwood 2527329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did change our choice, and I'm now questioning again. Our friends were the ones we chose, but they got divorced and we decided we didn't want to saddle the wife (my friend from years before, so she was always the connection to the couple; we're no longer friends with her ex really) with single motherhood if we left her as the sole guardian. </p> <p>Our current choice is my cousin, but she just had a second baby, and her first is pretty serious special needs. She's struggling with a lack of support from her husband and living far from family, so I can't imagine her dealing with our kid too. I also don't like that she lives so far away, so that LO would be losing her parents and her nana that she sees multiple times per week if something happened to us. But like you, I don't know if I could back out without really hurting my cousin's feelings. Also, at this point I don't know if we really have another choice. I would NEVER consider the vast majority of both of our families (DH agrees). (And worse, we're their legal guardians and I'm feeling less and less like I'm up for it. NO clue how to back out of that.)</p> <p>In your case, unlike mine, it seems like your current pick isn't that emotionally attached to the role. I feel like if you really have serious doubts, it's more important that your kids wind up with a good guardian than that you don't hurt someone's feelings. (Also, I don't agree with the majority in saying that family should be the first pick. DH and I both have family members that we have MAJOR ideological differences with, and the fact that we're related does not automatically make them the best choice in my opinion.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527316 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:23:58 +0000 Truth Bombs 2527316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@creativemomma15: I would want all 4 of you there for the discussion. And tell them that you totally understand if they want to discuss it amongst themselves as well. But I think all 4 of you are pretty seriously affected by this decision so you need to all be part of the discussion.</p> <p>When my husband and I decided on my brother and his wife we asked them together. The first thing my brother said was "can we wait until the kid comes out and see if it's cool". Thanks, bro! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527314 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:22:52 +0000 Mrs. D 2527314@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@creativemomma15: I'm not sure, last time we spoke to my cousin and his wife together, and asked them to think about it because it's a big deal. Not sure how we'll ask them if they're still on the same page. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527312 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:22:13 +0000 mrsrain 2527312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@creativemomma15: fwiw, it's actually recommended that you revisit your will after every major life change. I would couch it that way and have a frank conversation with your brother. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527310 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:20:18 +0000 creativemomma15 2527310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: @Mrs. D: @MrsSRS: @Autumnmama79: Would you discuss it couple to couple or sister to brother? I would think they might want to talk on their own about it some anyway once we bring it up if they had any concerns or hesitations? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527308 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:17:38 +0000 creativemomma15 2527308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSRS: @Autumnmama79: @Truth Bombs: I agree, I think I am feeling like a conversation needs to happen. I just hope I can communicate well through it and that they feel they can be honest with us too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527307 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:17:26 +0000 Mrs. D 2527307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@creativemomma15: I totally understand, we asked my cousin and his wife when they had only 1, and we weren't even trying yet for #2. We'll want to re-evaluate when I get knocked up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527305 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:14:59 +0000 Truth Bombs 2527305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@creativemomma15: I would probably suggest having an open discussion with your brother about it. Either you'll give him the opportunity to bow out if he agrees with you that they wouldn't be up for it, or hopefully if they do want to continue to be the guardians, you'll come away from the with renewed comfort in the choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527304 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:14:20 +0000 creativemomma15 2527304@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. D: Thank you... I do actually genuinely wonder if they would still even be interested at this point. It feels like a lot has changed and asking for 1 child vs 3-4 kids is a big difference. Ugh... Making decisions like this sucks. Especially when the chances of this needing to happen are small. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527303 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:14:14 +0000 Autumnmama79 2527303@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@creativemomma15: who knows, maybe they've also changed their minds about even wanting to be guardians? Could you have a conversation with your bro and SIL? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527301 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:13:05 +0000 MrsSRS 2527301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I had serious doubts I would either try to gently, but frankly ask my sibling if they would rather the guardianship go to someone else because three kids is a lot, or I would talk to the new guardians, change the paperwork, and leave the conversation with my sibling for another time.<br /> ETA, nevermind, just do what MrsD said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527299 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:11:53 +0000 Mrs. D 2527299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you should speak to your brother about it, make it sound like you are rewriting your will or something, and want to make sure he's still on the same page. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527298 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:11:11 +0000 creativemomma15 2527298@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: @KatieBklyn: Thanks for your input. For some reason this has just been on my mind tonight. My mom and I had a conversation recently as well that felt like she was second guessing the choice too which makes it hard. I will say that the other couple we thought of is family, but extended family. I still don't want to sabotage my relationship with my brother though over this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527296 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:08:11 +0000 Truth Bombs 2527296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me personally there would have to be egregious issues for me to name friends over family as guardians. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527295 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:08:00 +0000 KatieBklyn 2527295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Plus, it would take a lot for me to want to make a non-family member my kid's guardian. Like, I'd only do it if there were zero acceptable options in our family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527292 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 21:06:00 +0000 KatieBklyn 2527292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be devastated if my brother decided to rescind my potential guardianship, especially if he then decided to ask someone outside of the family. Perhaps they are having a difficult time being as present as they'd like to be because they're still coming to terms with their fertility/loss struggles. That doesn't mean they wouldn't be good guardians for your kids. It's your call, of course, but I'd expect it to be potentially relationship-shattering. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-changed-your-mind-about-guardianship#post-2527287 Sun, 17 Apr 2016 20:58:27 +0000 creativemomma15 2527287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Short version: We are second guessing our choic from years ago and are leaning towards changing. Have you ever felt this way? How would you handle the switch?</p> <p>Long version: When LO1 was still under 1yr old we had asked my brother &amp; SIL if they would be his guardians..(we really only discussed LO1 and didn't talk about future kids) We knew that we wanted our parents to still be able to be grandparents to our kids if something happened and not make them take on the parenting role and we wanted LO to be with family... Fast forward to now and we now have 3 kids, could possibly want a fourth and my brother and SIL have experienced a pregnancy loss and have been unable to get pregnant since then... We have also noticed over the years that they really haven't connected or reached out to our kids at all. We also feel like it wouldn't be fair at this point to throw three kids in their laps when they've been through so much themselves. I've always doubted our decision a bit but that's partially my personality with something like this. My parents were always encouraging that my brother would step up if something happened and we expected them to connect more as the kids got out of the baby stage. But now nothing's really changed and we have been considering another couple as potential guardians. They have relationships with our kids already and have the qualities we would want for our kids. I do recognize that the fact that my bro &amp; SIL haven't been able to have their own kids yet could be playing a part on their relationship with our kids... But I am hesitant to think that's the only reason for the lack of connection. </p> <p>What would you do if you changed your mind as to who you'd want as guardians? How would you handle it? Is this going to ruin my relationship with my brother and SIL? Should I just ignore my doubts? Ugh... Please help! </p>