https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 09 May 2026 13:15:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1909161 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:39:29 +0000 Adira 1909161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: Yeah, I'll be curious to know if she shows up, but I'm betting she won't! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1909158 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:38:06 +0000 BSB 1909158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Yeah, that's what we are doing. We are having our own. I wanted to wipe my hands clean yesterday but the MIL is adding fuel to the fire at this point. </p> <p>I think my older sister will take the high road and (if invited by my sister) attend the other party out of respect for my pregnant sister. We probably will invite the MIL to our party as a 'courtesy'. We'll see if she has the guts to show up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1909143 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:32:47 +0000 Adira 1909143@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: The whole situation is a little bananas. I think maybe your best bet would be to just wipe your hands of this whole situation and just have your own family shower and not worry about what the friends or the in-laws are doing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1909129 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:28:30 +0000 BSB 1909129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Yeah, it is ridiculous! I do find it odd that the host didn't reach out to us. Also, my mom doesn't speak English very well, so my older sister is pretty much the second mom to me and my sister. So that's why my mom wasn't included. </p> <p>I'm not sure what I think about my pregnant sister's role. She has had issues with her MIL but has also had issues with our own internal family drama. I don't know if my pregnant sister pushed the MIL and host to contact us... or maybe she didn't think to push the issue considering the MIL's personality. Or maybe my sister thought we were including in on the planning. </p> <p>There were underlying conversations that made it seem like my older sister should have reached out to the host earlier. That it was my older sister's fault for not being involved. Which is crazy because we thought the party was going to be in Jan/Feb and my older sister found out this Sunday that the party was now in early Dec!</p> <p>Also, what if the host is friends with the MIL before all of this and she was just listening and believing the dramatic MIL about how 'horrible' we are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1909100 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:19:33 +0000 mrsjyw 1909100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In my circle of friends, I most definitely would check with family. But, I'm in touch with all of my BFFs moms, sisters, etc. </p> <p>If that wasn't the case, I'd ask my friend on her preference! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1909089 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:16:47 +0000 Adira 1909089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow... that's really weird that the friend and the in-laws are doing a shower together and the MOTHER'S FAMILY wasn't included in any of the planning or details and only some of them are even invited! WTF??? If I was your pregnant sister, I would be PISSED that this is going on.</p> <p>I can totally get behind a friends only shower, but this sounds utterly ridiculous. And honestly, if I was the friend who's hosting, there's no way I would include my pregnant friend's MIL in on the planning and NOT include her own mother. That's just sooooo bizarre!!</p> <p>Unless your pregnant sister doesn't like you guys?? :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1909067 Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:07:20 +0000 BSB 1909067@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another update: Found out the possible reason for the drama... My sister's MIL is a bit of a control freak and I guess doesn't like our family to include us in on the planning. Our inquiries to the host was portrayed as harrassment by the MIL! What?!? (I might be (or was) annoyed with the host but I did not show the frustration in our text conversation. I was nice.) My other sister was included in on a group text this morning with the parents and MIL and the MIL said our family was 'harassing' the host. MIL didn't realize my sister saw her vent. </p> <p>My other sister is pissed. She's trying to find a nice way to respond to the MIL. Well, I doubt my sister, mom and aunt will be going to the other party after this news. Or if they do go, that will be a very interesting party.</p> <p>After all of this info, my theory is.... that the MIL was too much of a control freak for the host to handle and didn't want to add another family into the planning process. That's why the host didn't have a chance to contact us. Or the other theory was the MIL didn't want us involved so didn't think it was important to remind the host to contact us.</p> <p>Ahh, I hate this. We have so much MIL drama in my family!! I know I had drama with my MIL at my wedding. I'm hoping, praying that my MIL is not like this when we get pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1908264 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 18:42:26 +0000 BSB 1908264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Update: So the host has been planning the shower with my sister's ILs. So this is clearly not a friends only shower. I don't know why they didn't reach out to me or my sister. Also, all of the details are pretty much planned and too late for us to change anything. (Which I understand.) All of this info was found out in the last 24 hours. So, of course, my pregnant sister, feels a bit overwhelmed with all of this flurry of texts today. </p> <p>We will have our own (family) shower and the host and father-be's family will have their own shower. Oh, my sister, mom and aunt will be invited to the other shower. (I'm out of state, so I won't be.) Just so weird how these two showers came about and the drama that could have been adverted if there were just a bit more communication. </p> <p>Guess, I'm glad we understand what happened today so we can move forward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1908260 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 18:40:35 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 1908260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Every bridal shower/ baby shower my group of friends have thrown we have always involved the Moms/sisters but we also all grew up together so we know everyones families well. Even if I had never met the family I would still reach out to them though as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1908213 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 17:25:43 +0000 Dandelion 1908213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: yep. this.</p> <p>I would ask the mom to be what dates are good and assume that her saying my date is ok means that it's not encroaching on any other family showers she might be having. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1908155 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 16:20:04 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1908155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Chiming in late. I would only throw a shower for my bff. I would simply ask my friend, which dates were best for her and a guest list. Although I know her family and have spent time with them without her, I wouldn't contact them for the planning process unless my bff requested her family be co-hosts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907826 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 13:35:14 +0000 BSB 1907826@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: Yeah, I agree with you... but I guess it's easier to be annoyed with the host then your pregnant sister. :silly: I try not to put too much pressure on pregnant woman. Hehe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907797 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 13:25:15 +0000 IRunForFun 1907797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I don't think the hostess needs to contact the family IF they plan to have a friends-only shower and IF they have already checked with the mother-to-be and made sure that the date doesn't conflict with a family shower. </p> <p>The fact that the mother-to-be asked if you wanted to do your own shower or a combined shower is a little bit odd, I think, since it sounds like the friend may not have ever planned on it being a combined shower - but I feel like that's on the mother-to-be, not the hostess. </p> <p>I would definitely not begrudge the friend/hostess for anything here, especially since it seems like the family doesn't have a relationship with her at all? