https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 21:11:03 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875409 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 19:04:21 +0000 mrsrain 2875409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not be ok with this. We teach our children that feelings are natural and that it’s ok to cry in response to them. This would be reason for me to talk to the teacher. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875348 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 15:06:17 +0000 maddyz 2875348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be pretty upset about that and I would like to think there is a different way to manage a classroom that doesn't mean that a child has broken the rules when they cry from nonphysical pain. I have a rule follower and he would 100% stuff his feelings until he got home. I don't see how this rule would actually help bring up and processes emotions and really that's what K should be about. Side note, I am going to have one hell of a time when we start school in the fall.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875231 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 17:18:43 +0000 Rocker2014 2875231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mommy Finger: Oh good! I realized once I posted that it was a long and complicated response, but this is a big part of my job (and creating trauma informed spaces like @Mrs. Turtle: mentioned) and I have a lot of feelings about teaching youth about feelings, lol! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875228 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 16:44:39 +0000 Mommy Finger 2875228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rocker2014: You put into words what I couldn't. I agree with this but couldn't figure out a way to say it in a coherent manner. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875215 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 15:49:49 +0000 Rocker2014 2875215@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't love this statement as it is quite limiting, but upon reflection I don't really disagree completely. Crying is useful for self-soothing, but not really for problem solving. I am constantly reminding LO to "use her words" to manage situations and/or get her needs met, as she is prone to dissolving into tears without any visible trigger and I have no idea how to help her address whatever she is feeling. If she gives in to tears it can often be 10 minutes or (much) longer until the issue is resolved, but when she can tell me what is going on I can usually help her resolve it in just a few moments (ie. want to wear a different shirt, want fruit snacks package opened, etc.). In a learning environment, I can see this directive as a part of that process, but I'd like to see it pared with an action step for the child - like "Crying is for when we are hurt, can you tell me what you are feeling/what is upsetting you/how I can help?" Or maybe have a feelings faces chart on the wall where a child can point to their feeling, which can start a conversation. Helping children learn to express emotions in safe and productive ways (ie. that allow for self soothing, maintaining relationships and problem solving) is a very important developmental task , and I like the idea of it being reinforced in an educational setting (though I wouldn't assume that was happening in a class just based on the statement the OP is concerned about). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875193 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 13:39:54 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2875193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be pretty upset about this. I'm surprised so many of you feel it's par for the course for Kindergarten. One of my goals for my daughters is to teach them it's OK to feel, OK for things not to be OK and that they can express their emotions rather than bottling them up and pretending everything is OK. (which is the unspoken tradition in our family) If this is par for the course in Kindergarten, I need to start thinking about alternative school environments. Not to mention, I think all schools should be trauma-informed at this point, and this mindset would not work for trauma kids. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875185 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 11:47:42 +0000 Portboston 2875185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can understand why she says it but I don’t agree with it. That being said I’m not sure it’s worth saying anything since the school year is almost done. I would empower your child to vocalize that she is emotionally hurt and her mom told her it’s ok to cry not only when her body is hurt but also when her feelings are hurt. It may be a good opportunity to teach her to recognize that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875171 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 10:46:00 +0000 shabang 2875171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@poppygirl15: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: @LadyDi: From our schedules, I actually never see our main teacher, and we just had parent/teacher conferences, so unfortunately, there's no casual way for me to mention this. I will say that because I've talked to another parent who heard the teacher say something very similar, I'm pretty certain it's not an isolated incident or misunderstood comment. I'm going to keep talking to my child about this, but this really is the tip of the iceberg as far as social/emotional/peer issues this year, and since it's March, I'm just really ready to be done with this school year in 2 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875170 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 10:39:07 +0000 shabang 2875170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: @bhbee: @gotkimchi: @Mamatimes3: @MrsRoo: Thanks for level-setting me, guys. I hear this and start snowballing into imagining my child becoming emotionally repressed which obviously is ridiculous from this one thing, but it's helpful to hear that I can let this one go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875077 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:40:15 +0000 LadyDi 2875077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @poppygirl15 and I would ask for clarification from the teacher and put it nicely. This would really bother me, but I think it would help to understand the context in which she says it and if it's just a "rule" difference then explain that to your child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875075 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:26:37 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2875075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’d like to know more about the situations when the teacher is uttering this idea that crying is reserved for physical pain. We know that bullying starts at a young age whether that’s being teased or excluded or whatever and I would hope that the teacher would take those situations seriously and do something about them. I will say that I do not tolerate whining and fake crying at home to get something LO wants and I ask him to use his normal voice or not cry about it and that could be what she’s dealing with. You never know until you discuss it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875072 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:14:26 +0000 poppygirl15 2875072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Personally, I would talk to the teacher. I'd approach it really nicely and just as that you want clarification. It's possible she said one thing, but a different thing was understood/heard by the kids. That will allow you have a more directed conversation with your child, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875070 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:08:31 +0000 MrsRoo 2875070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To me it sounds like a situation where the rules at school are different than the rules at home. It also can probably explain why kindergartners (mine at least) comes home sometimes and is an absolute wreck from keeping herself “together” all day at the age of 5. </p> <p>I like the suggestion above to use it to talk about coping skills, and also reiterating that home with you is a safe place where she can let her feelings be felt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875068 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:07:34 +0000 Mamatimes3 2875068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a similar situation with our son’s PK teacher when he was crying at school. She told him big boys don’t cry. It annoyed me but I also understand their in a different environment dealing with so many kids. I’m not a fan of the teacher but I let it go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875066 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 14:59:32 +0000 gotkimchi 2875066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also think this sounds par for the course for kindergarten</p> <p>ETA - maybe this is an opportunity to teach other coping skills about what to do if you’re sad - you can talk to a friend, you can draw a picture of mom etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875064 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 14:55:38 +0000 bhbee 2875064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: I agree, you can say that’s how it works at school but at home we do this ...</p> <p>Our experience was that there is SO MUCH crying in kindergarten, I’m sure it’s to help keep it under control. My husband did a thing where dads volunteer for a full day and came home shocked and worn out from it all! And sometimes it’s hard to take out of context. My dd had a teacher who came off as pretty strict but I know she gave hugs when dd was sad and missing me. She just had to be strict in general to keep order. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875061 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 14:40:37 +0000 Mrsbells 2875061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@shabang: I personally don't see it as a big deal. Think about it from the perspective of the teacher with people crying all the time because they miss mom or feel sad. Children spend a good amount of time with their teacher and I wouldn't want to undermine the teacher's rules.<br /> In situations where DDs teacher has said something that I dont fully agree with but dont think is a big deal, I explain to her that people have different views on things and that when she is at school she should follow her teachers rules </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-should-only-cry-if-you-are-hurt#post-2875060 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 14:33:26 +0000 shabang 2875060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My preschooler was crying the other day, and the kindergartner told that she should only cry if she is [physically] hurt. I asked her where she got this idea, and she said her teacher says it at school when kids cry. </p> <p>We talked about it more, and I explained that we cry for many reasons, sometimes because of physical pain, sometimes emotional pain, sadness, etc. I said that was fine, and she reiterated "but my teacher said..." to which I answered, "your teacher can say what she likes, but that's not how it's going to work here in our home and for our family." </p> <p>Would you now let it go? Does this warrant a talk with the teacher? I spoke to another parent who had a similar story, so this is not an isolated incident, this seems to be something she tells the kids. So I cannot imagine that talk going well. This seems like a pretty big deal to me, but I understand she's also in a classroom environment and needs to be able to prioritize accordingly. Is there a teaching or parenting philosophy she's using with this kind of mindset, and I should just throw this in the everyone is different category? </p>