https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 20:20:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-751599 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 23:03:37 +0000 babycrz 751599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree we each define what 'it all' is. Even so I think women and moms in general put so much pressure on ourselves. Or maybe I just do it to myself. I definitely don't succeed to the standard in my head... but to others I may look like wonder woman. Who knows.</p> <p>The only reason I do get some me time is because I get up at 4:45 am and pump before heading the the gym at 5:30 am. What I sacrifice is the everyday life stuff I probably should be doing instead of crashing right after my kids crash in the evenings! But eh - who really cares about balancing the check book and cleaning the toilets or watching TV.</p> <p>I look at life in phases.. and with an almost 3 year old and 9 month old I'm in a phase where my family gets more time and my job gets less. My 'baby' needs me the most right now. Does my job suffer. Hell yeah. But I'll make up for it as she gets older and I'm able to put in more effort there.</p> <p>Does my relationship with my hubby suffer. Suffer may not be the right word - but we're both pretty tired these days and don't do as much as we'd like to together. We don't go above and beyond - but again - as they get older we'll be able to make more time for just us, maybe I'll be able to stay awake so we can hang out! ha :) And really - I LOVE the time we have right now with all of us, even when it's crazy and we're juggling dinner and bath and bedtime. Even if we are lacking sleep - or waking up with a 2 year old between us!</p> <p>The bottom line is really that we should support our friends in the choices they make that are best for their families and stop being so damn judgmental! What's right for you is not what's right for everyone! We need to stop being judgmental of ourselves too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-751522 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 21:39:32 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 751522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I think it can make working mothers feel guilty for working because "there's no way" to be good/satisfied with both (work &amp; family). I don't believe that personally, but I think many women might. </p> <p>@blackbird: exactly! Unless people are asking this of fathers, they shouldn't ask it in regards to mothers! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-751012 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 15:48:34 +0000 2PeasinaPod 751012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm going to agree with you on this. Both DH and I feel as if we're giving only a percentage of ourselves no matter where we are. We're spreading ourselves very thin, and we always have something else in the back of our minds. I want to be with LO all the time, but when I am, I have a nagging feeling about something at work that needs to get done. I'm happiest with LO, but I could never be a SAHM. When I'm at work, I just want to be home with him. So I feel like I'm always being pulled in a bunch of different directions.</p> <p>DH and I have this conversation all the time, and he feels the same way. So I don't necessarily think it's always society pressuring women...I just think it's natural when any parent has some sort of guilt whether you're male or female. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-751000 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 15:41:42 +0000 googly-eyes 751000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: true. My husband always tells me I'm the kind of person who has to be stressed to be happy (yes weird).. Otherwise I get bored! I guess there has to be a balance. :)</p> <p>Oh and it also probably depends on how many kids you have! Haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750967 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 15:26:26 +0000 pinkcupcake 750967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I worked for a couple months after having LO and I totally felt like I sucked at everything during that time :( I wasn't the awesome employee I used to be b/c I was so frickin' tired all the time and worried about LO. I felt like a crappy mom b/c I was so tired when I got home that all I wanted to do was lie on the couch. That's when she was really young (like 4 months old) so I can only imagine how much harder it would have been if she was older. So to answer your question - no, I don't think *I* could have had it all. </p> <p>Oh and I totally know what you mean about LO crying b/c she realizes you've been gone. Mine does this, too. This morning she had a grand old time w/DH while I slept in a little, but as soon as she saw me all hell broke loose and she was a weepy, sobbing mess. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750936 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 15:09:42 +0000 Freckles 750936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@red_seattle: Oops, LO isn't crying because she doesn't want to leave. She's crying because she suddenly realizes she's been away from me for 8 hours. It's the worst when she spots me from the far end of the room and she's doing her Gollum crawl towards me while sobbing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750903 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:57:06 +0000 mrbee 750903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: This is a frequent topic of conversation between me and most dads I know... so I hear it as a question all the time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750897 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:55:02 +0000 red_seattle 750897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: THIS! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750895 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:54:24 +0000 red_seattle 750895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: "maybe when LO stops crying when I come to pick her up from daycare." ---&gt; FWIW, I'm X's primary caregiver, spending 61 wake-time hours with him each week (if I did the math right). And yet, when he's around his grandmas or aunties, I'm chopped liver-- X has zero interest in me. Even calls them "mama." And when it's time to go home (when I pick him up, or if I've been there all along and say it's time to go bye-bye), he cries. I feel bad for taking him from his grandmas and aunties because he loves spending time with them and doesn't want me to end it. So, that could happen whether you're a SAHM with LO or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750886 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:51:32 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 750886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: round of applause for that statement! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750864 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:44:38 +0000 blackbird 750864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do people ask this question of our husbands? No! Let go of the guilt :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750860 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:42:20 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 750860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, I don't think I can, either. I know some people who feel they do, and that's great! But like you, I always feel like I'm not good enough in one area or another and wish I could just be a mom and not have to stress about my job, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750838 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:35:04 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 750838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: @looch: i agree with your sentiments! