https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 20:16:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1826277 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 17:57:08 +0000 sandy 1826277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My gut reaction is no bc I don't want my kids to feel like we are treating them differently - but isn't that life? </p> <p>If one child is exceptionally smart and gets into an incredible program - why not send them if you can afford it - easy of the other kid isn't qualified at all. An impossible decision if both kids are exceptional</p> <p>or if one child was amazingly athletic - like future NFL quarterback, or the next Michael Jordan or an Olympic athlete - wouldn't you do all you could to help them reach their full potential and if the other kid is average they would have to understand why there is some different treatment - not that one child is better or valued more - but that it's just a different situation. It would be so tough though and I think it would be a parenting challenge to make sure the kids love each other and feel equally loved. </p> <p>My best friend is going through this - her first is exception - like writing code for computer programs in 1st grade but her second is average academically and would have no chance placing into the gifted school. She can afford to send both but her second is not there academically and goes to a great school. She makes sure they celebrate the second kid's interests and activities - he's super athletic (which makes her oldest feel bad at times) but her kids are just super different so she can't treat them the same even if she wanted to </p> <p>My DH was sent to private school by his grandparents but it was never offered to his sister bc she was average. He often wonders how she felt having her younger brother being favored this way. He got a full scholarship to Duke while she dropped out after a semester of college (his grandparents did offer to pay for her college tuition). It's just so hard.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825827 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 13:26:40 +0000 katsupgirl 1825827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd send one if only one passed the entrance exam. If they both passed I'd give them a choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825377 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 10:59:45 +0000 mrsjazz 1825377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't do this. If I can't afford it for both then they both go public (our kid(s) will be going public regardless). Now, if there were special needs that one child had then obviously that's a different story.</p> <p>I mentored a girl whose parents put her in public and put her brother in private...simply because the brother is a boy. :sad: She's definitely not okay with this situation, but what can she do about it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825362 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 10:55:56 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1825362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My girls are so different. One is a kinetic learner and the other is a more traditional learner. We would like them to go to the same school, but they may have very different needs. M would thrive in very different programs than C. </p> <p>Our situation would be reversed though because if they can place in gifted, they'll stay in the public system, but if they can't, then we'll pay for private. It's a plausible scenario that one of my girls will get in to the public program and the other won't. So the one with greater needs would be the one we were paying lots of money to educate and hopefully provide all the same advantages and knowledge base to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825292 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 10:38:42 +0000 youboots 1825292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, frankly my parents invested more in my sister and her education because she was considered gifted at an early age. They thought I was an underachiever but I was just undiagnosed dyslexic until my sophomore English teacher caught it in College. I am thankful for all they did for me, including paying for college, it's more than what many others are given. I will never forget how I felt with the many chats about how they could not afford to do the same things for me that they did for my older sister. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825278 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 10:36:16 +0000 snowjewelz 1825278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For my personal home situation, we can't afford to send our kids to any private schools/programs anyway. But hypothetically, I'd really have to see if 1 child really appears more gifted and could benefit from such school/program. I don't think it's unfair to just send one, only if the other child really is not as gifted. If they display equal gifts/talents, then I probably won't send any of them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825270 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 10:34:20 +0000 spaniellove 1825270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Applesandbananas: Also why we always planned to be one and done. Never wanted to have to choose. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825166 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 10:02:50 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1825166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Children are unique, right? In terms of motivation, aptitude, talents, interests, learning style, maturity etc. I would not have a problem sending my children to different schools to maximize their education based on their unique needs or gifts.</p> <p>My parents put my brother in private school in the middle of second grade because the public elementary school that worked for me from K-6 just was not an environment he was striving in.</p> <p>I see this as no different as parents who send their children to the performing arts or intellectual/hugh achieving HS, while their other children attend their neighborhood schools. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825149 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:53:14 +0000 MrsSCB 1825149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm, if it was just that I couldn't afford to send both then I'd probably prefer to send neither and use that tuition money to pay for extra tutoring or intensive classes outside of school for both if they needed it. Now if one got in and the other didn't, that's a different story. I wouldn't keep the one who got in from going just because their sibling didn't. Actually that kind of happened to me and my younger sister. I went to a magnet school for high school that had a really intensive application process. Two years later my sister applied and didn't get in. She went to our local high school and did great there. We actually went to the same university, and I think it worked out for the best overall. The main difference in our situation, however, is that my school was free like a normal public school so money wasn't a factor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825127 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:45:25 +0000 Cherrybee 1825127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lindsay05: Just writing the answer blew my mind when it dawned on me that it's £70k worth of education! just think how much of the world you can take the child to see for that money!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825122 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:42:46 +0000 Weagle 1825122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I agree. </p> <p>All things equal, no I wouldn't send either. But being truly gifted is a special education need. I wouldn't hesitate to provide extra help for an under-performing child, why wouldn't I do the same for an over-achiever? If I really couldn't afford it, the whole discussion is pointless anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825118 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:41:56 +0000 Lindsay05 1825118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: ok thanks! I waa thinking from Kindergarten. It was blowing my mind as to why they would make them write exams! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825112 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:39:57 +0000 mrs. wagon 1825112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: "But what if child number 2 is really thick?? Like nice enough but really *derp*??" lol, you are so cute ;)</p> <p>My parents sent my brother to a really big name private high school, and they didn't even let me apply because they couldn't afford to send both of us. I was fine in public school, but it really had a big effect on me because I felt like his education was worth investing in but mine was not. </p> <p>We are paying BIG bucks to live in a top school system town, so we're hoping both kids will thrive in the high quality public school system. If one of them ends up going to a private school for whatever reason and the other does not, I'd be sure to invest in the other kid in some other enriching way-- private lessons for whatever extracurricular activity they enjoy, special camps or programs during the summer, etc. I want both kids to know that I'm willing to invest time and money into whatever their primary focus is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825104 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:38:07 +0000 Aimed 1825104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I would send the one that needed more help to the better school to bring them up to a better level. I tsounds like the smart one would do fine either way. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825098 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:36:52 +0000 pui 1825098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I can't afford to send all kids to private elementary school like we plan to do, I probably would send none.</p> <p>Obviously if one child needs more help than the other that would be a different situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825097 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:36:39 +0000 autumnlove 1825097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL says she wants to pay for one child per son to go a nice private school. If she follows through, we will pay for the other kid because we don't want them in different schools. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825091 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:35:40 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 1825091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't be able to choose. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825089 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:34:52 +0000 gingerbebe 1825089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would send each child to the best academic setting for them. But I also don't feel every child has to be raised the same way as their siblings. Each child is different and has different needs, interests, motivators, and disciplinary needs. The important thing is to convey that each child is equally loved and valued. That the differences are because each child is unique. My parents raised my brother and I that way and we are just fine! </p> <p>So in short if one of my kids needed a more academically rigorous setting than another to be challenged and stimulated, yes I would send them to the better school. But if my other child needed more academic support and intervention than the other, I would do that too. If I didn't have money for both, I would do my best to spread the resources the best way I could. For my parents, that meant my brother and I went to 2 different public schools across town for each other and they shuttled back and forth picking us up and dropping me off to extra private pay classes while my brother went home and played. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1825084 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:32:57 +0000 Cherrybee 1825084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lindsay05: They're secondary schools so the kids start there at 11 and attend until they are 18. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1824880 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 08:31:33 +0000 LuLu Mom 1824880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I could never try to explain to the second child that he/she wasn't "smart" enough or "good" enough to go to the expensive school. I think it's setting a child up for some self esteem issues and just doesn't seem worth it in my mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1824854 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 08:25:26 +0000 looch 1824854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends. Maybe one child is more gifted or the other needs more help. If you flip it around and need to send a child to a private school because of other issues, would you deprive that child ?</p> <p>I know we tend to think if our children as being equal, but that is not always the case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1824849 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 08:23:30 +0000 Foodnerd81 1824849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Jus financial, no I wouldn't consider sending one and not the other. But if only one could get admitted because they were so smart or whatever, that would be really difficult! </p> <p>My parents wanted my siblings and me to attend catholic high schools, but we could choose which one. Two of my sisters chose a cheaper one, one sister and I chose the more expensive one, so we got the more expensive education (which, IMO, actually was better) but we all had the same choices. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1824838 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 08:17:01 +0000 Lindsay05 1824838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ha! Neither would be going. I wouldn't even consider one going! At what age do these kids start these schools? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1824820 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 08:11:59 +0000 illumina 1824820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't send either. But I'm not sure I'd consider sending a kid to a fee paying school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1824808 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 08:08:57 +0000 blackbird 1824808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, i wouldn't, unless they each wanted different things themselves. I know it wasn't mentioned as an option, but I would probably move if I could. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1824793 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 08:04:16 +0000 Mrs. Lion 1824793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't send either...I would much prefer my child go to a public school over a high stakes high pressure gifted school. I fully support extracurricular enrichment programs for gifted kids (or special gifted programming which public schools provide) but I don't want my child to grow up in that high pressure environment. There is a lot of value in gifted kids being in a learning environment with other kids who arent, especially in the early grades. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1824781 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 08:00:41 +0000 MamaMoose 1824781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The decision may be made for you. I'm an interesting situation where my parents gave my brother and I the choice between private and public school. Granted, the public schools in my town were well rated. But my older brother chose public school and I chose a very VERY expensive prestigious boarding school. My brother and I want to similarly rated universities, and have had equally successful careers in finance. So sometimes it's just about the best fit for THAT child and not necessarily that one option is always better than the other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1824771 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 07:54:53 +0000 wonderstruck 1824771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: That's a different situation to me - like paying more for one's college because they get into an Ivy league school and you can afford it. Still kind of a sensitive situation though and I would work hard to find an activity that my other child really enjoyed and excelled in, and fully support them in that - so yeah, I guess kind of like the gymnastics scenario you gave. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1824766 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 07:54:16 +0000 Cherrybee 1824766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: But what if child number 2 is really thick?? Like nice enough but really *derp*?? :silly: You KNOW he would never pass the entrance exam. Does child number 1 have to suffer because her brother isn't as clever as she is? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-if-you-could-only-send-one-of-your-children-to-a-fee-paying-school#post-1824762 Wed, 20 Aug 2014 07:53:00 +0000 Applesandbananas 1824762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is why we are one and done... We can't afford to do daycare for 2, private school for 2, college for 2, weddings for 2, etc. </p>