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907794 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 13:24:03 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 1907794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if it's a surprise for the mom-to-be, then yes, I'd think they would communicate with the family. But if not, then I would think the friend would tell the mom to be, and the mom to be would tell the family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907790 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 13:22:22 +0000 Mamaof2 1907790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My BFF planned mine - she asked for a list of names and emails of those I wanted her to invite and then I backed out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907785 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 13:20:11 +0000 BSB 1907785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anya: I'm not saying it's odd to have separate shows. I totally get it. It's probably common have more than one shower. It's just that planning part of this is kinda a mess. Mother-to-be asked us if we want to have one party with her friend (the host) or a separate one. We said we don't know yet and heard nothing from the host. Communication would have been nice here. It's okay. Whatever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907773 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 13:17:21 +0000 PawPrints 1907773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would (and have in the past) ask the mother-to-be if anybody is planning to throw her a shower, and defer to her on it. If she wants to coordinate friends/family, I think it's up to her to provide that communication (or maybe her husband). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907765 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 13:14:46 +0000 Adira 1907765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: So for me, my mom threw my shower. I gave her the e-mail addresses of my MIL and SMIL so that she could get in touch with them about dates before she set one. I also relayed info to my best friend because I wanted to make sure she would be able to make it. My best friend also asked me to pass along her e-mail to my mom in case my mom needed any help, but I don't think my mom ever took her up on that offer.</p> <p>My mom was the one to communicate all details to my in-laws and then I communicated with my friends anything I wanted them to know. But I only had one shower and my mom invited my family, in-laws, and my friends. I told her who to invite and provided her with addresses for the invitations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907761 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 13:12:02 +0000 Anya 1907761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hosted a shower for a friend and didn't contact any family. I asked the mom-to-be when the family shower was, and made sure I planned around that date. It was a friends only shower (the family one was family only plus a few hometown friends I guess). I don't think it's too unusual to do friends and family separate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907749 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 13:08:22 +0000 BSB 1907749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The third piece of the puzzle... the father-to-be's family... </p> <p>We are now going to talk to my sister's ILs to see if they had anything planned. </p> <p>The friend's baby shower is pretty much all planned. It might be too far in the planning process. We might just have our own shower. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907688 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 12:37:02 +0000 BSB 1907688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Added a poll. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907641 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 12:12:58 +0000 BSB 1907641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: No, we don't know the host, but if we were to plan a shower, we would definitely ask my sister to give us a list of people to invite or talk to. We were/are fine with a friends &amp; family shower. The more the merrier and, also, planning one shower might be a bit easier because we have more heads (&amp; help) to plan it. Though, it seems like the host has her ideas and we have our own (clearly...). Maybe a family shower is better in this situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907626 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 12:07:28 +0000 2PeasinaPod 1907626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I don't know...if I didn't know the mom-to-be's family, I wouldn't reach out to them to let them know we were having a shower. Especially if it was a group of friends who never met the family. I'd make sure that the date/time worked for the mom-to-be and go from there. </p> <p>Do you know your sister's friends? Would they have been invited to the family shower? If not, then what's the harm in doing two separate showers? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907617 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 12:02:11 +0000 Adira 1907617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: Good luck! Hopefully everything works out. I can definitely see how if you had one thought in mind and they had another, it would be frustrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907616 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 12:01:20 +0000 BSB 1907616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: It's okay, now. I'm texting the host. Just had to vent to get that off my chest. Moving forward now to figure something out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907613 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 11:59:22 +0000 Adira 1907613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: Yeah, I'm guessing your sister is the one that didn't relay the appropriate information back to the shower host (or together they agreed on a friends-only shower)! If you end up getting an invite to this shower though, I'd be pissed not to have been included on any of the details or even asked if the date works for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907606 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 11:55:48 +0000 BSB 1907606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: My sister told me months ago that her friend wanted to plan her shower and asked us if we wanted to do one together or just a family one. So the option of one party has been out there. Whether or not my sister told that host that might be where we are confused. Maybe the host didn't want family included. I don't know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907597 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 11:52:05 +0000 Adira 1907597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I have to assume that your sister wants (or at least is okay with) a friends only shower that her friend must be throwing for her, since no one has touched base with any of your family about the dates. I have to assume you guys aren't even invited and this will be friends only! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907587 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 11:47:15 +0000 lawbee11 1907587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: It would not cross my mind to contact the mother-to-be's family if I were planning a shower for a friend. I would check dates with the mother and assume that she relayed that info to her family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-want-to-throw-your-friend-a-baby-shower-do-you-communicate-with-the-family#post-1907583 Mon, 20 Oct 2014 11:45:52 +0000 BSB 1907583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: Oh, yeah, I'm really shy, too. I'm an introvert so I prefer to do things my own and don't really like a ton of attention and I hate calling people. But that's why text messaging was created. A simple text could do wonders. Granted if the person didn't text and I had to call them, that would be an issue for me because of the time difference. If that happened, email would be my next method of communication. </p>