https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 23:56:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2296676 Sun, 20 Sep 2015 22:08:35 +0000 Autumnmama79 2296676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@derevival: Thanks for checking in. I've decided that at this point in time, I'm not going to bring up things from the past. I am however, going to begin researching a therapist that I can see on my own and we can see together. I am aware that I need to improve upon my communication skills in general and specifically in our marriage. I'm open and really want to learn! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2296669 Sun, 20 Sep 2015 21:37:28 +0000 derevival 2296669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: what did you decide to do? I hope you're doing okay </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295795 Sat, 19 Sep 2015 12:01:03 +0000 Autumnmama79 2295795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: No we haven't been married long at all. Still newlyweds really and it sucks that these feelings are coming up for me when we should still be in the honeymoon stage :silly: </p> <p>But thats just being cliche, we are older (me 35, DH 37) and this is my second marriage, plus we have my daughter from my first. There never really was too much of a honeymoon stage because real life just kept rollin' right after the wedding and he began his career move. Tis life I suppose, and I agree that counselling could likely offer us some relationship skills going forward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295792 Sat, 19 Sep 2015 11:55:58 +0000 BandDmommy 2295792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: ok, so you haven't been married long. I suggest counseling. Trust is key to marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295790 Sat, 19 Sep 2015 11:52:38 +0000 Autumnmama79 2295790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for your replies and opinions. I really appreciate hearing different points of view on this situation. On the one hand I agree that it would be unfair to bring up old hurts and on the other hand I really do want to have the kind of marriage where I can say anything to my DH. </p> <p>I wish that I'd had the nerve to confront those things head-on when they happened, and I'm making every effort to do that now and going forward in our marriage. </p> <p>It's not that I actually think or have proof that anything is going on now its just that he's in the midst of a career change and he's working hard (and long) to make an impact and advance quickly, which means lots of time away from home and time for my hormonal pregnant mind to wander. </p> <p>I also agree with those ladies that said counselling is a good idea. I'm of the mindset that its always a good idea to be working to improve things that are important to you and it couldn't hurt. Communication is most definitely something I need to improve upon. </p> <p>I can't recall who asked but we've been married for 5 months and dated for 2 years prior to that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295717 Sat, 19 Sep 2015 09:45:49 +0000 Finfan 2295717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would seek counseling as well. Trust is vital to making our marriage work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295674 Sat, 19 Sep 2015 09:02:45 +0000 Synchronicity 2295674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Talk to him, even if the conversation isn't an easy one. Burying your feelings isn't healthy for your relationship (or your mental health). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295673 Sat, 19 Sep 2015 09:01:03 +0000 ladybee 2295673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do not have the self control not to say something. Plus I'd want to say something before my imagination let me turn it into something much more in my head. If the roles were reversed I'd want my husband to come and talk to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295657 Sat, 19 Sep 2015 08:43:54 +0000 mrbee 2295657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree, I would definitely say something! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295648 Sat, 19 Sep 2015 08:32:51 +0000 winniebee 2295648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I absoluyely agree you should say something. I bring up crazy thoughts and reactions to my husband all the time. I always feel better when I air out whatever I'm feeling and it helps to move forward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295595 Sat, 19 Sep 2015 07:26:08 +0000 Bao 2295595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you are worried or having doubts you should absolutely talk to him about it. I don't agree with not bringing it up if you don't have proof of anything. Bottom line is you're uncomfortable and that will become a bigger issue if it's not resolved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295545 Sat, 19 Sep 2015 05:22:36 +0000 BandDmommy 2295545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: just curious, how long have you been married? How long ago did this possible cheating happen? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295511 Sat, 19 Sep 2015 00:06:27 +0000 simplyfelicity 2295511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: This. You should be able to tell your husband anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295484 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 22:50:19 +0000 Greentea 2295484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would talk to him. I think in relationships it is about laying it out on the table. Your feelings are your feelings, burying them because they are the past doesn't seem healthy to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295457 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 21:57:47 +0000 Anagram 2295457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would go to counseling, stat. Whether he is or isn't being unfaithful, you dont trust him...and that's a huge issue. Either way, you need counseling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295456 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 21:55:32 +0000 Mrs. Peanut 2295456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with derevival. You made the decision to trust him when you got married. Although the conversation about trust and these issues probably should have been hashed out prior to marriage, you made the commitment to love, trust, and forgive. Hopefully he is trustworthy now, even if he may or may not have been in the past. I'm sorry you are going through this. If you see anything untrustworthy that he is doing now, you certainly can and should bring it up! I just wouldn't bring up the past too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295432 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 21:24:28 +0000 derevival 2295432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It wouldn't be fair to bring up past feelings of unease/mistrust. That should have been addressed a long time ago. Unfortunately for you, it's making the present day issues seem a lot worse and magnified. My advice is to not confront or talk to him about anything until you have actual proof something is going on. Realistically I know that's hard to do, however. I would go 'crazy' trying to find proof one way or the other. I'm really sorry you have to go through this/are feeling this way. It's a horrible feeling not to trust your partner </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wwyd-trust#post-2295420 Fri, 18 Sep 2015 20:57:32 +0000 Autumnmama79 2295420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When DH and I were dating, there were some things that happened that one may consider sketchy/untrustworthy/possible cheating (?). On three occasions, I came over to his place and all the cards I had made for him that were on the mantle had been taken down. Each time I said something and he had some dumb reason that I never believed and quickly put them back up, but stupidly I let it go. My gut told me that he had a girl/ex there and he didn't want them to know he was in a relationship. Once I was tidying up/snooping and I found a cc receipt for the day after Valentine's Day for 2 separate bars where drinks were had, he swore he stayed home that night but was unavailable by text all that evening claiming phone messaging problems... Again I said nothing. </p> <p>I was falling in love and had him on a total pedestal. My mistake and now that we are married and he's working crazy hours I'm feeling those feelings of mistrust creeping in. </p> <p>So WWYD, tell him that you held in these feelings of mistrust for so long and now sometimes you feel like you don't fully trust him? Or leave the past in the past?</p> <p>If you chose option 1, how would you approach that conversation? </p>