https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 16 May 2026 21:08:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2828007 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 19:41:49 +0000 ElbieKay 2828007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just tell my 4yo that I would not be doing my job as a mommy if I let him do xxx. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827942 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 13:07:18 +0000 Ajsmommy 2827942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD says this often bc they talk about expressing their emotions in preschool. I validate her feelings and say sorry but stick to my guns. It's my job to teach her and direct her and sometimes the things she needs to do or learn will not be things she likes or wants to do and that's fine. It's fine for her to feel sad or mad but in the end she needs to listen to me or DH </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827930 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 12:33:35 +0000 lindseykaye 2827930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD has used this line SO MUCH in response to any sort of correction and even as others mentioned, a simple request (like please put away these toys before I will get out X other toy to play with, or no you cannot have more yogurt let's pick another snack to have). She is quick to emotion and will cry/hide at almost ANY sort of discipline or even percieved discipline (please don't sit on the coffee table, remember not to put your open cup on the edge of the table) so it took a lot of reinforcement (still takes) about the idea of being unhappy about something vs. hurt feelings.<br /> We will usually stick to a script of something like "I understand you do not like X but that is the rule/request/options available" or "I hear you that you say your feelings are hurt, we are not saying/doing this to hurt your feelings but need to protect you/guide you."<br /> I've also tried to be consistent in making sure she knows she is in charge of her feelings too - like, she can decide herself in a lot of ways whether something we ask her to do or deny her will upset her or if she will brush it off and accept the other options or do the thing we are asking and then get to play or have a snack or whatever it is. Similar but opposite to the post Mrs. Train recently did on making her kids happy. She's young, but I want her to still know it's up to her in a lot of ways whether something makes her upset or hurts her feelings in some cases. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827923 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 12:15:59 +0000 LCTBQE 2827923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: this made me laugh :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827909 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 11:59:53 +0000 Sams Mom 2827909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: My nephews were terrible about that. They would use it as a manipulation, and would use it constantly as an attempt to get their way. Now on the rare occasion that it was used correctly, mom &amp; dad addressed it; but usually it was just to get their way about something or to argue a point that was not open for discussion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827898 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 11:45:07 +0000 Mama Bird 2827898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I apologize if I was legit wrong, and if I wasn't I say "I'm sorry, but doing xyz really isn't OK and you can't do it because..."</p> <p>And the first time DS said I hurt his feelings I said I'm glad he told me. I never stood up for myself at his age, just kept it all inside if someone was mean to me. So as frustrating as it is when the kids talk back, I'm glad they've got the confidence to do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827888 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 11:35:24 +0000 Hypatia 2827888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a form of manipulation. With DD, she said it once and observed that we were taken aback by it, and proceeded to trot it out at the slightest provocation in the hope that she could defy us or at least weaken our resolve for her not to do something she wanted to do. </p> <p>We told her that wasn't an acceptable answer when given an instruction, and to stop saying it. When she realized she got zero leeway from us for saying it, and that she'd face consequences if she continued to say it, she stopped. It might vary by kid, but with her, I could definitely tell she was just using it to whine/be dramatic and not as a genuine emotional crisis. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827885 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 11:31:27 +0000 snowjewelz 2827885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also validate but that doesn't change my stance. I'm not totally sure if my 3.5 year old has said that exact phrase but she definitely has expressed those feelings tons of times! I just say "I see you're upset about ________" and pretty much just leave it :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827879 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 11:18:03 +0000 Boopers 2827879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would acknowledge his feelings, but still stick to your guns. “I know ____ hurt your feelings. It’s ok to feel sad, but I cannot let you have a cookie right now because ___”. I would be consistent with the language you use each time he expresses himself that way.</p> <p>With my LO who just turned 3, if he has a fit after something like that I say “it’s ok to feel sad/cry/etc. If you would like to do that, you may do that in your room”. He hates being away from us. It validates that he can have those feelings while giving him the choice to continue those feelings privately in his room or he can choose to stop and stay with us. He usually stops because he hates not being with us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-hurt-my-feelings#post-2827855 Tue, 12 Jun 2018 10:39:28 +0000 raspberries 2827855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How do/would you respond if your LO says you've hurt their feelings? My son has been saying this a lot, usually when I tell him something he doesn't want to hear (ie. "no, you can't have another cookie," "please share with your brother," etc.) I want to acknowledge hurt feelings, but still stick to my guns, and I'm not quite sure how to do that. </p>