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750820 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:25:01 +0000 googly-eyes 750820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I think it's all a phase though and you'll be glad you stuck with your career later, if your current job is where you want to be, or to advance from! I was that kind of kid, but I grew out of it (in a big way! Traveled alone starting at age 9, across the country!) and I never ever (even at my clingiest) thought my mom should be home with me. She worked her a** off and I grew up proud of her!! Hang in there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750819 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:24:53 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 750819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@googly-eyes: Quite right! For me, I don't feel fully engaged in anything until I'm really stretching and pushing myself. I have this sweet spot "zone" that if I get into it, I can be highly efficient in everything I do. The trick is finding that place and not surpassing it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750805 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:20:21 +0000 Raindrop 750805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What is having it all really mean?</p> <p>People that can be happy as a SAHM, do they have it all?</p> <p>People that can be happy leaving their kids at day care and growing a career, do they have it all?</p> <p>People that can be happy trying to balance between the two with part time work or WAHM, do they have it all?</p> <p>I think as long as you are happy and you are doing the best for your family, it's all you can ask for. :)</p> <p>I want to believe everyone worries about this no matter what their situation is, they think they can do more or be better but I feel that you just have to realize even worrying about this means you are doing the best you could. After that you can then stop worrying and enjoy your life.</p> <p>Who am I kidding? We are always going to worry. Hehe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750790 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:15:15 +0000 googly-eyes 750790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I guess different people can respond differently. I just wouldn't feel as engaged in either activity the same as if I was focuse on one and the tiredness would weigh into that. But of course that doesn't mean that I won't work or I won't try, and it definitely doesn't mean one can't enjoy life while both parenting and working! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750734 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 13:49:32 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 750734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: Awww, hugs! It does get better. One day you'll go in and your baby will be like "Oh, mom you're here." barely even noticing you... and then you'll feel guilty for baby not needing you. You can either sucumb to it all or refuse to let all the mommy guilt get to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750729 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 13:46:43 +0000 Freckles 750729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@googly-eyes: @Mrs. Jacks: Sorry, i guess i should clarify. I am tired but definitely enjoying my life. But i'm always feeling guilty. Until these feelings of guilt go away (whether i'm at work, home, wherever), i won't feel like i have it all. Maybe the day LO stops crying when i come to pick her up at daycare... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750655 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 13:08:46 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 750655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@googly-eyes: Meh, I kind of disagree with this. I'm tired, but not so tired that I don't enjoy the girls or our life! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750539 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 12:40:53 +0000 googly-eyes 750539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree... even if you do have a great job and do a great job at being a parent...I think you'd be so tired you wouldn't enjoy the success in the same way as if you didn't spread yourself thin. (yous are generic...) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750492 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 12:21:39 +0000 Freckles 750492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Very well put.</p> <p>@mewtill: How does it make working mothers feel guilty? i think i dislike it when people tell me i CAN have it all, because i wonder what i'm doing differently then? Why don't i feel like i can have it all? </p> <p>Right now, almost all of my time and energy is spent on either work or LO. So maybe i am able to juggle both, and "have it all" but i have zero time or energy for myself. I finally went to yoga yesterday, for the first time in 6 weeks. Unless i wake up at 5am and believe i can function effectively on 5 hours of sleep, i have to let go of the "me time". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750442 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 12:04:08 +0000 PrincessBaby 750442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have definitely realized that for my own personal situation (DH works offshore and is gone half the time so I solo parent for 3 weeks at a time) that I cant have a high powered fancy job with so much responsibility and PRESSURE. I cant handle it all. So when I look for my next job after we move to a different state in June, it's going to be something with much less responsibility. As long as it pays reasonably well, that's ok if I'm doing something that is lower pressure, lower pay... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750435 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 12:01:34 +0000 mrsjyw 750435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have "MY ALL" :) </p> <p>I think it def depends on personal situations and what you deem to be sacrifices. With the help of my mom, I feel like I am so blessed to be able to "have my all." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750421 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 11:58:30 +0000 littlebittyhouse 750421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like my homegirl Oprah says - You can have it all, just not at the same time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750415 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 11:56:51 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 750415@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: @Mrs. Jacks: @mrsmenow: My feelings exactly! If someone else is telling me what "it all" is supposed to look like, I definitely don't/won't have it. When I decide my own priorities, I feel like I've got everything I need.</p> <p>That's not to say that I like the phrase "have it all". I don't. I think it's a phrase that generally makes moms feel inadequate, and guilty. When people saying "having it all is possible" moms feel bad that they don't. When people say "having it all is never possible" it makes working mothers feel guilty. I think it's a phrase that should stopped being used altogether. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750397 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 11:49:18 +0000 lemondrop 750397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends on your priorities. I think there are some parents (on here even) who do both well and have a balance in their lives. </p> <p>I don't handle it well in my own life, I've tried! When I try to parent and work full time, I do both badly. However, while I like work, it isn't one of my big loves. I find that 15 hours a week gives me fulfillment at work, allows me to keep the house functioning, and spend most of my days having fun with my boy. Money is tight, but it works best for us and keeps me happy.</p> <p>One of my mentors when I was a zookeeper brought home $7 per pay period after daycare for her two girls, but her job was a passion, not work. Her girls are her passion too, and her breaks are to go running. I don't know how she does it, but she and her husband seem happy too. Not for me, but she makes it work for her and her family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750381 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 11:42:25 +0000 mrsmenow 750381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Agree.</p> <p>I might not have "it all" in someone elses eyes, but for what I want out of life i do have it. That doesn't mean everything is easy at all, it is work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750373 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 11:39:03 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 750373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Well stated! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all#post-750371 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 11:37:33 +0000 looch 750371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You can have it all, as long as you define what "it" is. </p>