https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 16:01:45 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-know-what-the-meanest-thing-you-can-say-to-a-fat-girl-youre-not-fat#post-1784612 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 08:49:09 +0000 lizzywiz 1784612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Because someone asked, lol. </p> [attach=3950/14/n9fd1x.397x600.Mary-Feldman.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-know-what-the-meanest-thing-you-can-say-to-a-fat-girl-youre-not-fat#post-1782958 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 12:49:40 +0000 lizzywiz 1782958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pui: your are so right. There is a difference between people who are (or are working on being) self aware and accepting and people who are complaining or seeking reassurance.<br /> The difference between, "It is hard to find clothes in my size because I am big/fat/fluffy/etc." and "I hate my body, ugh, these pants make me look so fat!"<br /> The first is a non-judgmental fact and the second is more about this person's issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-know-what-the-meanest-thing-you-can-say-to-a-fat-girl-youre-not-fat#post-1782935 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 12:10:21 +0000 pui 1782935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's always hard to respond when someone complains about their appearance (or their house, or whatever) openly. It's always kind of awkward. I'll admit I'll usually go to the "You look great!" response to reassure the person. I mean if I didn't say that how would I respond...? Probably just "Oh..." because I honestly don't know what else to say in a situation like that. </p> <p>If they were going to have a "my house is dirty, so what?" approach to these things, why bother telling me your house is dirty (or you're overweight, or you're broke or whatever) and force me to come up with some kind of polite way to respond to that? If your house is dirty and it's really no big deal, why bring it up?</p> <p>Your example with your eye though is different. You just want to know if the picture actually looks good or not so you can adjust your pose. In that case I can see how someone saying "Oh your eye looks fine" could be very frustrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-know-what-the-meanest-thing-you-can-say-to-a-fat-girl-youre-not-fat#post-1782897 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 11:02:25 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1782897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Preach! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-know-what-the-meanest-thing-you-can-say-to-a-fat-girl-youre-not-fat#post-1782876 Sat, 26 Jul 2014 10:37:08 +0000 lizzywiz 1782876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2014/05/13/heres-that-epic-mesmerizing-fat-girl-speech-from-monday-nights-louie/" rel="nofollow">http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2014/05/13/heres-that-epic-mesmerizing-fat-girl-speech-from-monday-nights-louie/</a></p> <p>I was thinking of this today because, due to a family reunion, I had a particularly hard couple days with self-acceptance.</p> <p>I'm not fat but my middle is thick and my house is dirty and my style is non-existent and, oh yeah, I have a wonky eye. All of these things are facts. Truly. I am actually a bit conceited and tend to minimize my imperfections, so trust me when I say these are areas of my life that are less than ideal.</p> <p>And it drives me nuts when people's response is to deny the obvious: 'Your house isn't dirty.' and this one: 'Your eye looks fine.' That one is super frustrating because it usually happens when we are taking photos and I am trying to get the right angle where my wonky eye is kind of looking at the camera. When the photographer is honest and tells me it isn't quite there, I can adjust. When the photographer insists that I look fine because they are too embarrassed to comment on the wonky eye, then I have a butt load of pictures where I look like Marty Feldman.</p> <p>When people, trying to be kind, deny the facts and insist on false compliments or reassurances, it reinforces the idea that there is truly something wrong with not looking a certain way, or living a certain way. It really is the meanest thing you can say, because when you tell me my eye isn't crooked, it is like saying that my crooked eye is so far from acceptable that it is insulting to even acknowledge it. My eye is crooked. So what? My house is dirty. So what?</p> <p>Stop reassuring me that I am ok by telling me my flaws (by societal standards) don't exist. They do and I am STILL ok. </p>